• Member Since 27th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen January 24th

wkblack


Photophile, Author, Physicist, Theologian

T
Source

Canary wakes up in a cold, dank prison controlled by a batpony regime known as The Cloud. For centuries, they had taught pegasi that batponies alone could fly; pegasi wings were vestigial. When Canary and Aether discovered flight on their own, The Cloud mobilized to silence their rebellion. Though Canary was ready to die for her beliefs, her life takes a turn when she befriends a prison guard named Echo.

Flight is an allegory that explores the nature of Freedom, Truth, Depression, Revelation—keep your wings open!

Note: Flight is a stand-alone read. Before Flight gives background from Aether's perspective, from her forming of the Storm to her escape from Korporis. It answers a few questions that are kept in mystery until later in Flight, but I've kept it posted for your reading pleasure. :twilightsmile: Re the cover picture: it seems to be a case of citogenesis. It's from a pintrest pin saying it's related to Thalo-Ryder on DeviantArt, but that account doesn't seem to have any art posted (anymore?). So thank you to whoever created it! :pinkiehappy: The source goes to my doodle of Canary in the wind instead.

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 29 )

Try releasing chapters one at a time, maybe two chapters right at the beginning. When you release chapters one by one, you attract more readers with the power of suspense and earn more comments, upvotes and what not.

7799251 Thanks for the suggestion! :) I was planning on releasing a couple of chapters all at once so people would know sort of where I'm going with this, and have confidence that I'm not just winging it, but I suppose that doesn't matter too much. :twilightsheepish:

Very interesting so far. You did a good job setting the scene and I really felt for Canary. I'll be reading more of this soon!

Comment posted by wkblack deleted Jan 4th, 2017

7842108 :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: Thank you so much! I'd love to hear your thoughts as you read on. :twilightsmile:

Iris is pretty darn creepy. o.o I really like that Echo is giving away some information for now, though I don't doubt that if the others knew about it he'd be stopped. I'm curious about him; he really doesn't seem like he wants to be there. Great chapter and I'll read the next one soon!

7844271 Yeah, she had a really bad childhood that's scarred her pretty badly. And no, you'll find out why Echo is there soon enough. :) Thanks for the continued feedback! :pinkiehappy:

Nice to see more about Echo and what happened. I look forward to learning more. I have a feeling something bad has happened to him...

Comment posted by wkblack deleted Jan 27th, 2017

7856225 Yep. He has scars and skeletons in his past. So do most people—they're shaped by both their trauma and their mistakes. Each individual chooses how to respond to those events though. :twilightsmile:

This is a great story so far! Looking forward to the next update :pinkiesmile:

7959012 :pinkiehappy: So glad you're enjoying it! Comments like yours make my day!
The next chapter is coming along. You get to see around the hive a bit, learn about what colors have to do with emotions, and see more of Libra. :) It's just been a bit of a hassle getting it in order though—I printed it out so I could piece together what I wanted where. :twilightsheepish: But I'm hoping to finish within a week.

Shouldn't there be a batpony tag?

8100653 Yes, thanks! It's added now. It didn't exist when I first published Flight. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by wkblack deleted Apr 22nd, 2017

I wonder if Echo is Iris' brother or something.

Also, it seems like Canary should be a bit more depressed - ie, unable to get excited about Echo. Or rather, "excitement" should be much more muted, maybe?

Just kind of the feeling I get.

Overall it's pretty well-written and the story, premise, and setting are all interesting enough that I'm still reading.

I haven't sat down and read fiction in months and months :derpytongue2:

Wow, pretty darn good so far. I thought the story was finished, actually, so I thought the story would end here given this is the latest chapter, and given how many unresolved plot threads there are, the "tragedy" tag, and this trial, I thought Canary might get executed!

Makes you wonder about how Changeling disguises work, though. In one of the alternate timelines from "The Cutie Remark", they found some green substance that could dispel the transformation spell. Sometimes I really think technology/knowledge holds the answer to everything - if they'd known about that they could've proven her identity quite easily!

Though there's other things to ask. Do changelings revert back when they sleep? When they're knocked unconscious? When they're dead? Or distracted enough? I thought I saw something a while back about Echo dropping his disguise on accident when he was distracted or something, so perhaps if they just watch a suspect sleep or knock them out they could see if they're a changeling.

Anyways, great work. It's a real shame this doesn't have more views. You should post it on some facebook groups! I dunno if you want me naming them on this site, so I'll message ya directly on FB.

Oh, btw, I haven't mentioned this fimfic account yet because I've got this great big epic I'm working on (A World Apart), and I almost hate the current beginning and am in the middle of a re-write, so I kinda didn't want you reading it before I finished the re-write. "Oh, I'll just tell him about my fimfic after I finish the re-write... I'm sure I'll have that done in like a week or something" - 12 weeks ago.

Added: Actually, just had a funny thought... It's possible that when they escaped, Canary's feathers might have grown back, healed fully, and all of that, but it's not likely that she could have gained the ability to fly on a windless day, certainly not with some extra weight - say, a quarter her body weight. So, throw on some token weight like 30 pounds or so, then hang her without binding her wings, and without breaking her neck. If she can't fly, then cut her down and save her! - she's not a changeling! Because if you did that to a changeling, no matter how hard they're trying to keep a disguise, they'll reflexively fly so they can breath. It's kind of a twisted form of "throw the witch in the lake and if she floats she's guilty and we'll kill her but if she sinks and drowns she's innocent", except it's like 90% likely you'd be able to save them after realizing they're innocent.

This is why they need me there. I thought of that in like 10 minutes.

Though Aether's clearly insane enough to not believe anything at that point... Eh. Or she's being manipulative and political, since having a martyr means you can use their name and voice, but if it turns out the martyr is alive then they have their own voice and are a threat to your power. Though given Aether had some character and probably had some mind-break, she also might just be insane. The whole divine light thing to break out sounds really suspicious.

So this is the anarchy, and re-formation of order after they tear down the tyranny... Another tyranny, but even more insane. Sounds disappointingly... human. They need a certain princess back :trollestia:

"Hurting others does not fix problems"
Says the bug that knocked out like, 4 guards or something just today.
Violence is always the answer! There is no problem that can't be solved with sufficient violence! :pinkiecrazy:

In seriousness, though, that works great until you realize that if you're hitting with enough force to KO somepony, you're very near to hitting with enough force to kill them, and are giving them a really serious long-last injury, and if you do that to six ponies, odds are you've actually killed one or two of them.

8203069 :twilightsheepish: Good point.
If you put in a big asterisk there, it nearly works: "Hurting others [*without need] does not fix problems."
But yep, you raise a good point. :pinkiesmile: I'll make sure to fix it in the rewrite. x)

8203020 Yep. I toyed around with the idea of using the slime, but they don't have access to that sort of magic. :/ They're not used to seeing magic in Avondale (notice the lack of unicorns / alicorns and the misconceptions about changelings)

When they fought in the ravine and at Le Couteau Caché, we see changelings being hit so hard their disguises fail. It takes energy to sustain a disguise, and a big enough distraction / shock could knock them out of it, like Thorax hissing at Flurry Heart. (I figure sleeping is like bedwetting—they learn to sustain disguises over their sleep.)

XD I know the feeling about rewrites. I started this one 1.5 yrs ago, then started the rewrite about a year ago. It was around then that I decided I'd rather post what I've gotten so far, despite it being flawed, so people could enjoy what I did have. xD Also, this is why I have both Before Flight and Flight, since I decided I'd rather start it from Canary in Korporis.

Hmm... I like that idea! I'm not sure if it will actually get a chance to happen, but that's a genius way of witch-hunting. :) I imagine they'd've used something like that in Woodburn. :pinkiehappy:

Yep! :pinkiehappy: Happens all the time. When the bats stepped in and took over the pegasi, the order they brought at first was actually pretty helpful—the pegasi were constantly fighting between each other. So their fix, while not a perfect one, actually helped quite a bit. But aye, they need a leader. :raritywink:

8203413
Hah... Losing disguise while asleep, the true mark of a rookie :rainbowwild:

Oh, so Before Flight is actually this same story but pre-rewrite? Interesting! I'm curious but afraid of spoilers...

About the bats taking over actually being helpful at first - kinda makes me think of the Roman empire, heh. Though it seems perhaps the Bats' reign will be much shorter lived...

As for physical stuff, I just spent like an hour thinking about it, writing, and I think I have found the golden solution to tell a changeling. All that other stuff might be stuff I'd experiment with in the setting if this test fails. But consider this: take the suspect, and cut some hair from their head - or even coat, if they're bald - , and carry the hair miles away. Presumably, the changeling spell comes from some magic part of the changeling - perhaps their horn or something? - but whatever the mechanism, unless something in the hair keeps its hair disguise, then just clipping it may cause it to either vanish or revert back to whatever it originally was. If the transformation spell has a range, then simply carry it miles away outside that range and see if it transforms at some point. It might be useful to try clippings from different parts, since the fin-things on the changeling base form seem to go where the mane and tail are, but are short and don't go on the scalp.

img14.deviantart.net/e4b4/i/2013/084/6/5/project_1___changeling_2_by_powerpuncher-d5z8ka9.png

If that experiment fails, and a disguised changeling's hair stays hair even when carried miles away somehow, perhaps you could draw some blood and experiment with the other things. But that seems inconsistent with "getting knocked hard enough drops the spell", since that hair has definitely been hit hard enough (it has no connection to a brain at all once it's cut off), and can be carried outside the range of any useful spell, or perhaps some wizards could take it and analyze it or block any magical influence on it if the spell somehow doesn't have a range.

And that's like 90 minutes of writing a comment that that I should've either been spending on today's to-do list or responding to your FB message :facehoof: My fault, my fault, sometimes I get my head too deeply "in the game" and get really interested in solving a problem with a high degree of certainty in a fictional world, hah.

We can solve all the world's problems... With SCIENCE!

...Well, maybe not all of them, but a great many of them, at least. We can at least learn how to tell changelings from ponies without being cruel to them, giving them PTSD and pulling a risky move on them that's about as safe and far more physically abusive and rough than a game of Russian Roulette...

Anyways, that link actually has some interesting physiological questions about changelings.

Most people want to go to Equestria because it seems happy and stuff. Me? I'm not sure about that - tough choice - but I really want to run experiments! Eh, humanely Equinely(?), of course...

I mean, you really can do quite a lot in a surprisingly safe way, as you most certainly know. It's fun to have physics friends who know better than the mad scientist tropes.

8204652 Well it's the same story sort of—it's from Aether's perspective, and starts from her discovery of flight to her imprisonment in Korporis (nee Corporis), where Flight beta starts.

Yeah, it comes down to what extent changeling disguises are an actual transformation versus an illusion placed on top. It seems to be somewhere in-between, but closer to an actual transformation. It couldn't be 100% though, otherwise they'd stop being a changeling. xD So is the mane real? Is it something illusory or is it legitimate hair when looked at under a microscope, because then it could be taken infinitely far away with no change. But if it's more illusion-based, taking away a hair clipping would be a great test. :twilightsmile:

Thank you so much for your comments—I really appreciate them! :pinkiehappy:

7 month late comment is 7 months late.

HWTA A REPMISE!
I'm dislexic because of the amazing writing!

First and foremost, excellent job of a blurb. Very catching. The way it's set up for a dystopia, and then the subtle clue that changelings are involved as well. Helps bring in thoughts of a crazy cast of kooky characters, very entertaining. Especially as it's a dystopia, can't wait to get emotionally hooked into the characters. Please don't do a game of thrones though, I like most my characters alive at the end of a chapter. :twilightblush:
(But hey it's your story :P)

Next up we have the lack of a long-winded exposition, and a very nice set-up for an excellent memory scene.
Followed by a fantastic flail of our feathered friend (does that make sense? idk it sounds cool), and some wonderful world-building dialogue. It gives enough depth to know that these are not stereotypical characters, and that is only breaching the surface.

I would write more about my love for this right now but I've got MORE CHAPTERS TO READ! And also I'm really tired, was just about to head off to sleep BUT THEN THIS HAPPENED AND IVE GOTTA JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAA

Well uuh, this story went too fast if I might say.

At the start it was great, the introduction turned out fantastic.
But now, nothing is fleshed out. There's barely anything registering their backstorys.
There are barely any answered questions and Echos reveal was way too fast.

It seems Canary doesn't reallu seem to care about torture either.
I mean, there was no mention of Iris or really any development in drama this entire chapter. It was all about Echo's 'backstory'.

I guess the real issue with this story is the lack of suspense, the lack of buildup and slow character development.
All of a sudden a new chapter occurs and everyone is fine with everything that is happening.
What happened to Iris? Why is Canary locked up? Is she getting special treatment because of her outright rebellion? What kind of soup is she eating? How do the guard rotations work? What does she do all day? There are many more questions that have also gone unanswered in this seemingly long space of time.

I'm losing interest in this story, I hope something is rectified soon.

Well uuh, I guess all of a sudden it's Romeo and Juliet, but as a two man army.
Not much interesting happening here other than an escape sequence with random facts about security being thrown in.

I will confess I skimmed over a lot, but I still recommend revising your previous chapters.
Potentially start from chapter two and flesh it all out a bit. Especially Canarys attitudes towards her surroundings.
Maybe out a 'revised' tag at the end of the chapter names to show they should be reread.

But alas, for now, I am going to leave this story in my tracking page and revisit at a later time.

8324716
Ookacha, thanks for your messages! Sorry to reply so late —I just now saw them! :twilightsheepish:

I'm glad I caught you at the beginning, and thanks so much for the suggestions! I really appreciate the candid feedback!!

At the moment, I'm focused on getting out a first draft before revising, so the first few chapters are of lower quality than the later ones, in my opinion. I'm learning and growing as I write this, so that's the hope anyway.

I agree that it's a bit lacklustre at points. I really don't want to be any more bloody than I have to be, hence avoiding torture scenes as much as possible, but I agree that adding more of her thoughts, more of her hour-to-hour life would be good... If you have any other suggestions, I'm all ears!! :pinkiehappy:

Thanks again for reading! Cheers! :twilightsmile:

8506470
Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

I'd love to hear any thoughts or questions you have. :twilightsmile: I'm currently revising past chapters, so the next chapter may not come out for a bit. Sorry about that! But people like you help motivate me to keep going!

Loving this story so far!

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