No Pony's Sky

by Vertigo22

Somepony's Sky

Star Chaser whistled a nameless tune as he navigated his way through a small field of meteors. Around him were a few enormous space freighters, and off in the distance was a vibrant, red planet

"Music to my processors,” Eon said as Star continued to whistle. “So, what are your plans when you arrive on planet blood drive over there?”

Star stopped whistling and chuckled. “I'll harness the power of vampires and create an army to take over the galaxy,” he said. “Then nobody will be able to stop me!”

“How creative,” Eon said. “Now, what are you really going to do?”

“Get an army of werewolves.”

Eon remained silent.

“Fine, fine,” Star said. “What was that fluid thingy I needed?”

“You mean Suspension Fluid?” Eon asked. “Well, that'd be great. If you do find a blueprint for that, you're nearly set for your trip home.”

“Have you forgotten who you're with?” Star asked. “Because I think my werewolf plan might've fried your processors a bit.”

“Yes, I remember,” Eon said. “I'm with the dumbest pilot in the galaxy.”

“I appreciate your compliment,” Star said as he approached the red planet. “I hope this color doesn't become reoccurring thing.”

“Don't like the color red I take it?”

“Well, there's only one color I truly dislike, and that's purple. That said, red would probably be my second least favorite color. It's more that red is the color of blood,” Star said.

“So, I'm going to guess you're squeamish and that you aren't a fan of princess Twilight if that's the case?”

“Yes to squeamish and sorta,” Star said. “If she dyed her coat, maybe I'd like her more. As it is, I always want to empty a bucket of paint onto her.”

Before Eon could reply, a wave of light flew over. Star's ship. “What was that?” He asked.

“That was another ships star system scan.”

“That's… not good, is it?” Star asked as he got within the red planet's gravitational pull.

As if on queue, an alarm started to blare inside the ship. Star covered his ears and cringed at the painfully loud noise.

“Warning: hostile ships approaching,” Eon said. “So, I guess that answers your question.”

“No, I think I need it spelled out for me,” Star said as he tried to activate his ships boosters. “Oh, come on! They're jammed? What a load!”

While Star started to break through the planet's atmosphere, numerous ships appeared not too far from him and attacked a nearby space freighter. “Oh, Star! Your friends who you tried to rob,” Eon said. “What did you call then?”

“I said they're what one would get if they combined the shame one feels after a college party that involved heavy drinking and a bunch of cockroaches “ Star said as his ship entered the planet's skies. “Now, with any luck, they won't see me and I can go about my life without disruption.”

“Well, I just detected another scan from a few of them,” Eon said. “So, you may be cautious.”

Star groaned. “I hate pirates,” he said as he flew over a red meadow.

“Uh… Star?”

“Some of are behind me, aren't they?”

“Some of them are behind you.”

Suddenly, several plasma bolts flew passed Star, along with two laser beams.

“Oh, crap!” Star yelled as he tried to dodge the oncoming barrage of fire. “Okay, is there any way i can lose them?”

“You could land, but I fear they'd be too much for even your shield to handle,” Eon said. “My only advice is to try and fend them off.”

Star let out a frustrated sigh as another barrage of plasma bolts flew passed his ship, a few striking the rear of the ship. “Okay, no reason to panic.”

Vwoom!

An enormous, green energy beam flew passed Star's ship and struck a large tree in front of it, which caused it to explode.

“Never mind, I'm in full blown panic mode!” Star said as he made a sharp right turn.

Crash!

Behind him, a ship tried to make the same sudden turn and slammed into the ground. It rolled over numerous times and finally settled where the tree had been, now resembling a piece of abstract art.

“Star, your ship has weapons, right?”

“Yeah, and I despise-”

“Fucking use them!”

Star turned his ship upwards and spun it around. He locked onto one of the ships and fired his plasma cannon at it, which blasted the ship's left wing off.

Woosh!

Star watched as the ship flew passed the left side of his windshield and slammed into the ground. “Ho-oly crap that was awesome!” He said as the ship exploded into heaps of flaming twisted metal.

“While I agree, you still have three other ships to deal with and they seem rather content with lining up like ducks at a carnival game.”

Star turned his attention to the center ship had a large cannon in the front that appeared to be charging something. “Oh, balls.”

VWOOM!

The central ship fired off an enormous, green energy beam enveloped Star's ship.

“Warning: Shields at twenty five percent.”

“Shit, shit, shit.” In a panic, Star slammed onto his ships boosters at he frantically searched for oxide elements to restore his ship's shields.

Crash!

Star jerked forward violently as his ship flew straight into the leftmost ship, and tore through the cockpit, which instantly killed the pilot, and sending the ship crashing into the ground.

“Now you have no shields!” Eon exclaimed sarcastically. “Good going!”

Star grabbed a bit of zinc and placed it into a small opening in his ship, which caused his shields to quickly rise back up. “Where are the last-”

Woosh!

A ship flew passed the right side of Star's ship, turned to face him, and fired off a wild barrage of plasma bolts.

“Your shields are now at seventy five percent,” Eon said as Star made a sharp left turn.

“What? Not gonna issue a warning?” Star asked as more bolts flew passed his ship.

“Figured I'd spice things up.”

“Well, I appreciate it,” Star said as he spotted another tree. “I have a terrible idea.”

“Implying you've ever had a good idea?”

“Not now, Eon!” Star said as he turned his shop towards the tree. “I just hope the bastard behind me doesn't-”

Vwoom!

The tree which Star had been flying towards exploded, and left behind a fiery stump.

“My life sucks more than a black hole,” Star said as the ship with the large cannon flew passed Star and out of sight, and the other ship flew up along side Star's left side.

Bang!

The ship slammed into Star's ship, which caused the frustrated explorer to grit his teeth. “If they chipped the ship's paint…”

“Why do you care about the paint more than your life?”

“Because the paint makes it look awe-”

Bang!

Before Star could finish his sentence, the assaulting ship slammed into him again. “Screw this!” Star roared. He slammed into the aggressing ship and shook his hoof at the other pilot like an angry commuter.

“Do you really think they understand you?”

“Quiet it, makes me feel better,” Star said as he went to slam back into the other ship.

However, the other pilot retaliated and slammed into Star even harder. “That sob of a bitch,” Star growled. He retaliated by slamming into the ship even harder.

“Star, if I may suggest, why not fly up?”

Star’s eyes widened. “That's a brilliant idea!” He said. He watched as the other pilot prepared to slam into him. “Screw you, other pilot!” He yelled as he flew up. He looked out his right window and watched as the other ship flew into the side if a mountain and exploded.

“Star, the fact you didn't think to do that tells me all too much about how smart you are.”

“There will be time for insults after we-”

VWOOM!

An enormous energy beam flew right passed Star’s ship, narrowly missing him. “Deal with the last ship.”

The final ship hovered in front of Star. Its cannon glowed a faint green.

“Star, may I suggest that you shoot it,” Eon said. “Also, I believe shooting it may work.”

“Okay, so you want me to negotiate with it?” Star asked as the cannon glowed brighter.

“Star, this is no time for being a wise ass! Just shoot the stupid thing until it explodes into a thousand tiny pieces and we can all roast s'mores over the twisted heaps of metal!”

“So, you want me to try to coax it into letting me keep it as a pet?” Star asked with a chuckle.

“No, I want you teach it how to dance.”

Star swerved to the right as the cannon fired off a powerful energy beam. “Okay. I've got this,” he said as he aimed his plasma cannon at the ship's large cannon. He slammed on the fire button and watched as dozens of small plasma bolts flew towards the cannon.

Kaboom!

The ship, rather anticlimactically, exploded in a mixture of green and orange. Chunks of fiery twisted metal flew in all directions as Star watched in awe.

“This sky is mine!” Star said with a large smile.

“I'm honestly shocked you didn't die,” Eon said.

“I'm a lieutenant for a reason,” Star said with a cocky grin. “Now, let's find a place to settle down for the night,” he said. “I don't feel terribly safe where most of these bastards ships have gone down.”

“I can get behind that,” Eon said. “I just hope they don't somehow find you while you sleep.”

“I have you,” Star said as he scanned the land around him. “Hey, there's a place not too far from here,” he said as he flew towards it. “Anyways, if anyone breaks in, you can make a crap ton of noise. Like a dog!”

“I’m glad you think so much if me.”

“What? Dogs are called a stallion's best friend!”

“Something tells me you don't think that way about me.”

“Well, if I had to be honest, you're the only real… thing that I've had to talk to. So, even though I hate you, you're still technically my best friend as of now.

“That's both processor warming and disgusting.”

“You're welcome!” Star said as he landed outside a small, rundown, building that resembled a boxcar. “Something tells me this isn't exactly a five star hotel.”

“Is it the fact it's a single building that looks like it's a shed or the fact it looks like it hasn't been visited in years?”

Star popped his ship's hatch and hopped out of it. “I was gonna say it's the fact it makes me sad just looking it,” he said as he shut the hatch. He looked at the side of his ship and frowned. “That bastard did scratch the paint!”

“With how many meteors you've hit over the years, I doubt it makes a difference.”

Star let out a sigh. “I guess,” he said. “So, if I may finally ask now that I'm not being shot at while flying,” he said as he walked towards the building, “what's the name of this planet?”

“Tommotr LX307,” Eon said. “It sounds more like a model name for a starship than a planet name to me.”

“Maybe it's actually a big, spherical ship!” Star said as he entered the building. “And this is about as dull as dull can get.”

The inside of the building was completely empty, save for a blueprint on the floor. Star walked over and picked it up.

“What's it for?”

“Radiation protection,” Star said as he sat in the floor and stretched out. “Guess it's something.”

“So are you going to sleep in here?” Eon asked. “Because my sensors indicate it's about twelve degrees Fahrenheit in here.”

“Well, I was,” Star said. “When I read 'shelter’ while flying here, I expected a bed. Not what looks like a storage house.”

“So, back to the ship?” Eon asked.

“Back to the ship,” Star answered as he walked out of the building and over to his ship. “Reminds me of when I had a marefriend,” he said as he popped the hatch and hopped in. “But instead of a couch, it's the cockpit of a starship.”

“If you have the slightest bit of an imagination, pretend I'm playing a violin.”

Star shut the hatch to his ship and lay back in his seat. “No.”

“Well, screw you then.”

“Right back at you, bud, “ Star replied. With that, he shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

---

That evening, Star slept peacefully

CRASH!

That is, until something crashed into the building in front of him while he slept.

Star shot up and frantically looked around. “What the fuck?!” He asked.

“Uh… Star,” Eon said. “You may not like this.”

“What?” Star asked. “Has the wildlife learned how to make weapons and they're taking us over?”

“No,” Eon said. “That enormous thing in the sky is.”

Suddenly, an enormous shadow covered the land. Star looked up at the sky. “Oh... crap,” he said softly.

A space freighter slowly descended to the ground. Fiery metal chunks rained down to the land like meteors.

Star gulped as stared at the behemoth of a ship. “Why is that falling into the planet?”

“The pirates must've destroyed its gravitational thrusters, so it got pulled in by the planet's gravitational pull,” Eon said. “I wouldn't be shocked if they brought it in closer as an act of revenge against the Gek for having them on their most wanted list.”

“They're so charming,” Star said sardonically as he took off in the opposite direction of the enormous ship of no doubt wonderfully valuable and useful loot and items.

Too bad most were stolen or destroyed

“You know, you should buy a freighter,” Eon said. “Then, whenever you get home, you can show Celestia you bring her gifts from tons of worlds.”

“I wouldn't spend that much just to brag that I've got a bunch of shit to show her,” Star said. “Unless she made me into a high ranking official.”

“Surely she'd give you something for bringing back so many things, right?”

“Yeah, and you're expecting me to not have sold it all.”

“Well, wouldn't the currency back on home be more useful than units?”

“You see, once Equus established its federation in space, it scrapped the 'bit’ in favor of the unit, since that acts as currency for other races.”

“So, rather than give gifts from various other worlds to your monarch, you'd rather give them to the highest seller?”

“Bingo!” Star exclaimed. “You win a round of applause from me!” Star clapped his hooves together when...

CRASH!

The space freighter finally slammed into the ground and sent up a tsunami of dirt. The monstrous, burning ship obliterated everything in its path before it finally stopped in the middle of the once dense and beautiful forest.

Star stood motionless, a look of shock on his face. “Well,” he said sat motionless. “Should we go look at what remains?”

“Absolutely,” Eon said. “I’m curious to see what it looks like myself.”

Star flew up and turned around. Below, he saw the fiery wreckage the space freighter. “Think it's picture worthy?”

“Oh, definitely,” Eon answered. “You can give it to Celestia as an Equus Day card and tell her to 'save the environment’!”

“I like your thinking,” Star said as he looked around for a camera.

KABOOM!

Star flinched as the freighter exploded in an enormous ball of fire and metal, which leveled the nearby forestation and set it ablaze.

“Guess it was camera shy,” Eon said.

“Dang, I really wanted that picture,” Star said. “Oh well. Time to start looking for that Suspension Fluid blueprint again.”

“The faster, the better,” Eon said. “I have a feeling those pirates are going to return soon.”

“And if they do, I'll… probably run like a chicken,” Star said as he scanned the land below him. An outpost marked itself on his ships map. “Until let, let's try to enjoy the planet.”

“My sensors indicate this planet has a lot of fauna.”

Star placed his forehooves onto his temples. He looked up at the sky and yelled, “Damn it all to Tartarus!”

Author's Note:

Felt like having an action filled chapter. Hope that didn't annoy anyone!

Comments

[Quick Fix]

Well at least Star's having a somewhat decent day and kicking flank by this point, maybe he'll even be able to take some wildlife in a fair fight now. Plus if he knew, he could also take solace in the fact he's not the only one completely ruining ponykind's name for other races at the moment:

"Quick, I'm going to regret asking but, why did you try and drop a space station on planet Ustio?

"Nopony wants to bail out into a mountain of ice...And then get attacked by five angry animals at once, three of them bigger then me...In a storm...At minus a hundred and four degrees."

"..."

"Come on Exo, I made sure nothing was on the station at the time."

"By stealing everything that wasn't nailed down first."

"Hey, what's the point of getting an Atlas Pass if you're not gonna use it?"

[Vertigo22]

7503772 Funny you mention wildlife...

The next chapter revolves around it.

By the way, you got a good chuckle out of me. Great job!

[terrycloth]

That's so completely unlike anything that could possibly happen in the game.

I mean, you killed someone with the plasma blasters. I don't think that's even possible.

[Vertigo22]

7508788 I know. Shame on me for having that useless piece of crap do anything other than either miss or do jack squat to the ship you're shooting.

I'll amend for that later in the story.

Seriously though, you got a good laugh out of me. I almost thought you were upset at the chapter until, well, I saw what you were talking about.