An anthology of short, completely unrelated, dark stories, each of which centers around a letter of the alphabet!
Inspired by the movie The ABCs of Death. At least, the basic idea of the movie inspired this.
Edited by NameGoesHere.
Chapters (13)
- Member Since 28th Jan, 2016
- offline last seen 8 hours ago
Vertigo22
Death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back.
Vertigo22
Joined 28th Jan, 2016 ·
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I'm assuming Quill had an allergy to some sort of nut and it was in the cake? You really should clarify that a bit better.
Interesting premise, though. I've watched the movie. Honestly I feel like if you were going to do this, you missed an opportunity to set up a collab that would have showcased a bunch of authors, like the movie did with the directors.
7045777 Yeah, he had an allergy. I'll do better to clarify things in future chapters!
Also, that would've been a great idea. I guess I really wanted to try this all on my own.
This has definitely grabbed my attention. I look forward to the remaining letters of the alphabet!
7048163 Wow. Thanks so much for reading! I hope I exceed your expectations with future chapters!
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: The ABCs of Harmonic Death
Grammar score out of 10: 7 (generally good, with a couple minor errors and one recurring issue I'll talk about below)
Pros:
The anthology premise of the entire fic intrigues me.
As a wannabe writer myself, I definitely sympathized with Quill's inability to get started.
"Anaphylaxis" is a good word, and you got me to look it up.
Cons:
The ending is pretty abrupt.
The "Once upon a time" opening doesn't really mesh with the rest of the piece.
The writing lacks detail.
Notes Section:
Allow me to elaborate on that last point. Much of the piece felt kind of impersonal, almost like a simple list of events rather than a full story. I think it could be a lot better if you went into more detail for each of the scenes. I don't necessarily mean scenery descriptions (I am generally not a fan of when authors go overboard there) but perhaps give us a bit more insight into Quill's thoughts, especially since so much of the piece has him as the only present character. (This is also important because it could allow us to connect with him more and therefore have his eventual death hit all the harder.) For example, instead of opening by telling us that he went to Ponyville to get away from Manehattan's noise, begin with him maybe already at his new writing desk and being unable to come up with anything and ruefully reflecting on his move. From there, I think it could be neat if you had him perhaps slowly make progress and/ or get to know and like Ponyville and its citizens, which again could make his eventual death all the more of a tragedy.
Aside from that, I just have a couple other notes. As has been mentioned, some more build up to his allergy would be nice. You did have the bit where he made sure his breakfast didn't have any nuts, which was good, but some more and earlier mentions I think would help a lot, perhaps have his aversion just be something he casually mentions a few times whenever the he's getting food. Lastly, and this is a borderline nitpick, I'd like to point out that you always had Quill's inner thoughts be enclosed within double quotes, which makes them hard to tell apart from regular dialogue. Usually, either single quotes or italicizing the relevant words is the preferred method.
All in all, your fic needs polish but has potential.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Ponyville's Latest "Threat".
7049772 Many thanks! I'll keep this in mind.
Fill the void up with celluloid,
Take a picture,
I'm with the boys
Marina and the Diamonds, Primadonna
7091562 Thanks for reading.
And nice reference.
Nice. My favorite chapter so far is C is for Celluloid, but this is a very close second.
7113822 Glad you enjoyed it.
I'll do my best to make E as exceptional as possible.
E is very exceptional! Takes 3rd place in my heart!
7169319 I'll continue this by making F as fantabulous as possible!
Damn, I was hoping that the sisters would survive, but that's hopeless in this fic. Anyway, great job and i can't wait until next chapter!
7179451 Glad you liked it!
7179464 Oh, I assure you, I've liked them all (D especially). And i just love these collection type fics, can't get enough of e
7179478 Then I hope to keep it up with the remaining twenty one letters!
Ha! This is one of slight comedy.
7193723 Which is intentional.
Did I succeed and make you laugh?
7193727 Yes. Yes you did.
7193728 Excellent! Very glad to know.
*shudders
*
7223310 I'm going to guess you enjoyed it?
...............
A great twist in the common use of this type of haunting.
7297241 Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I'm in the 4th Chapter, it is very good!
The D for Dive-Bomb looks really with a 1000 ways to die episode, because was a bad pony that deserve die xD
7359461 Very happy to read that you're enjoying it!
"A is for Amy, who fell down the stairs,
B is for Basil, assaulted by bears
C is for Clara, who wasted away,
D is for Desmond, thrown out of a sleigh..."
7370180 Bahaha!
Thank you for reading!
Going in F chapter, the work is very good!
7405839 Enjoy!
7359461 My mom thought it was funny to show a six year old that show once.....
...
Yesterday a kid named Aiden argued with the teacher about the government.
Today he wasn't at school.
Well... I don't normally read gore stories but I made an exception to this. Still a good read but jeez...
7617420 I'm unsure if you've read every one of these stories. If you have, thank you very much for reading!
If you haven't: not every one of these stories is a gore-fic. So, don't be afraid to read more if you haven't.
7617462 A) I've only read two of your stories. B)Noted. This doesn't stop me from reading your stories.
Dark...
It's sorta scary, like I would be terrified if I was Silver. But the many typos detract from the story. I shall get them set up for target practice.
The biggest thing was when you kept switching the stallion's name around. You couldn't seem to decide between Lock Picker and Lock Breaker.
7827380 ... That's peculiar. I'll go back and fix that—though I don't recall doing alternating between the two names. Then again, this thing was on the back burner for almost three months. Maybe I just forgot I did it.
Or it could've been done because I hated rewriting this thing. So I was ignorant to his name.
Whatever the case, thanks for pointing it out. I fixed it!
Who's Verthanil?
8099932 Honestly... just a really powerful demon that was imprisoned inside the box.
I know, far from what I'd consider creative. Sorry.
8102197
I hope he's the villain for The My Little Pony Movie.
8102197
B is for Box's theme
Goodwin needs to get over it.
Need help adding more letters?
8107185 I have plans for the other letters (which I intend on getting to soonish). Thanks though!
8107195
okay. I don't know if the movie itself was scary or scary/funny.
8109115 Never seen it, but from what I've read, it seems to be a Horror-comedy. Some words are more straightforward spooky, others are very outlandish and silly.
8109447
You should watch the sequel.
This is The Grey 2.bp.blogspot.com/-pzOY6yp4tsc/UvY_V0Nw_hI/AAAAAAAAXgk/4NdF9PWFTvo/s1600/paul+-+UFO+meaning+and+mystery+-+Alien+Greys+-+Peter+Crawford.png
7370180
I know where that's from? A Gorey Demise by Creature Feature.