A Chance at Self Forgiveness

by Dreagknight-LostWriter

Questioning Friends

Twilight and Sunset sat in the back room of Twilight’s castle, a personal library of her own design thanks to Celestia. The room wasn't large or grand like the main library, but something smaller and admittedly cozier to the two studious pony's. Sunset did not asked much about the small room, as that was far from her current thoughts.

When Sunset had found Twilight, she did nothing to hide her worries or uncertainties. It was only when Twilight asked her what was wrong did Sunset started to tell her friend of her worries. At first it started with Sunset just talking about her worries, but it somehow turned into her retelling her time with her friends, what they have done and why she felt how she did now. After Spike had brought them some tea to drink, Sunset noticed she had spent nearly an hour just letting everything within her pour out. Thankfully to her, Twilight did nothing to cut her off, just listen with open ears to her friend worries.

Once done, Twilight stayed quiet, mauling over everything Sunset had said to her. “And Celestia said that it would be a good idea to ask me about this, since I may have had something similar?” She asked out of both clarification and curiosity.

Sunset nodded her head, leaving out the part of Celestia saying it be a good learning experience for the both of them. She knew she could trust both Celestia and Twilight, but she didn't want Twilight thinking this was a test given to her by the Princess.

Twilight put a hoof to her chin, thinking. “The only thing that would come close to that is Discord. A while back, Discord betrayed my friend Fluttershy… No, he betrayed all of us after we gave him a chance at redemption. Though…” Twilight cheek flare red as she started to chuckled. “...beside Fluttershy, the rest of us was still skeptical of him. We didn’t trust or by into his change, despite the fact we should have been his friends...” Coughing into her hoof, she looked back to Sunset serious again. “Anyway, you remember Tirek and what I told you that had happened during that time?”

“Yeah, I remember.” Sunset said, thinking back on what Twilight had told them during the sleep over at Pinkie’s house. “Tirek was an ancient evil centaur that was draining pony of their magic and cutie mark. He destroyed your old library and even down the Princesses after they gave you all of their magic. You battle him and almost lost but the with help from your friends and the tree of harmony, you all got a boost in magic and was able to vanquish him. Does that have something to do with Discord?”

“Yes, but that was the short and cut version. A lot more stuff actually happen during that time, and one of those stuff happen to be Discord betrayal.” Sighing, Twilight scraped the floor as she continue on. “During the time when Tirek was draining ponies, he apparently set up an alliance with Discord who, as you might have started to guess, he took the offer. While me and my friends was trying to get every pony to safety before battling Tirek himself, Discord decided to make Ponyville his own little playpen. He literally took full advantage of the chaos and had a field day.” Twilight started to growled under her breath, something that Sunset caught notice of but didn't bothered to speak up about it.

Twilight looked at Sunset before rubbing the back of her neck. She looked away, words forming on the tip of her tongue. Though she stayed quiet, as if there was something she didn't want to say. She took another sip from her tea, thinking about the situation now that she was retelling it, a sad realization on crossing her face.

“What happen after that? What made him change then?” Sunset asked, a bit of confusion on her face.

“He was betrayed, by Tirek. Once Tirek had what he wanted, he went and drain Discord for more power. It was only after he lost his powers did he saw the error of his ways. It was because of that moment he sought forgiveness from us.” Twilight said softly, her eyes not meeting Sunset.

Sunset looked at Twilight, before a figure emerge from the corner, catching her eye. She only turned her head a little, having an idea of who it might have been.

“Sounds familiar?” Lilith asked, taking a seat on the far side of the wall in her pony form. “Like how we was once we got defeated. Pretty much sought forgiveness as soon as we was defeated like Discord. We are the same as that of the spirit of chaos.” She added with a shake of her head.

“Even though after all he did, I ended up forgiving him.” Twilight continued, letting out a small sigh. “It was thanks to that we had the power to defeat Tirek. Still, after that, I can’t seem to bring myself to fully trust him.” She admitted, slowly standing up. “If you look at it from the girl's point of view Sunset, you left a deeper wound in them then they let on, or probably even know. A sense of doubt like Discord done to me and my friends.”

Sunset glance to Lilith who didn't say anything but kept her head down. Her gaze soon fell back onto Twilight before falling to the floor as well. This wasn't the answer she wanted to hear, but it was something deep down she already knew. “I… I know I left them with doubt about me, but I'm trying my hardest to prove that I changed. To show that I am different, better than then who I was before. It only took us beating the sirens that I felt I’ve gotten a bit closer to them.”

Twilight gave Sunset a smile, a tender but understanding smile. “I know that and they know that as well Sunset, don't think that they don't. It just takes a little time to get over who you was to who you are now. Just be yourself and they will accept you for who you are as long as you show that you're not going back.”

“But that the thing Twilight, like Discord I hurt them, and like Discord they can't come to fully trust me as well. I… I sometimes wait and wonder what would be the next thing to drive them away. Would it be another gossip, false rumors, maybe someone would accuse me of doing something else.” Sunset blurted out, sitting on her hunches as she hugged herself awkwardly with her hooves. “I don't know if they truly want to be my friends, or if they are just taking pity on me as I tag along with them like a lost puppy. Even after the anon-a-miss incident, they didn't apologize, just shrugged it off and pretended that it never happen. That day, it reminded me of something, something I can't shake off. That in everyone eyes, I am a backstabber and someone who can't be trusted.”

“Sunset... “ Twilight started, moving closer to her to give her a hug. “It takes time. While I am not sure about the other side, or how things work with them fully. What I do know from the time I was there, it takes them a bit longer then us pony to forgive, more so do to what had happen. Yet there is one thing that I am sure of, one thing that is the same between them and us, and that’s doubt. Friends always have doubt in each other Sunset, it overcoming those doubt that make friendship stronger. It’s like Fluttershy, she believed in discord when the rest of us did not. And it was also her who got him to change because she believed in him while we all doubted him. As for being friends, they are your friends, they may be like my friends in this world, but they are also different from my friends as well. What I do know for sure is that they are your friends Sunset. They probably didn't know how to confront you after your innocence was proven. It's a hard thing to do, and even harder when it comes to accusing a friend.”

Lilith then walked over to Sunset, whispering into her other ears. “But this was different, you tried to explain your innocent, but they didn't believe you. You even begged them to hear you out, but no one did until the end. Ponies are kinder than humans yes, but your friends should always be there to have your back. To always be here, like me.” She said, taking a step back as her shape change to that of her human self. “Just be you, you're not the kindest pony. If you was you as before, you would have gotten that apology, not just from your friends, but from everyone in the school.”

Sunset wanted to lash out at Lilith, to say it was all a lie or that she was wrong, but her mouth wouldn't open. She couldn't say anything to her, not while Twilight was here next to her. And even if she wasn't here, Sunset didn't know how to counter what she said. She just looked down at her jacket, the one she asked Rarity to make in this world, and reminded herself the difference between the two. Sunset gritted her teeth, more doubt flowing into her, something Twilight took notice of.

“Sunset…” Twilight started but stop as something come to mind. Lighting up her horn, she levitated a book over to Sunset, the magic book they both use to communicate with each other. “Sunset, if you don't believe me then look in our friendship book. While you was gone, you got a few messages from your friends wondering how you was doing. They really seem to want to talk to you, maybe something happen or I don't know, just wanted to chat. But the thing is, they thought about you.”

Sunset grab hold of the book in her magic, slowly flipping through the page until she came across the new messages. Lilith walked over, leaning over Sunset shoulder as she too read the messages that was written. It wasn't a worried message, but a simple check up from her friends. Them telling her of their day as well as asking about hers, asking how she was doing and if she learned anything new. Sunset grew a small smile on her face. Her horn glowing even brighter, she used her magic to grab hold of a quill off of Twilight’s desk.

Before she was able to pluck the quill from it inkwell, Lilith whisper into her ear, “do you still believe that you don't need me anymore?” She asked, her voice none taunting or accusing, but a simple question. “Even if something happen, to ruin this so called friendship moment. Do you not think it worth keeping me around, to dive back into who you once was, even a little bit? To see that who you are right now isn't the true you but a façade. You're more closer to me, to us then you would ever be to any of them. So why are you trying so hard to cast yourself away and become something new?” That last question sounded hollow to Sunset, like a fading wind as Lilith vanish from sight. “No matter how hard you try Sunset, I will be with you, forever…”

Sunset gritted her teeth once again, looking at the book but not at the words. Why, why do she, I, my other self always has to make things difficult for me? Have I paid enough already? I just want a peace of mind, to figure myself out and my friends. She thought to herself, closing the book.

Looking back up to Twilight, she found her scrawling through her shelves once more, looking for something. Plague with two questions, though one was more important than the other one. “Twilight, how did you get closer to your friends, to have such faith in them as well as that bond?”

Twilight crane her neck, looking back at Sunset with a smile. “I’ve had a long time to be with them, to learn about them. What I think helped the most was the adventures we went on together. All the adventures, evil we face, challenges and sometimes shenanigans helped build our friendship even more. Why do you ask?”

“I, wanted to know how I could get closer to my friends.” Sunset admitted, looking away a tad bit embarrassed.

Twilight just smiled with a chuckled, pushing a few books on the shelves. “Just spending time with them can fix that. Try individually first, then all of them together. A little one on one helps to understand a friend more then you would in a group, that’s what I learn from being around Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. It also helps to be a little… selfish at times, to do things you want to do instead of always doing what your friends want.. That way your friends can learn about you as well.”

Sunset nodded her head, the last part has been something she hasn't done too much of. Though she made a mental note to change that, she was happy how things were at the moment, of her learning about her friends. Though that helped her with her questions about her friends, she still had her own self to worry about. She made up her mind that she could never forgive what she has done, so she wonder what does she need to do different to make it better. What about her did she need to change to make Lilith stop burdening her mind, plaguing her with such negative feelings and doubt. She felt like she was missing something, something obvious but she didn't know what.

Maybe Nightmare Moon can help me tonight, help me figure out Lilith and what to do to stop her. She thought, but the words Lilith said kept echoing in her mind, something she was sure of was Lilith doing. Those words she said time and time again, that Sunset was not being her true self.

Shaking her head and leaving the book close, she decided to asked her second question, something to distract her. “Twilight, what are you looking for?”

“I'm looking for a book on golem arcane knowledge. I asked Luna if I could borrow it to learn more about golems. Luna needs it back and I can't remember where I place it, I was sure it was here but maybe, maybe I put it in my room, hmm.” Twilight sigh, moving away from the shelves as she open the room door.

“Is this for Sypher, mind if I helped?” Sunset asked, trotting behind Twilight as she was glad to be on a different subject. She had been meaning to asked about Sypher, but with her current thought train, it was no wonder it derailed and she nearly forgot about him. She only wish her negative thought about herself and her friends would derailed and be forgotten instead, maybe then she would be happy.

“It will never derailed, I won't let you forget until you understand Sunset. No more running away, I don't want to be forgotten again. I know you still need me, you can't escape me!”

Author's Note:

So sorry for the late chapter and even more sorry if you ponies is a bit confuse on what Lilith is saying. I look at Sunset a bit differently then most do and more so on her relationship with her friends. If any pony can guess what Lilith is referring to about Sunset, I'll throw a cookie and a milkshake your way.

"Did you just reference the side story?"
"Yes, yes I did. How observant of you."

Anyways, I hope you ponies enjoy the chapter, leave a comment down below as I do enjoy reading them.

Comments

[badninja]

Not bad development for Sunset here. There are a few grammatical errors but nothing to bad.

[Dreagknight-LostWriter]

8030771 Yeah, no editor so I'm trying to catch them the best I could, I still go over it every once and a while to see if my brain catch anything new.

[Vaguely Demented]

Interesting. I rather like Lilith. Most versions of her tend to have her as purely rage based corrupting force, nice to see a version that if she is all out evil she is at least being more subtle about it.

[Dreagknight-LostWriter]

8755738
Thanks, I am hopefully planning to have a new chapter out by Monday, but don't quote me, writing has been hard recently.

[Vaguely Demented]

8757533
Sorry to hear. Good luck with it.