I walked up the stairs towards Luna's quarters, a small stack of books from the royal archives levitating beside me.
My mood was pretty great. We just received word earlier that Twilight and her friends had defeated King Sombra and would be returning next week. Not only that, but the Crystal Empire has rejoined Equestria!
I felt like writing... and not only that, the news had inspired me! I'm going to write a spy novel, classic James Bond style! Nice clothes, fancy gadgets and always win the day and get the mare.
But to do it right, I needed to know more. Which meant research and I had to start somewhere. Flicking through the spy novel I picked up as I walked, I frowned at the writing style. Ugh, it was written in second person! I hate that. So that one might be a bust it seems. Really should have thought to do more than grabbing a few that seemed good at random. Seriously, who writes in second person?
“Evening.” I greeted the guards with a nod as I moved past them into the outer chamber, before I paused and took three steps back and one to the right to look at the unicorn guard.
He didn't move a muscle, looking as identical as they all did. Obsidian black armor with a light grey crest on the helmet. His fur was a darker grey, his eyes yellow and slit like a cats. The tail matched the crest on the helmet.
Even so, something was...
Hmm.
Tilting my head slightly I regarded him. He didn't move a muscle, eyes straight forward.
I smirked, “Stop by when your shift is over if you have time, Swift. We should hang out some.”
Swift Spears eyes widened slightly and he jerked his head in a small quick nod.
Grinning, I moved back inside. Let's see if that law book ends up being easier to read than that stupid novel.
XXXXXXXX
I turned a page in the floating novel in front of me. Even with the strange perspective, the novel turned out to be fairly easy to slog through. I'll do the lawbook later, specifically when Luna was around and I could ask her questions about it. Honestly, this book wasn't that bad if you were able to handle the horrible viewpoint.
I looked up at a knock on the door, “Enter.”
Swift Spear carefully walked inside, glancing around, the blue unicorn looking a bit nervous, “So... how did you recognize me?” He asked as the door closed behind him with, “Because the armor is enchanted.”
Grinning, I dropped the book on the table, “You are right. I almost didn't.”
“So how did you?” He asked as he crossed the floor.
I snorted, “You looked almost exactly like any other night guard unicorn. Well, almost. You are above average height. Some other tiny stuff like the way you stood.” I explained before I smirked, “Also, I kind of doubt any of the other ones smell like Minuette.”
“I would hope not.” He chuckled before he frowned, “Wait, how do you know what Minuette smells like?”
I rolled my eyes and jumped off the couch, making my way over to the bookshelf to extract a glass bottle with a deep amber liquid in it along with a pair of small glasses, “I've spent enough time with you two to know her perfume.”
“I got her that one.”
“Well you picked the right one then.” I said with a grin, putting the glasses on the table, “So how have you been, we haven't hung out in... what? A month?”
“Month and a half or so.” Swift agreed, “Busy, you know.”
Nodding, I poured him a small drink before doing the same for myself, “Yeah, on all fronts I think. You advanced fast. A few months on the Night Guard and you already guard Princess Luna's private quarters? That's impressive.”
He grinned, “I'm just that great.” before he sipped at the amber liquid before coughing, “Horse apples! What is this stuff!?”
I shrugged and sipped the drink with a grin, “Whiskey. Technically.” I answered, tasting the sweet burn, “Just don't spill any, I think it might eat through the varnishing on the table.” I frowned in thought, “...And possibly the table. And floor. And dungeons...”
“Where did you get this stuff?” He asked, clearing his throat before he lifted the bottle with his magic to check the label, “Holy... this is older than my sister! Dude, this bottle costs a month's pay! The Princess has good taste.”
Taking another sip, I grinned, “She does. But that one is mine. I drink so seldom that when I do, I might as well spend some bits on the good stuff.”
He nodded and carefully got into one of the armchairs, looking around, “So this is the Princess's private quarters. You know, I have never actually seen it.”
“Few have.” I agreed and got back onto the couch, floating the bottle over to refill his glass, “I would have thought one of her personal guard would have though.”
Swift shook his head, “No. Barring extraordinary circumstances we are banned from entering. I'm not actually sure I should be here even now.”
“It's fine, I invited you, remember. Besides, you're off duty.” I said with a grin, “I already checked, she doesn't mind if I invite friends.”
“Ah. Okay then...” He said and took a sip from his glass, “So what have you been up to?”
“Meh... practicing some, trying to come up with something for the next book. Helping some with this entire Changeling integration thing. Granted, it's mostly being seen in public with a changeling bodyguard, but still.”
Swift shook his head, “I still find changelings a bit creepy, but some have started to enter the guard. They are usually not that bad from what I've seen. Not very good at magic or flying, but they can do both so it evens out. So what's this next book you're having trouble with?”
Snorting in annoyance, I rubbed my hoof on the couch, “I'm trying to write a spy novel. What research I've done into the subject so far has only told me that I need to do more research before I do more than the most basic story outlines. That reminds me though, I might want to pick your head on guard procedures at some point.”
He sipped his drink again and nodded, “Sure thing.”
Ah, it's so nice to have a new chapter of something entertaining to read every morning.... I'm going to get spoiled at this rate!
I know what you mean, who wants to read a story in second person?
Twelve hours in with three ours sleep and now im done reading. So far awesome story, but you might want to get a prereader. There are some typos and grammatical mistakes in your latest chapters.
When I find the time this weekend, I'll go over the last two or three and PM you about it.
Oh, and on another note... One update per day?! I'm in heaven...
~Smurzek
HEY! I like second person!
. Alien reference?
Well, at least it isn't a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster...
That would melt the entire castle... And the caverns... And the Smooze...
Just a few minor corrections needed:
Oh, good God! I whole heartedly agree with Page there!
I'm nowhere near grammarnazi status, but I have to say the 5 worse things to ever do with creating a story are: #5--Present Tense -- no matter which viewpoint, a three-way tie for #2--Second Person viewpoint; Randomly Mixing Past AND Present Tenses throughout the story; and Anthros. And the WORST THING OF ALL: Doing ANY COMBINATION OF THOSE FOUR!!
Aside from Anthros, the others all are just really sloppy writing. Misspellings and blatant grammar mistakes don't come anywhere near those five in my list (primarily because I suck at both of those, myself)
Need to watch for missing spaces before beginning quotes or extra spaces after beginning quotes, too.
needs the possessive apostrophes.
While it'd be proper to make the original as has good taste--I think you should keep as it is and make the changes I suggest as this would go to show how the drink was starting to impact him.
Good chapter
There are two legitimate uses of second person I've seen: the Choose Your Own Adventure story, and the character sheet for a pregenerated character in a role playing game.
Talk about strong stuff!
would this be a reference to 'Rule 34' by Stross? he writes transhuman spy novels usually, and that one... was in 2nd person, switching between 3 viewpoints (gay man with wife and kids, female cop, schizo off his meds). good book despite being hard to read.
Meh!
I'm more a fan of first person gloomy private detective novel myself. But it's been overdone.
That likely the only thing I will remember from this chapter
Something I forgot to ask, is Equestria girls going to happen in your story? because that place could be a way for him o return home and that could open a lot of conflicts in the future
Are the Princesses allowing changelings in the Guard already?! It' s insane, considering how recent was the invasion and the fact the populace is still getting accustomed to them.
6786132
Mmm, it's not too insane if they're really serious about integration. Think about it; what is an easy yet high-profile way of welcoming a "fourth" tribe into pony society? You can't go around changing the law to force ponies to hire changelings with some contrived Equal Opportunity laws, that just takes jobs from ponies with cutie marks meant for those jobs-- that and the law will always be twisted by the unscrupulous to further their own ends.
I believe that changelings, as a society, just want what your average pony wants; life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (sweet, tasty happiness, mmm!). At the (apple) core, we're all the same.
6786517
We all want the apple?
wow. I had to actually look up the definition of second-person.
I prefer third-person and usually bail after one paragraph of a first person story unless the content is really good. (Congratulations by the way.)
Unless it is written in present tense instead of past tense. then regardless of the perspective that fucker gets Burned.
Hey, second person isn't bad...
It's honestly my favorite perspective, since it puts you into it. Just not when they call 'you' anon. That is an abomination.
6861624
I agree, some second person stories are good, but most of the second person stories I've read are very bad. But still, everyone has their own opinion
I usually close the tab when I see "You are Anon".
-poke poke-
7283426
... indeed, I really really do wish people would atleast use an actual name..
Oh and King Sombrero McCrysssssstall, is dead? Yay for out right blowing up the bad guy!
6837300
Out of curiosity, why don't you like present tense in stories?
7459596
You have been poked by APumaUnchained.
Crazy people who have no idea that kind of insanity is meant to be reserved for CYOA books.
Yetch, second person. I'm crazy enough already, thank you very much, I don't need any more voices in my head.
6785048
Yeah. Now I finally know what the bioweapons folks want with the xenomorphs: their blood makes THE BEST hooch!
Second person perspective is the most horrid sin of written language... it is filth... FILTH!
9244829
reminds me of those "choose your own adventure" books. i used to like those, until i read a REALLY TERRIBLE one...
do people find 2nd person perspective really that bad?
i've read a few good ones on this site and i don't really see the problem with it.
10276892
Yes. It's usually a horrible way to tell a story. First person for when you have only one character telling the story, third for multiple. Second is just... Odd. There are stories that are enhanced by it, but most second person stories feel more like an outline than an actual story. (Just from what I've been taught/noticed)
10276892
because a 2ndPOV is jarring since it aims to place 'you' as the character, telling 'you' what to feel and what you are supposed to do. It is a form I have only find work in a choose your own adventure stories, or when the writer manages to find the sweet spot of 'my' point of view. They are also very limited since the main character is supposed to be 'you' and thus they can never be focused on the main character for on that road lies the plain and simple crevasse that is writing the character into a corner. And personally I find it distasteful and a third person or better the first person fit in ALL instances better.
Having played Friendsim and Pesterquest, I suppose I'm just used to second person narratives when they're done right. But it's hard to do right.
Have a rich marefriend has perks
10955881
Uhm, I doubt he'd be spending her bits on this, considering that he's also filthy rich. If the first book earned him 30k bits, he's likely sitting on something like 100-150k or possibly more right now (after selling all three plus reprints, some PR stunts and the like).
I ask myself the same
Why not? First person and third are as valid as second
'James Bond'? Neat.
Maybe a 'Hitman 47'! Great storyline!
Those that don't shy away from a challange and writing in 2nd person gives a better feel to the story