Cupcake Wars

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. Cupcake Wars is copyright Food Network. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Years pass and people change. Nearly twenty-five years after they had first met, Twilight Sparkle and her friends lived different lives than their adventurous days of youth. No longer could they drop everything and journey to Canterlot or Cloudsdale or the Everfree Forest. No longer did a threat to Equestria bring a call from Princess Celestia. The Elements of Harmony were in the capable hooves of younger ponies… a group of stallions from Baltimare, incredibly enough. No, life was a lot more mundane for the six ponies who saved Equestria eight times over.

The six good friends were busy with jobs and families, scattered away from the home of their youth. Rainbow Dash was living full time in Cloudsdale. Twilight Sparkle’s own university position kept her in Canterlot. Rarity’s fashion empire meant she spent most of her time in Manehattan. And Pinkie Pie was, well, everywhere. Only Applejack and Fluttershy had maintained their roots in Ponyville.

Still, their friendship would never fall to the passage of time. Every other month, they spent a day together in Ponyville, just the six of them. No spouses, no foals, just the magic of their friendship. And this periodic gathering was, in fact, not what brought Twilight Sparkle back to Ponyville this evening.

“What is Pinkie Pie planning this evening?” Twilight Sparkle wondered as she materialized outside Ponyville’s bakery. Pinkie Pie had asked her best friends to come to Sugarcube Corners, as they often did for their bimonthly gatherings. But why get together some evening, in the middle of the week, less than two weeks after they had last seen each other?

Twilight Sparkle stepped inside, finding everypony except Rarity already present. She examined the room. The original Sugarcube Corner wasn’t set up for one of the parties of their youths. There were no balloons, no streamers. There was no punch bowl, no music playing. The interior wasn’t kept dark for a surprise party that was so expected as to never be a surprise. The only things Pinkie Pie had set out were four trays of cupcakes and some cold bottles of sarsaparilla.

The bakery was lit by lamps, but also by the blue light from the television. Seven years since the portal to the human world was discovered, and five years after regular trade had commenced, Equestria had rapidly adopted much of the humans’ more advanced technology. Television had proven to be the most popular human invention to the ponies of Equestria. Twilight Sparkle, who had the most experience with the technology, recognized the blue screen as a sign that they would be watching a recorded television program.

“Twilight Sparkle! It’s super duper awesome to see you again! Have a cupcake!” shouted Pinkie Pie excitedly. A table in the corner shook as it was bumped by Pinkie Pie’s pet alligator, whose long body stretched under six tables.

The bell above the bakery’s door rang as Rarity arrived, perfectly timed to attract maximum attention. She unwound her elegant scarf, one that wasn’t necessary on this warm evening, and carefully folded it. After enjoying the attention of everypony’s eyes on her, Rarity spoke. “Pinkie, darling, I simply must know what surprise you have planned for us. You didn’t leave one hint for us!”

Pinkie Pie beamed. “Uh-huh!”

“So what are we here for?” asked Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie just grinned.

“You didn’t bring us here just to watch television, did you?” said Applejack crossly. Pinkie Pie’s smile grew wide enough to escape the boundaries of her face. Applejack stomped her hoof. “Ah knew it!”

“If Pinkie Pie wants us to watch television, then I think we should. If that’s all right with you,” said Fluttershy quietly.

Applejack stared at the blue box, perturbed. “That device is gonna be the end of friendship in Equestria. As long as Ah’m running Sweet Apple Acres, there’ll never be a television anywhere on the property.”

“Oh, lighten up, Applejack,” said Rainbow Dash.

“I think that television can be used to spread friendship,” Twilight Sparkle commented.

“Oh, yes, that television program,” said Rarity.

At the urging of Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle had taken a year-long sabbatical from Royal Canterlot University to travel to the human world. She worked on a television program that would introduce the human world to their world, based on their own adventures while younger. She had originally resisted, thinking her work too important, but she was glad to have listened to her mentor. Reliving the past by reading her letters on friendship had been an unbelievably rewarding experience.

“Oh, my,” said Fluttershy. “I don’t want to watch that show again.” She hid herself behind one of her wings.

“It wasn’t that bad,” said Rainbow Dash. “I looked pretty cool.”

The human writers did tend to portray them as a bit one-dimensional, Twilight Sparkle thought.

By this point, Pinkie Pie was practically vibrating. She was hopping up and down with the tiniest of movements, looking ready to explode.

“Pinkie Pie, you’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t spill the beans,” said Rarity. “So spill them!” she ordered.

Pinkie Pie jumped, touching the ceiling, staying there for ten seconds, as if gravity were merely a suggestion. She pulled a remote control out of her mane and pressed play. “Grab a cupcake and take your seat. We’re going to watch… THE BEST TELEVISION SHOW EVER!”

The television program began with scenes of baking and narration from the host. “Tonight, four bakers will compete in the ultimate battle for cupcake supremacy. The winner will have the chance to get their cupcakes featured at a major Hollywood event and, if that’s not enough, will also win ten thousand dollars. Get ready, this is Cupcake Wars.”

The scene changed to a set, an incredibly large kitchen. “Hey, I’m Justin Willman,” said the host, a younger human man, as he introduced himself. “With me as always are our judges. Candace Nelson, founder of the first cupcake bakery, Sprinkles Cupcakes, and Florian Bellanger, owner of Mad Mac’s Macarons and former executive pastry chef at the world-renowned Fauchon.” The two judges, a younger woman and an older man, were seated at a table. “The kitchens are set. The judges are ready. Let’s meet our competitors.”

“Seriously? A cooking show? A human cooking show?” said Rainbow Dash, exasperated.

“But… they cook harmless animals!” squealed Fluttershy.

Pinkie Pie pressed a button on the remote control, and the picture fast-forwarded through the introductions of some other humans.

“And yer not even going to show us the whole thing?” said Applejack.

“I’m just getting to the part you want to see!” said Pinkie Pie. She pressed play. Everypony’s jaw dropped when they saw who appeared on the screen.

The screen showed a familiar pink pony, standing in a colorful kitchen. “Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie, and I’m owner of the Sugarcube Corner bakeries. I started as a baking assistant in the humble original shop in Ponyville, twenty-five years ago. I bought that store when the owners retired, and have since expanded throughout Equestria!”

The scene switched to showing a quaint shop in Canterlot. Scores of colorful ponies filled the shop, and more waited in a line that stretched to the cobblestoned street outside. “Ten years ago, I opened Sugarcube Corner Minis, a cupcake bakery, in the heart of downtown Canterlot. Everypony loves our little cakes. The first day, we had lines out the door! And we still do!”

The scene switched again, to the kitchen. Pinkie Pie was shown decorating a cake with a younger unicorn mare, yellow with a vibrant orange mane the color of a ripe pumpkin. “My baking assistant today is Pumpkin Cake,” Pinkie Pie narrated. “She’s the daughter of the original owner of Sugarcube Corner, so you could say she has frosting in her blood! Well, so do I, but that’s mostly because of my 95% sugar diet. Pumpkin Cake has a real gift for flavors, and is one of the few ponies able to translate Pinkie ideas into plain Equestrian!

“Winning Cupcake Wars would be super duper awesome! If I win, I want to use my winnings to open a storefront on Earth!”

“Congratulations, Pinkie! I’m sure it wasn’t easy to get on this show!” said Twilight Sparkle. She had an idea of just how much some humans wanted to get on television. If this was a cooking show, then she must have impressed someone with her baking skills.

“Uh-huh!” Pinkie Pie replied cheerily. “Like everypony, I didn’t know what to make of these humans. But when I learned they had a television network that showed programs about cooking and food twenty-four hours a day, I knew they had to be a good race. And then I saw there was a competition show about baking cupcakes! I knew what I was going to do!”

“So what did you do?” asked Rarity.

“I contacted the network, they contacted me, they visited my shop in Canterlot, they ate my delicious cupcakes, they loved my cupcakes, and eight months later, I went on the show!” said Pinkie Pie.

“That worked out smoothly,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“Oh, and there was one teeny little awkward part,” added Pinkie Pie. “About the ingredients that might be used. But you’ll see.”

“Today’s winner will present their cupcakes at a party celebrating the L.A. premiere of Rock and Roll All Night, the hot new musical celebrating the music of the band KISS,” Justin explained to the four contestants.

“There are three rounds of competition; after each round, one of you will be eliminated. The first round is a taste challenge. When you think of KISS, you think of the iconic masks worn by the performers: the Demon, the Starchild, the Spaceman, and the Catman, all in white, black, and silver. On the inspiration table you will see ingredients of these colors, such as tofu, squid ink, and herring. Your cupcake must include one ingredient of each color.” Pinkie Pie’s eyes opened twice as wide as normal. In a brief cut scene, she commented “Silver foods make baked bads!”

“You get 45 minutes. Starting now!” announced the host.

“That was a horrible surprise!” said Pinkie Pie. “Most of the ingredients on that table had no business being included in a cupcake. Not even that time when I was baking while both half-asleep and feverish would I have thought to put ink in a cupcake!”

“You really should have told me about this television show,” said Rarity. “Why, I would have designed a stunning and fashionable coat for you. A white coat and hat, perfect for a baker! And I wouldn’t have charged you one bit for it! And if you just happened to mention the Carousel fashion house, well, I would hope somepony with a sense for fashion….”

“Sorry, Rarity, but the rules said the only thing I could promote is my own shop, and then only with one article of clothing!” said Pinkie Pie. “There were all these rules. ‘No, Pinkie, you can’t promote your friend’s clothing line. No, Pinkie, you can’t use a cannon to decorate your cupcakes. No, Pinkie, you can’t bring a fifteen foot long alligator on the set. No, Pinkie, it doesn’t matter that the alligator has no teeth.’ These humans just don’t know how to party!”

“Maybe they just haven’t experienced a Pinkie Pie party,” observed Twilight Sparkle.

“Someday,” said Pinkie Pie, grinning, “every human will get to experience a Pinkie Party!”

Pinkie Pie brainstormed with Pumpkin Cake. “Black licorice? Squid ink? Black pepper? These humans sure are mean! There’s some good ingredients on the table, too. There’s coconut, which makes any baked good better, and there’s cloves, which would be great in our spice cupcake.”

“So that’s white and black, right?” asked Pumpkin Cake. “What about silver?”

Pinkie Pie’s eternal smile wavered a bit. “There’s nothing I’d put in a cupcake back home. But like everypony says on this show, ‘Go big or go home!’ We’ll make a filling with caramelized fish!”

Pumpkin Cake wrinkled her nose. “Are you sure?”

“A food type that I’ve never eaten, a particular fish I’ve never cooked with, and ten thousand dollars on the line? What would possibly go wrong? But I’m totally sure of one thing: anything tastes good when it’s caramelized!”

The television program switched to a scene of Pinkie Pie alone, in what appeared to be an empty version of the program’s kitchen. “Our cupcake is a spice cake with cloves,” Pinkie Pie narrated. “The filling is made with caramelized herring, mango, and coconut. The frosting is an apricot cream cheese frosting, and it’s covered with coconut.” As she narrated, the program showed flashes of Pinkie Pie and Pumpkin Cake making the batter, the filling, and the frosting.

Rarity looked down at her half-eaten cupcake, and realized which one she was eating. “There’s fish in this cupcake? But it tastes… so… good. I’m a monster.” She placed her foreleg to her head and fell backwards dramatically. “This is the worst… day… ever.”

“Oh, don’t you worry,” said Pinkie Pie. “I changed that recipe when I made it here. Instead of fish, it has another human food, tofu. It’s not meat! It’s all white and springy and bouncy and best of all, it has a really fun name. Tofu. Tofu. TO-fu. To-FU. Tofutofutofutofutofutofutofu!”

“But how did you know how to cook that fish?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“I studied! I read all these human cookbooks before going on the show,” she explained. “They’re all weird, but they have some really fun desserts!”

“Ten minutes!” called the host.

Pinkie Pie opened the door of the oven. With a hot pad in her mouth, she removed the cupcakes and brought them back to her station. The two ponies gazed at their creation. The cupcakes were golden brown, and had risen perfectly.

“These look delicious,” said Pumpkin Cake. “Is the filling ready?”

“I’ll go check,” replied Pinkie Pie.

She trotted to the stove, and stirred the filling with a wooden spoon. It looked like one of the compotes she often worked with. Pinkie Pie inhaled the aroma, shrugged, and brought it over to the station.

A blue glow lifted the cupcakes out of the pan. With her magic, Pumpkin Cake scooped out the center of the cupcakes. Pinkie Pie spooned the filling into the cupcakes.

“Two minutes! Get those cupcakes on the plate!” said Justin.

The program showed the four teams as they scrambled to finish their cupcakes. Pinkie Pie piped a perfect swirl of frosting on each cupcake, and then Pumpkin Cake floated shredded coconut onto them.

“Ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one… that’s time!” shouted the host.

The four lead bakers stood in front of the judges.

“You guys already know Candace and Florian,” said Justin. “Let’s say hello to our guest judge. The man, the tongue, the legend, KISS singer and bassist Gene Simmons!”

“I’m looking for cupcakes that will rock and roll all night,” said the musician. He held his fork aloft and opened his mouth, unfurling his incredibly long tongue.

“Look at all those awesome cupcakes!” said Pinkie Pie. “I don’t think the human bakers had as much experience as me, in terms of putting weird foods into cake, but they all made neat cupcakes. The smells in the kitchen were incredible! And they all looked good too. Except for that one.” On screen, one of the human bakers had presented a cupcake that was frosted while still warm. All the frosting had slipped off the cake.

“It was so much fun, I couldn’t wait to share the fun with you! The television people were nice enough to make a copy of the program, but they said I couldn’t show it, even in our world, until the show aired on the human world. And that just happens to be today!”

Watching Pinkie Pie in action, Twilight Sparkle was impressed by her friend’s ability to start up a conversation when she wasn’t on screen, and immediately cease talking when the camera was back on her. And since Pinkie Pie had just closed her mouth, it must be time for her to be judged.

“Hi, Pinkie,” said Justin.

“Hi, Justin!” Pinkie Pie replied.

“Tell us about your cupcake,” Justin continued.

“It’s a clove spice cake, with a filling of caramelized herring, coconut, and mango. The frosting is apricot cream cheese with even more coconut!” Pinkie Pie said. She involuntarily licked her lips after hearing herself describe the cupcake.

The three judges sampled their cupcakes, tasting each component as well as the combined flavor.

“Hi, Pinkie,” said Florian.

“Hi, Florian!” said Pinkie Pie cheerily.

“I like the cake,” said Florian. “The texture is light and delicate. The clove is the star of the cake.” Pinkie Pie smiled.

Florian then poked his fork into the caramelized fish interior, sampling it. “Have you ever cooked with fish before?” he asked.

“Don’t be a silly-dilly,” Pinkie Pie responded. “Ponies don’t eat fish!”

Florian stared at Pinkie Pie. Her mane started to deflate. The background music added to the tension. Then he finally said, “I like it.” Pinkie Pie’s mane reinflated. “The tropical flavors of coconut and mango balance the herring very well.

“I have to agree with Florian,” Candace said. “The filling reminds me of the flavors of coconut shrimp with sweet and sour sauce. The cake is moist and fluffy. And the apricot and coconut cream cheese frosting really brings it all together. “

“This cupcake is a total rock star!” exclaimed Gene.

The judging complete, the bakers retreated to a waiting area away from the kitchen. Four couches were arranged around a low glass table. Pinkie Pie executed a perfect cannonball onto one of the couches, disappearing into the cushions, and reappearing out of the cushions of a different couch.

“And this is the part where we waited for the judges to decide who to eliminate,” explained Pinkie Pie.

“Were you nervous?” asked Fluttershy.

“Not much. That poor woman, Karen, messed up her first cupcake,” Pinkie Pie said, pointing out one of the bakers on screen. “She mistook the powdered sugar for flour! And no amount of magic will make that turn out. She had to remake the cupcake, and there wasn’t enough time to bake it properly. I think she spent too much effort watching me, wondering how a pony could bake.”

“Easy, she bakes like a champion!” said Rainbow Dash, patting Pinkie Pie on the back.

“You bet!” replied Pinkie Pie. “And look there: right leg twitch, mane flop, tangle in the tail, tickle on my flank. That’s when I knew the judges had decided.”

“Your Pinkie Sense still amazes me,” Twilight Sparkle commented.

“The judges have decided,” Justin started. “With an undercooked cupcake and poorly executed flavors, Karen, you’re done in the Cupcake Wars.”

“Thank you for the opportunity,” she said, as she departed the set.

“That’s one baker down, and only two of you will go on to the final round, where you will create a one thousand cupcake fantasy display,” announced Justin. “First, you need to survive the second round. As you know, you can’t rock and roll without stage presence. And KISS is a band known for its theatricality. Your cupcakes should capture the essence of the band in delicious cake form. In this round, you will be graded 50% on taste, and 50% on decoration. You get 75 minutes. Starting now!”

The two human bakers dashed to their stations. Pinkie Pie casually bounded over to Pumpkin Cake and started to confer. “First, we definitely absotively posilutely need to make our MMMM cupcake,” Pinkie Pie suggested. “And a hot sauce cupcake, because that singer human breathes fire! And did you see all those different kinds of hot sauce in the pantry?” Pinkie Pie’s eyes gleamed with mad inspiration.

“What about our third cupcake?” asked Pumpkin Cake.

“There was this commercial the singer did, for a cherry soda of some kind. So, I was thinking….”

“Our sarsaparilla spice cupcake, with that soda instead?” interrupted Pumpkin Cake.

“Exacta-tootley! Let’s do a cherry buttercream and a little cherry filling,” said Pinkie Pie.

“I’ll get started on the frostings,” said Pumpkin Cake.

Again, the video switched to Pinkie Pie, reviewing the action. “Our first cupcake is based on our award-winning MMMM cake,” narrated Pinkie Pie. “It’s an almond cupcake with mascarpone filling, topped with a layer of marzipan, and then topped with a meringue frosting. The cupcake is decorated with fondant KISS masks.

“Our second cupcake is a spicy chocolate cupcake, with a raspberry jalapeño filling and a chocolate hot pepper sauce buttercream, and topped with a pulled sugar flame.

“Our final cupcake is inspired by a commercial our guest judge appeared in,” Pinkie Pie explained. “It’s a cherry pepper soda spice cupcake. We added ‘just a little kiss’ of cherry filling. The cupcake is topped with a cherry buttercream frosting, a caramel made with the same soda, and a fondant tongue.”

“What in tarnation is a pepper soda?” asked Applejack.

“It’s this!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, pulling out a pail containing ice and six bottles labeled Dr Pepper Cherry.

“Then why didn’t you jus’ say that, sugarcube?” Applejack wondered aloud.

“It’s those weird human rules again,” explained Pinkie Pie. “If you watch on screen when I’m working with the soda, you’ll see the brand name on the bottle is blurred out. So I have to call the soda by its generic name. And that’s really pointless, because the generic name is taken from the brand name! Who do they think they’re trying to fool, anyway?”

Fluttershy tried the soda. “This is really sweet, and I can’t tell what flavor it is, but it’s really good.”

Pinkie Pie took a healthy swallow of the brown soda. “The soda is supposed to have 23 flavors. They’re wrong. There are actually 47 flavors, and I’ve written them down here.” Pinkie Pie unrolled a scroll.

Twilight Sparkle examined the scroll. “Uh, Pinkie, I don’t think ‘red’ and ‘satisfaction’ are flavors.”

“Well, they should be,” said Pinkie Pie.

“Thirty minutes!” announced the host.

The camera focused on the two ponies. “Take a look at this frosting,” said Pumpkin Cake. She showed the chocolate hot sauce buttercream to Pinkie Pie. It looked curdled.

Pinkie Pie looked disapprovingly at the frosting. She pulled out a plastic spoon and sampled the frosting. “I like the taste, but this texture isn’t any good.”

The camera cut to Pinkie Pie’s review. “The spicy chocolate frosting did not come out like I thought it would!” Pinkie Pie narrated. “There’s no way humans would like to eat that! If I put that on a cupcake, then I’d go home for sure!”

The screen returned to the battle in progress. Pinkie Pie grabbed the bottle of hot sauce, and put some directly into her mouth. She was stymied by a plastic cover that only allowed one drop to come out of the bottle at a time. So she removed it, and poured a third of the bottle’s liquid into her mouth. “Nice flavor, but too much vinegar. I need to use one of my own hot sauces. Pumpkin Cake, go get Blend H.”

Pumpkin Cake recoiled. “Not Blend H?”

Pinkie Pie grinned madly. “Yes. BLEND H AND CHOCOLATE!” She looked like a pink pony possessed.

As Pumpkin Cake returned to the pantry, Pinkie Pie went to discard the bad frosting. She held the bowl over the garbage can, but then decided not to let food go to waste. With a quick swipe of her tongue, the frosting bowl was completely emptied.

“I hope everything works out,” said Fluttershy, worried.

“Oh, I wasn’t really worried there,” replied Pinkie Pie. “That was just some dramatic tension. I mean, I was surprised at how different the human hot sauce was, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me from making a deeee-licious spicy chocolate frosting!”

“I’m almost afraid to ask. What is Blend H?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“It’s a little project I’m working on in my spare time. I’ve been growing hot peppers, breeding new species of peppers, and creating my own hot sauces,” explained Pinkie Pie. “I’m trying to make the perfect spicy sauce. And Blend H was the closest I’ve gotten to the spicy taste of a Cloudsdale rainbow!”

“Was that a good idea?” asked Twilight Sparkle. “I mean, even you thought the rainbow was spicy, and you’ve been putting hot sauce on cupcakes all your life!”

“Ooh! Nothing gets past you, Twilight!” said Pinkie Pie. “You’ll see,” she continued, smiling.

“Ten minutes!” the host called.

As with the previous segment, the camera focused on the contestants as they raced to complete their cupcakes. Pinkie Pie stirred the hot caramel. Pumpkin Cake deftly handled the sugar work with her magic. Pinkie Pie piped the frostings onto each cupcake. Pumpkin Cake placed the decorations on each cupcake.

“Ten… nine… eight….”

The cupcakes assembled, Pinkie Pie centered them carefully on the plates and made sure the plates were clean.

“That is time!” Justin called.

Again, the contestants stood in front of the judges.

“Bakers,” Justin started. “In this round your task was to come up with three cupcakes that in flavor and decoration captured the essence of KISS’s music. Pinkie, what did you do?”

The screen showed the three cupcakes, the MMMM taller than the others. As the judges sampled the trio of cupcakes, Pinkie Pie described them. “Our first cupcake is a real rock star! It’s our famous MMMM cupcake, an almond cupcake with mascarpone filling, a layer of marzipan, a meringue frosting, and a fondant KISS mask. Standing tall in a silver wrapper, it’s like a rock star in platform shoes!

“Our second cupcake is inspired by Mr. Simmons here, who’s been known to breathe fire on stage! It’s a dark chocolate cake, a spicy raspberry jalapeño filling, and a dark chocolate hot pepper frosting. It’s topped with a pulled sugar flame.

“Finally, we have another cupcake for the singer! It’s a spice cake made with a cherry pepper soda, a tiny bit of cherry filling, and a cherry buttercream! And you know it’s for him, because the tongue reveals all!”

“I have to say your decorations are a little tame,” said Candace. “There’s no doubt these are KISS cupcakes, but we could use larger decorations, a bit more volume,” she explained. “As for the cupcakes, they’re all baked well. Flavor-wise, the MMMM and soda cupcakes are both good. The cherry filling was a wonderful and delightful surprise. But the chocolate cupcake was just too hot. It was overwhelming.”

“Hi, Pinkie,” said Florian. “Your textures are very good, and your flavors. I love this MMMM cupcake. All that rich, creamy goodness of the marzipan combined with the tart and tanginess of the mascarpone, blended perfectly with the smooth silky sweetness of the meringue. It was heaven. But I don’t know any human that can handle the level of heat in your chocolate frosting. And for the decorations, I agree with Candace. More color, more volume.”

“Wow,” said Gene. “Next time I step on stage, I’m not going to need any special effects to breathe fire.”

“You were right, Twilight! I should have remembered those human recipes I read, where spicy sauces were measured in tablespoons, not cups.”

Twilight Sparkle motioned to her half-eaten chocolate cupcake. “What pepper sauce did you end up using for these cupcakes?”

“Blend E, which isn’t as potent, but there’s more in the frosting than… wait, I won’t spoil that,” said Pinkie Pie.

“All right guys, the judges need a minute to decide.”

“More waiting?” asked Rarity.”

“Yes,” said Pinkie Pie. “And I was worried. I didn’t know if making a too spicy cupcake was going to mean I was going home. The woman baker, Allison, had almost no problems with her cupcakes. But the judges were also critical of the man baker, David, so I hoped he was going home.”

“That’s horrible, having to hope that someone else is going home,” Fluttershy commented.

“It’s too bad, I know. I tried to get his spirits up, but someone has to go. It’s just how it works,” said Pinkie Pie.

“Bakers, you all stepped onto the stage this round, but not without some stumbles,” said the host. “Pinkie, you provided a chocolate cupcake with a heat level that the judges called overwhelming, and decorations that were too small,” the host said. Pinkie Pie grinned nervously. The host turned to another contestant. “David, you used inedible decorations and served the judges an apple spice cake that was dense and heavy. David, you’re done in the Cupcake Wars.”

“Thank you for this chance,” he said.

“Allison, Pinkie, welcome to the final round. Soon, VIPs will be gathering at the L.A. premiere of Rock and Roll All Night, and one of you will make it there. Each of you must now create a one thousand cupcake display that can stand center stage at this extraordinary event,” said the host.

“Of course, you won’t do this alone. You will each get a master carpenter and four baking assistants.” Two men in flannel shirts walked into the kitchen, and eight young women with identical purple Cupcake Wars t-shirts waved. “When the time is up, the judges will taste your cupcakes, assess your presentation, and see how you put it together into one incredible display. You have two hours, starting now!”

The first thing the two ponies did was meet with the carpenter. Pinkie Pie was animated as she described her vision. “This is a rock musical, so it’s got to be big! A giant arena! Rows of cupcakes watching the show! And one of each cupcake on stage. There needs to be lights, explosions, and a big KISS logo and the show name on top!” Next to Pinkie Pie, Pumpkin Cake was attempting to translate these ideas to paper. She grasped the black marker with her magic and drew.

“That’s a lot to do, and while I can’t do explosions, I think I can do the rest,” said the carpenter. “I better get moving!” He took the sketch and headed to the workshop.

The camera again shifted to Pinkie Pie’s review. “I’m having the baking assistants work on the chocolate and spice cakes, and have one of them working on the fondant decorations,” Pinkie Pie narrated. “I’m working on the MMMM cake, and I need to make sure the soda caramel and the caramelized herring and raspberry fillings come out right. And Pumpkin Cake is handling the frostings.”

Back in the kitchen, Pumpkin Cake levitated a bowl of chocolate frosting. “Okay, the judges thought the chocolate frosting was too spicy. So try this. I made it with Blend E,” said Pumpkin Cake.

Pinkie Pie sampled the frosting. “I can barely taste it, so it’s probably right for humans,” she assessed.

“And look! There’s where I used the Blend E hot sauce,” said Pinkie Pie.

“Good choice!” said Rainbow Dash, as she tossed a third spicy chocolate cupcake into her mouth.

“I used a little more in this batch,” said Pinkie Pie.

“That’s not too hot for ya, is it, sugarcube?” Applejack asked Rainbow Dash.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” Rainbow Dash replied. The lingering heat from the pepper sauce continued to burn on her tongue. She felt beads of sweat form on her forehead. She began to reach for her soda. She glanced over, and saw Applejack watching her. Determined to prove herself right, she put the pain out of her mind and focused on the television program.

“Thirty minutes left!” Justin called.

The carpenter returned to stage; he and some other humans carried in Pinkie Pie’s display. She smiled as she saw how well he captured her vision.

“Check this out,” the carpenter said. He flicked a switch, and the cupcake display’s stage area was lit by lights, the colors changing just like the light show at a rock concert. Pinkie Pie squealed like a little filly and hugged the surprised carpenter.

Pinkie Pie watched as her opponent’s display was brought out. It was a tower display, with circular levels of different sizes creating a shape reminiscent of an electric guitar. It was flanked by two rectangular towers, resembling speakers.

“That one’s good, but I like our display better,” Pinkie Pie commented to Pumpkin Cake. “But we’ve got to get all these cupcakes frosted, decorated, and on the display.”

Over the next couple of minutes, the television program showed both competitors rushing to fill and frost massive trays of cupcakes and add decorations. Ponies and humans frantically added the cupcake bounty to the displays.

“That is time!” called the host.

A frazzled Pumpkin Cake gave Pinkie Pie a hoof bump. The exhausted pink mare grabbed her friend since forever and gave her a bear hug.

The two remaining competitors stood in front of their displays. “Pinkie, introduce your display,” said Justin.

“It’s a concert!” announced Pinkie Pie. “A thousand screaming KISS fans are waiting to see their heroes on stage! One of each of our cupcakes stand on stage, standing in front of images of the performers. The stage has multicolored changing lights just like a rock concert or stage musical. In the stands are the rest of the cupcakes, and since they’re big fans, they’re dressed like the performers. Above the stage, you see the KISS logo and Rock and Roll All Night.

“I took your advice and toned down the heat of the chocolate raspberry jalapeño cupcake. I hope you love it!”

“I was wondering,” said Rarity. “Why does the older human man speak with a Griffon accent?”

“That must be another one of those mysteries, like how all the humans I met spoke Equestrian,” replied Pinkie Pie. “Twilight, any ideas?”

“The brightest minds on both Earth and Equestria are still stumped by that,” said Twilight.

“Ooh, here’s the judge’s comments, and then after that they’re going to announce the winner!” said Pinkie Pie.

“Judges, what do you think of Pinkie’s display?” asked Justin.

“It’s impressive. The display and the lights make the cupcakes take center stage, literally,” commented Candace.

“It’s very much on theme. My only concern is that it may be hard to reach the cupcakes,” added Florian.

“I love it. It reminds me of our first arena tour,” said Gene. “The fans will love it.”

“And what did you think of the changes to Pinkie’s cupcake?” asked the host.

“Much better,” said Florian. “The hot pepper provides a pleasant kick without overpowering the chocolate and raspberry flavors.”

“Now, what do you think about Allison’s display?” asked the host.

“The display is all about rock and roll,” said Florian. “But it could be used for any concert. It has the KISS logo, but not the name of the show.”

“What I like about the display is how it can be accessed all around,” said Candace. “The display could be placed anywhere, while Pinkie’s has to be against a wall.”

“All right, judges, do we have a winner?” asked the host. The judges nodded. “Let’s bring them back.” Pinkie and the human baker returned to the set, standing in front of their respective displays.

“Cupcake bakers, you were asked to create an unforgettable display ready for the spotlight, and ready to rock and roll. The judges agreed, you both delivered brilliant displays with flavorful cupcakes.

“But only one of you was able to bring together flavors and decorations, and bring it all together in a display that was perfect for this occasion. Congratulations… Pinkie!”

“Congratulations, Pinkie!” said Twilight Sparkle.

“Yeah, way to represent Equestria!” added Rainbow Dash.

After several more congratulations and a big group hug, Pinkie Pie spoke. “I was lucky. My opponent didn’t get any criticism all day! Allison was a really great baker, and a super duper nice human. We traded recipes after the show! I think it was my display that won it. And look at how happy everypony looks!”

The television show ended with scenes of the party, and hundreds of humans enjoying the cupcakes. Several were shown having their pictures taken with an ecstatic Pinkie Pie.

“So, were you serious when you said you wanted to open a store on Earth?” asked Applejack.

Pinkie Pie nodded vigorously. “Yepyepyep! First Equestria, then Earth!”

Two years later, Twilight Sparkle was sitting in her office, reviewing a student’s thesis. Her reading was interrupted by a soft *whump*. She looked around, and finally found a soot-covered Pinkie Pie upside down in her fireplace. Good thing it’s the height of summer, Twilight Sparkle mused.

“Pinkie Pie! So good to see you again!” said Twilight Sparkle. “But my front door still works. You could use it!”

“Okie dokie lokie!” replied Pinkie Pie. “But fireplace travel is so much faster!”

“How did you do it?” asked Twilight Sparkle, curious.

“It’s a human idea! And it works!” Pinkie Pie replied. Twilight Sparkle just defaulted to her “It’s Pinkie Pie” explanation.

“How’s the cupcake business?” the unicorn asked.

“It’s super-duper!” Pinkie Pie replied. “The humans have this great concept. It’s called a franchise! Humans are paying me human money just to be able to bake with my recipes! There are PinkieCakes opening all over the human world!”

“Wow, that’s wonderful!” said Twilight Sparkle. “But you could have told all of us the next time we got together. So what’s the real reason for this visit?”

“I’ve shared my baked goods all over Equestria, and now Earth! But I want more!” Pinkie Pie leaned close to Twilight Sparkle, and whispered conspiratorially. “Can you find a portal to another world that’s hungry for cupcakes?”

Twilight Sparkle groaned.

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Comments ( 19 )

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Duffman18

Duffman18 #1 · May 21st, 2012 · · ·

Well-played sir, well-played indeed.

badassgrunt

badassgrunt #2 · May 21st, 2012 · · ·

SECOND!

MUBWAHAHAHAHA!

RaptorCalloftheShadows

RaptorCalloftheShadows #3 · May 21st, 2012 · 1 · ·

Fourth Wall? Pft. Break all the fourth walls. Bring in the wreckin' ball, boys! We need to knock down some walls! :D

LunarEclipse77

LunarEclipse77 #4 · May 22nd, 2012 · · ·

Very, very well written. I loved it!

Menoshe

Menoshe #5 · May 24th, 2012 · 1 · ·

Pinkie is turning into the most cheerful corporate bastard you will ever see.

ShayminTrainer127

ShayminTrainer127 #6 · May 27th, 2012 · · ·

I ....

LOVED IT!!!!!

Airstream

Airstream #7 · May 30th, 2012 · · ·

I actually really want some of these cupcakes, and I was holding my breath in some parts. Well done!

Alaborn

Alaborn #8 · Jun 5th, 2012 · · ·

668152 I want to try the chocolate hot pepper cupcake myself.

Airstream

Airstream #9 · Jun 5th, 2012 · · ·

697645
Probably my favorite as well. Damn, now I'm hungry.

LunarEclipse77

LunarEclipse77 #10 · Jun 7th, 2012 · · ·

I wanted to try the MMMM cupcake.

I'm hungry now, and I just ate.

pinkiehooves

pinkiehooves #11 · Jun 11th, 2012 · · ·

I have one question. Were you watching Cupcake Wars while you were writing this? Also, I loved reading it!

Alaborn

Alaborn #12 · Jun 11th, 2012 · · ·

729492 Glad you enjoyed it. I'm a fan of Cupcake Wars (and plenty of other Food Network shows), and I did replay some recorded episodes to try to make the announcements, pacing, and judge interactions as accurate as possible.

pinkiehooves