No Pony's Sky

by Vertigo22

A Wolf in Star's Clothing

Author's Note:

While I said that I wanted every chapter to be a planet that I've explored, this isn't one... though, there have been planets like it. Regardless, tell me what you thought! If you'd all like, I'll do more similar to it every now and then!

Also, once more, I'm extremely sorry this story hasn't had as fast of an output as it did.

“Hey, Eon,” Star Chaser said as he lay back in his seat. “Do you think that, somewhere in this galaxy, there are giant worms made of candy?”

“What makes you ask that?” Eon asked.

“I’m just really bored and wanted to ask something fun,” Star said. “Warping to new star systems isn't as fun as daydreaming.”

“So, you're terrified of animals, but daydream about them,” Eon said. “Makes sense.”

“Hey, they can't hurt me in a daydream,” Star said as he arrived in the new star system.

“True,” Eon said. “Though something tells me you'd still scream like a baby if you a saw a worm made of candy.”

“Sadly, you're most likely right ,” Star said as he sat up and grabbed the steering wheel. “Anyway- Oh, sweet Celestia!”

“What's wrong, Star?”

“That… star is ridiculously bright,” Star said as he attempted to shield his eyes. “Is it about to supernova?”

Not too far away was a star that had

“Well, it's in the final stage of its life,” Eon said. “It's known as a Wolf-Rayet Star. It's completely lost its outer hydrogen, and is now fusing other elements in its core. Didn't you learn about this in the academy?”

“You expected me to pay attention when discussing giant balls of plasma?”

“Well, just know that this thing is tearing itself apart and could explode at any second,” Eon said. “So I would advise getting out of here as soon as possible. Especially since there's no way of knowing how close to it is to death.”

“Why didn't my galactic map alert me that I was about to warp to a ticking time bomb!?” Star shrieked.

“Because you were in a rush to get away from a bunch of space pirates,” Eon said. “Now, rather than waste time dilly dallying, how about to get yourself a warp cell and get out of here before you're turned into ashes.”

“Ah, how lovely,” Star asked as he made his way towards a nearby planet as the Wolf-Rayet star's stellar winds blew viciously nearby. “So, is there any way you could predict when this thing will explode?”

“Not really,” Eon said. “It could explode in five minutes or five hundred years.”

“Crap,” Star muttered. “The idea of being so close to a supernova is something I really don't want on my mind.”

“Yeah, well, that's too bad,” Eon said. “You warped here and now you're stuck here until you can warp out of here.”

Star let out a sigh. “Okay, well, can you at least tell me where I am?” he asked as he flew towards a large planet.

“Uhh… well, now that you mention it, I can't find anything on this star system,” Eon said. “So, I guess that makes you the discoverer of this little system.”

“Oh, how wonderful,” Star said sarcastically as he begins his descent through the planet's atmosphere, which brought into view a dry, lifeless surface with brick-colored dirt and dried trees. “How about you name it 'Turn Back or You'll Die’!”

“Will do,” Eon said. “Want to upload it to the Atlas?”

“I wasn't serious!” Star said. “But, since it's too late, sure.”

“Think before you speak.”

“Yes, I know,” Star said as he landed his ship on the parched land. “Geez, this place is depressing to look at,” he said as he popped his ship's hatch and hopped out. “What's the temperature here?” he asked as he shut the hatch.

“Ninety seven degree fahrenheit,” Eon said. “I'm unsure as to why it looks like the love child of Venus and Mars though.”

Star looked up at the sky, which was clear, and a sickly yellow. The nearby star shined blindingly bright. “Is there any radiation here?” he asked as he walked towards a dried tree.

“Negative,” Eon said. “Aside from the fact the entire planet appears to be devoid of flora and fauna, there's nothing abnormal about its atmosphere.”

Star aimed his multi-tool at the dead tree and fired the mining laser at it. “So, you're telling me that that star is probably the cause of the planet's gloomy appearance?” he asked. “Or is it another planet with dust storms from Tartarus?”

“I don't think so,” Eon said. “I think it's got to do with the fact that the home star had an incredibly high surface temperature. There are also numerous other possibilities, such as a gamma ray burst or an asteroid impact.”

“Or an alien invasion,” Star said as he approached another nearby tree. “Or perhaps I got piss drink and invaded myself.”

“Star, there are three issues with that last theory of yours,” Eon said. ‘One, you don't drink. Two, if you ever invaded a planet, I'd cut your oxygen supply off—even if it meant I'd be stuck looking at dirt for the rest of my nonexistent life. Third, you're too incompetent to plan out a full-scale invasion of a refrigerator, let alone a planet.”

“Hey, I was just trying to be funny,” Star said as he moved onto a pillar of Heridium. “But, since you want to be a buzz kill, how about we discuss something else?”

“Okay,” Eon said. “How about we discuss the fact that you gave enough carbon to last several star systems, and that you have no zinc?”

Star's right eye twitched. “Son of a bitch,” he grumbled. “Fine, I'll mine it the old way!” Star quickly made a suspension fluid and placed it in his inventory. “Alright, where would one find zinc underground?”

“Uhhh… underground?”

“Yeah, but where specifically?”

“Star,” Eon said calmly. “Just use that grenade launcher on your damn tool and find some zinc.”

“I meant how far down!” Star said as he launched an explosive at the ground next to him. “You don't have to be such a dick about it.”

“Star, you kept asking 'where’,” Eon said as Star fired off several more explosives. “Not 'how far down’.”

“Well, excuse me!” Star leaped down the hole he'd made and landed at the bottom. “I'm under a lot of pressure, what with the possibility of being made into a nice, crispy unicorn treat from a nearby time bomb a million of times bigger than my home planet!”

“And whose fault is it for not-”

“Eon, the damn thing didn't tell me that the star here was a Wolf-Rayet star!” Star snapped. “Now, let me find some zinc in peace!”

“Well, looks like I touched a nerve,” Eon said. “I’m sorry.”

Star approached a deposit of zinc and began to mine it. “You can't always expect me to not make mistakes,” he said. “I'm not perfect.”

“Yes, Star, I understand that,” Eon said. “However, you're so reckless with your actions that it genuinely amazes me you haven't died yet from pissing off the wrong animal or alien!”

“Truthfully, it amazes me too,” Star said. “However, allow me to ask: how am I supposed to know what a Gek is saying to me if I don't understand them? Sure, there are those knowledge stones, but prior to that?”

“You can always try to read their movements.”

“I didn't take anything on psychology in school,” Star said. “As far as I'm concerned: the only reason I'd read someone's body language is if I were curious if they were into me.”

“The amazing Star Chaser!” Eon exclaimed. “He won't pay attention if someone's ready to punch his lights out!”

“Pretty much,” Star said as he mined some more zinc. He fired off a few explosives and walked towards the newly formed pathway. “I will, however, pay attention if someone's offering me enough units to buy several electronics!”

“Star, if your priorities were any less in order, I'm pretty sure that I'd self destruct.”

“Then I'll never tell you my priorities for tax day!” Star exclaimed as he stopped mining. He opened his inventory and looked through the various minerals. “Okay, I believe that's everything I need.”

“My sensors indicate that that is correct,” Eon said. “Would you like a gold star?”

“Not necessary, Eon!” I'm already platinum,” Star said as he made an electron vapor.

“If space pirates don't kill you, maybe your ego will,” Eon said. “I swear, it might have its own gravitational pull.”

“My ex marefriend used to tell me that,” Star said as he made some antimatter. “Though, she swore a lot when she did so. Like, she'd swear so much that if you took a shot each time she did, you'd have alcohol poisoning within the first ten seconds.”

“I would too if I was her,” Eon said. “For starters: I’d curse at myself for having decided to be relationship with you!”

“Aren't you kind of in one with me already?” Star asked as he made a warp cell. “You are my AI after all.”

“Yeah, but I didn't pick you,” Eon said. “I was assigned to you by some schmuck back on Equus.”

“Well, it was the best thing that ever happened to us,” Star said as he made his way to where he'd entered from, and ascended up to the surface. “Wouldn't you agree?”

“No.”

“Buzz kill,” Star said as he walked back to his ship. “We totally make the greatest team ever.”

“I think your definition of 'greatest’ is backwards,” Eon said. “Unless by greatest, you mean we make the most inefficient team since a corpse and a cockroach.”

“Can I be the roach?” Star asked as he popped open his ship's hatch and hopped in.

“No.”

“Man, why can't I ever be the living thing?”

“Because you'd give roaches a really bad name.”

Star sighed and turned his ship on. “Fine, allow me to change the topic,” he said as he took off. “How far’s the Andromeda from here?”

“Really far.”

“How far is 'really far'?”

“Well over a million light years.”

“Can we go there?”

“No.”

“Lame!” Star said. “I wanted to go somewhere famous.”

“What's the famous about the Andromeda?” Eon asked. “The fact that nopony has been there.”

“It has a cool name,” Star replied as he broke through the planet's atmosphere.

“I'm beginning to think that, if you find some cool, you automatically like it.”

“You'd be right!” Star said as he maneuvered past a few a meteors and opened up his galactic map. “I pick this one!”

“You sure it isn't another 'soon to go kablooey’ star?”

“Nope!” Star said as he set it as his destination. “We’ll find out soon enough, though!” he said as he slammed a hoof on his warp drive. “Now, tell me when we arrive there. Until then, I'm gonna rest my eyes.”

“You realize we'll be there in a few moments, right?”

“Eon?”

“Yes, Star?"

“Shut the fuck up.”

Comments

[gorillarmy]

eightten quzizilion followers , procedurally answered comments and neural network generated chapters , yet no multiplayer

[Quick Fix]

Word to the wise Star, always keep a full stock of every oxide and isotope on your ship, and then never use it for anything because you keep finding more on the surface. That avoids situations where you have to go mining and putting up with Eon's snark.

"I don't think he'll listen, Quick. Besides, you're the one who can't find anything to fix the sigma reactor."

Hey it's not my fault the Piesis system turned out to full of dead planets!

"And yet you still kept naming planets there after the Pie family."

I...Kept thinking I'd find a nice one I could call Marble.