• Member Since 21st Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 16th, 2022

StoneWare13


Hey everypony iam stoneware am an artist from canterlot.

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Soarin meets a new mare at a train station on his way to his first week at the wonderbolt academy, he falls deeply I love with her but what will happen when he discovers who she really is?

The first chapter of my story is based of the song "somewhere in Brooklyn by Bruno Mars"
http://m.youtube.com/results?q=somewhere%20in%20brooklyn%20bruno%20mars&sm=1

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 7 )

You seriously need a proofreader. Pronto. I would really advise getting this chapter cleaned up before continuing.

But I would like to give you some credit as well. I'd say 99% of the time I simply skip a story if there are a bunch of errors. Maybe I'm just a sucker for the SoarinFire ship, but I stuck with this one. And you know, there's a glimmer of something pretty good here!

I realize this probably sounds like backhanded praise, but please don't get discouraged. You seem to have a good idea of how a great story is supposed to go. The start is paced alright, slowly introducing your two main characters. Soarin's nervousness is cute, and I like you having Spitfire playing it cool. The dialogue is also a higher calibre than what your spelling would have me believe.

Maybe see if there's an experienced writer on the site willing to take you under their wing and help you out. I certainly won't make any claims of being great at it. I haven't written much fiction, but have read a LOT. Enough to get a sense of what quality looks like.

As I said earlier, there is some potential! I'd venture a guess that you're new to writing. With practice and guidance I think you could be very good! Maybe use this story as a stepping stone. I'd keep my eye on it.

Good luck! :twilightsmile:

Thanks your comment was very helpful and I understand it must be annoying my low level of spelling, infortuantly I have dislexia, this would explain my bed spelling but I wil work on that

Thanks
LemonZing

X

5454132 I think I can help you with your spelling problems, or at least for this fic. I have a lot of experience editing for fimfiction authors, and would like to offer you my help. I don't exactly have much to say right now but I just want to offer you my help. If you would like me to edit for this fic just send a p.m. my way.

Comment posted by Prophet deleted Jan 3rd, 2015
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