Night Mares 4.5

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Comments ( 10 )

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Shadicbro Brony

Shadicbro Brony #1 · Apr 17th, 2016 · 4 · · All Fun and Games ·

that was hot. I'm hoping for a gang bang.

PiMan

PiMan #2 · Apr 17th, 2016 · · · All Fun and Games ·

The card you're using for the story image could use some design work, mostly in wording. Resources are rarely retired, at least compared to friends, so the wording made me think you were retiring your opponent's friend (which can't be done).
I would rephrase "it" as "this card". It's just a little clearer to me.

Also that name for the card is taken, albeit by a rather different kind of heat. Not sure what to do about that.

Other than that, great card. And I think that's the most I've ever had to say about a fanfic's cover image.

DarkCrimsonFox

DarkCrimsonFox #3 · Apr 17th, 2016 · · · All Fun and Games ·

Me likey. +1 like and followed

seventeen

seventeen #4 · Apr 25th, 2016 · · · All Fun and Games ·

this was really well-done. the puns were well-placed and I really liked the poignancy of Sunset's helplessness being derived from distraction rather than a simple power difference
(I went and read the comics, felt stupid because I read slypon's other comics and didn't realize Night Mares was theirs too ~~I'd seen the first 3 before~~)

ahem, the pacing is great and it's sexy as hell. fantastic dialogue. and the tone is practically spot-on, I feel like the dark magic hasn't corrupted Twilight as thoroughly as in the comic, but that's a minor detail since we're not treated to any of that Twilight's thoughts. I almost said 'it seemed to last longer' but honestly, each chapter of Night Mares got longer and it's not a body of text so who really knows.

interesting that it's set in Equestria, I hope the change in scenery actually plays a role in any upcoming chapters.
also interesting is Sunset's fluctuating willingness to go along, but I did enjoy that we didn't get to see inside her head - just that she was helpless. anyway, that's it's a "hellish night" kind of threw me off 'cause she seemed to be more or less enjoying herself

and personally speaking, calling breasts "mammaries" and bringing up Sunset's "need to breed" is a turn-off because it makes me think baby-making and that leads to too many speculations

Airquotes

Airquotes #5 · May 1st, 2016 · 2 · · All Fun and Games ·

Hello readers!

Thanks for all your feedback! Rest assured I am taking it all into consideration as I work on the next chapter and make edits to what's already up.

ShadowCloud

ShadowCloud #6 · Nov 21st, 2016 · · · All Fun and Games ·

Question: Update?

Scygnus

Scygnus #7 · Dec 19th, 2016 · 1 · · Horrible Guests ·

Hm. You couldn't have done this in the last ten hours, so I guess you were almost done when Slypon posted the three new pages? Or is this just a coincidence and you haven't even realized they've been posted?

Airquotes