• Member Since 26th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 10th, 2023

Scribblestick


I'm an experienced writer and editor who happens to like ponies.

Comments ( 14 )

:twilightoops: Those wolves attacked who?!?

:applejackconfused: My Lambkins! :facehoof:

A nice mood piece,

Regular wolves are an improvement on Timber Wolves: at least they don't join together Voltron-style into a megawolf when outmatched.

7471197 Yeah, I thought that was a step up.

10/10 dude!!

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

That was very nice. I've never read a story so soothing.

I’ve got mixed emotions with this one. I like scenic pieces like this, the imagery is beautiful, and the pace is slow enough for the reader to enjoy it. I have some quibbles about the lax plotline. There is not much in the way of action. However, that is on my end. There is no right or wrong way to write something, and this lives up to what was promised.

The beginning is especially strong, especially with a line like this one that’s got me hooked from the get-go:

“You know, they say when you close your eyes, your other senses get sharper to make up for it.”

I was hoping that the story would connect the idea to the scene, and it does so twice: the squirrels and the wolves

Even so, with the second paragraph, the beautiful descriptions set the pace.

Twilight's breath came out in silvery puffs that faded in the brisk air before her. The warmth of the sun and chill of the breeze on her coat felt at once contradictory and complementary. A slight numbness in her cheeks nagged that it was time to go home, but the dawning sunlight scattered sparkles through the long shadows on the snow, beckoning her to stay. She re-positioned her scarf with an idle spell and took a deep breath through her nose, letting the cold outside fill her body with life and energy. The air slightly stung her throat as it passed, and she held it for a moment, finding a strange excitement in the cold ball trapped within her chest. When she released it, the puffs became a stream of condensation that vanished as quickly as it appeared.

Twilight’s living in the moment. Cozy.

Another beautiful spot with the sun in their eyes:

Spike clambered off her back and resumed his pace beside her. Twilight squinted against the rising sun, which now lay directly before them. Its light glittered off the snow, adding to the growing sense of blindness Twilight felt. Despite the dazzle, she pressed forward, hoping a pegasus would push a cloud in front of the sun.

Now, I thought that the scene with the wolves would offer a change in pace, and it did, just not what I expected. That’s not a bad thing, as it does change it a little bit without betraying the overall tone of the story.

Nice flourish at the finish, with the close of tying up all the loose ends. two different perspective offered: unnerving fear and solemn respect for the encounter. Thankfully, they were blinded by the sun enough to catch it.

Well done!

11148676
Thank you! This was a departure for me as well, so I’m glad people enjoy it. I really like the read-aloud linked in the description, I listen to it now and then on a bad day.

"She looks so peaceful," Spike said. "Hey, do you think her hearing is super strong since her eyes are closed?"

"I'm not sure that's how it works," Twilight answered, "but we better not disturb her."

i find it hard to write children well, and so was impressed with how on-the-nose this felt, overapplying a previous fact that was just learned.

Spike nodded. "It probably made our ears stronger, so we heard those wolves sneaking up on us."

and coming back to it again for the last line of dialogue in the piece was a great choice, contrasting the meditation on wolves with a bit of levity.

As the fire's shadows danced around her, Twilight relived her meeting with the wolves, picturing their thick, gray fur, narrow snouts and golden eyes. Her analytical side conjured facts and figures, from their preferred prey to their hunting patterns, and still the only feeling she could associate with the creatures was serenity.

really liked the contrast between the analytical and intuitive sides of Twilight here


the lush descwork really brings to mind the idea of mindfulness itself, which Twilight definitely practices here, and lets us drink in the details of this world as if we were right there with her, finding beauty and magic in something as simple and everyday as a winter walk. and the presence of the wolves, the touch of the wild and unknown, was also great here, as Ponyville's position by the Everfree always made it seem like a place halfway between tamed and untamed, making it a great setting for stories. this does truly feel like what a slice of life would be in such a place, and is a touching and genuine Twilight/Spike story besides.

11148917
Thank you! For a long time, I struggled with overdoing descriptions, and it seems I’ve struck a good balance with this one. I’m glad you enjoyed it as much as I do!

A nice meditative piece for a morning where it’s finally managed to crack 10℉.

11152653
It’s not that cold where I am, but I know the feeling!

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