slightly darker shade of light

seeker of truth n

seeker of truth n #1 · Aug 8th, 2015 · 1 · 7 · blue bloods hatred burns like a thousand suns ·

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6296096 hate all you want i just don't give a what did you expect cuss word

Exiled from Light

Exiled from Light #2 · Aug 8th, 2015 · 3 · · blue bloods hatred burns like a thousand suns ·

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CHAPTER 1

Spike had grown a lot since tirek died 7 years ago. He was 17 years old. He had grown from a small pudgy little dragon to a dragon as tall as Celestia. Which he means to say he grew to be 7 feet tall. His scales had turned to darker shade of purple and green. He started wearing disturbed apparel with black pants with a grey jacket. While he also got rid of his crush on rarity after her shooting him down. It took a while too be happy again but he got through it with help from twilight. He had grown to be incredibly muscular while he wasn't snowflake size. He was still more muscular than most.

> "While he also got rid of his crush on rarity after her shooting him down. It took a while too be happy again but he got through it with help from twilight."
This could've made a good chapter and could've opened up a lot of opportunities for this story. Nope, let's just shove it up our asses and never speak about it again.
> "He started wearing disturbed apparel with black pants with a grey jacket."
Ah. The classic thing to see in any shitty story: Unnecessary edginess. How the hell does it help advance the plot?

When he opened his eyes he found himself strapped to a bed and all his scales ripped out. He tried to scream only to notice he couldn't.

> "He tried to scream only to notice he couldn't."
Because? Is he gagged? Is someone covering his mouth with their ass? As it turns out in the next few paragraphs, he couldn't scream because his voice box is cut. Isn't that the equivalent of a slit throat? Shouldn't he be, I don't know, dead?

His eyes started to close only punched awake by a new pony. He was about six feet tall had neon green hair. He sneered at spike and told him to stay awake while he took him to his new cell. He started pushing him to the cell.

Out of the many things that can be described about the pony guy, it's his hair/mane and his height. Couldn't you describe his skin/coat color? His eyes? Did you just give up on describing him or something?

"Welcome to hell this is your home now," he said to spike before closing the cell door. Spike felt a burning sensation in his throat. He found he had his voice back. He started screaming with the other prisoners for someone to save him.

So his throat magically healed for no damn reason? Also, if he just recently recovered from voice loss, shouldn't he give his voice a little rest before screaming for help?

CHAPTER 2

Blue blood is a mutant. His abilitys are superior reflexes, hard to pierce fur, and the ability to eat and mess with emotion and gain a power up from it. Nobody knows about his mutant abilitys and he liked it that way. He's six foot two and has a swimmers build and was 26 years old. He was friends/ brothers with spike until his disappearance. The search for spike only lasted for a week before they gave up on him. He called them on their bullshit search after spikes token funeral. He had become cold to anyone who talked to him especially the mane six and his aunts.

> How the hell is "hard to pierce fur" possible? He's better off having rock-hard skin.
> Blue Blood's friends with Spike? That shit could've made a good chapter as well. Nope, like that Rarity breaking up with Spike thing, let's shove it up our asses and not give a shit about it for the rest of the story. It's easy to say, however, that Blue Blood's friendship with Spike is very questionable as he abandoned his search for Spike after a week. Though I kind of understand that since Blue Blood is pretty much an asshole in the show, so you got the personality right.
> This explanation, generally speaking, is very pathetic and could've made a good chapter on its own. Yes, I just said that the third time because this story is so fucking rushed that Usain Bolt couldn't catch up with it.

He had started hiring private investigators to find spike. All but one of them failed to find spike because he is still looking into it. He still paid the rest but he wasn't happy with their failure to find out what happened to spike. Today's the day of the gala yipee another day of acting like a pompous oaf. He puts on a blue bow tie for his tux.

All but one of them failed? So you mean the rest actually found Spike? Then why not tell Blue Blood about it? Of course, judging by the countless grammatical mistakes in this fic, this is most likely a typo.

He walked out of his room sighing once more. How he loathes having to go but his aunt's told him to come. He can't deny the princesses orders. His family being the prince is a publicity stunt in order boost morale among males and that's it. His family had no power among the courts. They were basically the court jesters in his opinion. The one the people laughed at behind their back. He was at the doors. He opened the doors with no trouble opening it. As he walked into the gala he thought about the foreign affairs with the other species.

> So, Blue Blood's assholery is there to boost male morale? Do they even need one in the first place? The males in the show seem perfectly content with society. I'm pretty sure that the royal guards do a better job boosting morale than this douchebag.
> "He opened the doors with no trouble opening it."
Very fucking redundant and obvious, buddy.
> "He thought about the foreign affairs with the other species."
Foreign affairs is the least of Blue Blood's concerns. Besides, do other species even show up at the gala?

He started to come towards them only to feel a large amount of hate towards everyone here. He turned and saw a griffin screeching at everyone to back off. The griffin pulled off its vest and said no one gets too close to her. He started walking towards her raising his hands.
"Easy easy no ones going fight you," soothing her with his soothing voice. While absorbing her hatred with his powers to calm her.
"Why don't we talk this out," he said while taking even more hate from her and messing with emotions to make her feel horrible for what she had almost done.
"I...I," she stuttered before falling down bursting into tears and dropping the detonator. The guards rushing her and the detonator grabbing both while knocking the griffin out.

Canterlot has got to have one of the worst securities ever. Also, dropping the detonator is a fucking terrible idea since chances are it could detonate the bomb.

He had run off after stopping the suicide bomber to regains control of himself, because he could lash out at anyone because his abilitys have down side as well as upsides. Absorbing hate made him stronger but made him want to lash out at everything. Happiness made him faster than he already was but made it harder to focus on one thing. Love and lust increases his charisma but if he absorbs to much he becomes incredibly arrogant and gains a god complex. Sadness increases his durability but made him emo enough that he allows people to try and kill him.

> How can love and lust increase arrogance?
> How the hell can sadness increase durability? Shouldn't it be all the way around? Also, emo people don't try to allow people to kill them. It's natural instinct.

He roared and attacked the tree next to him. The tree nearly exploded from his punch. He calmed down after that enough to see what he just did. He looked around to see if anyone saw it. Seeing nobody there helped calm him down even more. He started walking back to his chambers. He hoped tomorrow would be better because he almost tried to kill the avatars of the elements of harmony. Which wouldn't help him at all.

> How could a tree nearly explode from someone's punch? As if they can even explode to begin with.

~ ~ ~

> Get an editor.

Lord Olympius

Lord Olympius #3 · Aug 8th, 2015 · 1 · 2 · blue bloods hatred burns like a thousand suns ·

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I like it. I hope Spike's powers are awesome and that the other dragons are Garble and his white and brown members of his gang. Also i like what you did to Blue Blood's character.

Waterpear

Waterpear #4 · Aug 8th, 2015 · · · blue bloods hatred burns like a thousand suns ·

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I just want to know what the hell a darker shade of light is.

seeker of truth n

seeker of truth n #5 · Aug 8th, 2015 · · · blue bloods hatred burns like a thousand suns ·

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6296796 truthfully I just came for the name on the spot.

6296291 it sucks i know I just couldn't get it out of my head until i posted it. I have no interest in this story. It just wouldn't go away.
Anyone else wants to hate on it go ahead

6296442. 1. I just wanted to mention my favorite band had nnothing to do with being edgy. 2. The guards of canterlot suck and the security sucks just as much

MLPFan234