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Jetflame
My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Fan Love Reading Fan-fiction's
Jetflame
Joined 15th Feb, 2014 ·
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MAKE MORE PLEASE MAKE TWILIGTH AND LUNA PAIR THEY PASS SO WELL
Commas. They are friend, not foe.
7212716
Oh there is Going to be more a lot more.
7212814 NICE WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME THEN
I keep reading Shinso as Shisno...
I dont really understand the Down votes its OK Not Shite
7214268
Shinso is Twilight's Species or Race so to speak the Type of Vampony she is Tribe is Alicorn but takes place before she Awoken as an alicorn so she's still a unicorn Twilight's telling her story with some added comments and part's of key ponies in her life. Like Celestia and Luna might even have some PoV's from the rest of the main 6 should they are involved The story has 2 ways it can go Due to her Dual Gender.
7214525
as for the Down Votes I have no clue This is only my second story I have worked on Neokiva may have written most of chapter One I do not at this moment have An Editor to work with this story I am looking Story was Proofread by Neokiva and I am currently working on chapter 2 Updates may take awhile depends on how focused I get and What happens in RL.
7212787
I am looking for an Editor for the story as of right now it's only been proofread but not completely edited.
7219721 sorry mate, if I were you I'd hunt down one of those groups specifically for that. As for myself, my plate's loaded as it is.
7219721 you might find one with this link
Why the dislikes? I like this story it's got some promise.
7235802
All I can say is the Haters are going to hate.
That is my only guess as to why the downvotes. Not even sure if half of the Downvotes even truly read the story, anyway Chapter 2 is in the works 
7214268
Nono that happens after she becomes an alicorn
7250664
Well I liked it. Just one thing: There is such a thing as too much affection. They don't need to kiss or voice their love every other sentence. It feels repetitive very fast. Other than that I very much like how and where this is going.
7263882
Thank you for the feedback. Yes my proofreader also said the same thing. This is the first time I have written a love scene and went a bit overboard with the kisses and lovey dovey talk. Chapter three will have the Date between Twilight and Luna in it most Likely will not have another clop scene for a few chapters to allow the budding romance to blossom a bit more there will be instances of Vampirism (Blood Drinking) As I will announce at the top of each chapter if it should contain clop gore violence or foul language. I hope you will continue to read. Chapter 3 is in the works. Have a pleasant day.
heehehehhe most say great story, I am a fan of twilight not being something supernatureal and that of twilgith-luna ship stories so this one be on favor list
7270432
Thank you story is currently being edited hopefully I'll get the edited chapters up soon.
7270441 remind me of a story I read a while ago, in which twilight was a vampire who was as a filly save by luna and twilight end up joining the night guard and become luna personal student. it had 3 chapter then got cancel
7270495
Actually that story did not get canceled it's undergoing a rewrite I should Know I'm one of the proofreaders for that story Child of the Night: Twilight of the Nightguard by Neokiva. neokiva decided to do a rewrite of it keeping most of it intact from what I understand. Do not know when it will be back up though.
7270990 yea
7263917 when can we expect chapter 3 to be finished
7375625
I am hoping to get chapter three done by the end of the week if not by Tuesday chapter 2 is still in the process of being Edited. With everything that I have been doing and dealing with I have been side tracked Chapter 3 is being reworked as well because some of what i was going to have happen in chapter 2 got moved into chapter 3 so I am working it in so it makes sense and not so much of an info dump or non essential information and doesn't feel like its just a filler chapter.
7375643 thx then that means I don't have to wait long yay
lovey story and chapter. keep up the good work
You have a broken italics here so the rest of the chapter is in Italics.
7390192
Thanks for Informing me I'll try and get it fixed up asap. I have tried to fix it going to have to figure out why the import process messed up If you notice it in the other 2 chapters please let me know
7389982
What he said
7390192
I found the Problem and fixed it everything that's Italic now is Internal thoughts and Flashbacks took me a bit to figure out what was wrong why it was like so but now that I have its been fixed thanks for pointing it out.
mmmm good chapter, this is getting good, i cant wait for more, but i shall,
7508121
Part 2 is in the works But RL is also taking up time Part 2 will take some time to write.
7528017 oh I figure, it getting good, keep up the good work
this is getting good,
but i wonder when twilight and luna tell the girls twilight other secret,
also i think it be funny if one of the girls is werewolf like thing or vampire hunter
7604623
You mean a Paladin which is a Knight that hunts down evil as according to them Vamponies are pure EVIL but they all have lives just like everypony else Only a few turn or go bad forget their teachings or what the laws the govern the Vampony society. As for a werewolf or some other type creature Not going to happen but possible on the paladin but not one of the main six I will say this much there are 2 Paladins in Ponyville Twilight know's who they are too and has done nothing to provoke them in any way. As for the other part when she tells the girls that she is a Shinsho Vampony It's coming up In the next few chapters as I stated in my A/N there is going to be a few time jumps planned first few are going to be a month or two maybe even a few weeks Not going to write every single date or night the girls spend together Next chapter's going to have the Herd date in it then a mild time jump of a few weeks.
7604769 well i for one cant wait, for more, good story
why do I have feeling pinkie pie will be throw few party for the herd when she find out they dateing
7604788
Because she is it's actually happened When Twilight got home from shopping Rarity and Rainbow, Fluttershy showed up saying they were to meet showing them a letter written supposedly by Twi ( Pinkie Has major forging skills ) The fact that Luna showed up after that was said made Twilight Suspicious of Pinkie Pie involvement Might do a side story about The Pinkie Pie Party of the Twilight herd side story to To love a Princess who know's lol
7604917 sound good, now I got to figure out who the paladins are, I guess Bon-Bon, or Lyra or Big Mac or Berry Punch, or Time Tuner/Dr. hooves.
7604932
Lmao Time turner/Dr. Hooves is actually Twilights Little stocker sent to Ponyville as an agent from her brother Shining Armor and is a Vampony guard in charge of keeping Twilight safe though of course Twilight knows this and humors her brother to an extent she is after all capable of defeating her own brother in combat and he knows it. She is in all intents and purposes stronger then her brother as for the Paladins you will need to wait and see because there will be a showdown between them and Twilight in the coming chapters.
7604965
I like it when I get thing partly right, it better then getting thins partly wrong....lol
good story and keep up the good work
7428114 ughhhhhh dont get me wrong i love the story and the concept but UGGHH its like watching two horny teenage virgins talking while high on crack, seriously every conversation sounds like pinkie pie
7604965 why do i get the feeling its the apple family also look a new landmark, you can see it from space, i shall call it the great wall of text, seriously paragraphs man paragraphs
7606064 agreed, maybe break up that wall of text into few smaller wall of text,
7604965 poke the story
7758445
Awaiting Editing on chapter 6 and the few finishing touches on the chapter as well writer's block can be a pain in the flank.
Looks like Christmas came early.
yea for update,
good chapter,
I do think u need to break up the wall of text a bit, but over all good story and chapter keep up the good work
You need to ad commas in the text where that are speaking
So what's the conflict here? All stories need one or just becomes something of a documentary. There is no external conflict that has been displayed and we've seen very little of any internal conflict from twilight or her friends. If your going for the struggle of twilight telling her friends her secrets then show it. Don't just give "it I'm nervous" and don't touch on it again like it was no big deal give us an internal monologue showing she's truly scared of her friends reactions or have nervously pacing back and forth muttering to herself. And if your going for external give a side screen of ponies attacking vamponies or something so we can see that something is brewing.
I like that you have twilight handling this logically and giving full information but the this wall of text needs to end. You've already told the audience about twilight's position. I get the feeling what you want to reiterate is those three rules. If that's the case then the rest is just unnecessary. I would suggest that for this chapter specifically you should have left rainbows alone scene with twilight short so your not repeating yourself. "I led rainbow into the basement and locked the door so we wouldn't be disturbed. 'Rainbow I need to tell something its very important for our herd. I'm a shins vampony.' While at first rainbow was scared but as I explained the rules and what I do she calmed down and became genuinely interested despite my fears. But there was one thing I still needed to ask. 'Rainbow you can refuse if you want and it won't change how we further our relationship but I need to ask if at some point can I feed on you?'" You would then go on giving rainbows response and then give the full in-depth conversation when she's with the rest of her friends. That way your audience knows what was discussed and you don't have to repeat the conversation. In fact it would be best if you skipped to the rules and the order who wants to kill the vamponies as again the rest has been stated already and is insignificant to the current conflict.
7794317
First off the conflict isn't strictly around the romantic aspect of the story. I have already mentioned one on 3 groups that will be causing problems. In fact there are 3 paladins in Ponyville that will cause a fuss and problems for Twilight and the others like her in town.
Plus the main conflict is not going to be short blow it will be long and bloody conflict between the Shinso vamponies and the groups that despise them.
7795176
Then show it. I'm not trying to be mean but realistically you're almost 50,000 words in, some really good stories stop at 150,000 and honestly all you've done is hint at the anti vampony group. It's good if you want to build it up in fact that's a good decision especially if you plan for a long story, but right now all we've seen is "oh by the way some people wanna kill me." that can be literally anyone especially in the mlp universe that could be anyone discord, trixie, the changelings, the everfree forest, the list goes on. Like I said show a side screen of these groups actually killing a vampony or something to show that they ARE active and relevant to the story. Even just a small paragraph with a pony saying literally "oh god please don't kill me" will push that there is something happening and it's not just twilight giving a history lesson.