Pinky Pant suit

Pinky is worried she is thought of as a joke. So she must become the most serious pony. But using the power of the pant suit!!!
Now redone and reedited.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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tuhka

tuhka #1 · Aug 25th, 2015 · 6 · ·

Still pretty much a script. Also, learn the character's names. Also, write better. Also, stop writing.

VitalSpark

VitalSpark #2 · Aug 25th, 2015 · 1 · ·

6356353
I read this comment and thought it very harsh, so I thought I'd read the story and try to counterbalance it with a more positive statement. However there's not a lot that's good to say about it so far.

The idea is sound — Pinkie is fed up of not being taken seriously, so decides to change her style and attitude. But the execution of the concept is poor, for the reasons outlined by tuhka, and more. I wouldn't go so far as to say stop writing altogether, but try to get better at it.

Prism Shine

Prism Shine #3 · Aug 25th, 2015 · 2 · ·

6356353

God, this comment was hilarious... Being brutally honest has it's pros.
---<>---
To the author of this story:
The writing made me cringe. I was about to smash my laptop.

I suggest you read books more. In fact, go to the library right now. Don't even dare goof off and go to the Children's Section to read picture books. This is pretty much still a script. Also, English more. Once I saw the top of the story I immediately flew down to the comment section here to write harsh criticism.

Stop writing, and start again when you read enough books.

tuhka

tuhka #4 · Aug 25th, 2015 · 1 · ·

6356838
6357040

I did come here with the intention of trying to provide advice, but sometimes I just don't know what to say. I think you guys did a much better job, frankly.

alarajrogers

alarajrogers #5 · Aug 25th, 2015 · 1 · 1 ·

Well, the other commenters were rude. I liked it. But there are some good points hidden in the rudeness. You should take care to use standard spellings for the characters -- it's Pinkie Pie, with an IE, not Pinky Pie with a Y, and Fluttershy has no space in her name. And while you're not technically writing script format, the all-capitalization of characters' names every time they speak and your lack of focus on description in favor of dialogue makes it feel very script-like.

Capitalize and spell names in a standard way, and add in some more description so we can see the scenes in our head as they happen, and this has the potential to be a pretty good comedic short.

TheFanficFanPony