Report 3: Las Vegas
While overlooked in most protection contracts, establishing a PoI (Point of Intervention) is one of the most vital elements in ensuring client peace-of-mind. While the drawing of weaponry was the industry’s “default”, this point differed from contract to contract. Jumpier clients might request help when someone rose their voice or voiced a threat. Riskier business deals with aggressive individuals, meanwhile, might be ruined if a bodyguard leapt into action the moment a blade was drawn.
When asked to double up as chaperones (a common situation with children and foreigners), establishing PoI was twice as vital. A good “chaperone”, after all, might be expected to keep their charge from making fools of themselves or breaking laws… understandably difficult if you didn’t know what to expect. If no PoI is specified, one could only hope that a bodyguard could read his or her charge(s).
Carl’s eye twitched, a facial tick that had gradually formed over the past 48 hours.
“THIS TRIP IS OVER!” shouted a delirious Fluttershy, “TAKE US BACK TO THE COAST THIS INSTANT!” Yellow wings were spread in what would have been a menacing display of dominance… if she hadn’t been soaked to the bone. Even at the brink of madness, soaked ponies were far more adorable than threatening.
A half dozen agents scattered through the room watched in silence as Carl sighed and grabbed his stun gun. Slowly approaching the irate pegasus, Carl couldn’t help but wonder when he had missed his opening.
Two Days Before Incident
“Are you sure that I can’t talk you out of this?” Carl asked, trying one last time.
“If we’re trying to learn about human culture, that means the good and the bad,” Twilight insisted. The two of them were sitting in the common area of the ponies’ home for the night, talking softly to avoid waking anypony in the neighboring bedroom. For better or worse, Twilight had played a part in developing the travel itinerary. Armed with what little information she had scrounged independently, her few specific requests stood to make things quite difficult.
“What about the nut who tried to kill you with a drone? Was that not ‘bad’ enough for you?” While bringing up past incidents with a client is always considered bad form, Mike had all but ordered Carl to change their mind.
“…Is that it, then?” Twilight asked, “Is everyone in this world either an upstanding citizen or a murderous monster? Is that how things work around here?”
“Well, that’s how I’ve heard things work in…” Carl slammed his mouth, cutting of his words. He hadn’t intended to say even that much out loud, though it was too late to take it back now.
Twilight’s telekinetic scribing of notes from the day into her small notebook (the third notebook that week) slowed and halted as Twilight stared at Carl in shock.
“THAT!” Twilight exclaimed, pointing one hoof up at Carl, “That right there is precisely the problem. You keep assuming that your cartoons showed you everything. They didn’t! Ponies can be more than heroes, workers, jerks, and villains. We have our own vices and neuroses. We have private fantasies and daydreams. By Celestia, ponies have problems!”
Twilight looked down at the table before her, slowly catching her breath, ”I don’t know why you humans keep insisting on ignoring our problems and hiding your own but I know that it can’t be healthy in the long run. All that we want is a chance to prove ourselves, to show that we can handle whatever you’ve been hiding. Is that too much to ask?”
Truth be told, Carl was never a man for philosophies or abstract ideologies. Like any good agent, he listened to his orders and, in their absence, pursued general directives. “Doing the right thing” and “listening to his gut” rarely entered into the equation… though Mike had told him to be a friend.
“…”
“Tell me this, at least,” Twilight entreated, “How bad are the people city be in that city, really? Would the people there try to hurt us? Would they make it harder for you to do your job? Is there any logical reason for you to hide the town from us?”
While the town in question had a far from stellar crime record, Carl knew that the odds of a mugging plummeted with proper security and planning. Plus, most of the visit would be spent in buildings with excellent, if surreptitious, security. There were several other answers that Carl could have given, of course, but none seemed to come to mind as he stared into his client’s puppy-dog eyes… or at least none that he was willing to share.
“Despite the noise… and heavy foot traffic… I do not imagine that it would worse than Disneyland. If anything, protecting you from external threats may prove easier.”
“Then what are you afraid of?”
…Try though he might, Carl couldn’t think of any way to tell the Princess that she and her friends had a habit of displaying the attention spans and self-control of five-year-olds… at least without compromising his ongoing efforts to befriend her.
“Get some rest,” Carl advised, standing up from the table as he suppressed a yawn, “We’re heading off first thing in the morning, Princess Twilight.”
Carl walked over to the front door, already regretting every step taken in that conversation, when a small voice behind him spoke up, “Thanks.”
“If you want to thank me,” Carl started, “please ask your friends to stay on their best behavior. While Aegis is limited in what it can do to you if you keep acting out… they can still punish me the moment I allow you girls to pull off another ‘Disneyland’.”
With those last words, Carl walked outside and closed the door. While he couldn’t be certain, Carl thought that exit was precisely what Mike had in mind: One part honest fear, one part acting, and a whopping eight parts guilt trip. With luck, the girls would take those words to heart.
No… that wasn’t the proper time to act. Carl never could have foreseen what was going to happen. Nobody (and nopony) would have expected that. Even if he had known, trying to send any warning at that point would have made him look like a madman.
The proper Point of Intervention definitely came later… though he had a difficult time putting his finger on the exact moment…
14 Hours Before Incident
Arriving in Los Vegas had taken a grueling 8-hour ride, just a small taste of the journey still ahead. Everypony had been allowed to bring a book (or five magazines… or three coloring books) in the van, though concentrating on anything for that long seemed to bore most of the ponies. Once the hills and ridges of the early road gave way to flat expanses, Carl felt for the first time in weeks that his vigilance was somewhat redundant. Any ambush on the road, after all, would have likely involved cars ahead of the van, nothing he could see from his spot in the back. Exercising in a crowded vehicle would have been difficult and his current “weapon” required far less maintenance than a proper gun, removing his other go-to choices of productive activities.
With very few options available to him, Carl had started talking with the ponies, learning about them and their world and their views on the human world. It was the longest that Carl had talked to them and while there were quite a few frivolous topics, Carl certainly learned enough to shift his preconceived notions… a bit.
In the past, Carl had viewed Equestria as some inhuman paradise with an occasional monster. Now, Equestria seemed like just another Earth… if its history had been reenacted with stuffed animals by a ten-year-old girl in suburbia… who thought she was being “edgy”. There were wars… but only in the great past. There were battles… but never massacres. Ponies had illnesses… but they had never suffered a pandemic. While the occasional looming apocalypse admittedly offset a few things, most drama found in the human world was watered down in Equestria.
All of this news certainly explained why historical records and museums of Earth were set to be revealed at a carefully monitored pace, though Carl knew that it had far deeper implications for Aegis. These ponies weren’t simply innocent “civilians” in need of protection.
Instead, they were the worst nightmare of any defense agency: the previously hypothetical hybrid of a naïve optimist with ADHD and a grizzled war hero… who could teleport, fly, or run very fast.
Factoring in the “war hero” factor, many of Carl’s previous assumptions had to be revisited. He’d have to observe and learn how they operated as a unit, exploit any (formal or informal) chains of command, and rebalance his Point of Intervention for each pony. That last task in particular, vital as it was to minimizing incidents, became Carl’s personal goal for their stay in Vegas.
Soon, that task would be complete. The four hours after arriving at the Luxor had been quite informative, after all. In a bid to control the situation and minimize chaos, Carl had asked each pony to name one thing that they wanted to do while in town, listing a number of safer options to serve as examples of attractions and activities.
This… had been met with mixed results.
Rainbow Dash, perhaps surprisingly, asked if she and the girls could have some “bits” so they could do a bit of gambling. After making a quick call to his direct supervisor, Carl was assured that betting and gambling did exist in Equestria and was permitted to extend them a small amount of currency for that purpose.
The time in the casino was… brief. Half of the group blew their earnings on the slots (including Applejack, who hadn’t even realized until later that she was ahead for a time since coins failed to tumble out) while the others waited for their chance at the card table. Carl still wasn’t sure which had happened first, Rainbow Dash’s tantrum over the ‘obviously rigged’ game or the gentle accusation by management that Twilight was counting cards and suggestion that it was best to leave the casino… immediately.
What Carl did know, however, was that he made the conscious choice to hold himself back when Rainbow Dash lost her temper. He was starting to understand that she was more bluster than fight… at least until her opponent escalated the conflict. For Rainbow Dash, blowing up like that wasn’t an “incident” needing a fix. It was simply how she got the anger out of her system.
Point of Intervention For Rainbow Dash (Most Recent): A) Threatened opponent escalates conflict. B) Dangerous/Illegal dare or challenge is offered. C) Display of weaponry. D) ECS
Pinkie’s display was more benign on the surface, though it still caused her bodyguard a good deal of stress. As the only pony who had made a “fair” profit at cards, she asked for permission to explore through the shopping centers and buy some sweets… a request that ended up raising the blood sugar of everybody involved (including a couple of plainclothes infield agents Pinkie somehow picked out from the crowd). Her culinary tour ended at M&M’s World.
When Carl noticed Pinkie Pie’s hyperactivity, he once again tried keeping his distance… which might’ve been a mistake. While she handled the energy far better than humans would, more sweets caused her condition to deteriorate until… well, she nearly caused some pretty hefty property damage. All in all, it was too close of a call for Carl’s comfort.
Point of Intervention For Pinkamena Diane Pie (Most Recent): A) sudden twitches or spasms of the body, face, mane, and/or tail not noted in Appendix A, B) Attempted or actual consumption of sweets in excess of 5 lbs in under the space of one hour. C) Insults or threats. D) ECS
Applejack’s humble request was simple and straightforward… making it a nightmare to dance around. Applejack wanted to try the human version of her namesake beverage. Not in the middle of the day. Not a huge amount. Just enough to compare the taste and strength.
Carl wrestled with that request more than any other. Alcohol apparently existed in Equestria in one form or another and the request had sounded very reasonable. At the same time, however, taking the whole group out to a bar (or worse, a club) seemed like a recipe for disaster. After another quick phone call, a compromise was set up. After everypony returned to their suite for the evening, Applejack and Carl could go out and look for a bar with the drink she was after. Just the two of them and a couple of agents for back-up.
Point of Intervention For Applejack (Most Recent): A) Consumption of any amount of alcohol. B) Insults (esp. concerning dishonesty) or display of weaponry. C) ECS.
Rarity and Twilight Sparkle were the only two ponies who decided to work together, choosing two options that both of them expected to enjoy. Their first request was for a simple tour around town, the safest and easiest request so far. All that it requires was paying a tour bus company to lend one of its drivers to act as a guide. The guided tour through Las Vegas was relatively simple and relaxing, though Rarity seemed to be having the time of her life.
While most parts of Los Vegas are a far cry from “High Society”, Rarity had been owning every aspect of her stay in Los Vegas: chatting up tourists in the casino, using Pinkie’s candy run for a bit of window shopping, delighting in every new style and outfit that passed her way… it went on and on. Coming from a clothes-optional world, it seemed that even the faux-style donned by card dealers, performers on break, and Elvis impersonators seemed to fill her with some form of glee. The way she responded to miniature caricatures of famous structures, you would think that she was seeing the real thing. Thankfully, her brand of over-excitement wasn’t the sort needing any form of Intervention
Point of Intervention For Rarity (Most Recent): A) In presence of known celebrity. B) Insults or threats. C) ECS.
The second event they requested was to attend a magic show that evening. Rarity was eager to attend one of the lavish Vegas shows and Twilight displayed particular curiosity towards seeing how humans traditionally thought of magic. Considering some of the other shows that the ponies could have asked for, Carl couldn’t help but feel that he’d dodged a bullet with that one.
Point of Intervention For Princess Twilight Sparkle (Most Recent): SPECIAL. See Appendix B for proper protocol.
After those four hours of stress and near-misses, there was only enough time for one more event before grabbing some dinner and catching the show. Thankfully, Fluttershy had volunteered to go last. Just as Carl had hoped, her choice of venue was less than stressful.
She asked if there were any animals hidden away in the streets or hotels that she could visit, a request that quickly led the group to the Aquarium at Mandalay Bay.
As soon as entry fees had been covered (and the area had gone through a preliminary sweep), the ponies walked in with a series of “oohs” and “ahs”. Given the security measures already present within the facility, Carl expanded his “safe perimeter” to let the ponies explore the immediate area.
Rarity walked off and started observing the more elegant and brightly colored specimens while Rainbow Dash, prevented from running ahead and watching the sharks, watched as some of the faster fish “raced” through the water. Pinkie kept her eye on some of the more unusual fish, making funny faces at them whenever they seemed to notice her. Applejack and Twilight, meanwhile, alternated between reading the informational plaques and watching fishes. Applejack even tried speaking for the critters every now and then to lighten the mood.
“Ah’m a sea jelly, y’all. Ah float wherever ah want, ya hear?”
“Actually, Applejack, they don’t consciously control where they swim. In fact, they don’t even have proper brains like ponies and humans do.”
“Oh… Ah’m a sea jelly, y’all. Blurga blurga bloo.”
Fluttershy, however, remained by Carl’s side and gently asked if they could see everything. As far as outings with the ponies went, it was a pretty calm affair. Every new patron entering the aquarium was screened at the entrance and asked to keep a respectable distance from the visiting ponies. While the latter rule was broken now and then, prompting Carl to grasp his weapon, it was generally by parents with children who wanted to see through a specific window.
Of course, not threatening the ponies wasn’t the same as not bothering them.
*tap* *tap* *tap*
“Um… excuse me…”
*tap* *tap* *tap*
“Could you… possibly…”
*tap* *tap* *tap*
“Not tap on the glass like that?”
The child Fluttershy was talking to, a girl no older than seven, seemed to be at a loss, “But look,” she said, pointing at the few fish that had gathered by the glass, “They like me.”
*tap* *tap* *tap*
Fluttershy winced at the sound of each tap, tucking back her ears as she took a deep breath “Actually, I think you might be bothering them… not that there’s anything wrong with you. It just… they look a bit… anxious.”
The girl seemed to think that over as Carl swept the crowd for the girl’s guardian. He found a woman with a strong family resemblance, at least if you subtracted a couple hundred pounds, yammering on her cell phone about 10 feet away.
“Am I bothering you?” the girl asked, facing the fish.
*Tap*
*Tap*
*Tap*
*Tap*
*Tap*
*Tap*
“See? They shook their heads. That means no!”
If any other client had engaged in that sort of “argument” with a child, Carl would have ignored it entirely while searching for bigger threats. From what he knew of the ponies, however, that conversation was liable to end in tears… and not necessarily those of the girl, either. Continuing his regular checks on the other ponies, Carl made his way to the busy mother.
“Excuse me, ma’am,”
“…really need is… excused me for a moment,” The woman put down her foot, staring up at Carl without the slightest hint of trepidation, “What?”
“Is that your daughter, ma’am?” Carl asked, pointing back to the girl.
“Yes, that’s my Monica. Why?”
“She’s bothering a VIP… and breaking aquarium rules. Please reign her in before I’m forced-”
“WHAT?!?”
That last exclamation came not from the mother but from Fluttershy, prompting Carl to pivot around and brace himself for anything.
The girl… “Monica”… was still tapping on the glass without a care in the world. Fluttershy, meanwhile, had frozen in place with a horrified expression on her face. From the corner of his eye, Carl could see that at least a couple of ponies and agents had noticed the outburst.
Carl gently approached the petrified pegasus with care, unaware of what had been said or how she was going to react. Though Carl had snapped a few of catatonic clients into action in the past, he normally had the benefit of knowing what had gone wrong.
“Fluttershy?”
The sound of Carl’s voice seemed to snap Fluttershy right back to attention, “Oh… hello Carl. I’m sorry for raising my voice like that. This little filly was just talking about… things I don’t think she understands quite yet.”
“…What sort of things?” Carl asked, regretting the question even as it slipped past his lips.
Fluttershy looked up at Carl, putting most of his worries at ease. She had visibly calmed down and was even smiling at the obvious silliness of whatever she was about to say.
“She… she told me that humans didn’t ask the fish if they wanted to be in the aquarium. I… I know that it sounds silly. I mean, these don’t look like bad fish and this doesn’t look like a fish jail so… Carl, why aren’t you smiling?”
Carl’s jaw was clamped shut, refusing to admit so much as a peep until he could work through what he’d been told and figure out the answer least likely to cause problems. While Aegis had dreamt up of at least a dozen pony-specific complications and their proper responses, the thought of explaining “fish slavery” hadn’t ever come up.
Unfortunately, Fluttershy proved more than capable of drawing conclusions from her bodyguard’s silence. The nervous smile slipped from Fluttershy’s face as her pupils started retracting,
“Oh… oh no…” the Pegasus started muttering, taking a single step away from Carl and Monica… and then another step… and another… “-nivores so I can understand if… isn’t that enough? Did they even… their families? *gasp* What if they had eggs?”
Two members of the infield were approaching Fluttershy from either side (but not from behind. Intelligent or not, she was still a spooked equine) as Carl walked forward with his hands outstretched in a placating gesture. Carl gave his backup a small nod, permission to grab Fluttershy if she started panicking. While man-handling a client was never a good sign, she was showing the warning signs of a potential runner.
Thankfully, it didn’t get that far. Rainbow Dash and Rarity cut Carl off, “Watch where you’re going, bub. In case you haven’t noticed, you’re terrifying my oldest friend.”
“Your oldest friend was already terrified,” Carl justified.
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Dash groaned, raising a single hoof to her face.
“What she means to say,” Rarity corrected, “is that we know how to deal with Fluttershy when she gets a bit… shaken. Allow us to get to the bottom of this.”
While Carl had little reason to doubt Rarity’s claim… and the two of them seemed to be Fluttershy’s closest friends… the thought of sending in “the brash one” and “the dramatic one” to learn some “terrible human secret” seemed a bit… unwise.
“Tell you what,” Carl countered, “Grab the others as quickly as you can. I’ll do my best to explain everything to the entire group.”
While the two mares seemed reluctant to leave their friend in distress for even one second longer, the two of them exchanged an uncertain and nodded, splitting up to grab Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Watching the terrified, mumbling pegasus, Carl could feel a muscle in the corner of his eye spasm… just like it did when Applejack had asked for applejack… or when Pinkie had resurfaced from the Pink M&M bin. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be the start of a regular thing…
Point of Intervention For Fluttershy (Most Recent): A) Threat. B) Animal cruelty (includes swatting spiders, mosquitoes, etc.) in immediate area. C) ECS.
No… Carl hadn’t missed his opportunity at that point. He had chosen to intervene and gathering the rest of the ponies was probably the smartest thing he had done all day. While nopony seemed “happy” with the situation, they all accepted that the fish on earth weren’t “intelligent” like they were back home… or at least most of them did.
...in hindsight, the whole situation highlighted the problems involved with using a single bodyguard (especially one who was expected to double as a “chaperone”) to watch over an entire group. Amidst the bubbly personalities and near misses of the previous day, noticing that a shy and withdrawn pony had suddenly become a different sort of shy and withdrawn…
It was Carl’s own fault, really. Beyond overlooking the temperament of his charge, he had been the one who accepted this whole impossible job. He had been doomed to failure from the very start…
Two Months Before Incident
“…You’re joking,” Carl stated.
Things certainly would have been easier if it was all a joke. If it was, Carl could get out of his uncomfortable chair, clearly designed for someone nearly half his height. Then, he could leave the small Aegis office with its dull grey walls… return to the gym and exercise, perhaps.
“This is real,” Mike confirmed, still working on his computer.
“I thought that the government was going to-“
“The ponies nixed those plans,” Mike interrupted, “though DC is still willing to fund anyone brave enough to work with them. You’ve saw the size of the commission, right?”
Carl looked down at the desk separating the two men, seeing the slip of paper that Mike had placed there for him. The number of zeros hadn’t changed.
“Assuming that I believe you,” Carl started, “what makes you think that we’re getting this contract at all? On that note, why me? Why not grab one of your poster-boys?”
“The ponies aren’t big on violence,” Mike stated, continuing on as though the magical equine aliens were simply fussy clients, “We’ve done more NL-work within the past year than the big three have ever done in the past decade. As for choosing you… the ponies seem to want a ‘chum’ and when I think of chatterboxes, I think of a certain friend who could use a second chance.”
So the ponies wanted nonlethal measures… Carl frowned just thinking of the logistics. When keeping a low profile simply wasn’t possible and assailants couldn’t be pacified at range, the most reliable strategy was flooding the area with personnel and leaving no vantage points open. It was possible, of course, but it would be a headache and a half.
“You’re treating this nightmare like it’s some sort of favor,” Carl commented, careful to keep his face neutral. While Mike was known best for his short fuse, he wasn’t above the occasional mind-game.
“You don’t have to take the job if you don’t want,” Mike shrugged, “After what happened the last time you opened you big mouth, I just thought you’d appreciate a job where those loose lips were an actual asset.”
“…Who would I be working with?” Carl finally asked, not budging from his seat.
“It’s a big job that can bring in big business,” Mike started, “I’d handle the infield personally. Bout time I got out of this office, if you ask me. Beyond that, Kelly… you know Kelly, right? She’ll be handling the outfield. As for agents, you might recognize-“
“Who will I be working with, Mike?” Carl reiterated.
Mike stopped typing at his computer, spinning ninety degrees on his chair to stare into Carl’s eyes. There was a bit of annoyance in that stare, not to mention a bit of… sympathy.
“They insisted on a single guard, Carl, and we had to fight for that. We’re hoping to convince them to accept more help but until then, you’d be on your own”
“…Get back to me when you’re sober, Mike.”
Carl rose out of his chair, relishing the freedom in movement as he spun around and grabbed the doorknob.
“Stop being a baby,” Mike called out, “We’re tripling your normal salary and doubling your hazard pay. The president’s own bodyguards don’t get payed that much,”
“It’s not about money, Mike!” Carl snapped, still facing the door “It’s about what is and isn’t possible. The higher-ups can offer whatever they want but we both know that they’re after a miracle.”
Instead of receiving some taunt or snide deflection, Carl heard as Mike gave an exasperated sigh. A desk drawer groaned as it was opened and something sizeable was taken out. As a mass of papers were spilled down over the desk, Carl couldn’t help but look back.
Sitting on the desk were pictures; photographs, news clippings, stills from a cartoon, even a bit of artwork from “fans”. Every single paper depicted some combination of the same six ponies. Laughing, smiling, fun-loving ponies…
“You want me to say this is stupid? Of course it’s stupid. We’re not equipped to deal with this sort of job. Frankly, nobody is. All that I know is that someone is going to get this contract. You saw the size of that payout, right?
“Plenty of agencies out there are going to make themselves known, to take a gamble on those ponies whether they’re ready or not. If you refuse to help out those ponies… do you really think that they’d be any safer with the next guy?”
At the end of the day, few people get into truly dangerous lines of work purely for the money. After all, the money doesn’t do you much good if you’re dead. To put your life on the line… that takes something else entirely. For some, it’s the strength of family obligations. For other, it’s a way to act upon ideals. In far too many cases, however, it all boils down to a death wish or superman co-
Wait… That almost… made sense. Looking back, it actually made a whole lot of sense.
…
Maybe… maybe the problem wasn’t that Carl had missed his chance. Rather, it was possible that he had seen his opening but had failed to recognize what was going on. If he hadn’t missed his mark… he could still do something about it…
The Incident
Carl’s eye twitched, a facial tick that had gradually formed over the past 48 hours.
“THIS TRIP IS OVER!” shouted a delirious Fluttershy, “TAKE US BACK TO THE COAST THIS INSTANT!” Yellow wings were spread in what would have been a menacing display of dominance… if she hadn’t been soaked to the bone. Even at the brink of madness, soaked ponies were far more adorable than threatening.
A half dozen agents scattered through the room watched in silence as Carl sighed and grabbed his stun gun. Slowly approaching the irate pegasus, Carl reviewed every decision that had led up to that moment. His choice to accept the assignment… not fighting harder against the trip to Vegas… how he had acted on his previous trip to the aquarium… even his fateful decision to let Fluttershy “say goodbye” to her new fish friends.
The rest of the ponies, also sopping wet, stood between Flutterrshy and the entrance to the shark tank Rainbow Dash had swept her back out of. The net Fluttershy had been using slowly sank into the water as Fluttershy span around in place, desperate to keep an eye on her friends, the agents, and on the “suffering” fish beyond the glass.
Blocking out all of the worried gazes, Carl drew out his stun gun… and promptly slid it along the ground to Fluttershy’s side.
“I think I get it now,” Carl started, keeping his voice calm as he sat on the floor, “You really want to help out those fish, right? To do the right thing?”
In spite of frustration, fear, and righteous indignation, Fluttershy still managed to give a stiff nod amidst her frothing rage.
‘To be perfectly clear, I shouldn’t have relinquished that weapon. Even though it’s nonlethal, giving my weapon to an emotionally unstable client… I’m going to be fired after this. Heck, I’ll be amazed if I don’t end up in jail. If it means helping you ‘do the right thing’, though, I’m guessing that it will be totally worthwhile.”
That proclamation had definitely captured Fluttershy’s attention, though she seemed no less agitated than she was before. The ponies and agents, thankfully, had yet to take any movement of their own. Undeterred, Carl slowly lowered himself into a seated position and continued speaking.
“Since I’m already helping you out, though, I guess that I might as well help you plan out your next few moves. As far as Aegis is concerned, keeping you safe at the moment means keeping you safe from yourself. All of my colleagues here? You’re going to have to take them out. Unless you can fly with wet wings or know how to fight in close quarters, you’ll probably need that weapon to take someone out. Shock them, buck them, grab their weapon, and repeat till everyone’s down. You’ll even have a shot left over… though you’ll probably need to use it on me.”
Carl paused to puzzle that over, pretending not to notice the haunted look in Fluttershy’s eyes as she glanced at the weapon right next to her.
“After that… huh… there’s actually quite a few more agents in the area, not to mention the security guards watching you through… that camera. Actually, our agents might be holding them back for the moment. Probably haven’t stopped them from calling the police, though…”
Fluttershy’s breathing had notably accelerated as her eyes started darting around the room: camera, Carl, agents, fish, friends, weapon, camera, Carl…
“I’m getting off track, though. Point is, you’ll have about… let’s say thirty seconds to grab all of these fish you’re trying to save and whisk them away into the specialized vehicle you’ll need to get them to the coast. You don’t have a driver’s license, aren’t equipped to drive human vehicles, and will get pulled over by the first police officer who finds you but hey, you seem pretty clever.
“Assuming you have an escape route, a getaway vehicle, and a driver you’ve bribed with the funds you don’t have, I’m sure that most of those fish will make it to the ocean okay… or at least to an ocean. They’re not all from the same spot, you know?”
Fluttershy had started hyperventilating, covering her eyes with her soaking wings as if trying to make herself disappear.
“In the end, though, I’m sure that it’ll be worth it. Not to me, of course, since I’ll be injured and in jail… or to Aegis, who will be sued by the hotel and the government… or to the hotel, who’ll take a huge loss ordering new fish to replace the ones you save… but, you know, to the fish. They may not understand a thing that we’re saying but I’m sure that they’ll appreciate most of them reaching an ocean. Hopefully, the newspapers will remember to view things from… their…”
Carl allowed his voice to trail off, becoming aware that Fluttershy had started crying. The moment that he stopped talking, her legs gave out beneath her as she flopped to the floor in a heap of wet fur and good intentions.
Standing up, Carl walked over to Fluttershy’s side and retrieved his weapon. Slipping it back into its holster, Carl sighed.
“Are you sorry for trying to rob the hotel?” Carl asked.
There was no response to that question, save for a couple of silenced sobs.
“Do you plan to try something like that in the future?” he asked.
This time, Fluttershy’s head gently shook back and forth as she rested her face in her forelegs. Her expression remained unreadable.
“For the record,” Carl said, “I don’t have any problem with you supporting animal rights. Plenty of humans already do and I’m sure they’d love to hear from you. If you want to help, however, you’ll have to do so by our rules. You won’t help anyone by doing… this.”
Fluttershy’s head gave another rough jerk, though Carl couldn’t tell if it had been a nod or a powerful sob. Considering himself about done with that conversation, Carl gave the ponies by the aquarium a quick nod and started walking towards the front entrance.
Something told Carl that it was time for him to face the music.
“So,” Mike remarked, “it sounds like things went poorly.”
“A shame that that the security camera malfunctioned, “Carl responded, “Otherwise, you’d have a record of what happened for yourself.”
“You forget that you had a dozen witnesses for that little fiasco,” Mike reminded him, “Or at least you would have had if they weren’t too shocked to take it all in… shame about that…”
“Mmmmhmm…”
“Of course, if I had seen what happened, I’m sure that I’d have a couple of questions to ask.”
“Hmm?”
“Small things, really. How long it took you… where the net came from… why you never went into hostage negotiation…”
“If you asked that last one, I’d have to ask my teacher the very same question.”
“Maybe later, then,” Mike muttered, stretching his hands up over his head, “We still have to discuss your punishment.”
“Was starting to think you’d never get there,” Carl remarked.
“You’d make for a pretty bad whipping boy if you weren’t punished gravely and publically,” Mike mused, “though that will have to wait as well. In the meantime, someone has to send headquarters an incident report. You handle it. In fact, we’re about to head on the road. You handle all of the paperwork until you hear back from them, see if you’ve been fired.”
With that, Mike passed on a small electronic pad, a device that roughly resembled an iPad, save that it was designed exclusively for communication. It was the sort of advice you might need to contact a person or agency that didn’t have a real phone number.
The next few hours spent on the road gave Carl all of the time he needed to compose a proper report, including a few off-hand notes and observations that psychologists would later expand into “Extraterrestrial Culture Shock (ECS)”. The first draft, however, was the one that ended up sticking in the bodyguard’s memories. It was silly… irreverent… the work of an exhausted mind who couldn’t care any less. At the same time, though, it felt like the right thing to write.
Dear Headquarters,
Today, I learned a new lesson about all of my new pony friends. From all of the stories I’d heard about them, I was thinking that they were some sort of pony war heroes… maybe leaders of a local militia or something like that. This is not quite accurate.
These ponies are literally super heroes.
I’d say that they had some sort of superman complex but they are probably the closest thing that their world has to superman (unless they have a “supermare” comic or something. No telling with those ponies). Perhaps the Planeteers would be a better comparison (Even if Rainbow Dash makes for a pretty brash Captain Planet… unless she’s Wheeler). Anyways, I’m getting off track.
What I’m trying to say is that Pony Ma-Ti went crazy and tried to liberate an aquarium.
In spite of that, though, I really can’t blame her. Where she’s from, doing the right thing is almost always the right thing to do. It’s like… have you ever noticed how superheroes almost never misread situations… and how their collateral damage never actually transforms their home town into a hell-hole that no one would live in… or maybe how lack of due process doesn’t result in every vigilante-caught villain being instantly freed? I’m pretty sure that Equestria works on that logic. If a mare sees something wrong (such as the horrors of enslaving fish), she will fix it because… well, why wouldn’t she?
If I’m going to keep this up, I don’t think that I can be a babysitter, chaperone, and cultural interpretor for these ponies. If I’m right about this, after all, who knows what other “misbehavior” I’ve seen comes from our vastly different cultures. While I’m doing my best to talk with them, we need someone on the team who can clearly explain why rules are in place and why problems still exist… hopefully someone with some kind of “-ology”: sociology, anthropology, psychology, histo… logy… You know what I mean.
Your loyal bullet sponge,
Dear god don’t let me be Suchi
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It's always the quiet ones that turn out to be the berserker.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mas6ueujq01qjhek6o1_500.jpg
6351613 I actually knew that someone would bring up that screenshot even as I wrote the chapter. If you pay attention, though, Fluttershy is pushed over the ledge less by carnivores than by the fact that animal killing/enslavement by humans doesn't end with getting food. Capturing a whole bunch of animals for the sake of "because we can" probably doesn't fly with her.
In other news, I imagine her having problems with the hunting habits of lynxes (one of the few other animals that appears to hunt "for fun").
6351755
Fine for me. Anyway, I love how Carl handle out-of-control Fluttershy by calmly pointing all the flaws in her rescue "plan". The Six aren't used to the Magic of Common Sense
This story has been fun, and I would like for it to continue. Also, does Twilight's "SPECIAL" POI have to do with fake magic insulting her? I'd kinda like to see that. Also, I don't mind this being from the human point of view. It's a nice perspective.
6886776 Honestly, I'd love to continue with this. I even have some ideas for how it would continue. unfortunately, however, I started an ongoing series right before starting grad school.
BIG MISTAKE
There is wrong grammar here