The Time Mishap: A History of Ponies

by Regidar

Casualty Report

Chapter 11: Casualty Report

Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes. She was standing in the throne room, along with Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Derpy, and Dolphin Dream. Princess Luna walked into the room with a look of relief on her face.

"Thank goodness you're back! Celestia hasn't stopped molesting me since you left!"

"How long ago was that?" Asked Twilight.

"Three months."

"THREE MONTHS?!" The mares all shouted in unison.

"Yup. Everypony thought you had died. Anyway, welcome back."

"Luna! Who said you could leave the molestation chamber?" Came Princess Celestia's voice.

"Oops. Gotta go. See yah!" Princess Luna scurried away.

"Luna, I- oh, you're back! Wonderful!" Princess Celestia pulled all the mares into a group hug. "I was afraid I'd killed you!"

"Well, we're all here, aren't we?" Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, speaking of killing, let's look at your casualty report."

Princess Celestia pulled up a large chart, and everypony got to reading it.

Twilight: Casualties, 0. Events caused: Creation of the Universe, Christianity. Score= 5

"Wait, we're scored?"

"Yes. I suppose you got points taken off for christianity. Next!"

Applejack: Casualties, 0. Events caused: Civil War, End of Slavery, Kentucky Fried Chicken. Score= 2

"Damn! How was ah t' know tha' would start the civil war?"

Fluttershy: Casualties, 0. Events caused: Catholicism. Score= 1

"Oh, ok.."

"Yeah, Catholicism is really bad..."

Pinkie Pie: Casualties, 15 billion. Events caused: Ended World War 2, Hitler's "Suicide". Score= 7

"Yay!"

"What? She killed 15 billion people!"

"Yeah, but she also killed Hitler!"

"True..."

Rainbow Dash: Casualties, 1. Events caused: Saved Kurt Cobain from suicide, killed Courtney Love. Score= 10

"YES!"

"Ah, come on!"

"Hey, she deserves it. Come on, saved Kurt Cobain and killed Courtney Love? She was bound to win anyway."

"True..."

Rarity: Casualties, 0. Events caused: No cannon event caused. Score= 11.

"WHAT?"

"Hah! Beat you, Rainbow Dash!"

"How did she..."

"I guess she fucked with the time stream the least."

Derpy: Casualties, 4. Events caused: The crucifiction, Hitler leading to buy Park Place instead of Pacific Avenue, and Courtney Love meeting up with Kurt Cobain. Score= Potato.

"Huh?"

"You caused all of this?"

"Oh, Derpy!"

"I just don't know what went wrong!"

Lyra Heartstrings: Casualties, 3. Events caused: Back to the Future. Score= 8

"Nice."

Dolphin Dream: Casualties, 0. Events caused: Nothing worth noting.

"Hey, that's not fair to me!"

"Oh, shut up Dolphin..."

Princess Celestia took down the scores.

"And there you have it! Congratulations, Rarity, for first place!" She presented Rarity with a trophy saying "Time Baus" on a small plaque at the bottom.

"And for coming in second, Rainbow Dash, I give you this chocolate bar."

Rainbow Dash begrudgingly took the chocolate. "Thanks..."

"I just hope we haven't caused any long lasting damage to the time stream, that would suck."

Suddenly, a green flash of light filled the room, and when it was gone, the Time Octopus, two Kurt Cobains, a redneck rapist, Judas, a headless Hitler, the broken legged boy from 2012, and Elijah stood in the throne room.

"Oh no," Twilight said, facehoofing.

"Here we go again!"

"Hey, wait, where's Lyra?"

Comments

[Regidar]

941804 I'm guessing you read She is Beautiful? But glad you liked it! Christianity would be way cooler is fluttershy had met jesus.

[derpy muffins]

lol
lol
lol
lol
lol
lol
RAINBOW ACCOMPLISHED!
YOLMLP
YOLO

[Regidar]

1006642 YOLMLP= You obviously love My Little Pony
YOLO= You obviously love octavia

[derpy muffins]

1006664
OMFG HOW DID U KNOW????? Lol

[Regidar]

1008146 Because I kknew you weren't one of those SWAG supporting, YOLO yodeling idiots. So I went with the next guess!

[Regidar]

1032739 Thanks! People probably thought ti was stupid, though... that's why the dislikes.

[Sliverfish]

Fucking with the time stream the least > Saving Kurt and Killing Courtney?

[Regidar]

1063552 Also, double cobain, don't forget that.

[_Reader_]

Okay, lets see here.

I laughed at nearly every chapter so I'm probably going to hell myself. I actually like to believe other universes created our universe, I am super pumped as well[that Jesus chapter was my favorite], invitation...shit self, my LeGs!, what a wall..., I accept your theory of how Celly and Luna were born, nice scores at the end.

Well, that was entertaining to say the least. :D
-Reader Out-

[Regidar]

4297799 I did have a sequel planned, with a sitcom type thing going on with all the new people who were introduced into Equestria. I scrapped the idea though.

I'm glad the story made you laugh!

[Cyborg Princess Selene]

I have no idea what I just read, but to be honest, I don't care.

[Regidar]

4451905 alrighty then