As soon as he couldn't sense Sheogorath in the Isles anymore, Discord slipped the Ring of Khajit off his talon. His face was contorted in pure, unadulterated fury. The grey man had come, and he had twisted his father out of all recognition, to the point he didn't even act like himself...and now he was gone. Discord was not about to stand for that. He was going to teach the grey man a lesson. He was going to face the grey man, beat him, annihilate him, and prove to his Dad that he didn't need to be protected anymore, and then they'd hug and celebrate and everything would be good. Determined on his course of action, he spoke to the Isles. "Haskill!"
Haskill appeared in a flash, then blinked in surprise. "Young master? The old master-"
"I don't give a damn what Dad said!" Discord snapped out. "The grey man is coming, and that's unseated Dad's unreason! I won't let him erase my home or my father! He's got another thing coming if he thinks I'm going to run with my tail between my legs!"
Haskill blinked a few times. "That...is an accurate assessment of events, as far as it goes," he admitted. "But what do you intend to do?"
"When the grey man shows up, I'm going to kick his ass!" Discord snapped.
Haskill frowned. "Jyggalag - the grey man - is the Daedric Prince of Order, the most powerful of the Daedra to ever live. It took all the power the other Daedric Princes possessed to bind him before. Even if you could match your father's power...Order is antithetical to your power of Chaos. You cannot face him as you are. This is why you were banished-"
"Then how do I face him?" Discord demanded angrily. "How do I make him back off, and show him this is my home?"
Haskill rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "...claim the land," he stated finally.
"W-what?" Discord asked, confused.
"If you claim the throne of Madness, its power will protect you from Jyggalag's Order, allowing you to meet him on even footing without taking undue harm from the nature of his power," Haskill explained. "But to do that, you will need to restore the Staff of Sheogorath."
"And I do that how?" Discord demanded. He wasn't sure how he felt about claiming his father's throne - wouldn't Dad be out of a job if he did that? - but he knew he wasn't about to let Jiggy get with it.
"Dyus will be able to instruct you," Haskill explained. "You can find him in Knifepoint Hollow-"
Discord snapped his talons and vanished.
"...this will not end well," Haskill murmured as he vanished.
Dyus was an elderly man with white hair, grey skin, and garbed in grey robes. Everything about him was grey, from knowing for eons exactly how everything would play out. After all, when one serves the Prince of Order as the head Librarian, all things can be predicted by the formulas that had been crafted from endless study of every living creature, whether creature, mortal, Daedra, or Aedra...things grow grey and boring. As such, Dyus knew that a Hero would appear in the next few years - down to the exact date - as a result of the Oblivion crisis to stop the Greymarch. He even knew how he would react.
Which is why he did not take well to seeing a creature appear that was never listed in the Library of Order, and thus never calculated for. His reaction, as such, was not as controlled as he would have hoped. "What the fuck are you?" he demanded, his voice momentarily shifting out of his normal dull monotone. He hoped his Lord would forgive his momentary lack of control.
Discord lunged forward, pinning Dyus to his chair. "Tell me how to restore the Staff of Sheogorath or I'll feed you your own testicles! While they're still attached!"
Dyus blinked in shock. Unfortunately for him, being a servant to Order made one a firm believer in logic. "I am not entirely certain that's anatomically possible-"
"Would you care for a demonstration?" Discord snarled, the walls shaking from the force of his anger.
"You need the Eye of Ciirta and a branch from the Tree of Shades," Dyus said quickly.
"Got it," Discord responded before vanishing.
Ciirta was startled out of her preparations to overthrow Sheogorath as Discord appeared before her. "Borrowing this," he stated bluntly as he plucked her eye painlessly from its socket before vanishing.
She blinked several times. She had seen things no mortal should ever have seen...but this was new. Perhaps Sheogorath had not abandoned the throne...so much as abdicated it. She had heard about a son, but hadn't believed it...
Discord reappeared in Knifepoint Hill, eye and branch in hands. "Now what?" he demanded angrily.
"Afix the eye to the branch, then touch the staff to the Tree of Madness in the throne room of the palace to energize it," Dyus explained.
Discord vanished again.
Dyus slumped back into his chair. "Jyggalag forgive me...but if I'm to try and calculate him, I need a drink..."
As Discord appeared before the Tree of Madness, he paused. He could recreate the Staff of Sheogorath...but he wasn't his Dad. He couldn't just step into his Dad's shoes...that was playing Jiggy's game. His Dad had taught him better. When going into battle, you made your own rules. Staring at the branch, he grinned as an idea struck him. There were all those points...
He started with a strand of fur from the Savior's Hide he was wearing, tying it to one thorny point. He then slipped the Ring of Khajit onto another, and embedded Sanguine's Starlet in a third. He braced the Skeleton Key in the top, and bound Azura's Star to it with a vine of Poison Joke, the special bloom he'd made with Peryite. He jammed Sting into the top next to the Skeleton Key - hilt in - then wrapped a strand of Nightmare Silk around the whole thing. The strand of silk - made of spun dreamstuff - had been a gift from Vaermina, to celebrate them still being an item after a full year, something no Daedra of any rank had ever experienced before.
At long last, he affixed the Eye of Ciitra to Sting and the Key, then slammed the completed artifact into the Tree of Madness to charge it.
In a flash of light that was all colors and none, the artifact was complete. The staff carried powers from all the artifacts that had been bound into it, and powers unique to itself derived from Discord himself. It was a solid wood with twisted points sticking out, topped with Discord's own horn and antler. Discord took in its true nature as he stared at it.
Mad Psijic
When raised, one of the following occurs
Voice of Command - all targeted freeze for 10 minutes
Greater Invisibility - when active, wielder cannot be perceived, even when striking (lasts 2 minutes)
Open Door - automatically unlocks all barriers
enThrall - summon random Daedra to serve wielder
Joke's On You - Randomly curse target
Darkness of Heart - target undergoes nightmare scenario, inflicting permanent Fear statusFollowing effects are permanent
No Cast - Magic Resist 50%, 25% chance to cancel any spell that targets wielder
Phenomenal Cosmic Power - this artifact never runs out of charges
Itty Bitty Living Space - this artifact has zero weight and encumbrance
Mine! - this artifact can only be wielded by Discord, Prince of Chaos and Madness
With the staff complete Discord turned, feeling the approach of Jyggalag. He would make his Father proud.
This is going to be interesting.... and I have no idea how it's going to end.
love the Genie quote at the end.
This is going to be a curb stomp battle one way or another, but who will emerge victorious I do not know.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/5/26/333862.jpeg
Now I wonder if Discord will mess with the Oblivion Crisis and Alduiin after this. I pity them, I really do.
(Except those damn guards with their damned arrows to the knee.)
He's pissed.
Eh?
And how exactly does he do that?
Nope. Also, in my mind, Haskill has the voice of Patrick Stewart.
He's a reality warper. He can MAKE it anatomically possible.
Oh please, you're going to need ALL the drinks.
I like that name.
What are you, Ansem Seeker of Darkness?
Tell me that this is going where I hope it is... (Also, PhenomEnal.
You beautiful bastard.
Good luck, Discord.
Dis gun be good.
7809095 What if he screwed with the doctors by making sure nobody COULD take an arrow to the knee? You never know, hundreds of amateur adventurers running around, stealing each others loot and occasionally murdering each other would be more chaotic then a bunch of guards.
Guess our dear assistant is in Dyus need of a drink.
The Mad Psijic is certainly made of sterner Staff now.
Let's face it, the Jiggy's up now that Discord is angry.
dis gun be good!
I was not disappointed by what proceeded to happen.
7809095
7809117
Alternatively, maybe he made all the arrows in the world temporarily home in on knee's.
Truly, none of the Daedric princes ever had a friend like him.
7809133
He's got the staff, now he just needs to get Jiggy with it.
I'm going to be a little bit nitpicky here, but the saying is "another THINK coming." Another THING coming is just the title and lyrics of a song that discarded grammar.
7809202 Really think? As a thought?
Well... as it goes for parents protecting their children no matter what, sometimes the children can go against all odds to protect their parents.
Discord is about to do just that... but in his own twist.
"Discord defeated Jyggalag, but the aftermath was such that something new had to be created. And that's how Equestria was made! "
nice genie reference
I wish something like this existed in the game without mods
*sees a nuclear explosion*
It's....a....GIANT mushroom! ...maybe it's friendly!
*spell placed on hold*
*Diverting all assets to help The Prince of Chaos and Madness*
So I wonder if Discord will give the powers of Order to someone else to save his dad?
7809189
7809117
7809095 It's like my sister says whenever she sings the MLP theme: "~I used to wonder what friendship could be... Then I took an arrow straight to the knee!"
because nopony did this yet
jiggy
BTW, Death Battle just released Deadpool vs Pinkie Pie. Lots of chaos over there!
7809095
7809372
7809189
"I took an arrow to the knee." is a very old euphemism. It means "I got married". However it's VERY insulting to one's wife, being the equvalent of calling her a "ball & chain that's dragging me down with it". Now what WOULD be funny is if Dissy made them ACTUALLY get shot with an arrow in their knee. Of course that would be a crippled for life type of injury, but that just adds to the humor for me.
I had an idea for a bow and/or arrows in Skyrim. They would do barely any damage, but if you happened to get an arrow in someone's knee, they would poof into a guard.
Also a slightly unrelated realization is that Discord could very well make whatever mods he wants into this world. That would definitely be very chaotic if all chickens were explosive, or dragons were replaced with Fluttershy's, tank engines, and deformed wrestlers.
Please forgive my only experience with the Elder Scrolls universe being Skyrim.
He's SO gonna be heartbroken when he learns the connection between Jyggalag and Sheogorath.
7809494
Ah so thats the meaning of that line I thought bandits just really liked aiming for the knee. I mean seriously most of skyrims population are guards or bandits hard to think who they may be married to.
7809494 Don't explain the joke. It loses its humor that way.
This can only end in tears... The nature of those tears has yet to be determined, however...
7809648 As 7809631 pointed out, few people actually realized what the joke was, making the meme both pointless and unfunny. As a Gentleman Villain I am supposed to at least try and educate the unenlightened masses, at least from time to time.
7809494
I forgot it meant that.
It doesn't have to be a crippling injury. It's Discord :D
Is it weird I found myself singing Perfect Cell's TFS song after Mad Psijic was made?
7809104 Regrettably, the one character voiced by Patrick Stewert dies before the PC gets out of the first cave in Oblivion. Haskil has a more butlerly voice.
And just like that, Akatosh has contemplated destroying Mundus again.
Discord just modded an item...
7809664 I saw no hint of subtext anyway. I'm not sure Bethesda was aware of the saying. I wasn't. Even after hearing this, I'm still inclined to think the phrase was intended at face value-- that they literally got shot in the knee by an archer, which crippled them to the point where they couldn't travel well, but not so much that they could no longer fight. Thus, guard duty.
7809214 Yes.
"If you think you'll get away with this, you've got another think coming."
"Jyggalag, you ain't NEVER seen a thing like Me."
7809929 sorry mate, but it is thing. not think
7810021 No, it's not. The expression was around LONG before the song.
7810583
http://grammarist.com/usage/another-think-coming/
While the original phrase is 'think', 'thing' is also now a correct usage due to continual usage and the evolution of language. Also, in chapter, I meant 'thing' because Discord was referring to physical things he intended to throw at Jyggalag, rather than new thoughts he was going to stick into his head.
7810021 It goes back to the 1800's.
'Thing coming' is a modern corruption of the old phrase.
7810583 song? im not familiar with the song
*insert maniacal laughter here*
That is all.
Omg I love this story so much!
You show 'em, Dizzy!
7810611
Although, knowing Discord, he could well attempt to physically stuff new thoughts into his head...
It is time to Get Jiggy With It!
I like the permanent effects. especially "Mine!"