Note: The very first chapter is just a prologue and would take some time before I take to the first episode. However is plain justified since this is a little experiment that i wanted to perform during my boredom.
Allen Nitrol is a boy who was turned into a pony and entered into Equestria..... from the grave. If that wasn't understood, yes. He is dead and is now reincarnated into this world. Due to his politics about not tell almost anything about himself, his past is almost unknown.
As he entered into the fantasy world in the most strangest and dreary way possible, and having a huge knowledge about the mlp's timeline, he expected to be in the later time. That would be a reasonable start.
This until he was first met by a skeletal pony, who greeted him in a very shocking fashion. Whats worst is that his ordeal started from the most obvious plot point: Season 1. And unfortunately, his skeletal attendant gives her dreadful personal touch to the whole timeline and the new life that Allen hadn't begun to live yet.
The plot is going to be improved? Downhill? Messed up? All depends on of what Allen will do and his attempts to limit anything that would twist the canon, even if his attempts turned out to be all vain... If he must.
Side effects may include:
-Medium Plot Bending (Minor changes to the seasons premiere and finale that doesn't change the result imposed to the canon but that will still affect somehow the it's timeline.
-Black Humor
-Videogame Logic
And is going to intertwine with the comic book canon to create a new one as well, plus some other material.
This story is a experiment that i want to do just because i want have a change of pace to relax from my other works.
quite a few incomplete sentences and some misspellings, some words are missing from sentences which can confuse the reader. I suggest getting an editor or using an editing program
Mostly because sometimes I was writing hastily and end up leaving some errors. Is not the first time.
....I hope you're not gonna go down the route of 'follow the exact canon mlp script' cliche, it'll become very boring.
8787789
I will doing something about that. I won't take that route, but I don't won't even trying to copycat totallynotabrony! either. (If you have read his fanfic 'A Dream' made by that author, you know what I'm talking about) Besides, I'm not even so skilled with first person either.
Also, there are also some episode's, including some premiers or finales that i want to keep intact for the sake of utter desecration. And, again, I will also include the Equestria Girls and the comics and, since they are uncanon, made them a part of this fanfics' canon. I will also make major changes about some really, really, really bad episodes.
Now that you had reminded me, that is a Alt. Universe, I should keep that in my mind at this point. However, I don't know if i can continue that, I have some my other works to take care off.
I like the idea of the main character getting powers he doesn't want so i hope he gets #3.
8841295
You are welcome. However, more like powers, they count as "Skills" that he learns like he was some RPG Character. The fact that he suddenly know about Corpse Remodeling(Manga reference), Ninja abilities and others through rewards, Is like something that happened as a result of a "Videogame Text Script". I used for a period of time RPG Maker, so I know what I'm talking about.
Also, as for chapter 3, I'm not even sure that can be considered a solid one, due to being a little bit rushed. There was also a possible doubt about the fear that the fic will follow the MLP Canon. In that case, I tried to made the episode part taking a different route while trying to avoid copycatting totallynotabrony!(the creator of Valiant Plymouth).
I didn't had pretty much Idea except for the dialogue between the protagonist and Luna. Even the sleeping part can be considered rushed. I had the character depicting Death itself to lampshade that.
By the way, I decided to write this fic as a experiment. If is going to get good, well, I will try to continue... But I cannot garantee that the next chapter will be also good, unless I had some ideas to write about.
I really hope he gets #3. Its goes best with the powers he currently have.
8848759
You can say that. But let me tell you one thing. I will screw the canon of MLP while adding some of Equestria Girls and the comic book canon in my own why, though that I have also to make sure that I didn't end up copycat totallynotabrony(the author of A Dream).
Besides, I think I will screw up the chronological sequence of the MLP episodes as well: By compressing three episodes in one and giving me some free spots for some original idea of mine.
Also, thanks for the suggestion. I think I'm going to know what kind of character will look like. Especially since "Sometimes he will act insane"... As he said.
8848878 I am eager to see what will happen now....
What is video game logic?
ive read this like 2-3 times already and im still having a hard time digesting the flow of the story from one scene to another......
the concept of adding game logic to this story is very unique but it needs more refinement.
take a look at this manga maybe you could have some inspiration on it and refine your story altogether!
MANGA <----------click me!!!
Flip a Coin: Shadow Blade or DNA Twister, those to sound like the most difficult to avoid fucking up with and ruining his chances... again.
And I have apparently become an agent of Murphy. Fabulaous
He definitely needs either #2 or #3
8873881
What I can say? Well, If you talk about how the manga exploited that Videogame factor correctly, I'm going to have a veeery long way to understand that. However, thanks to TV tropes, I understood how that logic goes in the manga. But there's a difference.
The Gamer narrates the protagonist's adventures/misadventures while putting it in a RPG like prospective(If that is a valid interpretation), where all of the encounters or events are hybrids between a game and real life(That of the manga). For what I got, the hero, Han Jee-Han, can tangibly and immediately raise his skills and overall stats by performing tasks and gaining experience, monsters/criminals that everyone else considers a dangerous nuisance inexplicably drop equipment he can use, injuries can be healed by consuming ordinary or resting overnight, ecc. To sum up, it is some kind of gaming drama comedy full of strange things and parodies as well.
In this fanfic, however, Videogame Logic is yes a plot mechanic, but it sorely exist to both help or screw the existence to Allen/Violet Tower, who died and has been reborn in Equestria in the timeline of Season 1. He leveled up by doing some actions that he didn't expect them count as method of leveling outside the battles (Like using his gained abilities or dropped items). Two things about the leveling:
1) I'ts announcement is delayed for at least some minutes or even for the next day. There isn't a experience point system in his now chaotic new life, so the textbox pops up in the most inopportune times, like during the chapter "Complications and invitations".
2) I'm counting on the fact that the level up happens during the development of every chapter that I can write.
Now, regarding the pace and flow... Maybe you are right about. Is I wrote before, I tried to compress three episodes of the show but failed. What I didn't mention was my intention to make this chapter composed by no more than 7700 words because I don't want the excessive length ruin it. Plus, It was 1.40 AM (In Italy) when I was finishing this chapter, so I hurried up and that was the result. With 9450 words in total.
I was thinking about improving the synthesis, a thing that I would try to put into practice... without copying totallynotabrony! of course.
To end that pretentious comment of mine, I was thinking about to fix some scene error in the end and outright edit the ending scene for one reason: I read it and realized that it didn't make any sense to me. However, don't feel obligated to re-read the ending after I had fixed that. Two or three time of this version is enough.
Thanks for the patience.
8873742
Videogame logic is a common plot element in various stories,. It's a mechanic that varies depending on the story. In the manga The Gamer, for example, it's Videogame Logic is based on the protagonist's life being suddenly turned into a living RPG.
Another example: Overlord (The light novel and Anime) rotates around a guy who was a player and member of a virtual reality videogame impersonating a Elder Litch that is also a member of a guild. Said guy suddenly found himself stuck into the Litch body, with his minions, supposed to be Non Playable characters and guardians of the guild's dungeon, becoming alive and having their own personalities. That alone resulted the Main Character to assume the role of pseudo Evil Overlord. He and his minions found themselves and their lair being put into a unknown, medieval world that was far different from that of the original videogame.
The videogame logic behind Overlord: Is that, despite the NPC becoming alive and that world being different from that of the original videogame, the characters and inhabitants of that world used terms as HP, MP, LV, Spell, ecc. In other words, the fights and tasks were treated as the videogame mechanics were hybridized with this world's daily life.
The Videogame Logic of this fanfiction is just a mechanic that exist to gave it's own touch to the story. Depending of what is going on, it can be both be helpful or a misfortune to the protagonist. And regarding the Level Up Factor, that happens when the protagonist does also something with his gained abilities and items. So of course that factor is not limited to only the battles that he will fight.
Look, i tried to give you a example regarding that. If you managed somehow to get it, that's ok. If not.... You are to tell me what you don't get. Any constructive critic is fine.
hmmm... lemme t'ink... #1 sounds like sommore mindfuck, which is always fun, but #3 and #2 both sound ridiculous...
can we vote for more t'an one?
8899707
Unfortunately you can't. Only one vote.
However, once one of them is chosen, I will consider to recycle the other two for the next chapters under a new form.
8900809
'kay, less go for #3 then, jus' to see how useless it is in enclosed spaces...
the rewards are kinda mundane here's my suggestion
book of life or book of the dead
needs to master 1 spell first before the other pages will appear
geiger counter
make it almost similar to "analyze" to see other enemies level str weakness etc.
magical/mystical pouch
pouch that has unlimited range of items inside BUT only 1 RANDOM item will reveal itself and at random times.
8901324
I'll thank you for that. But remember, some times the fucked up factor is needed... In my opinion.
i vote cannon.
8904527
I think this question is pointless but... Did you had actually played Doom?
8904606
NOPE!
also, i'd say the proper grammar for your question would be "have you actually played Doom?"
8904811
Thanks for the correction.
I think that to hace different abilitys option 1 Is the beat.
And thanks for the chapter 😁😁😁
The healing book sounds neat like its for self taught doctors or something.
8936092
Let's just say that I took a hint from one of the comments. Also if the first one is selected, then the protagonist will probably deserve it after the all that, even if initial, crappy stuff that is happening to him. Plus, he will also end up heal other characters with proper means... That doesn't imply using gruesome methods.
Although the name sounded appealing, that couldn't be same for his mental health... If he had one to begin with.
book of healing, definitely book of healing.
8936455
That would be a miracle of him. He just got smacked around during previous chapter, so he really deserve it.
8936623
for, not of. English a second language for you?
8936726
I'm Italian. Also 'for, not of' is a erroneous typo that I had missed as I was writing?
*shouts at the author* HE CALLED IT!! WE HAVE A DEADPOOL INCOMING!! RUN FOR THE HILLS!
also, 3 for the shenanigans, but 1 so that he can heal people.
put me down for 3
8938617
Ironically.... Violet's assumption about Videogame Logic being sentient was a very Accidental Fourth Wall Break. I didn't even know this would happen. Also, I don't think that he would be a Deadpool. If he is, the REAL Deapool, the one marked Ryan Raynolds, would had shove lawsuit upon his ass... Though that I don't think that fourth wall break is privatize since, as Pinkie Pie existence proven several times, most of characters outside these two individuals had already done that. So the protagonist wouldn't even get himself started with She Hulk.
Because She Hulk is a lawyer and I pointed out this whole think for a mere joke factor.
Also, what do you mean 'with put me down for 3'? Is for the reward choice?
8938847
yep
8936748
actually it was a typo in your reply. your general writing seems to be rather coherent and lacking in typos from what I've been able to spot.
Kleptomaniac is actually spelled with a K, not a C.
8942057
Thanks for correction. I thought that was the correct one. I didn't considered that is written in that way.
defensive book.
make them a protector.
Option 1
8971357
How protector are we talking about? Ninja the Protector or Violet's controversial kind of being a protector?
By the way, I know you mean choice 2. I just put this comment for sake of this question.
8971493
For now we had two divergent votes. I hope I don't have to flip a coin to decide what to take.
I like the idea of option three.
8972481
And now we have three divergent vote quoting comment. Let me see what I can pull out of it.
8874824
Hate to say this, but my inner grammar nazi demands it....
The Overlord is a "Lich"... "Litch" is just such a huge error in writing... in fact, i've noticed that this fic is somewhat plagued by grammar errors. No offense, but i assume you are not a native english speaker?
Also, might be useful to get an editor for this fic
I'd say either two or three...
He keeps getting screwed over and it's starting to get a bit absurd.... but of course Murphy with his Law is laughing his ass off
Gotta get the gravity manipulator my dude.
8973632
So I don't have to flip the coin... Good to know.
8972966
I was fully aware of the 'Litch' error and many other grammar error that I had made, but I didn't had bothered so much to correct.
Still, the more I'm writing this, the more I started to believe that this fic is not this good as the likes make me believe.
But that cannot be avoided, criticism included. After all, this whole mess of a story is just a experiment. And one day I will decide to put this fic to rest... Maybe, I'm not entirely sure.