The Wizard in Canterbury Woods

by _NAME_

The Letter from Where Time Was Not

Celestia did not speak for some time after I had finished my story. She had asked only a few questions while I had been telling it, which I had answered to the best of my abilities, but had otherwise remained passively silent.

It was difficult to tell her about what had happened to Starswirl. It was truly the first time since it had happened that I had ever spoken of it aloud, and my memory was not quite as sharp as it had once been. It had taken some time for me to get through it all, but I eventually had.

And now it was done. I had told her what had happened to Starswirl. It was a terrible thing, yes. I felt a sort of relief for finally getting it off my chest. For so many years now I had been carrying this knowledge, and had had nopony to share it with.

Now though, we sat in silence. Celestia’s face betrayed no emotions. I could not tell what she thought of what I had told her, and I had no inkling of how she would react.

For how do you react when told that the stallion who practically raised you has been stuck outside of reality for countless millennia now?

It had taken me a long time to come to terms with it after our encounter in the woods, and I did not even truly know the stallion at the time.

Then, “He said that you were not supposed to tell anypony of what happened?” Her first words were quiet, but still firm.

Ah. Yes. I had broken my promise.

I shrugged. “I have investigated the matter on my own time. I do not believe that telling you will cause any paradoxes or anything. I figured that you at least deserved to know, regardless of what he wanted.”

“I do not—”

“Besides,” I continued, “He may not have explicitly said so, but he wanted you to know.” I stuck a hoof into a pocket within my coat and pulled out the letter that had been burning a hole through me since this morning. It was not the original he had given me all that time ago. I had rewritten it many times over the years, to preserve it.

“Here, this is for you.” I held it out to her, done up in the same tri-fold that he had done.

“His letter was for me?” She seemed surprised at that.

“Of course it is. Whoever else would it be for?” I chuckled. “I will admit though, it was not very hard to figure out who it was intended for, once I first met you.”

She took the document gingerly, as if she was afraid of it. For a moment, she did not speak. She looked down at the parchment in silence. “You have read it?” Her voice was small.

I nodded. “Many times over since then.” I ducked my head sheepishly. “Sorry.”

But she did not seem offended. Instead, she traced the edge of the letter with a hoof, but did not unfold it. “Can… Can you just tell me what it says? I do not think I can…” She held the parchment back out to me.

And I gently pushed it back towards her. “I think it best that you read it yourself. It is for you.”

Her fear was evident across her face. “I do not—”

“Please, Celestia,” I pleaded, “He wanted you to read it.”

She was hesitant, her foreleg still outreached, but then she nodded tersely, and pulled the letter closer to her, clutching it to her body.

She unfolded it.

Her eyes scanned the page, taking in his last words to her, in his own script. This letter, in particular, may have not been the original, but it was an exact duplicate. A simple enough spell to do.

She read it silently, but I knew the words by heart now, after all these years. I had examined every detail of his words countless times, poured over every sentence.

I read along with her, in my own head.

My Radiant Sun,

I can only hope that this finds you in good health and of sound mind. I do not know when exactly you will receive this, but if everything goes to plan, you should be reading this sometime soon after my untimely disappearance.

I do not know how well whoever delivers this message will explain what has happened to me, but I assume that you understand the gist of what has befallen me. I am currently locked out of reality, out of time itself.

Please do not try and look for me, my sun. I am forever beyond reach, lost to this reality. There is nothing anypony, even you, can do to save me. There is no way to keep from this fate. I have spent too many years now trying to find a solution where there is none.

It has taken time, but I have come to peace with this, and I will try to make the best of it.

I have seen amazing things, my sun, but also horrible, terrible things. I have been to the far-flung future and seen marvels even I could not dream up, I have been to the past, when this planet was naught but a barren rock, and I have seen everything else in between.

It is not what I had anticipated for my future, my legacy, but it is the one I must now accept. A rather anticlimactic ending for Starswirl the Bearded, no? But that is the price for my pride, I suppose.

I cannot

it is my wish tha

You must ensure that nopony else should follow in my hoofsteps, lest they find themselves in this same predicament. You must not let my work into advanced temporal magics to be accessed by anypony, except, perhaps, the most trusted of individuals.

It is too unpredictable, too temperamental. I tore at the very fabric of the universe, and it, in turn, destroyed me. I do not wish my fate on anypony else. This is my punishment, and mine alone.

We are lucky that nothing worse happened. I am lucky I am not dead.

Though, maybe, that would’ve been a better closure, for both me and for you.

I struggle to find the words I want to write. You of all ponies know I was never particularly eloquent, and my memories are a bit crowded these days. It’s been a long time for me since I last saw you. It’s hard to sort through the years and remember just what happened back then.

I’ve gone rather soft in my old age, I fear.

I am sorry for ignoring you, in those past few years. I had gotten so caught up in my work that I had forgotten you when you needed me most. For a long time, I excused my behavior for that you needed to learn how to cope on your own, but I see now that I was purposefully ignoring you to save myself.

I’m so sorry.

I love you, so very much. So much, I cannot put it to words. I never told you as such when I was still around. I know you knew that I did, but is different to say it aloud. It gives it sustenance.

Even now, I love both you and your sister with all of my being. I wish I had only told her that before she was taken from us.

We both failed her. Everypony did. There is no greater shame in my life than what we allowed to happen. She was a beautiful thing, so full of love and hope and laughter, and we killed her.

Maybe, things could’ve turned out differently. If we had spent time with her. If we had noticed how she was feeling, her loneliness, her anger. If anything at all.

But she is gone. And now I too am gone. And you are still there, all alone, the sole ruler of Equestria. The sun. My sun.

I wish I could still be there for you, to help you along. I wish a great deal many things that will never come to pass. I wish I had spoken to you about your future, or helped you when your sister left us. I wish I had spoken to you more in general about everything and anything.

I cannot even remember what our final words were to each other. I cannot remember a great deal.

I have many regrets, and I can never hope to rectify them. There was so much left unfinished. So much I wanted to do. So much I wanted to tell you about.

But now I cannot think of what else I want to say to you. There’s so much in my head, but I cannot get it down out of this quill and onto the parchment.

I am at an impasse here.

These are to be my last words to you, and for the life of me, I cannot think of what else to write. It is pathetic, truly.

I love you so much, and I cannot express it here. I wish I was as eloquent as you were. Another wish that will never come to be.

You have always been as a daughter to me. It makes me so happy to see you doing such good in the world. When I discovered those two young, scared fillies all those years ago, I would never have thought that you would grow up to become what you are today.

I am so proud of you. I think every father wants their child to do nothing more than to surpass them in every way, and you have done so much more than even that. You never cease to amaze me.

I never deserved you. You are too good for this world. Too wonderful.

I love you.

I miss you so much, even still.

Please do not give up hope. Equestria needs you now more than ever. Above all else, persevere, and never forget your kindness, your laughter, your generosity, your honesty, your loyalty, or your magic.

Everything will be okay. Believe me, for I have seen it.

I will never forget you, my darling sun,

Starswirl

P.S. ~ Whatever you do, do not open the small wooden box in the fourth drawer on the right side of my desk under any circumstances. Keep it locked away someplace safe, even more so than my time travel research.

And then…

And then, hastily scrawled in what little remaining space there was at the bottom was the disconcerting sentence that had kept me up many a night. It seemed almost an afterthought and was hardly even legible, as if he had been in such a hurry that he had not used his magic to write it out.

~On the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about nighttime eternal.

As Celestia read that final sentence, her face scrunched up in confusion. “…The stars will aid in her escape…?” Her voice was but a whisper, “Whatever do you think that means? Is it…?” She trailed off, the insinuations of what she did not ask hanging in the air.

I pursed my lips. And there was the very question I had been dreading. Of course that would be the first thing she said. Ah well. That was why I had prepared beforehand.

It was now that our conversation would shift from Starswirl to her own sister.

I took a deep breath. Here we go. “I have spent many years researching that very thing, in the hope of figuring out what it meant.” Here I paused. “…Though it was not until very recent that I understood what it meant.”

She looked at me, expectant.

“It is about…Nightmare Moon…”

Celestia’s eyes flashed, her face twitched, but she stayed silent. There was a slight pitter-patter from her hooves, but nothing more.

I continued. “In the future, on the summer solstice of the thousandth anniversary of her imprisonment, she will escape the moon and return to Equestria.” I prodded Celestia firmly on the chest. “Nightmare Moon will escape, you understand me? Nightmare Moon. It will not be Luna.”

She nodded slowly, then blinked. Trembled. Breathed. “Are-are you absolutely certain?”

“Yes. I have spent much of my own time looking into it. I do not know how Starswirl came by this information, but I am sure that this prophecy will come to pass. Nightmare Moon will return, and you must be ready for it. She will not be Luna. She will not be your sister. You have to understand that.”

She was silent for but a moment.

Then, “But…what if I could figure out a way to save her? I could—”

The implications of what was to come were hitting her now, as they had hit me when I first discovered what the sentence meant, after Nightmare Moon came to be. I had stayed awake for several days trying to figure out a way to try and save her when she inevitably came back.

But there was demonstrably little that could. The only way possible for her to come back to us, short of physically convincing her, were the Elements of Harmony. Only, even now, we still had little idea how they even worked. Hitting her with them again may very well seal her back in the moon.

Not to mention that they were inert and unable to be used at all.

As an unfortunate conclusion it may be, I did not believe that there was any way to save Luna. I had gone through every avenue, every scenario, many times over now. I feared she was forever lost to us. Well and truly gone.

The quicker Celestia understood that, the better. This false hope would only hurt her further.

“Celestia…” I tried to calm her.

“No!” Now she was excited, her eyes alight, her mind swirling with ideas and thoughts. “I can figure out something! I have time to plan. The Elements of Harmony—”

“Have been inert since you imprisoned Nightmare Moon with them.”

“I could figure it out!” she snapped, hopping to her hooves, “I have years! There has to be a solution!”

“Not everything has a solution, Celestia. You have to accept that.”

“…could maybe try to find new Bearers. There have to be enough ponies that fit the…”

“Celestia…”

“…or develop a spell that would cleanse…”

“Celestia.”

“…just talk to her. I know Luna is still in there…”

“Celestia!” I yelled, stamping a hoof on the ground.

She stopped and looked at me.

“Celestia,” I pleaded, “Please, just…just…”

She moved back to me, her features somewhat nervous, as if she was embarrassed about her behavior. “Clover… I can figure it out. I can save her!”

But I could not find any more words to respond with. My mind ran blank. I suddenly felt very tired as an old and familiar guilt stirred within me.

This was not how this was supposed to go.

She gazed at me, eyes sparkling, a grin spread across her face. All at once, she seemed to be the mare I had met many years ago, before anything had happened. She seemed fit to bursting with an optimism and joy that she had been lacking. It was as if I had given her back the hope she had lost, even though it was unfounded.

“I can save her, Clover!” She said again, jubilant, as if I had not heard her before. “I can save her!”

Fire ignited in my belly suddenly, alighting me. “I could have saved her!” I snapped, shouting as loud as my old voice would let me, the anger taking even me by surprise.

Celestia took a step back, blinking, her eyes wide at my outburst. She did not speak.

“I have had this letter for two-hundred years now!” I stood up and stalked to the edge of the dais. “I knew something was going to happen with Luna, I just did not know what exactly! I could not figure it out in time!” I ground my teeth. “I let her alone, and still she was taken from us!”

I seethed then, my breaths coming in short, broken gasps. I was much too old to be yelling as such, so I forced my emotions back into check. A deep breath in. A deep breath out.

I blinked, kept my eyes shut for a moment, and then opened them again.

Celestia was there, near me now. She hesitated some, as if unsure what to do, but then placed a hoof on my shoulder. Her voice was soft, expression concerned. “It is no more your fault than any others. Especially no more than I, her own sister.”

I clenched my eyes shut again and let out a sigh, jerking away from her grasp. “I know in my mind, logically, that there was nothing I could have done to prevent her from losing her way. It was going to happen, as Starswirl had already written about it. It was set in stone. I never could have helped her, even if I had figured out what was going to happen, how neglected she was feeling…

“But my heart still aches out in protest that I could have done something! Anything!” A low whinny built up in the back of my throat. “I had advance knowledge that something was going to happen, but I did not realize just what it meant until it was too late! Until she killed—”

I shut my mouth, glancing to the floor. I did not particularly want to think about such matters at the moment. I rubbed at the hem of my cloak, the coarse fabric soothing my nerves some.

There was silence for some moments.

She did not speak.

Nor did I feel like.

Light was streaming in through the large windows behind me now. I had been here for a long time. The midafternoon sun had begun making its way back down to the horizon. It cast long shadows throughout the room, making everything seem stark and somewhat surreal.

Banners hung off the wall, emblazoned with the sigil of the sun. Bright rows of marble columns lined the room. A plush dark red carpet covered the center aisle, leading from the door all the way to the twin thrones. Rows of seats sat on either side, normally reserved for any observing nobles, but now completely empty.

This room had never felt more vacant and quiet than right now.

I blinked.

Now, Celestia spoke up, drawing me away from myself. “I am sorry for bringing back these feelings. I did not know.” A slight pause. “You do not deserve that kind of guilt.”

“And you do?” My voice crackled some.

“I am old, Clover.” Her mouth twitched some. “And I have a long time to try and atone for my sins. It is my responsibility, and mine alone for what happened to Luna. I failed her, and I failed all of Equestria and everypony in her.”

And here it was. This was a sticking point between the two of us. She always wanted to take on all the fault for Luna and would not admit that it was hurting her. And I would always try and absolve her, especially considering I was more to blame than her, as I had known beforehand that something was to happen.

Talk of this sort always made her uncomfortable and irritated. She did not like anypony else try and tell her how to deal with what happened with Luna, even me. And I had always incessantly pressed that issue, much to her chagrin.

I shook my head. “You cannot believe that, though. It will kill you. I have told you that time and time again. It is not your burden to bear alone! I am at fault too!”

She chuckled at that. “It seems that it is inevitable that we have this same argument, does it not? I believe the last time we saw each other, we ended up at this very discussion.”

“That is because you are a stubborn mare who keeps trying to carry the world on her back when she does not have to!” Her attempt at levity would not distract me here. I knew what she was trying to do.

Her eyes narrowed, coming back into the row. “And you keep on trying to solve problems where there are none! I am fine!”

“You are not! I can tell that you are wrestling with this pain! You have to come to terms that it was not solely your fault!”

“Well I did not have the luxury of having a letter for two-hundred years that told me I would be losing my sister! You even knew Starswirl was going to disappear! I am sure you came to terms with it all fairly quickly!”

I scowled. “That is not fair! I did not know any of what would happen! Do you think I just shrugged off either of them? I mourned for them bo—”

“At least you got to say goodbye to him! Why would you deserve that and not me?! All I got was a letter!” The words came out of her mouth sharp and bitter, and altogether I knew she immediately regretted saying them.

Starswirl.

My heart felt as if it dropped out from under me.

Here I was, arguing with her over this matter, about the responsibility, the guilt, she felt for Luna, and she was still struggling to come to term with what happened to Starswirl.

It had taken me some time to cope with what happened to him, and I had had some two-hundred odd years. She had this appalling thing dropped on her in an hour’s time. And he was as a father to her.

“I…” My mouth felt dry.

She dipped her head towards me, apologizing, ears plastered against her skull. “...I am sorry. I did not… That was wrong of me. I am not the only one who loved him. I am sure you must be—”

“No.” I grimaced. “You need not apologize. This was not the time for that. I… I went too far. I did not come here today to get back into that argument with you again.”

A breath of silence.

She picked up his letter from where it had been sitting on her throne. She held it aloft, looking at it for but a moment before teleporting it away somewhere, likely to her room.

And then words from her. They were carefully chosen and felt they belonged in a political meeting.

“I think… I think it prudent that we take a break now. We discussed some very heavy, emotional things. It might be for the best if we focus on some other matters for a while.” Here she stopped and slipped her hooves back into her ornamental shoes. “Starswirl’s state of affairs can wait another day, can they not?”

She was right here. Starswirl’s demise was a heavy subject and a deeply personal matter to us both. And now with the talk of Luna and Nightmare Moon’s return, we were perhaps not in the best state of mind right now. Tensions were a little high. I was certainly feeling tired and my emotions frayed. I could only wonder how she felt inside.

“Okay,” I relented with a sigh. “We will talk at length later then.”

She gave a soft hum, seemingly pleased, and slipped her torc back around her neck, affixing it with experienced ease.

That was it then. However heated that argument always got, and this recent little spat was not the worst quarrel we had gotten into, we always managed to set aside our differences afterwards. We were both too old to harbor grudges. She was my only remaining friend, and I hers.

Everything would be fine.

We were to be leaving this room and returning to the world. Celestia would not be leaving this place. When we exited the doors, the Princess of Equestria would be walking by my side, her regalia back in place.

No doubt her entire entourage of ponies would be waiting just outside, eagerly waiting for her to continue her royal duties. They would swarm her the moment we set out, hoping to inform her of whatever breaking politics she needed to know.

Then, “Come, Clover. I have something I wish you to try.” She straightened up some and affixed her tiara back atop her head. Her mask was now firmly back in place.

I joined her by her side, making sure to stay a respectable distance away. The nobles would throw a fit if any sort of impropriety was shown.

Her voice spoke to me. “Just some time past, a visiting rhinoceros dignitary from East Hornsia introduced me to a drink native to his country called ‘tea.’ I think you will enjoy it very much. It is quite relaxing, and I have found myself indulging in it as of late.” A practiced smile spread across her face.

“That sounds lovely.”

She stepped down the first step of the dais and offered me a steadying hoof. I took it, and together we walked down the stairs.

“Clover?” I glanced at her, and she glanced at me. For a moment, Celestia was there beside me. “Thank you for telling me about Starswirl. I… It is good to have closure, however terrible it may be.”

I smiled at her. “You are welcome.”

And so we went.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Author's Note:

And now we're done! A rather quick story in the end, though longer than I initially planned.

When I first thought of this idea, all I was going to write was the bit where Clover meets Starswirl in the forest. But then, I had the idea of Clover telling this story to someone, who eventually became Celestia, soon after Starswirl's disappearance. Then, that whole intro became longer and longer and I decided to break it off into its own chapter. And finally, we had to have some closure on Clover and Celestia, so I had to write this bit here.

Comments

[The Ascendent]

Great story. Still don't like Alicorns, but I like how much they really made them feel like people. Despite Starswirl's faults, his fate is still pretty sad, to see everything, but to never interact again with the world. Wonderful story that answers many nagging questions.

[FloydienSlip]

I liked this story. There was a lot of headcanon-y stuff going on, but it's one of the better ones I've read in a long time. Keep it up!