• Published 25th Aug 2015
  • 302 Views, 6 Comments

Pinky Pant suit - fanscrenewriter



Pinky is worried she is thought of as a joke. So she must become the most serious pony. Redone.

  • ...
12
 6
 302

Pant suit power!!!

It's a beautiful day in Equestia as Pinkie Pie bounces her way to visit her friends on such a lively day. She bounds down the thoroughfare in the bright shinny sun. At the end of the road, the large friendship castle watches over the kind ponies of Ponyville. Pinkie knocks On Twilight's door and enters her Castle. Twilight sparkle, Spike the dragon, and Apple Jack.

Twilight's eyes roll as she talks to Apple Jack and says, “Please Apple Jack, I will, as a princess do what I can find out what can be done to-“

Apple Jack Screams, ”End the tax on apples!!! I can't take it, the farm can't take it-“

”I'm on your side AJ!”

“Sorry Twi, I'm just worried.”

“I know, it'll be okay we just have to work hard and get things done.” Spike just goes about in the background reviewing and pulling law books for Twilight.

Pinkie jumps in, “Wow talking about the tax on apples... that's as boring as talking about the price of sand in Saddle Arabia. He, he, he...”

Pinkie giggles at her joke. But Twilight and Apple Jack just stare coldly at her. “Okay Pinkie.” Twilight stares a Dagger at her.

Apple Jack exclaims in a panic, “Look this my just be a big joke to you, but this is my farm! My Lively hood, Granny’s doctor’s and Apple Bloom education, and Big Mac’s gambling addiction…”

Twilight tries to calm down her panicked friend with a nice even tone of voice, ”Apple Jack, just let it go. It's Pinkie, everything is just a dumb joke to her. Pinkie, don't you have a birthday party to plan or something?”

“Nope, the next birthday isn't till Mr. Cake's next Tuesday.” Pinkie answers Twilight without a second’s thought as to why she is asking.

Twilight replies, “Well we are going to just be talking about boring old taxes here. Why doesn’t you-”?

Pinkie now begins to realize that her friends may not want her around. “That's okay I just want to spend time with my friends. I'll be good,” Pinkie pleas to her friends.

“Well I have to look up budgets and write legal documents with AJ and we can't have any jokes-” Twilight points to giant pile of books

“But I was only trying to lighten the mood. I'll be a quiet little pony.” Pinkie goes in and sits in a dark corner.

Twilight only barely able to stay civil, “I know, and thank you. But can you lighten someone else mood for a while. Like Fluttershy, go bug Flutter shy... Help! Help Flutter Shy.”

Pinkie hops about down the street with a little else spring in her step, but still happy fun Pinkie Pie. Flutter Shy's living room. Flutter Shy has her bags out and her animals helping her pack. All her animals hand her things to put in her bags. Expect Angel bunny that just stares angrily at everything.

Pinkie pie asks, “So what are you doing?” Pinkie has to jump to get out of the way of the bear bringing her trunk over to her.

Fluttershy replies, “I am getting ready for my trip to the ocean to study the sea ponies.”

“Wow neat! But wait who will look after your animals while your gone? Can I do it???”

Fluttershy’s eyes dart about, “Oh that's okay… it’s not that your not a serous enough pony… it’s just… it’s just… I found somebody already for that.”

Pinkie looks over and sees Big Mac with his sidesaddle bags walking in. Big mac just let’s out his famous, ”Yep.”

Pinkie Pleas, “But I didn't even know-“

Fluttershy sheepishly, “Well it's just that Big Mac is already hired, and he will take care of Angel and the rest just fine.”

Big Mac chimes in with his, “Yep.”

“And no partying???” Fluttershy asks Big Mac and looks him dead in the eye.

Big Mac replies, “Nope.”

“Good. See Pinkie everything is in hand.”

“Ok.” Pinkie hangs her head to half-staff and walks away from Flutter Shy’s home. Pinkie walks along a lonely road, the only road she's ever known, when the doctor and ambulance ponies go running by carrying Rainbow Dash to the hospital with Rarity right behind them.

Pinkie asks, “What's going on?”

Rarity screams, “Rainbow is hurt, and it’s all my fault. I blinded her with a gem and she crashed.”

Rarity cries as she runs to behind the doctor. Hours and hours pass as Rarity Cries and Pinkie sits in her quite vigil as they wait for news. The coffee in the machine is slate as hell. A Philly cries, and cries for no reason. And still Pinkie and Rarity stay, and stay awake Finally the Doctor walks out to talk to the two them.

Rarity with ruined make asks, “What is it Doctor, did I kill my friend?”

The Doctor asks calmly with clinic fineness, “No, she will be ok, it'll be a while till she can fly again. But she will recover.”

Rarity, “Oh thank sweet Celesta.” Rarity goes to faint on her fainting couch she magic’s out of nowhere.

“A bit of a drama queen?” The doctor says as aside to no one.

Pinkie joins in, “Yeah that's her thing. So tell it to me straight doc, how long till Rainbow can fly again.”

“We have to keep her off her wings for a whole two months.”

“Say no more, I will watch her night and day and make sure she doesn't try any funny flying biz. Just for reference how bad is wrestling in her condition this time, she is a fighter. And I may have to wrestle her back into bed instead of trying to fly away.”

The just stares in worry, “I don't know if I want to release her to you. Your friend is hurt, and she will need a serious pony to take care of her”

Pinkie croaks outs after being taken aback from the comments of the doctor, “But am-“

“I'll take her.” Rarity blurts out.

The doctor wipes his brow from his worry sweat, “Oh thank sweet Celesta, a pony who's serious.”

A perplexed Pinkie wonder, “Why is every pony saying that today.” Pinkie hangs her head low and walks out of the room.

Pinkie walks slowly down the Street, no bounce left after what has been said about her today. Pinkie knows it’s been a long day and so she heads back home to sugar cube corner. It’s long past dark as Pinkie opens the door and finds Cakes planning the Mayor's sister's wedding. Pinkie looks on in shock as is the party pony and the mayor’s sisters wedding is the event of the season.

“What is this?” Pinkie asks with the pain of the betrayal dripping from her voice.

Mrs. Cake eyes dart about as she stammers out an answer to the young mare in her employ, “Well Pinkie… you see-”

Mayor Mare jumps in, “I want my sister married elegantly, not like a joke, or a child’s birthday party, and I want her the best. “

Pinkie barely holding back a tear, “And I'm just a joke, to you, my employers, and even my friends.”

Mr. Cakes tries to offer his 2 cents, “It's just that it's not going to be that kind of party is all.”

Pinkie just says in a somber tone of voice, “Oh I get the idea.” Pinkie’s hair defoliants as slinks away back to her room in the back of the store.

Pinkie swirls a steamed glass of grape juice as a fire burns in her fireplace.

Gummy her pet toothless alligator gums his balloon that doesn't ever pop. Thunderclouds roll in as Pinkie stares out the window.

Pinkie ponder about to herself, “They think I'm a joke do they?”

Pinkie strums her straight straight hair. “They are laughing at me aren't they?” Pinkie kicks back her drink and cackles. “They want a different Pinkie de pie-o. Then that's just what I'll do. Gummy summon my counsel of advisors.” Gummy does nothing, but Pinkie pushes a button and Pinkie 's advisors from Party of One appear. A pile of rocks in one chair, a bucket of turnips in another, a sake of flour, and sponge round out Pinkie 's round table of advisers.

“I have called you here because-“

La Flours speaks with a divine British accent, like another pony Pinkie knows, “We know dear. They don't respect you.”

Pinkie ponders over this, “Everyone thinks I'm a joke and not worth hanging out with.”

“Of course, we must make them pay. “ The bucket of turnips yells with a cool daring do fan girl voice… like someone else Pinkie knows.

“The best revenge is a life well lived, or so I have read.” The Sponge that loves to read and read and is full to the brim with bookie knowable.

Pinkie clenches her hoof, “Of course, so how do I do that to spite my enemies?”

“By becoming a serious pony, I think a book would say.” Sponge response.

“Serious pony, yes! How do I do that?”

La Flour speaks up, “Wear regal business clothes, such as nice dress or a sensible pant suit. A good start if you ask me.”

Pinkie jumps up from the great idea, “Of course, like Rarity sometimes does.”

Turnip tries to add, “By doing cool stunts and being 20% cooler then every other pony.”

“You could like rocks, I like rocks.” Rockies say lackadaisically.

Sponge chimes in with, “Use big words like Twilight.”

Pinkie sits down to think about what was just said, “I could like silly boring stuff like rocks... or taxes... of Course!”

Rockie, “Walk like Dad does, and don’t eat fun foods, just eat boring whet bread.”

, “And listen to that boring music Rarity and Octavia do. That'd class up a party.” La Flour tries to add.

“Of course I have to show I can toss a serious soiree of a shindig not just the Philly hootenannies I'm used to.” Pinkie exclaims.

Turnips add, “Just be like your family and society want you to be, not yourself. That'll make you friends.”

Pinkie leaps up and exclaims, “So I will become the new serious Pinkie Pie!”

Pinkie runs in the night to start her plan… Then Pinkie comes back in. “Where am I going? Silly I can't do anything till tomorrow.” Pinkie goes to bed. The next day, Pinkie in her new all pant suit looks stunning... as it stuns all the many onlookers as she walks, not bounce down the streets of Ponyville.

The birthday party of Mr. Cake Pinkie now has a string curette, martini shaped glasses for the apple cider, and no party cannon about while the ladies dress in elegant dress and the stallions have ties. Pinkie now in her Pinkie Pant suit sways to the genteel music, but not having fun or hopping about in any way. Mayor Mare jaw drops with surprise.

Mayor Mare in complete astonishment has she talks, “Pinkie, I was wrong, you simply must do my sister's wedding.”

Pinkie just replies simply, “Thank you mayor.” Pinkie just gives a subdued smile, and walks a way.

Pinkie walks by as she hears a ruckus from Fluttershy's house. The window breaks as Spike goes flying and lands in the road.

SPIKE, “Oh hey Pinkie, nice pant suit. Hey Big Mac is throwing a raging mustang party, wanta come?”

Pinkie just replies with an overly calm, “No, I tried being the one to house sit for Flutter Shy, but she chose this. As a serious grown up I must abed by her wish. Granted it will ruin her home, but that was her wish. Good Day Good Sir.” Pinkie walks away.

Spike just has to stare in awe as she walks on, “Oh ok spike, I think that was enough pony punch. I think I'm hearing crazy.” Pinkie Pie passing up a fun party no that could ever happen… I’m crazy.”

Spike runs up and opens the door. “Oh yeah pony mash pit!!! Oh Shining Armor what are you doing?” Spike Laughs. The door shuts and the party continues.

Twilight and Apple Jack look forlorn as the Mayor shakes her head at them. The fine wood panel office with a mahogany desk, and tons of town awards on the walls form the den of the Mayor Mare’s power.

Pinkie calmly enters holding an adult businesswomen's brief case, “Stop right there, I have researched this matter thoroughly and I have found that this new apple tax is illegal. The power your using to place in effect is only an emergency power that unless you are to have a fully mobilized pony unit, with a wonder bolt unit on the ready at all times then you can't enact a tax with out the sign off of a princess. Besides your sister's wedding plans can be certainly derailed be-“

“Fine it's off the books.” Mayor Mare says in a rush to protect the wedding.

Twilight and Apple Jack rejoice and hug for Pinkie Pie. Apple Jack out of tears of joy churns out, “Pinkie you saved the Farm, and I owe you so much.”

Twilight, “Your dressed weird, and how did you even research this?”

Pinkie just calmly answers, “I'm dressed serious, for business and not fun. Miss Le Flour told me so.” Pinkie’s eyes move in two directions at once.

Twilight has to ask her friend, “Pinkie are you feeling alright?”

“Now, now, now, I am just a serious pony, it's all in a day's work.” Pinkie walks away… in a totally serious way.

A bewildered Twilight must ask one more question to get to the heart of the matter, “Wait when is Rainbow Dash's get well party? I assume she's going to throw one.” Pinkie gives no answer and just leaves.

Rarity helps Rainbow Dash inside with her in a wheel chair from the balloon they rode to get the clouds. But first they burst through the door and act like they should be surprised... but nothing. They look around and nobody is there to greet them at all.

Rainbow Dash looks about her own home confused, “Hey now, Pinkie always tosses me a get well party every time I get hurt.”

Rarity as confused as well looks about, “I know... where is she and the guests.”

Twilight walks in with a card and surprised too by the emptiness, “Did I miss the party?”

“Nope.” Rainbow Dash just stares slack jawed at how could this have not happened.

Rarity asks, “Wait happened to Pinkie to make her forget something so important?”

Twilight thinks about it, ”She was acting kind of weird.”

Rainbow cuts her off, “Was her mane flat? Did her eyes move in two different directions at once? Did she talk to a pile of rocks?”

Twilight stutters out, “Well... there was no pile of rocks.”

Rainbow Dash yells, “Oh no no no!!! Quick to Pinkie 's we have to save her.” Rainbow wheels her chair as fast as her hooves will drive her.

Pinkie clad her pantsuit marches about and with counsel of advisors. Rainbow dash punches the door in and wheels in to the horror of what she finds.

“Pinkie ? What is this?”

Pinkie Pie chocks on the voice of the party pony as she answers, “They are my true friends. I tried to change but it doesn't seem like I have any more friends. I'm just a joke. “

Rainbow stares Pinkie in the eye and unwavering, “Pinkie for the last time WE are your friends.”

“No, I was a laughing stock, just a joke pony. But I'm not I can be serious too. See my Pinkie Pant Suit.”

“Oh honey those colors are just so garish.” Rarity points to the clashing of the colors, “and that terrible stitching.”

Turnip yells, “See they aren't your friends, they have turned against you.”

Miss La Flour exclaims, “Those are great colors! That is the best Pant suit I have ever made.”

The Sponge in the corner sits with an open book in front of it “Should have had more big book words.”

Rockie jumps in, “They are just like your family, you will never be loved.”

Rainbow pleas “Shut up turnips. Pinkie look we're sorry. I'm sorry that your were made to think that. Your-“

“A joke... I know... I know... Just like rock's berg. Who and what I am aren't good enough... I couldn't fixed there... I was too young. But now... I'll change, I much change. I can't loose who I love again.” Pinkie burst's past them and runs into the Everfree forest at night alone.

Pinkie cries all alone by a pond in the dark. With a hurt Rainbow dash a few clouds the full moon. Pinkie looks at herself in the pond.

“Look at you, you’re a joke. Just because you change the outside, change the way you speak, and change the way you walk. Doesn't mean that you changed at all. Dad was right.”

Pinkie rolls over to stares in the dark night sky. Pinkie sees a shape and it's... it's... Discord! And following him is Princess Celstia.

Discord calmly states, “Now now now, is my little pony sad about something?”

Pinkie cries out, “What's going on?”

Discord answers, “I am here to mentor you on the ways of... something.”

Celstia adds, “Just to be helpful. Your mentoring doesn't have to always have a defined purpose every time.”

Pinkie calms down a little, “Princess may I ask-“

Celstia answers with a brief, “I'm mentoring him on mentoring. So just don't mind me.”

“But why discord?”

Discord responds, “Oh I know, it's because I know what you are going through. Because I too have had problems with my good time effecting others... was that it?”

“You do?”

“I had to change for others once. And I have to admit it worked out great for me.”

Celstia jumps in, “Discord, no. The answer is to be herself. So just help get to that conclusion.”

Discord gets confused by this answer. “Why, I changed for others and everything is better now.”

Celstia rolls her eyes because she can’t believe she has to say this yet again, “Yes because that is what you wanted, you wanted to change because you realized that who you were was untenable and had to change one way or the other. I'm just glad you chose the path of friendship.”

“Ok...”

“And so you need to tell Pinkie that herself is good enough.” Celstia orders.

Pinkie now with out a tear asks, “But I do want to change. It’s want everyone wants. Only I wanted me to be that way.”

Discord adds, “Yeah she wants to change, so why can't she. Are you going to make her stay the same?”

Celstia exclaims, “I'm not saying that.”

“It sounds like that.”

Pinkie jumps in, “Yeah it does.”

CELESTIA, “No it doesn't, and Pinkie don’t be trouble. Now ALICORN FLASHBACK.” In a bright flash the three disappear.

Young Pinkie with her mane Flat runs and plays with her big sister Maude.

Pinkie stops because Maude has to get back to work. Her family farm that is big enough to work, just work... day in and day out. Digging and digging for more and more rock. Time passes and no fun is had.

It is Pinkie 's birthday and all she got was a shovel... because now she is old enough to work. Pinkie tries her best to work like a good pony... but...

Little Pinkie calls, “Hey Maude I don't suppose you could...”

Pinkie is trying to push a rock 5X her size up a steep hill.

“Ok...” Maude picks up the rock and tosses it into the wagon so it can now leave.

Pinkie Father gets pissed, “Maude what did I tell you? Let Pinkie work. We pies are serious ponies. There is no time for fun or free loaders.”

Maude, “But Pinkie just wants to have fun. She made a friend out of a bag of flour the other day.”

Pinkie Father stares her down, “There is no fun on a rock farm, just work and pride in a hard day's work. We'll teach that brat of a daughter of mine, one way or another.”

The sprits of Discord, Celstia, and Pinkie appear. Discord tries to punch Pinkies father. But it does no good. “What a Meany dodo head.” Discord snaps his claw but nothing happens.

Celstia rolls her eyes at him, “Discord we are watching the past, we can’t interact.”

In the sky's above them lights up with a Sonic Rainboom. Discord in awe asks, “What was that?”

Pinkie answers, “A Sonic Rainboom.” We see in the background a young Pinkie 's mane poof up to full curl and hop about. “I remember how happy I was the first time I felt happy... I guess that's a feeling only for other... better ponies. Now how do I make Serious Pinkie the real Pinkie ?”

Celstia exclaims forcefully, “No that's not the point.” The scene around the blue outlines melts and fades away.

That night, at the rock farm's upper more left window a light is still on. Maude and Pinkie pack in the middle of the night. Maude demands, “Again.”

Little Pinkie answers “Follow the North Star to town then take Main Street to the train station and be sure to get on the first train. And take it for at least three stops.“

Maude reach’s down and hugs her sister, “I love you Pinkie. And here is something to remember me by.” Maude gives her a rock candy necklace.

Little Pinkie asks, “Do you love me as much, as much as rocks?”

Maude with a single tears, “More. Now go.” Maude lowers a rope and lower little Pinkie down. Foal Pinkie has to run in the night to be free.

Discord in complete disbelief says, “Okay wow... that was hard-core.”

Celstia has as much trouble to speak, “What... this is suppose to be a simply a be your self lesson. Don't change for others, but growing is okay. But wow that's some baggage. Twilight was a blank slate compared to this.”

Pinkie hangs her head again; “Well I guess no matter how far I run, or what I do no one will love me for me.”

Discord jumps up and stands tall, “Okay that's it. Discord magic flashback time.” Discord snaps his fingers and the three disappear. The sky filled with cotton candy and raining chocolate milk. Pinkie looks confused.

Celstia looks about, “Discord why?”

Discords states, “Look at how I used to act. I loved a joke and a laugh so much I hurt other to do so. You don't do that so you’re fine.”

Pinkie retorts, “That's not the issue.”

Discord in disbelief asks, “It's not.”

Pinkie sheepishly answers, “No it's that ponies don't take me serious and think that I think everything is a joke. When really...” The three disappear again.

They appear on a train, Pinkie shiver with cold under the blanket she brought wasn't big enough to cover all of her. The young Cakes enter the Car and take seats across from her. The three sprites appear to see the goings on.

Older Pinkie Pie says, “This is where I learned to use humor as a defense. At this train ride.”

Young Mrs. Cakes sees the lonely little Philly, “Oh honey look at that poor Philly.”

The young Mr. Cakes shakes his head, “Yep, crying shame.”

“Honey where are your parents?” the young Mrs. Cakes asks.

Little Pinkie replies, “In two stops. I have a ticket; you can't make me go back. Nothing can make me go back.”

“So going to Ponyville then, is yea?” Mr. Cakes inquires about the girl.

“What's it to yea?”

The young Mrs. Cakes answers, “Well it's just you seem like you could use a little help.”

Mr. Cakes chimes in, “And we could use some help around our bakery for using our spare room.”

Little Pinkie Pie accuses, “Baking, you mean making boring old wheat bread or rock bread?”

The young Mrs. Cakes answers with a giggle in her voice, “Oh no our bakery makes lots of things, breads like sourdough, and sweet French bread. And tarts, and rolls. But bestest of all is out birthday cake.”

Little Pinkie melts with the sound of birthday cake, “Don't you mean birthday bread? Or birthday rocks or birthday something else boring.”

The cakes both bust up laughing. Young Mr. Cakes laughs through his words, “Oh I like her she's a little joker.”

Big Pinkie, “That's how it started. From that I realized reality was just easier to deal with a joke then just facing it dead on. Now the only thing that has ever helped me... is what will cost me all my friends. Because who could love a joker?”

Pinkie lays down to weep in defeat as the world warps around her back to where she started. In the night of the Everfree forest Discord and Celstia watch over a crying Pinkie pie. Out of corner of their eyes in comes the Mare five.

Twilight runs up to stop her teacher, “Wait Princess, Discord stop casting magic... it has way to much range. We saw everything from way back there.”

Rarity chocks up as she says, “Pinkie we're sorry.”

Apple Jack ponies up and speaks her mind, “Your not a laughing stock.”

Fluttershy still in her beach wear from just getting back from the sea ponies, “Nor do we need you to change. By the way AJ, I will kill your brother.”

Apple Jack looks over to Fluttershy, “I saw your house... I'll help you bury the body.”

Rainbow Dash jumps in… well wheels in, “Pinkie we love you, your fine the way you are.”

Pinkie cries, “But my parents, society, everypony wants me to be this way I can't truly be.”

Twilight Hugs Pinkie tight.

Twilight whispers, “Then don't. Just be Pinkie, and understand that sometimes that might not be what's needed. Just know you'll always be loved.”

“But-“

Rainbow hugs her next. “Hush.”

Rarity hugs her next. “I'll make you a better pant suit.”

“Nope.” Apple Jack knocks her out of the hug. Apple Jack hugs her next. “You'll be the next to house sit, if you still want to that is...”

“Even if-“

Fluttershy, “You're just the way you are.” Flutter Shy hugs her last.

Celstia watches her student we cheer and awe as to how much she as learned, “Yeah see be yourself, I said that. I totally said that.”

Discord just snorts, “Twilight did it better.”

Rainbow Dash adds, “Besides I need a welcome home form the hospital party.”

Pinkie hair poofs up as Pinkie gets her groove back, “You do. Now where's my party cannon.” Everyone laughs, and they head home to party.

Comments ( 6 )

Still pretty much a script. Also, learn the character's names. Also, write better. Also, stop writing.

6356353
I read this comment and thought it very harsh, so I thought I'd read the story and try to counterbalance it with a more positive statement. However there's not a lot that's good to say about it so far.

The idea is sound — Pinkie is fed up of not being taken seriously, so decides to change her style and attitude. But the execution of the concept is poor, for the reasons outlined by tuhka, and more. I wouldn't go so far as to say stop writing altogether, but try to get better at it.

6356353

God, this comment was hilarious... Being brutally honest has it's pros.
---<>---
To the author of this story:
The writing made me cringe. I was about to smash my laptop.

I suggest you read books more. In fact, go to the library right now. Don't even dare goof off and go to the Children's Section to read picture books. This is pretty much still a script. Also, English more. Once I saw the top of the story I immediately flew down to the comment section here to write harsh criticism.

Stop writing, and start again when you read enough books.

6356838
6357040

:twilightsheepish:

I did come here with the intention of trying to provide advice, but sometimes I just don't know what to say. I think you guys did a much better job, frankly.

Well, the other commenters were rude. I liked it. But there are some good points hidden in the rudeness. You should take care to use standard spellings for the characters -- it's Pinkie Pie, with an IE, not Pinky Pie with a Y, and Fluttershy has no space in her name. And while you're not technically writing script format, the all-capitalization of characters' names every time they speak and your lack of focus on description in favor of dialogue makes it feel very script-like.

Capitalize and spell names in a standard way, and add in some more description so we can see the scenes in our head as they happen, and this has the potential to be a pretty good comedic short.

With an editor, this could work.

Login or register to comment