7:00 pm
Drip.
"Okay. So, like, after the princesses beat Discord or whatever, Equestria got so big that the barter system didn't really cut it anymore. So this stallion Goldenmane, he like, invented bits and told everypony to use them instead, and they totally did..."
Drip.
"...And some ponies started to get rich, and that's why today there are totally cool and fabulous ponies like me and Diamond Tiara. But the economy was super lame at the beginning because the winters were so bad that they, like, shut down Equestria for half the year. So that's when this Snowdrop--you know, who you totally look like? That's when she came along..."
Drip.
"And wow, we're like on Chapter 5 already. Let's...HEY!"
I snap out of my half-asleep stupor. "Huh? I'm listening! Who are we talking about? Goldensnow?"
"Ewwww! Look at that!" Silver Spoon yells. "Ew ew ew! I can not believe you totally drooled on my desk! That's an antique!"
Only the millionth time I've heard that phrase tonight. "Geez. Is there one thing in your house that's not an antique?"
"I don't know, can you spend one night studying without falling asleep like ten times?! No wonder you're flunking."
"I'm not flunking! I told you, I wasn't even in school before this. And it's not my fault your stuck-up friend took forever to leave. We started an hour late because of her."
Just my luck that the best student in Cheerilee's class had to be this kid. She's rich, spoiled, whiny...and Diamond Tiara, who she clings to like plastic wrap, is worse. Listening to their babbling was about as fun as a root canal, but it did tell me something about them. A, their families are the two richest in Ponyville; B, they both think they're really something; C, most of Diamond's relatives live in "Manehattan" (again, how different is this world really?) while Silver came from old money in Canterlot; and D, their main hobby and field of study is making fun of the "blank flanks".
"If you could just, like, pay attention, we would be on cutie marks and Equestrian culture already." Silver snaps.
"If you'd stop throwing 'like' and 'whatever' into every sentence, maybe I wouldn't fall asleep! God, are you boring."
"I could always send you to the second best student in class," Silver says evilly. "She lisps."
I know when I'm beat.
"...Just try to teach me something without saying 'like', 'totally', and 'whatever'."
She scoffs. "Whatever."
8:16 pm
"Uuuuurgh! I can't believe we are still here!" Silver growls. "This is so simple! Cutie marks show what we're good at and stuff. They're connected to our destinies! What about that do you not understand?!"
"Oh, I don't know, try everything!" I shout back. "I can't see! What do I care if I've got a snowflake on my ass? And how can you have a name related to your talent before your parents even knew what your talent was? And do I have to call them cutie marks?"
"Yes. And I should know. Diamond and me are totally cutie mark experts 'cause we're, like, special. She's good at making money, I'm good at preserving valuable things...I mean, let's face it, it's all downhill from there..."
I yawn. She's getting boring again. Is this night ever going to end?
"Ewww! Face off the chair! It's an antique."
9:48 pm
"Saddle Arabia. Gee, that sounds...familiar," I yawn. "Look, how many more countries are there?"
"Stop that. You're making me..." Yawn. "...Yawn. And there's like 40."
"Oh, the hell with this. I can't even see the map..." I roll over and close my eyes.
"Ew," Silver protests sleepily. "Stop falling asleep on my map. It's an antique."
"You're falling asleep on it too. Spoonbutt."
11:09 pm
"Ugh. Here. Mmmphll..."
"Mmmmrgh. Mwut?"
"Cuffergh."
"What?"
"Coffee! To keep us awake, and...fufflemmmph."
I take one sip and nearly choke. "Whoa! Damn. This stuff could wake up Celestia."
She coughs, too. "Yeah. It's Mom's blend for when she's up late restoring things."
"We probably shouldn't drink too much of it." My hoof is already shaking. I try to steady the cup for another sip.
"Ewww! Don't spill that stuff on the rug! It's an antique!"
1:05 am
"Okay, Silver...I think you've had more than enough coffee, all right?" I laugh nervously and hold the pot away from her. "We really should get back to the, um, tutoring."
Silver cackles madly. "Blasphemy! Bitter sweetness, sweet bitterness, nectar of the goddesses! Give me more. MORE, I tell you! I have powers!!"
Clanging and rattling noises...did she just climb up on that antique canopy bed she was bragging about?
"Do not defy me! I look down upon you like a...a thing looks down upon a lower thing! And I can flyyyyyy!"
"Don't!"
"Wheeeee!"
Maybe it's the caffeine, maybe it's me and Snowdrop intertwining even more. But I launch myself into the air, catch her before she hits the floor, and hover.
Holy shit.
"Y-you saved me," she blubbers at me. "I love you."
"Ew," I say.
W:TF am
"HELP! HELP!" I shriek.
"B-but I'm scared!" Silver Spoon cries over the blood-curdling squeals of the tentacled abomination that just grew out of her bedroom floor and is slowly but surely pulling me into its hellish maw. "What if it gets me too?"
"It's drooling on your antique rug!"
"DIE!" Silver rages.
"EEEEUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGHHHHH..." the disgusting monster's gurgles of agony will forever echo in my ears, but I wriggle out of its weakening grasp and huddle trembling in the corner.
We sit petrified for a time, hearing nothing more than each other's labored breaths. The creature seems to be gone completely, and when I reach out with one trembling hoof, the floor is solid once again. It was never there.
"What did you do?" I say finally.
"I stabbed it with my dad's antique sword," she says dully. "No blood, even. That's strange."
"Maybe you shouldn't have used your mother's antique dark magic book to teach me hoofreading."
"Whatever! It's totally the only touch-read book in my room. What was I supposed to do, go all the way downstairs and find another one?! Like, as if."
Another pause.
"Let us never speak of the tutoring again," I say.
"Agreed."
"Let us pass the night by listening to music on your antique record player."
"Okay. You like death metal?"
?:?? ??
"You know, fake Snowdrop," Silver sighs blissfully. "Every year of my life, I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and the best should affix our attention on the good and the beautiful. If you’ll just take the time to look at it.”
"You're some pony, Spoonbutt," I lean back benignly in the chair. "But that made absolutely no sense."
I literally just finished reading the last chapter to see this one pop up. One third in and I began to wonder if it was even a part of the same story.
Well that was... new?
The whole way through I was like WTF? (More like half of it.)
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!
Well that was enlightening
Even if it's the Only Way to stop the End of the World, DO NOT GIVE THAT STUFF TO PINKIE!!!!!!
Huh. I'm not quite sure what I just read.
5885963 Same thing here...
I'm guessing W:TF was translation for 'Jay fell asleep'.
This chapter was hilarious!!!
I wish I didn't know that feeling quite as well as I do.
Hyhehahahehahehhahahehehhahhahehahehehehahehahehaehehehahehahehahehehehahehahehehehhhehahahehahahhehahahhehahahhehahehhahehwhhahehahehhahhaehhwhehehhehehahhehehhehehhahah
Best Tutoring Session EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
This was gud.
Made me smile
SMILES??
OH GAWD WE SUMMONED PINKY!!!!! Run!
COME BACK FRIEND!!!!!!
AAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH
5886081 Maybe. xD After a relatively serious Chapter VIII I had to even things out with something ridiculous.
I see no one recognized the part at the end yet.
5886100 Ah. XD True, true... We do need some hilarity. It was awesome.
That was amusing and I look forward to more
5886052 or when she hits that magical number of 0
Um, What the fuck was this chapter?
Huh, dark magic books only readable by the blind. I guess that onegood way to encode them.
5848857 What do you mean "can't do her job consistently?" she does that every time...
Hahaha!
5886348 And additionally:
There is only one episode where she flies really bad, so maybe she only had a bad day...
5886100
It's a quote from Richard Cecil "Every year of my life I grow more convinced that it is wisest and best to fix our attention on the beautiful and the good, and dwell as little as possible on the evil and the false."
Now the better question is why is Silver Spoon quoting English Clergy from the 1790's, guess those books really are antiques
Whoa, so Jay's mystery tutor was Silver Spoon?
Anyways, that was a hilarious and random chapter. That coffee sure does make you do weird things.
Aaand my brain just became oatmeal.
Best chapter yet
These two are adorkable together. I do hope Silver shows up again.
5886499
"And I said oatmeal, are you crazy?!!?"
Why'd I stop reading this?! It's hilarious!
Best chapter in the story. Hands down.
I'm sensing a Mystery Science Theater 3000 reference in there.
This chapter was sweet and silly in a nice strong blend.
Wt:f Am..
10/10 10/10 100/100 best chapter best chapter. [youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uneSOPqqAFw]
Wow this made me laugh!
5886906 Bingo.
5886470 That's interesting. I didn't know a clergyman said it. I actually got the quote from the old, boring sci-fi film 'Phantom Planet' that was parodied on MST3k. One of the astronauts turns to the other and just says it out of nowhere. I'll bet Mr. Cecil's delivery was better.
(See 1:51.)
Sums up this chapter.
6:00 AM
DING DONG DING DONG, DING DONG DING DONG
"Aaah! Turn it off!" I yelled, covered my ears.
"STOP YELLING OVER MY ANTIQUE GRANDFATHER CLOCK!!!"
"Ha hew hew, hew hew, ha...ha...ha..." said an unknown voice.
Is this the beginning of a secret friendship?
5889015 well yes, the first couple of times
but there are a couple of factors
such as his habit, he is a different species, and they are still addictive
1 he has been smoking for what? 20 years?
he no doubt by now would have it as a habit, and this would cause some side effects
2 cigarettes are designed for humans, whos to say they aren't worse for ponies (or maybe they aren't effected by nicotine, i dunno) it could very easily be more addictive to them.
3 plus, once that method of stress relief is gone, along with the stress of the sheer lack of their comfort, its all going to come crashing down on him
5889816
it'll probably have the same psycological side effects as withdraw, but likely not as bad physically because of his new body
This was quite hilarious. Ooh, it looks like a friendship is blossoming~
Not with the CMC, it seems. They're being rather insensitive.
that was... um different. yeah different lets go with that, because frankly i got no other way to describe it. anyways great read so far, amazing twists with Silver Spoon being top student I figured Dinky (I think thats Derpy's kid can't remember ) or Sweetie Belle but not one of those stu... i mean interesting ponies. anways can't wait to read more i now if you stay true to your writing and to Snowdrop you shall go far
20 bits says that they're drinking the Equestrian equivalent to Irish coffee. What's the pony pun for whiskey anyway?
omg yes
W:TF AM sums this chapter perfectly!
Got this odd feeling that the longer Jay's stuck in Snowdrop's body the more like her he'll become which is kind of bad if he wants to get home which hopefully his human body is in an coma else he really died and is stuck there!
Did...did they just sommon an eldritch abomination?
5893162
Maybe I should start rainbowing...
Silver spoon is best pony.
5887949
Silver Spoon / Diamond Tiara watch terrible old movies on an old projector whilst making fun of them in their old private theatre, head-cannon accepted.
Where's the rest? I wasn't ready to be caught up.
Also best Silver Spoon ever.
How come this didn't show up on the feed? I use that to check for updates!
I kneel before you, my lord.
Lord of the Derp
YEESSS CAFFEINE!!!! :DDDD
I wish chapters would become a more frequent treat, because, I WANT MMORE!!!