• Member Since 21st Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 16th, 2022

StoneWare13


Hey everypony iam stoneware am an artist from canterlot.

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Rainbow has a sister but has never told any of her 5 friends but when news arived that her sister is going to visit rainbow ends up makeing a fool of her self and loses something she will never be able to replace

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 25 )

i was abit interessted, and i think i wait. What i wanted to say is, i think you have should intoduce her in this chapter, for me it was a bit to short.
Maybe you have shoud wait till you had two or three chapters. I wait befor i vote for the story, i don´t want to be unfair.

PS: It isn´t necesary but maybe you should write a part where Rainbow is thinking about her Sister and describe her a bit, this should fill the chapter a bit.
Because of the description i think her sister can´t speak right?, somehow i like story´s with people/Ponies like those the most.

English is not my first language, and i haven´t written a story myself because of that, but i try to tell you how i would like the story or what i would do about it. This way you can at least think about it, it is probably better than without feedback.

If i am honest, even if it is short i like it, it is just more like a prolog.

he look like a catapilla

"YO WHAT HE LOOK LIKE BRO?" "HE LOOK LIKE A CATAPILLA"

Good story so far can't wait to meet rainbows sister

YbJ

i.imgur.com/T8zda7u.png
fimfiction-static.net/images/avatars/203100_256.jpg?1411771925
That's a nice self-insert OC you've got there, author.

Also, this story needs a lot of editing. There are some groups on this site that can help you with that.

Jesus fucking Christ, ANOTHER self insert?

I think lemon is not rainbows dads kid .I think rainbows mom had lemon with another pony just a guess good story by the way

Comment posted by StoneWare13 deleted Oct 6th, 2014

Thanks that means a lot to me

i like it, and i hope to read more soon. The chapter ends evertime if i would like to read more, mean cliffhanger:trixieshiftright::yay:
I would like a longer chapter or more chapters in a shorter time. I just ask for it, you don´t have to do it.

I will try to get a chapter out every weekend and thanks for the advise

darn i like her already, i had loved toread more.:heart: Can´t help myself, i like Character like those rather fast and very much.

well i have to wait for Lemon Dash a bit, i try..i try not.. i try not to.. i try.. i...:raritydespair:......:raritycry:

More Please:fluttercry:

I Like this chapter already!! :pinkiehappy:
I can't wait to see what you can do with the next chapter...
Lemon Dash is Pretty Sweet!! :pinkiesad2:

Thanks everypony I am glad to hear you like lemon... She likes you too xx

Started 4 chapter should be out on Friday or Saturday, I have a feeling this next chapter will be a long one. :)

Chapter 4 is now out got it done fast

:applejackunsure: I can definitely see potential in this story; however, grammatical errors are abundant and it is difficult to follow. I'm not going to down vote it, because I'd be a hypocrite to say I haven't had my fair share of grammatical errors, but I can see why others have done so.

Do you have a proof reader? Or at least somebody to swap notes with? It would probably help. You should go back and re work the story so that the paragraphs flow better. Perhaps some way of showing a scene or has changed over to another would help a little as well.

well i don´t know who is more wrong here, but i think Twilight has no right to scream at her because Lemon is Rainbows Sister, but she could blame her for being mean to another pony. (I think i don´t like it which words she choosed, but no hard feelings)
I don´t remember much details, but maybe Twilight could have thought that it don´t went that good if they meet, i mean why should Rainbow not tell them about her sister if there is no Problem?:rainbowhuh:

Well somehow i like it that Lemon has the large wings. Maybe she should have a paper or something which explains that she can not speak. Normaly i would expect that such Characters have a notepad or Cards for words which they use very often. I mean something like a card with a glass or drink on it. But i like the story how it is too, it is probably more interessting if they have a bit trouble with that.

If you can make it a little bit longer, not much. The chapters are somehow always a bit to short, or you want to do those Clifhanger conscious.

OH SWEET CELESTIA!! THINGS BE HAPPENING!!
i like the story a lot keep going . :-D

Thanks everypony I am enjoying doing the story and I am hoping to explain some questions your have in chapters to come

Yey I hit 300 views today thanks to everyone who has liked and supported my story :)

There is a lot of errors in this story, very good so far but... cliff hanger... haha

If you don't already have one can i be an editor?

its good only lots of spelling errors

hold up why does Rainbow Dash wear mascara :rainbowhuh:

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