The Power of Compromise
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
There were some aspects of parenting Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness, felt he was ideally suited for. He had the power to warp the very fabric of reality within his domain, conjuring anything his young child could possibly need or desire. He knew there could possibly be some unpleasant tasks as far as parenting, but he'd already assigned anything of that sort to Haskill. He also knew there would be emotional moments, and he looked forward to them with breath so baited he'd already caught three Wailords and a Gyarados with an Old Rod. He also knew there would be moments so sweet he would find himself buried in treacle, and headaches that would even make Jyggalag suffer from their intensity (he was looking forward to those, just to spite the grey stick in the mud).
What he had not anticipated was his ward having an equal power to manipulate the Isles, and being just as stubborn...or that this would kick in even with his very first meal.
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
Every time Sheogorath said 'cheese', he'd snap his fingers, shaping the nearest cloud into a massive block of cheese of one sort or another that would provide little Discord with more than enough energy for the entire time unit, whichever one the Isles were working off at the moment. Day, year, septi-second, eon...he never bothered keeping track, especially since the first moment Discord turned the sun and moon into yoyos to play with before flinging them back into the sky. Plainly, time had decided not to put up with it, as the heavenly orbs now only moved if Discord or Sheogorath decided they should.
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
Every time Discord demanded 'choca mik' - whatever that was, Sheogorath still hadn't managed to interpret his baby talk - the little chimera would snap his eagle talons, and the block of cheese in the sky would turn into a fluffy pink cloud that dripped brown liquid. Sheogorath didn't know much about brown liquids, but he was pretty sure they weren't appropriate baby food. In his experience, brown things were foul smelling and good only for pranking mortals that wandered into the Isles, and for that they were delightful! Still not the sort of thing one fed an infant, even if you were Sheogorath and the infant was a mixmatch that would make Hermaeus Mora weep at the nonsense of it all. ...Sheogorath made a mental note to introduce them just to collect the tears. They'd make an excellent beverage, with the taste of butt-hurt and despair.
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
Sheogorath had tried every type of cheese he could think of to get his child to accept it for his meal. Stilton, Pule, Epoisses, Casu Marzu, Camembert, Milbenkäse, Cheddar, Mozarella, Halloumi, Vieux Lille...they'd been at it for hours. But every time he provided a cheese - whether tame or exotic - Discord would insistently create the pink fluffy cloud again. Bits of the cloud burst off every time Sheogorath turned it back into cheese, and the pink balls of fluff rained down around them to settle lightly on the ground. Sheogorath managed to catch a bit and taste it, recognizing it as spun sugar and little else. He made a mental note to see what other food items could be spun in interesting ways to make clouds, then returned his focus to his child.
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
"Cheese!"
"Choca mik!"
Sheogorath stomped his foot, waving his arms in the air as he made a desperate attempt to intimidate Discord into obedience. "Discord, I am your father and the Daedric Prince of Madness, ruler of this land! If I say cheese for dinner, then you will eat your cheese and you will like it, or so help me I will see to it you can eat nothing else!"
Discord, for his part, stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry crumble into Sheogorath's face. "Choca mik!" he insisted angrily, waving his mismatched arms over his head in a parody of Sheogorath's behavior, flapping his wings and stomping his feet insistently.
Finally pushed behind his endurance, Sheogorath sent a blast of power straight at the pink cloud directly above them. Discord, apparently thinking this was some sort of game, sent an equal blast of power up, distracting Sheogorath from his irritation into wonder that such a blast could come from a creature so young. Admittedly, his own blast had been casual, a barest fraction of his abilities, but for something to match a Daedric Prince even at that level so young-
His thoughts were once more derailed by a rumble in the air. The pink cloud began to swirl above them, darkening to a caramel brown as the fluffs swirled into a semi-liquid consistency. Red Hots lightning began to flash, striking the ground and leaving it spicy as peels of thunder littered the landscape, no sign of the fruit visible anywhere. The cloud then began to hail brown chunks of cheese that bounced off the pair as it paprikaed the ground like a French delicacy.
Discord blinked, picking up a bit of the hail and suckling on it. It melted in his mouth, and he squealed happily. "Choa chi!" he crowed...and ravened for good measure.
Picking up a piece himself, Sheogorath examined it. "A soft...chocolate cheese?" he asked curiously. "Wait...choca mik...chocolate milk? But why would you accept milk and not cheese?"
Discord opened his mouth wide, revealing the single snaggletooth Sheogorath had noticed before...and no other teeth in sight.
"Oh, you don't have teeth yet!" Sheogorath realized. "You can't chew! No wonder you didn't want hard cheeses. Well, as long as you're eating, I suppose this is a good compromise-" He froze, then thawed out slowly. "Compromise? I've never had to compromise before. ...I'm not entirely sure I like it."
Discord stretched a bit of the chocolate cheese into a stick, solidified it, dunked it in the caramel cloud, swirled it in the cotton candy puffs, and offered it to Sheogorath.
The Mad Prince smiled as he accepted the offering. "I suppose I should get used to it. If nothing else, things will be interesting. I wonder what you'll think about what everyone likes to wear."
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Oooooh boy. We have had many schenannigins throughout this.
And we are only on chapter two.
Oh boy.
7709945
This story is sure to be shenanigans incarnate.
7709945 Hey it's Discord Lord of Chaos and the Daedric Prince of Chaos what would you expect
Time to get your shenanigan on.
7709969
No. He wasn't.
That's just how baited his breath was.
Lovely
It would be cool if Discord met some of the other Daedric Princes.
This chapter made me hungry.
And just like that, logic has gone to lunch.... Or am I too late on that realization?
I'm reading this completely blind. Unlike most of the other PWNY fics, which I had at least a small degree of knowledge about them, I only heard about Sheogorath once or twice.
7709970 Typo: Gyarados.
I... Is Sheogorath about to learn how to SHARE?!
Not even Mehrunes Dagon with a splinter in his foot would cause as much high scale destruction.
7710060 FUCK
The thing I'm waiting for is for someone or something to do something that actually endangers or hurts Discord and have Sheogorath get extremely angry and show why he is considered so dangerous, possibly to the tune of "one winged angel" or some other equivalent song to express that whoever did it is tucked.
...
..........
.......................
I want that breath, I could use a gyarados at dewford city.
This is so wonderful...It's so beautiful...
Was expecting it to be the duck season rabbit season back and forth, but I guess sometimes it doesn't.
7710087
To be honest, I think a Darkrai would have been better.
Or perhaps a mega requaza.
7710087 Actually, one of 'em is a mammal.
Y'know, I expected Sheogorath to be cheesed off quite abit and I'm glad to see he was.
I think Sheogorath's really hooked on his baited breath there.
Discord really fought tooth and claw for his chocolate milk.
7709977 It would also be good with a sprinkling of salt.
At the rate of smiles Discord and his new daddy are giving me, I am half-tempted to write out lyrics in the vein of the Dragonborn song. Just, more about Discord and less about praying for blessings.
Someone else please do that, I am TERRIBLE AT WRITING SONG LYRICS!
7709945 Isn't it wonderful??!
7710070 Nope. It would have to be Yakety Sax just to be Ironically Terrifying.
Adorable chapter. I loved it and how silly things got at points.
7710070 Nah, he'll just cause the person who hurt his son to take Looney Toons level damage from endless gags and tricks. Anvils from the sky, dynamite everywhere, getting squashed into an accordions, falling down cliffs the size of the Grand Canyon. ETC., Basically, make the perpetrator wish they were dead.
Instead of a gesture, it was pie. My head is spinning more than Discord's offering!
I find it hilarious that I just started to play omega ruby and you just decided that you would make references about it.
7710267 Yeah that would fit him a bit better though having him in a state of tranquil fury while such silly music is playing would be pretty funny that or have him acting normally but have aura of rage and or raw power around unconsciously warping the area around him some of it being his usual random madness others being things just start breaking and crumbling around him.
Easy:
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/8/8b/Discord_zoot_suit_ID_S6E17.png/revision/latest?cb=20160828195824
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this sentence. It is amazing.
Can't blame time.
This is great.
... This is amazing.
Perhaps, but what can ya do?
Should be fun.
7710148
I feel sorry for any mortal who dares cross them
7710148
Good work.
Have an upvote!
Ah, still more amusing than I hoped. I wonder what they'll come up with next.
It will definitely be a good laugh though!
Also this chapter made me wonder what butthurt and despair tastes like. Like another, hitherto unknown cheese kind?
So many shenanigans, and we're just getting started. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.
Why do I feel that ol' Jyggalag is screaming internally and externally over all this?
Though I do hope that Discord is able to make it where our favorite Prince of Madness doesn't have to be replaced, but actually split him away from Jyggalag so they are two separate beings instead of split personalities. Since well the split generally ends with Jyggalag's personality consuming the other for good like in the game.
As I highly doubt Dissy will be happy with the whole 'mortal turned into dad' deal.
"Hmph the original is always better than the sequel!"
7711351 ever play skyrim you meet the insane side there he is fine heck aafter the quest with himm he goes home
7711234
This Sheogorath is Jyggalag.
You've been waiting a long time to write this silliness, haven't you?
7709969 no, he wasn't playing... he got an old rod and instead of getting magikarps or other common fishies he got those
In all honesty, I wasn't entirely sure I'd like this story. Never have I been so wrong.
7710011 Tatsurou DID warn you to leave your logic at he door...
7712633
True. He did. Didn't know he was capable of THIS much random. Heck, LOONY TUNES has more sense than this.
7712658 I don't think anyone knew he was.
*tries to hold laughter in.... in college right now... attempts to hold in failing*
th02.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/075/6/6/laughing_luna_by_cencerberon-d5y7xf8.png
I hope some of the citizens get roped into the fun soon.
There are lots of fun characters in the Shivering isles.
I think my favorite is Amiable who thinks walls are going to fall on him.
His character design was really cute! It makes me wish Oblivion had marriage.
I want to ring that finger.
The sun and moon just went
7710011 Logic says
s2.quickmeme.com/img/d6/d621cadcfad10ce1103179691521cd2044dce0612e1dd977b38911d5e922af0c.jpg
I just realized. This story is essentially going to be one gigantic middle finger to anyone who has ever criticized your stories.
7714928
...how so, exactly?
7714943
Most of the people I've seen criticize your stories, and I've hardly looked through the comments of all of them, basically had the same complaint that you were making things happen because you wanted them to. Or otherwise just had a problem with how random they can be. This could be exclusive to the PWNY stories as I have no idea how your other works are.
Here? You have two beings that can make reality into their sock puppet.
It basically takes that criticism, throws it in a popcorn machine, runs it through a strawberry flavored thought bubble, and then pops it in the washing machine when the label clearly says dry clean only.
7715248
Huh. Guess I'd never thought of it that way.
7715265
I don't know if you say that in regards to my comment earlier, or in regards to the critics I mentioned. Please don't get to questioning your fics. They are fun and you seem to really enjoy writing them.