Okay its benn ages since i was on here, feels strange...
"It's so cold. No home, no family, no nothing. Please, I need a home." Gamma Ray asked.
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Gamma Ray, ten year old colt with nopony to turn to. He was thrown from his famly, starved, famished, sick, and depressed, but that all changes when he comes across a mare by the name Coco Pommel.
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good start. Found these for you. Gotta love spell check
Sweet Apple achors hard cider at him [Acres ]
she finds a lost sole in that facility. [ soul ] ???
smile on his face"GRATE!" he yells in happiness and joy. face "GRATE!" [ space between face and " also [ Great ]
I forgot and I was the ( ? ) who bought the book. [ one ]
"Daring Do and the lyeberth of science [ labyrinth ]
but before Gamma had any chance to help hos brother,[ his]
He let out an loud yon before placing the book down [ yawn ]
When the bullies showed up I laughed I mean butch the bully from cool cat saves the kids is more believable then the homeless hunters they go after the homeless and they even say so, please change it or add a comedy tag plz
I see you took my advice
7314417 ya, I decided to turn it into a comedy, so how was this chapter? The reason that it was so short was because I just got finished with the first chapter of my up coming story, Life is a Highway. Be shore to look forward to it.
7314486 meh the last chapter was funnier but sense I compared it to cool cat saves the kids so I was kinda hoping there would be a reference or something like that but have you ever seen cool cat saves the kids?
7314486 PS I would prefer if you just focused on this story please
7314525 I don't think so. I never seen it.
7314752 it's really funny at least watch a review of it it'll make the butch the bully comment make sense
Wheeeeeeeeeew... this needs a bit of work.
It looks like an interesting story, but it needs a lot of editing and fixing up. Paragraphs are all indented and pushed out weirdly, some typos which >>Bronzedragon pointed out helpfully down below this comment.
But... nice job dude... nice job on this, I spot a Daring Do plush... may haps that is the pony who takes him in?
hehe.
Good job, just get someone to edit this or do it yourself, it'll look a lot better.
Keep it up!
This cracked me up more then it should have.
Hahaha, well... nice chapter, and those Homeless Hunters... what a bunch of dirtbags, I'm pretty sure there's some kind of Homeless Stick Together Code, hehe... little bastards.
Nice job
7502855 thanks!
... The lead bully has the name Trash, and she has the nerve to go around bullying homeless ponies?
uh huh...
Surprised she's not the one being bullied, haha.
Well I'm done reading this for now, and well... the story is a decent premise, but it has a few issues.
One thing are the typos... typos everywhere, those need to be fixed dude, that and the paragraph situation is a bit jarring. It looks like you spaced it instead of hitting the tab button in places and... eh.
And how Scootaloo and them spoke last chapter, it didn't feel... right i guess, it felt jagged.
That doesn't feel right, and its like that in other parts.
Suggestion.
Just a thought.
SO... my advice... get an editor, I'd do it but I suck at it and I am not free to do so unfortunately. But good job on this, you've earned a thumbs up and a fav, so keep it up, and you can do better.
Peace out till next time.
7502865 also the next chapter is coming out some time soon, I plan on the chapter to be 2,000 to 3,000 words.
Her name is CoCo Pommel, btw. (You have it spent pommal in your story description.)
7551496 Fixed.
7502849 new chapter being posted.
7767303
Awesome!
7767303
Awesome!
7767633 plus I got a new story up, apon the winds of time.
7768003
I'll check em out when i can dude, hehe
7768218 ok.