An Uninvited Rainbow

by Manaphy

When a Fire Encounters a Rainbow

Whenever the bell chimed in one of the classrooms, two dozen or so foals leaped out of their desks and hurried out the door. They gossiped and cheered during such times. It was something Cloudsdale—no—all schools throughout Equestria experienced in some form or another.

Looking back at those times, Spitfire knew she was one of the anomalies during her foalhood years. She was one of the 'nerdy' fillies who'd listen to lectures with open ears and take her time leaving the classroom once school ended. It was fitting for somepony who was now a teacher. Those days of her youth she looked back on with mixed thoughts. Some made her smile; others made her shiver.

It was at least better than being the Captain of the Wonderbolts, a chapter in her life where she'd mope about during the toughest moments. Spitfire yearned to never relive such memories, and with the Wonderbolts disbanded for over a year, such a nightmare wouldn't come true. Being a teacher and all of the aspects that came with it were much more preferable.

However, whenever Spitfire's flying lessons were done for the day, something peculiar always followed. The fillies and colts she watched over calmly left the room instead of barreling out with cheers; many of them waved goodbye to her as they left. At least four or five of them would stay behind for a few extra minutes to ask questions. Warmth enveloped Spitfire's heart whenever she saw them smiling and nodding with each of her answers.

With the usual questions and answers portion at the end of the day complete and all the foals leaving their desks with smiles on their faces, Spitfire wiped the chalkboard clean. One of the foals, a lime green pegasus filly named Spring Breeze, approached her with her silver tail swishing about.

"Excuse me, Miss Spitfire, but I wanted to know how I can know the right speed for maneuvers," Spring Breeze said. "Can you give me a quick tip, please?"

"Remember when I said how I learned the trick during the lecture?" Spitfire asked in return.

The filly nodded.

"I adjusted the positioning of my wing muscles while I was practicing. I will say that you won't be able to pick up right away how fast you should be going when starting out." Spitfire stretched her left wing out, flexing her muscles a little to demonstrate how it was done.

"So like that?"

"Correct. Anyway, what I did was start out slow, then worked my way up to where I was able to figure out what angle the wings should be at and what my body's limits are. For when you try it, it'll vary depending on the turn you want to make, so safe experimentation in an open environment is important. It requires a little patience, but you'll get the hang of it soon enough."

With a bright smile, the filly then bobbed her head once more. "Thank you so much, Miss Spitfire!"

"You're welcome, Spring Breeze. Anything else?"

"I'm good. See ya tomorrow!" Spring Breeze departed the classroom with a skip in her step.

"Same here!"

With only the yellow pegasus still inside the classroom, Spitfire then diverted her attention to the glass window outside. Floating marble buildings were scattered across the sky outside. The clouds which supported them appeared as soft as blankets, their white and fluffy texture glowing with the sunset. Spitfire let out a relaxed sigh, a slight smile adorning her visage.

"I'm glad to give back to the community for once," she murmured. "It's strange, too." She rubbed her muzzle, her left hoof tapping against the tiled floor as a soft clack reached her ears. "These ponies adore me, foal and parent alike. A year ago, I never thought I'd ever experience what it's like to be seen in such a light." Spitfire ruffled her wings; she cringed and placed her forehead against the chalkboard. "Argh. What was Silver Lining thinking when he made me the new captain? I was young then and am still young now. Was he trying to sink the organization?"

Another sigh left Spitfire. Meandering to the teacher's desk, she opened up one of the cabinets and procured a stack of papers. "If there's one thing which hasn't changed, it's paperwork." Reading through the first packet, which concerned how the class was functioning, Spitfire wrote in the designated box the excellent behavior and desire to learn each of the students had. She was careful not to brag in her response, knowing how such behavior never ended well for her in the past, and shifted the packet to a makeshift complete pile.

As her hooves gravitated toward the second packet, a trio of knocks reached her ears.

"That's odd," she muttered. "Nopony usually knocks on the door at this time." Spitfire scanned the empty classroom. Not a single speck of dust or neglected object appeared in her sights. "There are no backpacks or notebooks lying around, either."

Another set of knocks echoed in the air, sounding akin to a snippet of a musical number. Spitfire arched an eyebrow. Either it was a parent wanting to discuss something or the principal getting ready to nag again. The first outcome was easily the more preferable.

Spitfire then pushed herself out of the chair and trotted toward the light blue door, its golden doorknob faded. She opened the door, the words she'd use to introduce herself were already memorized.

"Good evening. I'm Miss Spitfire, and is there anything I—"

Spitfire froze; a chill coursed through her spine. Standing before her with a blank expression was a light blue pegasus, her sleek mane the different colors of the rainbow. With a quick glance at the mare's cutie mark, Spitfire spotted the last design she wanted to ever see on a pony's flank again. It was a rainbow-colored bolt.

It was Rainbow Dash.

"Spitfire, I wasn't expecting to see ya here," Rainbow said. "But if I can become addicted to reading Daring Do books, I guess anything's possible." The mare extended a foreleg toward Spitfire, the latter slowly shaking her hoof a second later. Refusing to do so would be rude, after all. "Anyway, how are you?"

"I'm well," Spitfire answered without a second thought. "I've been enjoying my time as a teacher. It really fits me, Rainbow Dash."

"That's awesome to hear, Spitfire!" Rainbow hovered into the building; she scanned the perimeter of the room before sitting atop a desk. "What do ya teach in here?"

"I teach fillies and colts how to become better fliers."

"Sounds like something you'd do." Rainbow smirked. "Do ya scream at them like you did to us back at the ol' Wonderbolts Academy?"

Spitfire shook her head. "Celestia, no! I take a gentler, more patient approach to dealing with them." Spitfire forced a chuckle. "I'd only ever think of acting all strict and loud if I were commanding the kinds of ponies I worked with back then." With a deep breath, Spitfire nudged away from the door. "Anyway, enough about the past. That stuff isn't what I like discussing." She paused once more. "So then, how can I help you? If you're thinking of applying for somepony, I'd go over to the principal's office and straighten it out with him. Such matters are beyond my control."

"Well, it's not that."

"Then why are you here, Rainbow Dash?" Spitfire was certain the answer would be some variant of two things. It'd either deal with her experience in the Wonderbolts or involve bringing the team back together. Neither topic was anything she wanted to discuss, let alone revisit.

"You know how I formed my own flight team after the Wonderbolt's disbanded, right? The Rainbooms?"

"What about them?"

Rainbow fiddled with her mane; she bit her lip for a second. "You see, I need words of wisdom on something you probably know a lot about."

"You're Rainbow Dash!" Spitfire approached Rainbow; she then took the empty chair next to the light blue pegasus. "You're one of the best fliers in Equestria, maybe even better than I ever was. What could I teach you about flying that you don't know yet?"

Rainbow shook her head. "It's not that." She sulked a tad, a sigh leaving her lips. "It's that—it's that I don't know how to teach the team. Everything I've tried hasn't worked."

"You could've always asked Princess Twilight Sparkle for advice. She's one of your closest friends and probably knows a lot about teaching."

"You see, Twilight's been kind of busy. Princess stuff and all."

Spitfire should have figured as much. It felt as though there was a Princess Twilight article plastered on the Equestrian newspaper each week. The frequency of such blurbs became tiring to the point where any good news not revolving around her was seen as amazing by some. But at least she enjoyed popularity and success, something Spitfire wished she had during her life as a captain.

"I guess that makes sense now that I think about it," Spitfire said. Clasping her hooves, she maintained eye contact with Rainbow. "Still, I'm not exactly the best pony to answer questions about teaching."

"Sure you are!" Rainbow leaped into the air the air like a spring, startling Spitfire for a fraction of a second. The former hovered about and landed on her hooves not long after. "You're a teacher right now!"

"There might be a problem with that." Spitfire took a deep breath. "I might be good enough to teach foals flying tips, but I don't think I have the flying prowess to teach someone like you. I'm not a bad flier, it's just that I lack the talent to effectively teach you."

"But you're an awesome flier, remember?"

Spitfire shrugged. "I—I guess so. I know a fair amount about the mechanics behind it."

"C'mon, Spitfire. Just teach me a basic stunt the Rainbooms and I could do for a show!"

"But what if I screw up?" Spitfire took a deep breath. "I'll let you down again and—"

"It's going to be okay, Spitfire. Just remember what you learned as a Wonderbolt and do your best." A slight grin adorned Rainbow's visage. "I trust you."

"Trust?" Spitfire paused for a second, then blinked. "My behavior during some of the times we've interacted was—horrible."

"Everypony makes mistakes." Rainbow nudged closer to Spitfire and patted her on the back. The sensation loosened her muscles a tad. "Don't worry, you'll not get into trouble or act funny here. It's all cool."

"Well, if you say so." Spitfire cringed at the thought of revisiting her past. However, now was the time where she needed to face it. Rainbow was counting on her, after all. "Here goes nothing."

Spitfire got up and made a beeline toward the chalkboard, thousands of diagrams swirling in her mind until she zoned in on one, a trick which all Wonderbolts were taught starting out: The Deep Dive. Without hesitating, Spitfire grasped a piece of chalk and drew across the chalkboard, squeaks splitting the air as images of pegasi and curved lines covered the green surface. Numbers showing each step and long equations poured from Spitfire's mind. She made sure each calculation was picture-perfect to strike a balance between safety and danger; Spitfire looked over what she jotted down thrice. It was as though she lost consciousness, but her body kept relaying the information from her mind.

After three minutes of sketching, her artistic masterpiece was ready. And Rainbow couldn't help but gawk at the results, her eyes glowing like diamonds.

"That's—that's so amazing!" Rainbow shouted. She twisted her head toward Spitfire. "But what's with all those numbers and letters? I think the entire team and I hate math."

"It was just to calculate how the stunt should go if it's going to be done precisely. As a captain, you need to take these things into account." Spitfire wanted to add how much she loathed having to jot down mathematical equations as well. The hours spent gnashing her teeth, dancing with complex equations, and studying the textbooks to design tricks seeped back into her memory, but now wasn't the time to whine about math.

"Anyway, the stunt is basic in that two ponies fly around in a ring-shaped pattern, the circumference just wide enough to let two other ponies power through the gap," she continued. Rainbow slowly nodded to confirm she understood. "It doesn't take much practice, but the results are quite pleasing."

Still, she couldn't help but find being in a captain's position again rather odd. There weren't the agonizingly tight muscles and the slowing down of time associated with a captain's duties. Nor was there the need to shout and berate cadets and recruits like she'd just woken up on the wrong side of the bed. There was still some tension squeezing her muscles; she didn't want to disappoint anypony, after all. But for once, she could explain a stunt not as Captain Spitfire, but as Miss Spitfire.

"Something on your mind, ma'am?" Rainbow asked.

Spitfire nodded. "Yeah. I can't help but find this situation funny. It's like where I was a little over a year ago, just without so much stress. It kind of came naturally."

"You were stressed out as captain?" Rainbow cocked her head, eyebrow arched. "You looked so calm and cool! It was like nothing could bring you down!"

"Believe me, it was much harder than it looked." Spitfire stretched her wings, then folded them again. "I'm lucky I was able to make myself look like that in the first place. It's just—the idea of revisiting such a moment from my life uncovered those feelings, as you saw."

"No kidding. So what made you feel this way?" Rainbow sat back down, this time on one of the chairs. "Anything specific?"

"It—it has more to do with myself."

"What do you mean?"

Spitfire pursed her lips for a second. "What I mean is that I was the youngest pony to ever become Captain of the Wonderbolts." She exhaled, allowing more words to form in her throat. "By far. Such a feat may sound cool and amazing, but it's actually a storm of anxiety waiting to happen."

"How old were you on your first day as captain?"

"Well, I was promoted to captain two and a half years ago, so that would mean I was twenty-three back then. The previous record for youngest captain was twenty-seven, by the way."

"Twenty-three?" Rainbow gasped; her pupils shrunk. "How—how did you become captain so early?"

"You know that diagram I showed you?" Spitfire glanced back at the diagram she drew, then back to Rainbow. "You see those complex equations I devised?"

"I do."

"That's why. The previous captain, Silver Lining, felt he was past his prime as captain, but wanted to stay in the Wonderbolts for a little longer before retiring. He knew how much I knew about the science behind flying. He thought I'd be the best fit despite my age."

"And I'm guessing you felt overwhelmed, huh?"

Spitfire slowly nodded; a sigh left her lips. "Overwhelmed would be an understatement."

"To be fair, as undeniably awesome as being the Captain of the Wonderbolts sounds, I'd be overwhelmed if I was in your hooves." Rainbow placed her forehooves behind her head. "Even though I might be the—one of the best fliers in Equestria, I don't know how I'd manage surviving more than a few days in your spot—and what I'm struggling with now is proving just that."

"I thought you just had trouble teaching the team." Spitfire leaned an inch closer to Rainbow. "Is something else bothering you as well?"

"It's leadership in general."

"But you were a great leader when you were a cadet at the Wonderbolts Academy. To be honest, I don't know how you'd have trouble there."

How could Spitfire forget those days with Rainbow donning the trainee uniform with the silver—then gold badge which adorned her chest? While Rainbow did have some trouble at first, particularly in regards to the minutes just after Lightning Dust was demoted, she managed to get the hang of it in a flash. And from what Spitfire recalled regarding the days she had with Rainbow at the academy and at Rainbow Falls, Rainbow Dash was perfection given life.

There was just no other possible conclusion in her eyes.

"Spitfire, I know why you'd think that," Rainbow said. "Okay, I know I say that I'm awesome a lot."

"You do," Spitfire replied, a soft snicker then leaving her mouth. "And from what I've seen, you keep proving that over and over again. It's something I wished I could reach while I was a Wonderbolt." She sighed. "But that was the past. Such impossible dreams are goals I no longer reach for."

"But you're as awesome as I am, Spitfire. Honest."

Flinching in surprise, Spitfire gazed into Rainbow's pupils. "What did you say?"

"You're as awesome as I am." Rainbow paused; she twiddled with her mane. "You wanna know who I really am? I mean, not the Rainbow Dash who's awesome and perfect, but the real Rainbow Dash."

Spitfire bobbed her head again.

"Okay, so I'm far from perfect. I've learned from mistakes before and have grown along the way, but I still come across tough challenges. Some of them seem almost impossible at times." Rainbow paused for two seconds. "See, my flight team's shows haven't been awesome since we formed up. The ponies I'm working with are—well—they're cool and all, but they don't have experience. And with how hard it is to lead a group with everypony watching you, it's a miracle we even formed up in the first place."

"That part you mentioned—" Spitfire took a deep breath "—about the world watching you was one of the reasons why being captain was so tough on me. I've always dwelt on my mistakes, even back when I was a filly. Being a Wonderbolt with so many ponies judging you made the heartache even worse at times. I wanted to find a solution, and leaving the Wonderbolts behind turned out to be the best idea I could think of."

"That reminds me, how did the Wonderbolts disband?" Rainbow brought her hooves toward Spitfire. "You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable. Forcing that onto you would be so uncool."

"Well—" Spitfire knew explaining some of the details would only drive needles into her heart. She clenched her teeth. At the same time, if she wanted to dispel the anguish tugging her heartstrings, she'd have to convey as much as she could. And as painful as it might be, at least she'd be done with it. And just letting her feelings simmer until the inevitable outburst wasn't healthy. "I guess I'll tell."

"Take as long as you need, Spitfire."

"Well, it started after I knew it'd be in my best interest to take an extended break." Spitfire cleared her throat. "I did follow up on that idea, though something odd happened. It's something I've never been able to wrap my head around, to be frank."

Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "What happened?"

Spitfire clasped her hooves together. "I gave the position of captain to Soarin, figuring he'd be the best fit for the job. I felt as though it was a position he deserved more than I did. It was the least I could do for him."

"How come? Like, Soarin is also wonderful, but what made you feel he was the best fit?"

Spitfire's head hung low for a moment. With another quick sigh, she raised her head back up, eyes locked onto Rainbow's. "I think you know why I decided on him, and I'd rather not dwell too much on that day."

"Oh."

"Anyway, upon getting the job, Soarin's first decision was the strange one." Spitfire pursed her lips; as she then opened her mouth, no words came out. She attempted a second time, mustering the words, "Soarin tried to make me Captain of the Wonderbolts again. And I—I didn't like that."

"Hold on a minute, Spitfire." Rainbow stretched her forelegs out, a bemused expression painted on her. "Sounds to me like Soarin thought you were doing a great job. I think he wasn't trying to get back at you for anything."

"What are you talking about?" With widened eyes, Spitfire then raised her brow. She could've sworn she spotted Soarin's deep scowl out the window from afar. But as she blinked, the image disappeared. "What else could it be?"

"He was trying to be nice." Rainbow ruffled her wings. "Now tell me, what happened next?"

"I said I couldn't accept. I told him I was not in the right frame of mind, and he accepted that as a valid reason." Spitfire rubbed the top of her head, memories of sitting within the academy's walls and gazing into Soarin's eyes returning to her. Everything from the furniture layout to Soarin's concerned smile was clearer than crystal. Spitfire blinked; she found herself back in the present. "Okay, maybe he wasn't trying to get back at me for the Rainbow Falls incident. Still, it couldn't have been as positive as you're making it."

"Spitfire, do you want to solve this or not?"

Without a second thought, Spitfire quickly nodded. "Of course I do! It's just—hard to see your point of view. What I did to him that day was—"

"Spitfire, what you're feeling is guilt. Twilight told me about it once, and it's a normal feeling to have. Now, Soarin forgave you, didn't he?"

"He did."

"Then he was trying to show you something that day. He cares about you, Spitfire. In fact, I can get him over here to prove—"

Spitfire touched Rainbow's lips with the tip of her hoof; the former's eyebrows furrowed. "I'd rather not escalate things."

As Spitfire retracted her hoof, Rainbow then took a deep breath. "Something to think about for later, I guess. Okay, go ahead and keep talking. Take as long as you need."

"Anyway, I was able to take my break, but for reasons which I couldn't comprehend, the Wonderbolts didn't do a show for a whole month. It was unprecedented. Then, Princess Celestia announced that the Wonderbolts would be splitting up, though she was open to the idea of them rejoining in the future."

Rainbow Dash raised a hoof as though she were a student. "Any reason why she was the one to announce it?"

"Well, Princess Celestia does play a role in managing the team. And while I hadn't heard any specific examples, the rumor is that some of my teammates were also feeling down like I was back then. I wish I knew and could have helped them during those times, but here we are."

"I'd try to help as well if I knew what was going on." Standing on all fours, Rainbow approached Spitfire and patted her shoulder. "I'm curious, were they also feeling as though they lost their purpose?"

Spitfire nodded. "Yep. Just like me." She feigned a snicker. "We did have our similarities from time to time."

"How are they now?"

"According to what I've heard, they've all found something else to do and are content with where they are." Spitfire stood up straight. She meandered throughout the classroom as clicks reached her ears. However, she couldn't shake off a tingling sensation in her chest. "But like me, there's this emptiness inside."

Shrugging, Rainbow formed the slightest of smiles. "Maybe you miss being a Wonderbolt. While I have my own flight team, I'll admit I miss seeing your cool stunts and shows. Not to mention how awesome you are with how you've helped so many ponies in Equestria."

Arching an eyebrow in the blink of an eye, Spitfire then cocked her head. "Like who?"

"Pinkie Pie, for example. And they've also helped Thunderlane, Trixie, Braeburn—"

"I get it, Rainbow." Spitfire extended a hoof out. "So the Wonderbolts and I have helped more ponies than I've thought."

"And what does that mean?"

Spitfire paused; silence filled the room. There was only one logical conclusion to Rainbow's question. "I'm better than I think I am. Is that it?"

"Bingo!"

"Well, I never thought about it that way. It feels—like I've had a little of this inside me the whole time." Spitfire cracked a faint smirk. "So perhaps it wasn't because I'm bad or anything, but because I was so anxious about being captain. That must have been it." Her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "That's it! I got it!"

"That sounds like it is to me."

All Spitfire could respond with was wrapping Rainbow in a tight hug; Rainbow returned the favor a second later. Spitfire couldn't help herself from cracking the widest smile she wore in years. Once a few seconds had passed, the pair released each other from their warm embrace.

"Thank you, Rainbow Dash," Spitfire said. She stretched her wings and then hovered in the air. "Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome, Spitfire," Rainbow replied, chuckling softly. "Friends are there to help each other, right?"

"Yeah." Spitfire approached the door. Placing her hooves on the smooth, wooden surface, she pushed it open as a mild breeze swirled in. "By the way, when it comes to leading a team, there are a few things I learned which might be helpful."

"What is it?"

"First off, never be afraid to get intense with your teammates. Remember how nasty I was as a drill sergeant?"

Rainbow shuddered; her cheeks colored a rosy red. "How could I forget? You could've broken glass with a voice that loud!"

"Well, sometimes you have to act assertive, even if you typically don't." Spitfire crossed her forelegs. "That way, everypony knows who's calling the shots. They'll get used to it eventually, and it'll toughen them up for the dangerous and frightening tasks to come." She paused for a second. "And one more thing."

"What is it?" Rainbow glided toward Spitfire, halting right beside her. "I'm all ears—well—you get the idea."

Spitfire giggled, her bright smile widening. "Well, seeing how you're a great leader if your performance in the Wonderbolts Academy was anything to go by, maybe you'll get used to it with more practice. And if it doesn't work out for you, maybe there's somepony out there who can help call the shots."

Rainbow winked. "I know a pony who'd be great at whipping fliers into shape."

Spitfire knew where this was going, but she couldn't help herself from playing along. "Who is it?"

"I've got an awesome one right in front of me!" Rainbow made her way out of the classroom, her eyes glowing as she gawked at the sunset and the sparkling architecture in front of it. Even Spitfire felt as though they'd trotted into a hidden sanctuary. "And geez, we've been talking for some time, huh?"

"Yeah." Joining Rainbow outside, Spitfire closed the classroom's door shut, a click indicating it was locked. "You know, if the Wonderbolts were still around and you became a full member, I know we would've been a great duo."

"Who's to say that the Wonderbolts are done yet? Maybe you could bring as much of the old team together as possible." Rainbow patted Spitfire's back. "I bet you'll all love to wear the blue and yellow uniforms again!"

"I'll think about it." Spitfire slowly nodded. "I don't know if I'm ready quite yet."

"Just try your best. And if you ever need to talk, you're more than welcome to talk to me."

"Got it." Spitfire cracked a faint smile. "Thanks."

"No problem." Rainbow's wings twitched a little. "I'll talk to ya later. Let me know if you decide to bring the Wonderbolts back."

"Sure thing, friend."

Buzzing her wings, Rainbow glided away from Spitfire as a blur, the pegasus' form a speck in the sky soon after. Spitfire gently waved until Rainbow disappeared from the horizon.

As she straightened her posture, a brief thought came to her. Perhaps there was some value in bringing the Wonderbolts back together. Sure, she'd still rather avoid the position of captain. But if ponies like Rainbow and others were anything to go by, they've earned the right to still be around, even if they were their own group instead of operating under the princesses. Not to mention, she knew many ponies would bounce around and cheer upon hearing her proposal, even Soarin.

Of course, Spitfire knew she'd still teach whenever she could. It brought a radiant grin brighter than the sun to her face.

And with her head held up high, she wore the brightest grin in all of Equestria. The Wonderbolts were going to return soon.

Comments

[Thunderbolt Sentinel]

Yay! It's here!

[Manaphy]

6251870 Yep!
Thanks for looking at it.

[Thunderbolt Sentinel]

6251873 Anytime friend.

[Raichu]

This was pretty good.

[Manaphy]

6252225 Thanks for reading the story. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Manaphy]

6253049 Thank you for the compliments. I appreciate it!

[Manaphy]

Thanks for reading the story. I'm glad you found it enjoyable.

[HB_DS2013]

I wouldn't be surprised if this took place during the Wonderverse.

[Manaphy]

6254281 Maybe it could fit. Speaking of which, I should get caught up on that universe's main story, as I still have a few of the posted chapters to read. Anyway, thank you for reading this story. I appreciate it!

[HB_DS2013]

6254320 Who knows. Maybe it could overshadow Fallout: Equestria for most words.

[ChocolateFan25]

Alright, I finally had the time to read your story and... well, it's good, but I didn't like it as much as your other stories. Now, please don't get angry at me. I know my own stories and that I should be the last person to criticize stories of others. But I thought that some things felt... off. I'll try my best to explain it. I still liked the story and think, that it's good. These things just confused me a bit more.

"That reminds me, how did the Wonderbolts disband?" Rainbow brought her hooves toward Spitfire.

The concept alone was one of the things that puzzled me. The Wonderbolts are an elite flying team and the Equestrian air force. They were founded a thousand years ago and they disband after a month without Spitfire? But hey, I thought, you're a good author and I'm sure you make it sound very plausible in the story itself.

So, Spitfire wants to take a longer vacation, no one wants to be the captain (and they don't have a co-captain, because...?) and then everypony left because nopony was in the mood anymore to be a Wonderbolt. In the series we see, that becoming a Wonderbolt is incredible hard. You have to be skilled, committed to your goals and self-confident. I'm sure that one of the other ten Wonderbolts would be brave enough to take on the position of the captain instead of just letting everyone down.

Also, you said, that Princess Celestia acted as some sort of manager for the Wonderbolts in your story. Why hasn't she done anything to prevent everypony from giving up? She could've appointed a new captain, looked over their shoulders, hired a coach who learned motivation psychology, talked to Spitfire... Well, anything. But instead, she did nothing and just let everything break apart. Princess Celestia has been in a leadership for a thousand years so she should've known how to handle the situation.

It would've been better if the whole "The Wonderbolts disbanded" thing wouldn't be in the story. You could've just focused on Spitfire, who left the Wonderbolts because she had a burnout, which is understandable with all the stress she had to deal with. The Wonderbolts would still exist in the background, but would still struggle without a clear leader and miss her.

"These ponies adore me, foal and parent alike. A year ago, I never thought I'd ever experience what it's like to be seen in such a light."

This is the second thing, that puzzled me. I know, that you like to write Spitfire-sadfics. But this felt a bit exaggerated. From her opinion one could think, that she has been working as a prison guard or something similar, not the captain of the Wonderbolts. I mean, she worked in the leading position of one of the most recognizable and eminently respectable jobs in Equestria. She even has her own merchandise. I'm very sure there were already foals and parents who looked up to her.

The last thing would be Spitfire's character. I think it's actually very hard to write a sadfic with Spitfire. In the series she showed, that she can be very laid-back. On the other side, she's energetic and determined, but she acknowledges mistakes if she does any. In other words, she knows what she wants. And if the position as leader would've made her uncomfortable, she would've declined before the stress would've started. I don't think that it's impossible to write a Spitfire sadfic. But it needs a really good reason to make her depressed, or else it's "sad because the plot said so".

I really don't want to tread on your toes. You're one of the person on this site I respect the most. The story is still very good. And I know, I don't have a good taste. After all, I'm the only person who read Flying Sky-High and felt sorry for Rapidfire. A lot of people loved this story and I'm sure I'll love your next story as well. But this story just wasn't my cup of tea, I guess.

[Manaphy]

6256201 Sorry that the story didn't work out for you. Yeah, writing Spitfire has been tough for me, and I think she's one of the hardest characters for me to write. Anyway, I guess I'll need to be more careful in how to approach stories such as this. I'll try to make my next story better for next time. Thanks for the friendly input. I appreciate it.

[ChocolateFan25]

6256216
You don't have to apologize. You did a good job with this story. It's just me being overly finicky again.

[Frankie2]

Wow. I actually really like this story. Have a like and a fav.

[Manaphy]

6257692 Thank you for the compliments and for looking at my story. I appreciate it.

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

This is an OK story, but it reads more like the sequel to a story about the Wonderbolts breaking up. I mean, the team is a military unit & about 1000 years old. It's not like a rock ban just breaking up to pursue other interests.

Still, they have basically shown themselves to be lame every time there is a crisis, so maybe Celestia would disband them, but there is still a story there.

[DarthMaul22]

Not gonna lie, I got a bit lost in the middle of Spitfire changing her mind. I think you should elaborate just a bit more on what's going on through their heads, slow down the pace a tad, that sort of thing.

Other than that, it was a nice bit of single-scene fluff. I'm a sucker for feel-good stuff.

[Manaphy]

6327218 You make a good point. Pacing can be a bit tricky at times for me, so I'll definitely focus more on improving in that particular aspect in the future.

Anyway, thanks for reading this story and for providing some feedback. I appreciate it.

[superfun]

This was a very interesting and heartfelt story.
Will it ever get a sequel?

[Manaphy]

6418236 I might do sequels of stories if inspiration or an idea comes to me, though I sadly don't have plans for one at the moment. Anyway, thanks for reading this story, and I'm glad you found it enjoyable.

[superfun]

6418273 All right.

And you're welcome.

[Alex Warlorn]

6269684

They're still good stunt performers.

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

A good story, here. Nice interaction between the two.

[Cryosite]

6256201
I realize this story is several years old now, and most of the other comments and the like to be found here are similarly old. I decided on a whim to read some of the oldest stories on my Read Later list, and this was among them.

I wanted to point out that this comment is the only one that isn't fucking retarded but was way too timid and apologetic for pointing out the obvious.

Holy shit this "story" is bad.

This isn't a story. This was someone thinking, "hey. What if Spitfire and Rainbow Dash had a nice conversation without the yelling and Drill Sergeant Routine and/or the massive egos?"

That's fine. Now, where does it take place? "Random classroom in Cloudsdale. Oh, and the Wonderbolts disbanded."

OK. That thing right there? That would be a story. Do we get anything even remotely like a satisfying explanation about that here? No.

Let's make a stupid analogy just to help illustrate how retarded this is. Let's imagine you walk into a room. Inside the room are a pencil and a blank piece of paper. They're resting not on a table, but the back of a T-Rex. You calmly and nonchalantly walk into the room, write down the ideas you had for the grocery list you'll be using later this week, then leave the room and go about the rest of your day.

Why is there a T-rex? Why is it alive? Why is it in your house serving as a writing table? Why do you have an entire room dedicated to the task of holding your grocery list and a T-rex?

Stories are about interesting things. They explore that interesting thing. Your story should be the most interesting thing within it. A conversation between the two elite fliers is in and of itself potentially a story, but even then you're looking at a fairly low-stakes, slice of life thing and if we ignore the motherfuckin' T-rex, what we got here was a few moments of introspection from Spitfire, an awkward/unexpected visit at her place of work by Rainbow Dash, then a brief conversation that somehow lasted from the end of class until sundown and can be summed up as "Hey, Spitfire, you're more awesome than you think. Cheer up."

As Chocolate Fan above pointed out, you presented something that flat out does not make sense. The Wonderbolts are an organization that grew from Equestria's military, the EUP. They were formed shortly after Luna's banishment, and have been in operation in some form or another for nearly a thousand years, and their members and leaders are all famous historical figures.

As he said, this isn't like some garage band deciding to split up after failing to make it big and top the charts. This is a lot more like a professional sportsball team just decided to split up because the quarterback decided she didn't feel like throwing a pigskin around anymore. The owner/manager of the team still owns it, even if all the players leave. They can still hire a new coach, recruit new players, and so on. Plus, there are likely contracts involved which prevent the team from simply splitting up.

This isn't just an idea that you failed to think through, this is a demonstration that you are living in some mysterious world where things don't make any kind of sense at all. Like you were raised by wolves or Mormons or something and cut off from everything. This is how Tarzan would think of the Wonderbolts. This is a depiction of an organization as imagined by someone who fundamentally doesn't understand how organizations work.

If you want to write about the Wonderbolts disbanding, you have a fuckload of work cut out for you. You'd have to actually explain, in story form, what monumental string of events took place to dissolve one of the core pillars of Equestrian society.

This isn't a case of someone merely being finicky. This is a fascinating case of someone so utterly unaware of things, but attempting to describe them in story form. Just how bad this is is itself entertaining and mind-boggling.

What's more, is that this somehow has 100 upvotes, meaning 100 different people decided, "yup. This is fine." Nine different people went above and beyond that and said they liked the story, that it was good/great/etc., and/or expressed unconditional enthusiasm for this pile of words.

Lily Lace said it best: "I literally cannot even."

So, as we're already in this far, let's go further down this rabbit hole. Set aside the T-rex. Let's ignore the mind-twistingly attention-drawing what-the-fuckery in the room. We can pretend that we somehow made our sanity checks while staring at a shoggoth in broad daylight. How about we look at the actual conversation that has been described by others as "heartfelt," among other things. Bookish Delight would spontaneously combust, die, fall into your great grandmother's grave, turn in it, then climb out and seek brains in the night while wearing a cape at how atrocious it is to call this "heartfelt."

This was some of the most contrived, shallow, and forced dialogue I've seen in a long time. I realize Spitfire isn't a main character, hasn't had a whole lot of screentime all things considered, and it is valid to interpret her character pretty broadly. But if you're going to just toss what little there is from the show into the bin and toss some generic, wishy-washy nobody into the story, why bother using Spitfire's name?

Thought experiment time. Imagine this same classroom in Cloudsdale. Because Rainbow Dash is still pretty young, how about we imagine she revisits her old high school and finds that one of her teachers is still teaching there and hasn't retired yet. So she pops in after class and has a conversation. Imagine what Rainbow Dash might talk about! How she joined the Wonderbolts Reserve and is achieving the dream she always bragged about as a filly. Rainbow Dash is also sometimes insecure and might seek out some confidence from this fondly-remembered teacher.

The said teacher could be feeling the years and considering retirement. Rainbow Dash might, still on the high of her own progress and success, be opposed to the idea of something she grew up fond of ending. She'd argue against the retirement, and you could explore a theme of youth vs age, of a pony in her prime and reaching her dreams contrasted against someone who, proud of one of their students doing the above, feels he/she has achieved one of his/her own goals too: to guide students towards their dreams.

Something like that could be pretty heartfelt. It doesn't even need Spitfire or any of the trappings of this steaming shitpile. It would have an actual, y'know, point and explore Rainbow Dash's character a little deeper than mere surface traits.

In two paragraphs using an OC that I didn't even put a name or gender to, I've already explained a "story" that takes everything this one tried to do, let it make sense, and built off of reasonable pieces of the setting working in a believable way. Dash went to school as a kid because all kids do, right? She had teachers at her school because that's how schools work, right? A teacher is proud of their students going on to graduate and succeed in life because that's kind of their jobs, right?

Two paragraphs of stuff off the top of my head and it's already ten times the story that was published. That's how shallow and bad this is. This was not "good" or "great" or any other such positive reaction. You should be embarrassed this exists, and use it as a learning experience on how to improve as a writer. I'd suggest one important step is to actually go out into the world and learn how it works. Maybe read up on how things like crosswalks and traffic lights work because those can be confusing to someone raised in the jungle, and not correctly understanding their workings might result in a lot of injuries.

Hell. Want to instead write stories to entertain people? Tell us your biography. Explain to us how you managed to get from the jungle to a working and internet-connected computer in order for us to even be having this conversation. Far more fascinating a topic than the symptom of that we see here.

[PaulAsaran]

You can has review!