Yeah, so?
Perry—an earth pony stallion with a dark red coat and a computer for a cutie mark—stared in shock at the sight before him.
In his cubicle chair, typing away on his computer, was a timber wolf. It wore a black business suit, complete with a tie and black dress shoe on his hind paws. It wrapped its wooden paws around a coffee mug, took a sip of black drink, and turned its head. “May I help you?” it asked in a proper, upper class voice.
Perry blinked and shook his head in disbelief. “Okay. Which of you is in that ridiculous costume?” he asked as he placed his briefcase on the floor. “Is it you, Wyatt? Did you decide to get your Nightmare Night costume early?”
“I beg your pardon, but I'm not wearing a costume,” the timber wolf said. “And I'm most certainly not this 'Wyatt’ fellow. I am a real timber wolf, and I have taken your job.”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Perry said. “You, a wild animal, took my job?”
“That is correct,” the timber wolf said as it took another sip of the coffee. ”Your boss hired me this morning.”
Just as Perry prepared to reply, another employee walked by. “Oh, hey, I see you met Frank!” a blue coated earth pony mare said.
“Perry turned to the mare. “Yeah, and he claims to have taken my job.”
“Yeah, he did,” the mare said. “You kept falling asleep, and he's easier to keep quiet when the copy machine backs up.”
Perry frowned at the mare. “I refuse to believe that I've been replaced by a timber wolf!” he yelled. He grabbed his briefcase and stormed to his bosses office.
Frank and the mare looked at each other. “So, what's his deal?” Frank asked.
“I think he's just upset that you had the last of the coffee.”
---
Perry kicked open his boss's door. “Mister Saladeen!” he yelled. “I want to-”
“Who's a good boy?” Saladeen—an earth pony stallion with a grey coat and a money bag for a cutie mark—said as he rubbed a timber wolf pups stomach, his mustache nearly touching its nose “You're a good boy! Yes you are!”
Perry's right eye twitched. “I demand to know why there is an adorable little pup on your floor this instant!”
Mister Saladeen turned his head to his employee and smiled. “Normally, I'd have you thrown to the curb for demanding something, let alone yelling in my office,” he said with a smile. “But this pup has put me in the best mood since I fired you five minutes before you arrived!”
“Wait, if you fired me five minutes ago, why's Frank already working?”
“He got promoted!” Saladeen said. “He originally worked as a maintenance engineer downstairs!”
“Then why is he in my cubicle?”
“Easier to just promote someone than to train the,” Saladeen said. “Besides, we’re overstaffed when it comes to maintenance.”
“That's ridiculous!” Perry said as he walked up to his bosses desk and glared him in the eye. “You replaced me with a wolf! They're wild, stupid animals!”
Mister Saladeen pushed Perry away from his glorious mustache and narrowed his gaze. “That 'wild, stupid animal’ does twice the amount that you do in a week. Meanwhile, you're lucky if you can even be bothered to write out a simple math problem in time for our fiscal earnings call!”
Perry facehoofed. “Fine, I'm a bad employee,” he said. “Why is there a pup in your office?”
“I bought my pet to work,” Saladeen said. “He's adorable, no?”
Perry rubbed his temples. “Can't I do something to keep my job?”
“You asked that when you punched a hole through your computer because it was running slow,” Saladeen said. “I gave you a warning and replaced your computer.”
“A third chance?”
“That was when you broke the copy machine because it ate your two hundred word report,” Saladeen said. “Which was supposed to be two thousand words by the way!”
“A fourth?” Perry asked sheepishly.
“Perry, I refuse to give you any more chances!” Saladeen roared. “Even if I did, the fact you came into my office and yelled like I do when I stub my hoof threw any chance of me giving you another chance out the window!”
Perry flinched. “Can I at least get my stuff?” he asked. “For memory's sake?”
“You don't have any stuff here,” Saladeen said. “Unless you mean the sticky notes you used to draw pictures of skeletons dancing on. I threw those out because they make my foals artwork look like Van Gogh.”
“Hey, those are works of art!” Perry snapped. “Who are you to judge my artistic capabilities?”
“Perry.”
“Yes?”
“Get out of my office before I throw you out myself,” Saladeen said. “Also, I went to art school for a few years before I went to business school.”
Perry sighed and picked up his briefcase before he left his bosses office. He walked past a few cubicles before he opened a nearby door and went into the hallway. He walked down it and eventually reached a door, which he knocked on.
“Come in,” a voice said.
Perry opened it and saw a purple coated unicorn stallion with a mop for a cutie mark reading a newspaper, which he lowered. “Oh, hey, Perry.”
“Hey, Wyatt,” Perry said as he shut the door behind him. “I need some advice.”
Wyatt lowered the newspaper. “On Frank?” he asked with a smirk.
Perry raised an eyebrow. “So, you know?” he asked as he took a seat on a nearby stool.
Wyatt chuckled. “I'm pretty sure everypony in the building knows,” he answered. “Saladeen has been planning this for a few weeks now. Ever since you broke that copy machine I think.”
“How'd he do it so fast?” Perry asked as he sulked.
“I dunno,” Wyatt said. “I wish you'd stop coming to me for assistance though. If you need someone to talk to, get a therapist. I'm only here to clean up after you all.”
Perry stomped a hoof on the floor. “He said he'd only fired me before I arrived,” he said. “It’s total bullshit!”
“Uh-huh,” Wyatt said. “If you think it's total bullshit, why don't you go fight him?”
Perry's face lit up. “That's a great idea!” he said. “You're a genius, Wyatt!”
“I wasn't being serious,” Wyatt said. “He's still a timber wolf. I'm pretty sure he still has all of the instincts of one.”
“Nonsense,” Perry said. “He was all well spoken and whatnot. I bet he's lost those traits.” Perry stood up and walked to the door. “Anyways, I appreciate your help,” he said as he left the closet.
“Idiot,” Wyatt grumbled as he went back to reading his newspaper.
Perry made his way back to his cubicle and confronted the timber wolf. “Hey, Frank,” he said.
Frank turned his head and stared at Perry. “How may I be of help to you?” he asked.
Without a word, Perry raised a hoof and punched Frank's jaw, which make a sickening crack.
Frank glared angrily at Perry, who prepared to swing again, and growled. Before Perry could swing again, Frank leaped onto him and bit down on his neck. He slammed his front paws onto the floor and flung a large piece of flesh to the side before he tore out Perry’s throat.
Meanwhile, a nearby employee—who stood at a water machine—turned his head and looked at the gruesome scene. “Oh, hey Frank,” the stallion said.
Frank stood up and waved to the employee as blood dripped from his paw. “Hey,” he said wiped bits of flesh away from his mouth and sat back down in his chair. “How are the foals?”
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7549009
I concur. Thank you for reading!
It's confusing, and weird, and makes no sense at all!
*upvotes*
7549082 Mission accomplished. Thanks for reading!
This story is like a train wreck. It keeps on and on, each paragraph more ridiculous than the last. Yet I can't stop reading, I legitimately want to know what's next... I'm scared...
In all honesty good story, hilarious and nonsensical. Good job!
7549162 Haha. Thank you very much for reading!
I relate to Frank in a spiritual level
Wow. That was bloody, unexpected, and brilliant.
Loved it!
7550119 I'm extremely happy you enjoyed it! Thank you very much for reading!
7549595 Great to know!
7550130 Wow. This feels like a cross between "The Office" and "Ugly Americans".
7550363 That a good thing?
7550389 Well I wasn't a terribly big fan of "The Office", but "Ugly Americans" was funny. I guess that does make it a pretty good thing. Have you seen either series?
7550512 Alas, I haven't. Ugly Americans doesn't look like something I'd enjoy too much though.
7551411 Not everyone's cup of joe.
7551553 Fun fact: I originally planned for this story to be E rated. However, about halfway through, I decided on the ending in the story now since I couldn't think of one that felt E rated.
Well...that was unexpected....
Funny story. I liked it
That sure was something....that happened. Fun in a kind of weird way.
So... He just up and kills the guy?
The fuck?
Welp, that was a thing