No Pony's Sky

by Vertigo22

A Recipe for Disaster

Star Chaser sat in his ship with a look of frustration on his face as he watched the storm outside rage on. He let out a sigh and sat back in his seat.

“So, twice today you've almost died,” Eon said. “I'd seriously recommend looking for something to combat the heat outside.”

“Okay, fine,” Star replied. “How about we go hunt for something like that thermal warmer I found earlier?”

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” Eon asked. “The visibility with the storm is horrendous.”

“I'll be fine,” Star said.

“Alright,” Eon said. “Any idea where one might be?”

“I'd guess in a building like the one I found the other in,” Star said. “Personally, I was hoping you might've detected one while I flew to the ruins.”

“Negative,” Eon said. “However, I did detect a bit of wildlife.”

“Of course you did.” Star turned his ship on and took off. “Tell me, did any look like the creatures from the monster movies back home?”

“How should I know?” Eon asked. “I only detected their presence.”

“I seriously need to find an upgrade for your radar,” Star mused as he scanned the ground below him. “Oh, hey, a distress beacon.”

“Are you gonna check it out?”

“No. Whoever set it up and can wait for a real hero,” Star said as he flew west and scanned the ground again. “And another fucking beacon. How many poor souls got lost here?!”

“You're one of them.”

“I have a functioning ship.”

“You're about to crash into a mountain.”

Star shook his head. “Oh, shit!” He said as he swerved around the top of a mountain.

“Pilot of the year,” Eon said sarcastically. “Next time, wait for the storm to end."

“Quiet,” Star said as he scanned the ground for a third time. “Oh, hey, a hit on something that isn't a beacon!”

“What is it?”

“Looks like a building,” Star said. He descended towards the location of the hit. Through the thick dust, a tall, crumbling, dust covered building came into view. “Looks old,” Star said. I'm shocked it's still standing.”

“I've detected another one of those 'knowledge stones’ you found earlier in the general area,” Eon said. “Maybe you can learn more words so you know when a Gek is insulting your unrivaled brilliance.”

“Then I can shoot them, right?”

“No.”

“But mom!”

“Do that again and your oxygen supply goes the way of the Dodo.”

“Jerk,” Star grumbled as he landed a few feet away from the ruin. “So, any idea when the storm will subside?”

“I’m afraid that if I make another prediction, we’ll be stuck in here for nine hours.”

Star shivered. “That's scarier than being in a petting zoo.”

“You say that as my sensors pick up movement not too far from the ship.”

Star let out a groan. “Which direction?”

“Behind us.”

Star looked behind the ship. He could barely make out the outline of a wolf-like creature. “Nope.” Star turned his ship back on, lifted off, moved back a few feet, and…

Crunch

Landed on the animal.

“Was that really necessary?” Eon asked.

“Yep.”

“You have issues.”

“In my defense, I never do well with animals.”

“I stand by what I said,” Eon said. “By the way: storm clearing.”

Star popped the ship's hatch as the wind died down. He hopped out and scanned the area. “Ah, there's that stone,” he said as he approached it. He put his hoof on it, and dozens of voices filled his head until only one remained.

Gek.

“'Hello, idiot Gek friend,’ the Sentinel said,” Star said.

“What are you going on about?” Eon asked.

“I learned how to say 'Gek’,” Star said. “So I made a little story.”

“Your story sucks.”

“I know it does,” Star said as he looked up at the ruined building. “Okay, let's see what the place holds in store for us.”
Up close, it looked like a portion of a castle, and had a greenish tint underneath all of the dust, though it'd been weathered away by the wind and blistering heat.

“Hey, you think we'll find Gek mummies here?” Star asked. “I hope we do.”

“Why?”

“Because it'd be awesome.”

“That's a really bland reason.”

“Fine: because mummies are usually buried with valuable things,” Star said as he approached the structure.

“Go back to your original reason,” Eon said. “It makes you look a little better in my processors.”

“Too late, sucker,” Star said as he entered the structure. The inside was largely unimpressive. A few vases and urns lay broken on the floor, and the air was humid. A small, but broken, staircase lead to an upper level. “Well, I can tell this place is going to hold all sorts of wondrous things,” he said sarcastically.

“Star, this is the first room,” Eon said. “Why don't you go explore the rest of the place before you whine that there's nothing here.’

“Yeah, but it feels so… empty,” Star said as he walked towards the broken staircase and walked up it, the stairs creaking with each step he took.

“You’ve seen far too many movies,” Eon said. “They’re ruins. Of course they're empty!”

leaped over to the other side and continued up to a the second—and final—room.

The room had no door that lead into it, and was covered in a thick layer of dust. Despite that, one object was still visible.

A small chest.

“Ooh, it's like a Daring Do adventure!” Star exclaimed. “Okay, I just have to slowly make my way to the chest, right?”

“You're a unicorn, and you have a shield that can save you from animals with teeth bigger than you, bullets, and explosions, just to name a few. Why not just run and grab whatever is in there?”

“Because that wouldn't be fun.”

“Star,” Eon said, “just grab whatever is in there. Please.”

Star let out a heavy sigh. “Fine, but only because you said please.” He walked over to the chest and opened it. “Well, hello there,” he said as he levitated a blueprint for a Plasma Launcher out. “You'll prove to be fun.”

“Oh, just what you need,” Eon said. “Something that could destroy part of a building.”

“I didn't even think about that. Thanks!”

“Shit.”

Star looked at the required resources. “Feh, I need more Heridium and Carbon,” he grumbled. “Eon, any signs of a storm soon?”

“Negative,” Eon answered. “Though I'd make it quick. I was wrong last time.”

Star stood up and ran out of the room. He leaped off of the staircase landed softly on the ground below. “Okay, this shouldn't take too long,” he said as he walked out. He took out his multi-tool and mined some carbon from a nearby plant. “Any idea where a nearby pillar of Heridium might be?”

“Why not scan the location instead of asking me?”

“Someone has an attitude.”

“I'm not a damn scanner, Star,” Eon said. “I may be able to detect things, but I can't hand out coordinates.”

“Well, excuse me!” Star said as he scanned the area. “Okay, a pillar is right nearby.”

“I’d recommend taking your ship in case a storm occurs,” Eon said. “Unless you want to pass out in a hole again.”

“Okay, mom,” Star said. “Want to also give me a curfew?”

“Be home by six, and don't take candy from strangers.”

“What if they offer me a teddy bear?”

“Then it's perfectly okay to go with them!”

“You'd make the worst parent ever,” Star said as he popped the hatch to his ship. “And that's taking into account yours truly,” he said as turned his ship on and took off.

“I'm honored to hold such a title.”

Star chuckled. “It isn't the only title you hold,” he said.“You also hold the title for worst AI ever.”

“You take that back this instant you heartless bastard!”

“Nope.”

Eon cut Star's oxygen supply off. “Take it back!”

“I… ake… back!”

Eon turned Star's oxygen supply back on. “Good boy!”

Star gasped for air. “What the hell, Eon?!”

“What? I've threatened to cut it off before!”

“Yeah, but I never thought you'd actually do it!” Star said as he landed his ship near the Heridium pillar. “Besides, I called you the 'worst AI anyone could ask for’ the other day.”

“I wouldn't have actually let you die you baby,” Eon said. “And that isn't the day same as actually calling me the worst AI.”

Star cursed to himself and fired his multi-tool’s mining laser at the pillar. “You can be such a meanie pants.”

“Using insults meant for five year olds I see?”

“Got a problem with it?”

“Well, I don't wear pants for starters,” Eon said. “And no, I don't. Actually, it's rather adorable.”

“I think I'm going to be sick,” Star said as he finished mining the Heridium. “The notion that you find something I did adorable is… ew!” Star's face turned green and he ran back into his ship.

---

One vomiting session later

“Remind me to do that more often,” Eon said. “I feel it's the perfect Achilles heel.”

“I hate you,” Star said as he threw an inconspicuously green bag down into a ravine. “Like, I hate you so much that I could make this planet five degrees hotter.”

“That isn't much hatred when you consider this planet is over two hundred degrees Fahrenheit.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, maybe you should amp it up to about fifty degrees hotter.”

“Maybe later,” Star said as he pulled out the blueprint he found earlier. “For now, I must make this!”

“How adorable.”

“That wasn't genuine!”

“Damn it.”

Star chuckled to himself as he began to put together a new chip for his multi-tool. “Let's see, this goes here and that goes into that…”

“Oh, how I'd love to see you describe the birds and the bees to a bunch of foals.”

“I tried that once actually.”

“What happened?”

“Well, let's just say the local school doesn't like me anymore.”

“Seems like a net gain for them all things considered.”

Star scoffed as he finished the chip. “Okay, time to see what this bad boy can do!” He said as he implemented the chip into his multi-tool.

“Don’t blow yourself up.”

Star aimed the multi-tool at a nearby boulder and fired off a plasma grenade.

Boom!

The boulder exploded into hundreds of tiny pieces. A crater remained where the giant hunk of rock was proudly stood motionless.

“That was freaking awesome!” Star exclaimed. “Think I could use it to defend myself against wildlife?”

“You… you wanna blow them up?” Eon asked. “Why?!”

“What? You're shocked I’d want to extract revenge on them after being head-butted so much?”

“Yeah, but that's a grenade launcher and they're animals.”

“So?”

“You can't put two and two together here, can you?”

“Animal plus grenade equals happy Star.”

“You have a regular gun and yet you opt to use the explosive launcher,” Eon said. “Your logic baffles me.”

“My logic is amazing.”

“No it isn't.”

“It's flawless.”

“Damn it, Star, I swear I will cut your oxygen supply off again.”

“Fine, fine,” Star said. “I won't use the grenade launcher on the animals.”

“Terrific!” Eon said. “Now, you may want to get back to your ship.”

Suddenly, the wind picked up, and Star was blown against a rock. “I've had it with this fucking planet!” He growled as he struggled to stand back up.

“Hey, I have this crazy idea,” Eon said. “You have a grenade launcher. Why not use that to make a hole you can stay in?”

“Works for me!” Star aimed his multi-tool at the ground in front of him and fired a few grenades at it. “That'll work,” he said as he blindly leaped down into the hole.

And into a cavern.

Thud!

“Okay, I wasn't expecting actual rock at the bottom.”

“Nice landing,” Eon said. “I give it a six.”

“I'll take it,” Star said as he stood up. He took out his multi-tool and hit the scanner on it.

Dozens of veins of Plutonium and other elements popped up on his visor. “Ho-oly shit,” he said. “That's a lot of useful stuff.”

“Star, I don't think you have enough slots in your inventory to carry all of that,” Eon said. “Let alone enough storage in your ship.”

“Eon, I've got this,” Star said. “Can I put a waypoint marker here?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

“What?!” Star cried out. “Why the fuck not?!”

“Your suit isn't equipped with such a function,” Eon said. “While I may find it amusing to see you flip out, I do think it's total crap nonetheless.”

Star let out an annoyed groan. “I was going to go back and forth between the space station and sell all of this,” Star said. “Guess I'll take what I can carry.”

“Star, that seems incredibly inefficient when you take into account how long that would take,” Eon said as Star mined a vein of plutonium. “You'd have to take maybe four or five trips!”

“Yeah, and imagine how many units if make,” Star said as he finished mining the vein of plutonium. “I could buy a new ship!”

“You have a coupon for a free one, don't you?”

“Oh, shit, I do,” Star answered. “I’ll worry about it next time we go to a space station.”

“Then you'll forget about it, right?”

“Probably,” Star said. “But you can remind me, right?”

“Fine, but only because I want to see what the ship looks like,” Eon said. “By the way, the storm's clearing,” Eon said as Star mined a vein of gold. “So you can go resume your little journey to get that thermal coolant.”

“Do you feel it's really worth the effort?” Star asked. “This planet wouldn't be as bad as it is if it wasn't so violently windy.”

“I've read of planets getting up to temperatures as high as six hundred degrees Fahrenheit.”

“Never mind, I'll go find it,” Star said as he continued to mine. “Let me just got few more minerals!”

“Star, with how long you take, another storm will have started by the time you're done.”

“Eon, this is necessary!” Star said in a pleading voice. “In case a future blueprint needs any of these to be made!”

“You can't fool me,” Eon said. “You're going to sell them.”

“I need to get a better poker face,” Star mumbled. “Fine, let's go,” he said as he walked back to the hole he'd made.

“Oh, don't be sad,” Eon said as Star ascended up through the hole. “There will no doubt be more minerals you can mine on the next planet.”

“Yeah, but those were all so condensed!” Star whined as he walked back to his ship. It took the aspect of mining I hate the most out and let me just take it all!”

“If we were down there for another four minutes, you would've gotten bored.”

“You… aren't wrong, which ticks me off,” Star said as he popped the hatch to his ship. “It's almost as bad as when I'm wrong!”

“Good thing they both happen equally,” Eon said. “Now, how do you propose you get that thermal coolant?”

“It was your idea,” Star said as he turned his ship on and took off. “Why don't you give me an idea?”

“Go find another building.”

“Wonderful idea!” Star said. “Shouldn't take too long,” he said as he scanned the ground below.

“Now watch it take us several ho-”

“I found one!”

“Well, damn.”

Star landed his ship outside of a small, dust covered building. Outside of the building stood a broke beacon and a few containers that had been looted. A few animals scurried away as Star hopped out of his ship and walked towards the building. “Lady luck, be kind to ol’ Star.”

“Says the thirty-three year old stallion.”

“It sounded better that way,” Star said as he entered the building that looked as those it had been unearthed from beneath a desert. “If I didn't know any better, every building on this planet was a sandcastle,” he said as he observed the interior. A terminal, first-aid kit, and multi-tool—which rested on the wall—were all covered in dust. The corpse of a Gek sat in the corner. Beside it was a second multi-tool, which had been partly eaten.

“Let me guess,” Eon said. “You're going to search that Gek?”

“Oh, come on,” Star said. “I was just joking about the mummies earlier.”

“Sure you were.”

Star rolled his eyes and approached the multi-tool on the wall. “This thing looks ancient,” he said.

“My sensors indicate it's five years old.”

“Like I said: ancient,” Star said as he set his sights on the terminal. “Eon, do you have any idea if this thing is still functional?”

“In all truthfulness, I'm not sure,” Eon answered. “No part of it appears to be damaged.”

Star hesitantly hit a switch, which turned the terminal on, which caused a message to appear.

Gek crew crashed on planet to try and tried to survive against harsh conditions and wildlife. Most wildlife not threatening, but one creature with huge teeth crave meat and want to eat Gek. Afraid I won't survive long. Others couldn't contact space station. Signal too weak, and weather damaged beacon beyond repair.

Did create something to combat harsh weather. Doesn't last long, but was enough to help us get food. Uses Oxide elements to keep cool. Whoever finds this, take it. Blueprint at end of this message.

A blueprint suddenly popped out of an compartment on the side of the terminal. Star picked it up and looked at it with a smile. “Score!”

“You know, if you install that, you should probably install the thermal warmer too.”

“That isn't a bad idea,” he said. “Still, that's two slots in my inventory taken. Any idea where I could get more?”

“Go find a place where you can get more slots?”

“The ever helpful Eon! Just telling me to go find a place with no help!”

“Okay, there places that sell them. Sometimes, when space freighters are attacked, certain parts are launched out to screw the pirates over, and they sometimes land on nearby planets. You can't miss them, they're rather big, and have a safety field in front of where you enter to purchase the additional inventory space.”

“See, that wasn't so bad now was it?”

“I think I died a little on the inside.”

Star laughed. “The little things in life,” he said as he looked over the blueprint. “Iron and carbon… okay, that should be easy.” Star rolled up the blueprint and placed it in his inventory. He walked towards the exit where he was greeted by a small, yellow-brown colored creature. Its neck was horizontal, and its head—which had a beak for a nose, two horns at the top, and no visible face—was tilted downwards. It had two short, slender legs that looked to have dust-colored vines wrapped around it.

Star stared down at the abomination.

The abomination stared down at the ground.

“You are horrifying.”

The abomination ran off.

“Guess you hurt its feelings,” Eon said.

“Bummer,” Star said. “I kinda wanted to kick it.”

“Okay, I admit: that would've been kinda funny to see,” Eon said “except it wouldn't have you soulless monster.”

Star chuckled. “Stop, I might blush,” he said as he popped the hatch to his ship and got in. “Okay, now to leave this shithole for good!”

“Warning: storm incoming.”

“Oh, yay, a parting gift,” Star said as he took off. Despite the piss poor visibility, Star broke through the planet’s atmosphere and was soon in orbit around the planet. “Do you think if I report that building to a Gek at the space station, they'd reward me?”

“They might,” Eon said. “But do you really care enough to do so?”

“Good point,” Star answered. “Off to a new world then!”

Author's Note:

Hope you all didn't mind me actually putting what the message was in the terminal. While i normally would have something an alien says be gibberish, I felt it worked better if it was readable here.

Anyways, hope you all enjoyed it!