No Pony's Sky

by Vertigo22

Pony Vs. Wildlife

Star Chaser let out a heavy sigh. “I haven't been on this planet for a full day and I've been attacked by pirates, had to fly away from a destroyed space freighter and, worst of all, been told this stupid place is heavily populated with wildlife!”

“Why don't you just go fly to another planet?” Eon asked. “Nobody is going to make you stay here.”

“Except for the remaining pirates who won't think twice about stealing my stuff and killing me.”

“So… shoot back?”

Star scanned the ground veloe, which detected a small structure. “Eon, there are how many of them?” he asked as he landed. “I think I'm better off here for now. Might as well make the most of it, right?”

“Fair enough,” Eon said. “Though be warned, I've detected a fair amount of wildlife movement not far from here.”

Star took a deep breath. “I'll be fine,” he said as he popped his ship's hatch. He hopped out and shut it when something caught his eye. “Hey, Eon? Remember what you said about flying snakes?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Well, I see a ton of creatures that look like worms,” Star said. “Close enough though, right?”

In the sky were a few large, slender creatures. The top half of them were light brown in color, while the bottom half was yellow. They had two fins hear their heads in both sides, and had two dorsal fins near their heads.

Star took out his multi-tool and scanned one of them.

Lotabro Aysiro

Temperament: Bold
Diet: Grazing Creature
Weight:188.48kg
Height: 3.68

“What a name,” Star said as he observed the giant worm-like creatures.

“Maybe if you catch one, you can fish up a giant fish,” Eon said. “Then you can lure out a giant best to eat it!”

“I'm going to have nightmares for weeks now,” Star said as he scanned the area. “Great, more animals.”

“You know, I remember reading about some Gek feeding animals as a way to get resources,” Eon said. “Some would dig them up, while others would guard them as they mined. Why not try that?”

“You're kidding, right?” Star asked. “I don't know what they exactly like and dislike!”

“Neither did they.”

“How exactly do you know this?”

“I get bored while you sleep,” Eon said. “So I snoop through historical files.”

“Yet you don't share this stuff with me… why?”

“You don't deserve it.”

Star rolled his eyes. “Jerk,” he said as he walked over the hill. On the other side was a four legged creature that resembled a dog, though it had bright green scales and its stomach was light beige. It had three fins on its back, and two pointy ears. Near the ears were two horns that arched backwards.

Star took out his multi-tool and scanned it.

Cocledalmum Ueorgitat

Temperament: Ambulatory

Diet: Oxide elements

Weight: 102.98kg

Height: 1.33m

“Okay, I just need a bit of iron,” Star said. He walked over to a nearby rock and fired his multi-tool’s mining laser at it. “You think it'll like iron?” Star asked as he obtained a bit of the element.

“Even if it doesn't, perhaps you can convince it that you're trying to help prevent it from becoming anemic.”

“Let me first learn how to speak animal,” Star said as he walked over to the creature. “Hey, buddy,” he said in an unconvincingly kind-hearted voice.

The creature turned its head and looked at Star. “Argoo?”

Star pulled out some iron and levitated it to the animal. “Want some?”

The animal looked down at the iron and ate it quickly. “Argoo!” the animal ran in a circle and proceeded to run off.

“Should I follow it?” Star asked.

“Worth a shot,” Eon answered. “Of course, that's entirely on you.”

Star ran in the direction the animal ran in. “Hey, what're you doing, little guy?” Star asked as he held back the urge to call the creature numerous horrible and brutally insulting names.

The creature dropped a small rock in front of star and looked up at him with beady eyes.

Star levitated the object up and looked at it. “It found me a rock,” he deadpanned.

“How about you open it?”

Star placed it down and opened it. Inside was a bit of plutonium. “How wonderful,” he said. “Something I can find on every planet I'm ever on.”

“The animal's digging something else,” Eon said.

Star levitated the plutonium up and placed it into his inventory. He walked over to the animals and looked at the object. “Can't you find something… interesting?” Star asked.

The animal frowned. “Argoo…” it said sadly.

“Yeah, sad eyes aren't going to work on me.”

The animal frowned even more.

“Still not working.”

The animal's frown faded. “Argoo!” it cried before it bit Star.

Star leaped back in pain. “Oh, you stupid bastard!” he yelled. “Screw you!” he growled before he kicked the animal.

And hurt his hoof.

“Holy crap, are you made of metal?!” Star yelled as he shook his hoof in pain.

The animal growled angrily and lashed out at Star.

Star leaped back and pulled out his multi-tool. “I'll have you-’

The animal swiped away the multi-tool and rammed into the babbling stallion.

“Star, you'd make a grade A zookeeper,” Eon said. “By the way, this is so your fault.”

“Get off of me!” Star said as he threw several right hooks to the animal's less durable face. “Also, you're not helping, Eon!” Star said as he finally hurled the animal off of himself.

“I'm not trying to,” Eon replied.

“Don't care,” Star said as he levitated his multi-tool over to himself. He switched the boltcaster function on and aimed it at the rampaging animal. “I wish I was good at making one-”

The animal swiped the multi-tool away again.

“Star, stop pretending you're in a movie and just shoot the fucking thing.”

“You never let me have fun,” Star said as his horn lit up. He fired off a powerful magic bolt at the animal, which struck its head.

The animal recoiled in pain. It staggered back and glared angrily at Star before it ran off.

Star let out a sigh of relief. “That was too close,” he said.

“Your shields never went below ninety percent,” Eon said. “That said, that as entirely your fault.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Star said as he waved his hoof. He levitated his multi-tool back over and put it in his holster. “Okay, now, where was I going?”

“You detected a small structure and for some reason didn't just fly to it as you said you would after nearly freezing a few planets back.”

Star facehoofed. “Right, forgot about that,” he said. “Oh well, no point in turning back.”

“Your ship is less than fifty feet behind us.”

“Eon, let me do this my way.”

“Fine.”

“Wonderful!” Star exclaimed as he made his way to the small structure with forced glee.

---

A short while, Star and best friend for life—Eon—arrived at the structure.

“It looks like my dream house,” Star said as he approached the structure.

“Your dream house was a one floor shack?”

“I never had much ambition when I was a colt,” Star said as he entered the structure/shack. “Oh… for Celestia's sake,” he said.

Inside was a four-winged creature. Its back was bright green, while the rest of it was a light brown. It had a small, red beak, and it's wings resembled a dragonfly’s.

Star took out his multi-tool and scanned the winged creature.

Cocledalmum Ueorgitat

Temperament: Ambulatory

Diet: Oxide elements

Weight: 94.08kg

Height: 1.14m

“Wait, didn't I just find this thing?” Star asked. “Why could I scan it again?”

“Maybe it’s in a different stage of its life,” Eon said.

“So, this thing loses its wings as it gets older?”

“I dunno,” Eon said. “For all I know, it's another gender. I wouldn't know since a certain unicorn never bothers to check that after he scans an animal.”

Star pulled out his multi-tool and reviewed the information. “It says 'Prime’,” he said. “I don't know what the hell that means and I don't really care.” Star walked pass the animal and searched the shelves.

“Argoo,” the animal said. It nudged Star and looked up at him.

“Hey, Star, the animal has something near it.”

Star let out a heavy sigh. “What?” he asked with a hint of anger.

The animal brought over a blueprint and dropped it near Star.

Star picked it up. “Suspension Fluid,’ he said. “Wow, an animal actually did something useful for once,” he said with a chuckle. Star out the blueprint away walked out of the shack.

The animal ran up to Star’s side and nudged Star.

“What do you want?” Star asked, now agitated again.

The animal pointed to its mouth.

“You want food?”

The animal nodded.

Star took out a bit of iron and gave it to the creature. “There. Bon appetit.”

The animal smiled and began to eat. With that, Star continued his walk back to his ship.

“Wow. Star, I'm shocked you didn't throw the iron at the little fellow's head.”

“Same.”

“Well, now that you have the Suspension Fluid blueprint, what are you going to do?”

“It's still bright out,” Star said. “I think I'll explore a bit before I grab the stuff I need to make a warp cell.”

“Well, my sensors have detected another building close by.”

Star rolled his eyes. “Yay, another building,” he said blandly.

“Oh, show some enthusiasm you buzz kill.”

“Fine.” Star cleared his throat. “Oh boy, another building! Isn't this is just the most super, spectacular, most exciting thing ever, Eon?!” he asked in a high pitched, overly excitable voice.

“Please never do that again. Thank you,” Eon said.

“Why not?” Star asked as he made his way towards the building. “You wanted me to show more enthusiasm!”

“Yeah,” Eon said. “Genuine enthusiasm.”

“Too bad,” Star said. “Take it or leave it.”

“I'll pass on it.”

“Goodie!” Star said as he approached the building—which looked like something out of a horror movie with broken windows and the door looked as though it wasn't even connected to anything. “If I walk in there, why do I feel like something's going to come out with me?”

“You mean like a ghost?”

“Yeah, like a ghost,” Star answered as he walked up to the building. He nudged the door open.

Which made it fall down.

“Well, glad to see whoever owned this place kept it in tip-top shape,” Star said as he entered the building. The inside was dark and frigid. The walls had scratch marks and on them, and a numerous half eaten animals lay around.

“Oh, that's just… unpleasant,” Star said as he walked passed one of the animal corpses. “I think I'm going to need brain bleach when I leave here.”

“What do you think lived here?” Eon asked.

“Carl the Gek.”

“I was expecting a serious answer,” Eon said. “Serves me right for expecting so much.”

“What? I gave you a serious answer.”

“I'm not going to argue,” Eon said. “Just keep looking.”

Star rolled his eyes and entered a room with a destroyed terminal, shredded pieces of paper, and a single, crumpled up blueprint. “I guess they really hated doing their homework,” he said as he walked up to the blueprint. He picked it up and read it. “Toxic protection? Whoopty-doo.”

“And the day you land on a planet where the very air is toxic, you'll be thankful for that.”

“Yeah, I know,” Star said as he approached the terminal. “Geez, what happened-”

Thud!

Before Star could finish his sentence, something slammed down onto the floor down the hall. A loud growl could be heard, followed by several heavy stomps.

Star's blood ran cold. “Is something there?” he asked as he shivered in fear.

“Yeah, it's called an animal you numbskull,” Eon said. “It probably took up residence here when whoever lived here died.”

“Uhhh… does that mean it's a meat eater?” Star asked.

“Probably,” Eon answered. “It would explain the dead bodies.”

“You seem really cool about this.”

“Star, you seem to forget I'm an AI a lot,” Eon said. “By the way, I've detected movement right behind you. Say hi to Fluffy for me!”

Star spun around. Standing in the doorway was a green skinned animal with gold stripes going around its body. Six feathers stood up on its back, and two horns arched back on its head. It also had a spike on its nose.

And it looked at Star with one thought on its mind.

I'm going to have a feast tonight!

With that thought—and other thoughts about what spices to use—the creature lunged at Star with hunger-filled eyes.

Star dove out of the way as the creature slammed into the damaged terminal. “Hah, sucker!” he said as he levitated his multi-tool to himself and slammed it against the animal's head repeatedly. After a few brutal strikes, he ran out of the room with speed rivaled only by a moped.

The creature shook off the strikes as though they were simple pokes with sporks and spun around; a look of fury on its face. It ran out of the room and charged towards Star

Star ran down the hallway when he felt something bite down on his left hind leg. “Son of a bitch!” he yelled as he fell down. He turned around to see the creature attempt to pierce his spacesuit. Star levitated his multi-tool out and slammed it against the animal's head. “Die you ugly piece of crap!” Star yelled as he slammed the multi-tool upside the animal's neck.

SNAP!

The creature fell forward dead.

Star stood up and took a few deep breaths before he kicked it again.

“Star, I'm pretty sure it's dead.”

“Are you sure?”

“It's neck now resembles a slinky.”

“I'm still not convinced it's dead.”

“It's head looks like it was hit with a meat tenderizer dozens of times.”

“Okay, fair enough,” Star said as he walked towards the front door. “Though I'm just gonna say: I was never scared.”

“Yeah, sure,” Eon said. “Let me file that under 'things that are total bullshit’.”

“I wasn't!” Star said as he walked back to his ship. “Seriously, I wasn't!”

“Sure you weren't,” Eon said. “And I'm really Princess Cadence.”

Star rolled his eyes. He popped the hatch to his ship and hopped in. “I was only running because I didn't want to get eaten.” He turned his ship on and took off.

“I'm just screwing with you, Star,” Eon said. “Take a joke for once.”

“Fine, mom,” Star said as he flew towards the edge of a cliff that overlooked the sea. He landed and lay back in his seat. “Now, see you tomorrow.”

“Going to sleep already?”

“Dealing with animals takes a lot out of me,” Star said. “Besides, if we're lucky, the pirates will be gone tomorrow, and we can leave.”

“If they aren't?”

“Then we stay.”

“Okay, boss-man.”

Star chuckled at the name before he drifted off to sleep.

Author's Note:

Sorry this took so long! I'd wanted to finish it days ago, but I had trouble with making the wildlife encounters fun. Lesson learned: keep those moments seldom.

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[Ruby Rose]

PROCEDURALLY
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EIGHTEEN
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SPACE
PONIES

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