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Luna's descent into Nightmare Moon could have been stopped by the ponies around her, if only they had not been so embroiled in their own petty squabbles and selfish desires.
'Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.'
~ Oscar Wilde
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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And yes I am aware of the irony of misspelling 'grammar' in the Author Notes.
This looks interesting. Could use some polish, noticed quite a few wrong tenses and typos, but otherwise looks good.
Lovely scribbler! I like it so far! Very good story.
Woah! Awesome! Totally tracking this one!
I couldn't help but notice some of the typos, but seeing your author's note I'll take them in good faith as presenting a little piece of history, it's quite interesting to sometimes pull out old stories or drawings and see how things have changed. I am also a sucker for historical fiction fanfics. I'll be putting this on my watch list, you can be certain of that and be following with great interest.
Wow. . . I just, wow! This amazing, Scribbs, especially for a story written 7 years ago. I love your videos and now your story just as well. I can't wait to see what happens next!
brrr...is it just me or did it get even colder in the room I am reading this in? Great job with Sombra, this is the sort of voice I would have loved to hear in s9 when they brought him back, cruel, merciless, and as cold as the arctic wastes that surround the Crystal Empire from whence he sprang.
on an aside:
I saw a funny thing a while back that suggested a hilarious reason for the change in voice between Mr. "CRYSSSTALLSSSS" and Mr. "OH LOOK AT ME I'M A POMPOUS NINCOMPOOP" Sombra had a head-cold, (being locked in sub-arctic Ice for at least 1000 years can't be good for anypony after all)XD
This reminds me of another amazing story called "The World is Filled with Monsters" by Cold in Gardez, in it, we see Luna's fall from grace, it is a slightly different scenario, Sombra as to my knowledge is never mentioned, and the Nightmare is a force that defies any rational thought, it is the void and only utter madness can be found in its twisted visage. Anyways, the thing that that saga and this series of snapshots share is that Luna's fall from grace is not sudden, she doesn't just wake up one eve saying "We art tired of being a little nopony, we shalt do something most evile" it's a gradual change, ever so slowly until one day the tension within her mind and heart become too much and 'snap!' the very slowness of the disease making the result that much more troubling to the heart.
Awesome start. Will definitely continue reading.
10179105
How about picking up writing again Scribbler? I am having a little writing contest for this isolation if you're interested in joining:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/214867/secret-moons-self-isolation-writing-contest
I feel dumb... I saw this on yesterday and thought,
hmm, interesting fic I might read later...
*Who knows how many hours later on youtube*
Oh hey look! Scribbler is gonna be reading a long fanfiction! wait isn't that the one I saw on the front page today? Eh, whatever...
*Hours later*
I only now just realized that the post on youtube was that you were making the fic and not just reading it..
Celestia suffers from serious hoof in mouth disease in this AU. I mean, wow.
i am generally interested in how the rest of these chapters play out, I’m still impressed by how you wrote this many
It seems to me that this story has a torn narrative, I do not really like this type of narration
10181782
You are free to feel however you wish, I am not here to say you are wrong or anything. From what I understand, this is one of Scribbler's earliest fan fiction's, and she found it whilst doing some quarantine spring cleaning, and for fun decided to post it more or less as-is. I can see what you mean by the narrative not being as smooth or cohesive as some of her later stories, but I think that is kind of intentional, these are merely snapshots (if you will) of the past, little windows into the history of the fall of Luna. Once again, these are merely my thoughts on the matter, you are free to your own opinion. If you wish to read a similar story that is very much cohesive and frankly, in my opinion, it would be fit to call a fan-epic, or fan-novel as opposed to merely fan-fiction. Anyways, have you ever heard of the story "The World is Filled With Monsters" by Cold in Gardez?
To Obab Scribbler, author of this story
Verily I say unto thee, thou hast written a most enchanting tale, and I lookest forward to reading more.
I swear I've seen the cover before on a different story. Where did you get it? Has anyone seen the other story?
And so began the fall of Luna and the birth of the Nightmare. Before now Luna stood as if on the edge of a knife. The love in her heart fought against the seeds of darkness planted by Sombra all those years ago, but like a slow acting poison has day by day consumed her.
(Commentors note: I wonder how this would read in Shakespeare's or even real Old English?)
Damn...
I mean, he's kind of right, he just has the wrong target (seriouisly wrong target, as in she's pretty much all that is keeping Luna sane, rather than to blame for anything) and timeframe.
10207917
Sorry in advance for the following blocks of text I have a tendency to think as I write.
I for one find his attitudes to speak less of being a competent guard and more of being a overgrown school colt with a bad crush. In his mind, he sees himself as being the one, no other is worthy of the Princess's affections especially not a commoner. If it wasn't for the implications that getting into the guard was not something to be taken lightly, I might even speculate that Swift Wing is not even interested in Luna beyond her rank and her flank as it were.
Posy, on the other hand, has ever been in awe of Luna. Part of that is certainly because she's the princess, but, in one of the earlier chapters when Luna started crying, she acted as a comforting shoulder with no reservations. In short she took the time to get to know Luna not as a princess but as an individual with her own hopes, dreams, and fears.
10208423
Oh, absolutely. In a story about how many things went wrong in the days leading up to the banishment, I expect we're soon going to see one of the more personal ones.
That was mostly a commnet on irony, given that Sombra's darkness twisting Luna could be seen as a form of spiritual poison, so even though he's an idiot, he's kind of right. I wonder how much of his suspicion is bigotry against hedgewitches, and how much is jealousy.
10208724
I'd say a healthy amount of both. On a tangential note, if you want to check out another great story about Luna's fall from grace, I highly recommend "The World is Filled with Monsters" by Cold in Gardez.
And so the mental line has been crossed. It's weird going into a story like this one where it was clear from the start the point of the story and its general endpoint, and yet on some level you still hope it doesn't happen.
Oh... this is the Nightmare's doing, isn't it? It's taken Luna's love for Posy and twisted it into exploitation and indifference. This is not going to end well, either for Posy or for Luna...
I am feeling a mixture of
and 
. Sad and horrified for Luna and Posy, horrified and angry at the Nightmare.
The soup bowl shouldnt have been left, wont they find it, and probably the poison inside?
And events are coming to a head. Poor Clover, and future fall guy Posy. Ah the torture of finding out the truth just before the end.
And now the lies built by the festering darkness in Luna's mind finally takes its hold. Poor Posy, may the judges at her trial have mercy upon her.
And now a creation, damned from its birth, is let out into the world. Born from schemes and craftiness, it was the perfect organism to be used by Nightmare Moon—and the worst creature to be created with such malicious intents.
Remember this day, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!
Glory to the Night! Glory to the Lunar Empress!
This chapter did a wonderful job in showing just how far Luna has fallen. She is no longer filled with the love she had, only hatred, anger, and bitter contempt, while seeking to manipulate others just for her own gain; an eternal night. Also the concept that the Thestrals were the creation of Nightmare Moon's greedy schemes was quite interesting. That would explain why they are so loyal to the Lunar Princess, even after a thousand years.
Okay so before, I was rather on the fence regarding how to take Luna's antipathy towards her sister, some of the issues seemed like she was deliberately trying to take things the wrong way. This time even I (and I generally dislike conflict IRL) want to reach in and slap some sense into Celestia. Luna probably had a very nice eulogy ready, and it's like a celebrity or an old drinking buddy shows up and you yank the carefully planned out eulogy that Luna had spent time writing out of her hooves because it's not every day when you have a celebrity to do so and ask him to read her words.
where is the chapter 27?
It makes sense that Wind Racer was the first to fall, he would happily put entire villages to the sword for so much as a percieved slight against HIS princess. From the get go he has seen his devotion as perfect, only HE can possibly understand her, never mind Luna might not even like stallions that way. I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that if Luna wasn't the Princess, he wouldn't give her so much as the time of day. lust for power and flesh thy name is Wind Racer.
10225113
I think this is Chapter 27, the author just misnumbered it. It flows fairly well as an immediate follow up to the funeral, but there could be an in between I suppose.
I get the feeling that this chapter is meant to be a breather for the readers. Also,
I don't like the feeling of this. Who is this pony?
10226062
You're not the only one who is unnerved by the sudden transition from light-hearted merrymaking and somber reminisce betwixt old companions and friends to a dark mountainous landscape. There are however only a handful of "he's" that it might be.
Yeah, demanding they do what you want rarely goes over well with sentient artifacts. Especially not when said artifacts embody friendship and cooperation
You reply to comments by moving your mouse over to the right hand side of the comment you want to reply to and clicking on the >> that appears. Is there really a point to their being a tragedy tag when we know from canon that everything works out?
And thus, the greatest tragedy to be written down in Equestrian history has taken place. The price of ignorance and indifference is high, and time has come for Celestia to pay.
Oh, what have we here? Now this piques my interest, and strikes my fancy!
10230744
Yes we know that it works out in the end. But Celestia does not. Celestia just lost not only her own flesh and blood sister, her only family in the world, but six of her dearest friends in less than a day. She lost her connection with the elements, and every night from this point forth, she is going to be reminded of what she did, and think upon what she might have done differently that would have saved Luna from Sombra's malignant curse. Guilt has a tendency to lie within one's stomach like a sickening weight, I have a hard time dealing with it for mere days or weeks. The thought of feeling that for a thousand years is inconceivable. If this doesn't count as a tragedy...I don't know what will.
And so purpose is renewed in the midst of tragedy.
And now, after tragedy has passed, Equestria stands fast, preparing to rise once more in the aftermath of its greatest lost.
A fitting end to a story where we knew the destination, but not the path. Many were the branches that could have led it elsewhere, and though we hoped differently, it was not to be.
Thank you.
And thus, the story of the greatest tragedy in Equestrian history comes to a close. As 10240037 put it perfectly, we knew the ending, but not the process. We desperately hoped that the ending would be different, that the Alternate Universe tag meant a different ending. It was never meant to be.
There were ponies swept up in the turmoil of the fall, and their stories shall never be forgotten, not only after a 1000 years, but for generations to come after that. As long there are ponies who remember these ponies—Posy, Starswirl, the Founders of Equestria, the thestrals, Luna—as long as they are not forgotten, even though they aren't written down in history, their legacies will continue.
Thank you, ObabScribbler, for bringing this story to us. May this story be remembered by us for weeks, months, even years to come. Thank you.
I concur that this is indeed a story for the ages. Your prose brought the pain and doubt and turmoil both of Luna's slow fall from grace, and Celestia's grief in the aftermath. From the very beginning, We the audience knew the inevitable outcome, as 10240037 said, the destination, but we were not sure of the path taken, and we hoped beyond reason that we would be wrong.
I am something of a history lover, particularly fictional histories, but now I have to wonder about all the stories of our ancestors have that have been lost to time, the farmers and townsfolk of ages long since passed, our written and documented histories are primarily concerned with the big and powerful, and it takes a lot of digging to find any information about the Posy's of our world.
Keep up the excellent work Scribbler, and I'll await with great interest whatever story you have to tell us next. Methinks that if you were to travel back in time, you would be the wise woman of the village, the one who told the tales around the communal fires, from the histories of the peoples to the grand adventures of legendary heroes for the young and young at heart.
Say, that's an idea if you come stateside for another convention or something and location and weather permitting, you could do a live story circle kind of thing, or visit any one of many "ye olde Renaissance faires" I believe with all my heart that you would be a huge hit.
A very touching epilogue to an emotionally turbulent story.
A lot of stuff is spelled incorrectly.sry I'm just a Grammer freak
10246826
Some of it is because I am English and we spell words differently than in America. Also you misspelled 'sorry' and 'grammar', put your capital letter in the wrong place and forgot to end with appropriate punctuation so I'll take your criticism with a pinch of salt.
this fic right here; if Luna of this universe could sing a song it would be this:
Silvio
Bob Dylan
Stake my future on a hell of a past
Looks like tomorrow is a coming on fast
Ain't complaining about what I got
Seen better times but who has not
Silvio silver and gold
Won't buy back the beat of a heart grown cold
Silvio I gotta go
Find out something only dead men know
Honest as the next jade rolling that stone
When I come and knockin' don't throw me no bone
I'm an old boll weevil looking for a home
If you don't like it you can leave me alone
I can snap my fingers and require the rain
From a clear blue sky and turn it off again
I can stroke your body and relieve your pain
And charm the whistle off an evening train
Silvio silver and gold
Won't buy back the beat of a heart grown cold
Silvio I gotta go
Find out something only dead men know
Give what I got until I got no more
I take what I get until I even the score
You know I love you and further more
When it is time to go you got an open door
I can tell your fancy I can tell your plain
You give something up for everything you gain
Since every pleasure's got an edge of pain
Pay for your ticket and don't complain
Silvio silver and gold
Won't buy back the beat of a heart grown cold
Silvio I gotta go
Find out something only dead men know
One of these days and it won't be long
Going down the valley and sing my song
Gonna sing it loud and sing it strong
Let the echo decide if I was right or wrong
Silvio silver and gold
Won't buy back the beat of a heart grown cold
Silvio I gotta go
Find out something only dead men know
Silvio silver and gold
Won't buy back the beat of a heart grown cold
Silvio I gotta go
Find out something only dead men know
Silvio silver and gold
Won't buy back the beat of a heart grown cold
Silvio I gotta go
Find out something only dead men know
also can this and playing with my heart be part of the aprilverse since they are set in a alternate universe, and this Luna seems to have had faced a lot, and the Luna from playing with my heart seemed to have face at least the same amount of harsh happening as this one?
On my...we're getting steamy now....