- Member Since 26th May, 2012
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CodenameOne
Eleven years of fun, memories, and friends. Thank you to everyone for everything!
CodenameOne
Joined 26th May, 2012 ·
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If Flurry Heart was voiced, what would she sound like?
7901961 Courtnee Draper(voice of Elizabeth, Bioshock: Infinite).
I have added this story to some more groups. It is a good story with a unique perspective, even if the walls of text can get annoying, and I think that it deserves more recognition.
...
I̞̾̈̓ͭ̈́ͪ ̶̱̳ͧ̾̍̐ͬẁ̢̤̬̱ͣ̄i̯͇̖̗̹̫ͪ͛̄l̦̤͚̱͂ͤ̑̅͂̒̚͘l ̞̫͙̦̫̍ͣ͆͑̏ͮb̙͊͑͐ͧ̒́e̲̘̖̟ͨ̅͗̃̒́ ͙̮̲̫̦͇͇̑̋̽́̿w̤̳͎̜̱̦̫̒̿ͥ̓̑a̬̯̼̺̱͛͠t̠̖͚̜̮̹͈̿͐̄̀̍c̵͇͊͒̈ͬh̩͔̺͓͋ͨ̔ͤ͊͟i͇̤̻̓͑n̥̼̗̱̹̝͎g̪̻ͯ̇̔̆.̥̝̥͚̗͂̉ͯͨ̀̚͡
9283836
Thank you, I very much appreciate that!
7902188
What about the rest of the OCs?
The story was interesting, it's kind of like looking at an early version, of a ponyfied 40k Imperium. But I can see other influences sprinkled throughout the story, the Starborn for example, are clearly based on the Mass Effect Geth in some regards. Though not nearly as technologically superior, as the Geth were in Mass Effect. The form of space travel seems closer to Star Wars, given the travel time between planets.
I found Shining Armor A.I. probably one of the more disturbing elements of the story. A father who hated his own daughter, that assisted in his own daughter's demise. It speaks volumes about how twisted he had become, before his mechanical soul was put to rest. The fact Twilight condemned him to this fate and just left him out there, rather than keep her brother or this facsimile of him close, like she obviously does with Spike is rather bleak. And also shows how cruelly pragmatic she can be.
Twilight herself has obviously become some of the things she disliked in the Princesses. Obsessed with maintaining her rule, hiding the truth, sending out agents to do her bidding. I believe Flurry Heart is right in some regards, Twilight's 'Golden Age' is built on exploiting others, there's going to be a point when it all comes crashing down. Whether it's the noble houses she created, the fringe groups that continue to spring up in her Empire, The other races they have exploited or their own creations in the Starborn or maybe even other ghosts of Equestria's past, that are biding their time. Her Empire reigns supreme, for now. But no system that depends on exploiting and abusing others, will endure. Twilight should have learned that lesson from Discord, Sombra or the Storm King.
9428421
Thank you very much for this comment! Nothing makes me happier than seeing the themes and messages of my stories resonate with readers, and seeing them offer their own input on the circumstances therein. I'd originally had some trepidation about including the Shining Armor AI, worrying that it'd maybe be too much of a stretch to have such a thing in the story, but overall it's seemed to have paid off, and I'm glad to hear that you found his integration to be so intriguing. It's true that Flurry Heart was right in her own ways about Twilight's empire, and indeed it's very likely that in some way it'd all come tumbling down eventually, but at the end of this story Meteor Shower is convinced in the resoluteness of the Empire. Of course, a pony like Meteor Shower is fanatically devoted to the service of Twilight and the empire, so naturally he'd believe nothing else than the strength of Twilight's will. The events of the Midnight Rising incident do serve to show, however, that they're not invincible, and I like to think, personally, that in some small way Meteor Shower was convinced by what Flurry Heart told him. Minotaurs and Griffons fighting back against the Equestrian Empire is one thing. But fellow ponies? Infighting is precisely the sort of thing that can raze societies to their foundations, even if they remained resolute in the face of outside adversity.
Overall though, the reader is meant to ask the very things that Meteor Shower no doubt asked himself: was Flurry Heart right? Was she telling the truth? Because that's the other thing, like I said in the author's note; the reader isn't really meant to trust or believe Flurry Heart. The reader isn't meant to trust or believe any of the characters, honestly. Twilight's "official" history is, well... She'd have the biggest reasons to lie and cover up Equestria's past. Meteor Shower, of course, is a product of that history, and has never known anything but Twilight's rule(which, admittedly, has brought Equestria to a very advanced state). The Shining Armor AI is just that: an AI. Possibly reprogrammed or otherwise tampered with. Lastly, Flurry Heart is borderline psychotic, having become engrossed in the notions of harmony and Equestria's "ideal" past, and obsessed with returning them to that time, doing some very twisted things to achieve just that.
Well, enough of me prattling on. Once again, I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, and I'm very delighted to have read what you had to say about it. Thank you for taking the time to not only read it, but leave this comment as well. Comments like yours and readers like you are what writers really strive for.
9429355
Although the intention isn't to trust what either side says and draw our own conclusions, there does seem to be indications that Flurry Heart was right in some regards. At least regarding the true history of Equestria. The Shining Armor A.I. does support what she said too and Twilight did make him, nor did she correct or outright deny anything that Flurry or Shining told Meteor. Obviously I don't agree with Flurry's decision to slaughter the ponies of Equus Prime, though it did accomplish what she wanted. Reminding the Empire that they are fragile. Flurry is Immortal but sadly she never took time to consider playing the 'Long' game. I.e, building up her forces over time, giving the Starborn what they wanted. Her mistake was thinking that Twilight was corrupted in a way, that she could be saved, especially with facsimile's of the Elements of Harmony.
Meteor would traditionally be the Antagonist and Flurry the Anti-hero, given the things she was willing to resort to. In any other story, which was another thing I found interesting in this tale. If you ever do a sequel I'd definitely be interested in reading it, some ideas could include Changelings. Did Twilight really kill them all? Or did they get even better at hiding? Perhaps they've been in Tartarus, building up their numbers, planning to infiltrate Equestrian society? Maybe they made it to some really far off worlds, forced to adapt and change, since that's what Changelings do best right? And of course this species would just hate Twilight and want to exterminate the ponies, before they could do the same to them again.
There are other potential stories, like Royal Hunters being replaced by a much larger and dedicated organisation. I also noted there was no mention of Crystal Ponies, Thestrals/Bat Ponies or Zebra. Other equine species that technically should have been integrated into Twilight's Manifest destiny plan, unless they were considered sub-equine? Secondary species? The Robotic Shining Armor actually brought the idea of a whole species of robotic equines, other than the Starborn into question, was he the only Stallion with his soul imprinted/copied? Or are there more? Could there be a whole legion of them somewhere, similar to the Purifiers in Starcraft?
Sorry for rambling so much. ^^;
9429524
Mmm, you're right, the Shining Armor AI does back Flurry Heart's claims. I'd forgotten a plot point in my own story. Impressively embarrassing. Outside of that, it is true that Flurry Heart's gravest error was believing that Twilight was merely possessed or corrupted, I believe that's a case of Flurry Heart wanting to believe that Twilight had been corrupted, and hadn't been acting of her own accord.
It's true the story never touches upon subspecies like crystal ponies and thestrals. If I was forced to answer, I'd say they were included in Twilight's vision. Really there is no reason why they weren't mentioned, so I guess the reader is left to assume Twilight included them in her vision(and there's no reason they wouldn't be, all things considered. Unless you wanted to get into eugenics, which, I guess the story already does).
As for sequels, I'd actually planned two. One covering the events of the Starborn's awakening some twenty years before this story takes place, and another taking place in Meteor Shower's twilight years, his old age forcing him to ask himself the question of "did I do the right thing?" Ultimately I felt this story was one that stood strongest as a standalone, and that any sequels or attempts to extrapolate further on the lore would just muddy the waters. One could call it lazy writing, but I feel the strength of this story lies in the ambiguity of its lore. Did Twilight really exterminate the Changelings? Would it actually be possible for the Starborn to evolve? Could the existence of an entire species with the Shining Armor AI's cognizance be plausible? Is the "official" history of the Equestrian Empire true, or is there more beneath the surface(this one is more concretely answered, with the Shining Armor AI confirming some of Flurry's claims)? Could Flurry Heart have succeeded? Would her vision be better for Equestria, or worse? Did Meteor Shower do the right thing? Ultimately it's left to the reader's own interpretation and morals to answer these questions.
And don't apologize. I enjoy philosophizing about my own stories with people. This is the true fun of being an author!
9429550
I can understand the hesitation and even reluctance to expand on a story's universe with other stories. I've seen one-shot comedies do continuations that got dead serious. I've read stories that just went on far too long. And stories that forgot their roots and went off, doing their own thing, to their own detriment.
I don't think you would need to do the Starborn prequel one. Only thing I might suggest doing with the Starborn is exploring what their worlds are like, explaining how they reproduce. (I imagine factory lines, like their original creation.) Maybe showing their evolution somewhat, and that they might be more clever than they've initially demonstrated? For Meteor's potential sequel, I'd maybe keep it to a one to three chapter story. Which could cover her last years, death and funeral and somepony less devout to Twilight discovering all of Meteor's notes. Will Meteor ironically the Empress's most loyal servant, inadvertently cause her own Empress's fall? Splitting her Empire when these 'truths' are spread? Maybe even losing colonies or ponies who flee her dominion? (That actually could be something worth exploring, if Rainbow Dash happened to have founded such a colony. She reportedly fled, but never directly opposed Twilight. Perhaps she escaped into the stars?) Admittedly the truth and mystery are also part of the appeal of the story, so revealing stuff would have to be done with careful consideration. I.e, did it add anything to the story, or does the mystery add more?
9430222
Wait, Meteor Shower is a stallion. Was that not clear in the story? Come to think of it, I don't recall mentioning his sex at all. Oops.
However, I do like the idea of someone discovering Meteor's written account of the Midnight Rising incident(it's not explicitly stated, but it is inferred that Meteor never published this firsthand account). It'd be rather interesting to see what someone else would make of what Meteor wrote.
Extrapolating further on the Starborn is something I perhaps should've done in this story, since it's true that very little is revealed about them. Truthfully it'd be rather difficult to come up with something that doesn't fall into the usual tropes of sentient robotic life. I had an idea that the Starborn's societies reflect very closely the structure of Equestria and the empire, but that's just a headcanon. The only constant is that they collectively gained sentience and rebelled(though, Flurry Heart reveals that this is because of her influence). It's quite possible that even in the wake of freeing themselves they modeled their society and culture after that of their makers. Purely conjecture, you understand, but it's something I'd considered.
As for ponies separating from the empire, one such group is very briefly mentioned in the story. Honestly, having Meteor visit them was a missed opportunity that I should've took. Being forced to seek them out for help in finding Flurry Heart would've offered an interesting insight into the lives of those who rejected the empire and Twilight's will, and the why of it. Flurry Heart and her cohorts are the only ponies in the story seen to resist the empire, and they all have personal ties to Twilight. So to see ponies who know nothing of Equestria's true history, who grew up only knowing Twilight and the empire, and still rejected it would've been truly fascinating indeed.
Ultimately, though, I do believe that the story is strongest as a standalone. The mysteries of the story's universe are a delight to consider and wonder about, even for myself.
9430622
Nah I was just up all night, I got a bit muddled when typing. I know Meteor is a stallion. ^^; Also those are some interesting titbits about the universe. I think for now, just stick to a standalone story, but don't be afraid to expand if you want to write more. Even if it's just typing up a draft, to look over and consider if it should be taken further.
*Edit: Typos Fixed ^^:
I quite like this story, but I do have one minor nitpick: the said-bookisms. The word "said" is pretty much invisible, you don't have to keep finding synonyms to avoid repeating yourself.
9673368
Thanks for the input, I really appreciate it. It's something in recent years I've become more self-conscious of when writing. Being that the story was told from a first person perspective, I just didn't want to drone on with "I said", "I said", "I said", over and over and over after every line of dialogue. I can see how "declared", "stated", "inquired", "responded", etc., all used on a rotation in place of "said" could distract, though. I'll keep a rein on it in future stories.