When Queen Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon join forces to over throw the princess' and steal Luna's magic, will the princess of the night be able to defeat them? With only Ponyville's strongest stallion and the element of kindness to help her as she travels the world will her chances of success be doubled? Read as her adventures take her through the zebra plains, into the caves of the bat ponies, through the oceans of the sea ponies, and across Equestria to create an alliance never before seen.
Cover art by me, yay! Not to good, sorry.
Chapters (8)
Chapter 1 is done, and the hardest part was definately trying to get Applejack's accent right. I'm thinking I may have to combine chapter 1 and the prologue together. I would appreciate people's thoughts on that.
Rather interesting story, there really should be more views.
So this is the true beginning? Keep up the good work!
997754 Yup. There's still one more chapter to the beginning before the main portion of the story will take place. It was originally only going to be 4 chapters, but it ended up becoming 6 chapters and a prologue. >.> Once I finish the next chapter I will be redoing the summary, but for now I don't want to spoil it until the full beginning portion of the story is finished. Thanks for the comments and the views, it really means a lot to me to know people enjoy the story ^^
Cliffhanger
Should have known......
This story has soooo much potential that I just have to ramble a few words: (If you are writing solely for the purpose of writing, not sharing, please ignored the following mumble-jumble and just let your thoughts flow when you write, I think most people are cool with that.)
The plot is rather intriguing, but there are more to be desired:
The language could be a bit more concise, a little embellishment would be nice too.
The characters could be given more depth, like you did with Luna in this chapter.
The scene about Big Mac and the sea serpent seems a little random to me, perhaps making sure each scene you write contribute to the story as a whole would make it a better read? (Pardon me if I failed to see its purpose, or are you going to add random tag to the description?
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Getting a cover image may help, at least when searching for stories I'm drawn to beautiful covers.
The story is quite decent and really shows much potential, why are there so little views......
I (selfishly) hope it would turn out to be the epic tale I hope it to be.
1052105 Thanks for the comment, I am writing for sharing. Thank you for all the feed back. The serpent thing I can't talk about without giving spoilers. This chapter was not supposed to end like that, on a cliff hanger. I got to that point and then realized 'Oh shoot this chapter is already far longer than my other chapters and I haven't even edited it yet!' I felt that was a really good point to leave on, and decided to leave the cliff hanger in because it led to the next scene. I am however working on the next chapter as we speak because I did plan on getting this section of the story done on my days off this week.
I do hope to get a cover image eventually but, sadly, I can't draw worth a feather so I'm going to be searching for an artist once I finish the intro(1 more chapter to go before it's where I want it.) The characters will definitely be more developed as the story goes, I already have soooo many plans that I plan to use, but I'll need to introduce them slowly as the story develops. The first seven chapters alone are only one section of the story, and I plan on having seven more sections.
Thank you for the support. I really do appreciate the feedback, and I do try to respond to questions and concerns from those who take the time to write about it.