I also thought that, based on the ‘Want it need it' incident and your past record of over reacting to curtain situations, you could use a break from your studies and have some time to just unwind and relax without any responsibilities or worries.

Do you mean certain?

5672291 Fixed.

5678026 That's not an enough mitigating factor for her actions. She'd make it a priority to examine it, sure. Would she lose sleep over it? Quite possibly. Would she actually, without question drink straight from the vial the first thing she does? I will leave it up to common sense to answer that one.

Also, if it's inferred that it takes place at night, why is this not described? Is this a story, or a game of "Guess what the author is thinking"?

5678200 there I changed it so it's states that it's the middle of the night. Are you happy now you overly critical ass? By the way it takes place in an alternate universe or did you miss that tag? So it's not 100% the same Twilight from the show. Also it's a Fanfiction! So sorry my take on her character doesn't fit your headcanon.

5678232 Well, no, adding that particular part to the story wasn't really one of key arguments here, just something I thought should be addressed. Also, you may call me an asshole if you'd like, but I assure you, I am providing you with a lot more constructive criticism than any other of your commenters. If that makes me a jerk, I'll be the biggest, goddamn jerk you've ever seen, as long as I get through to people.

5678276 So you're basically saying until people start conforming to your headcanon you're going to be a jerk.

5678505 It has nothing to do with my headcanon, it's about regular common sense and how to portray characters. Put yourself in her situation, would you have done the same?

Typos:
Chapter 1 - "The potion was milky white and had a familiar sent that she couldn't quite put her finger on." (should be scent)
Chapter 2 - "Twilight found her herself instinctively hugging Celestia like a new born foal." (newborn is one word)

Listening to criticism is an important part of growing as an author, or improving at any other skill for that matter. Zerg might be expressing his criticisms in a rather blunt manner, but they are valid. An alternate universe where the characters act like idiots is not a particularly interesting alternate universe to read about. Don't be discouraged - one or two small problems don't make your story bad - but you should bear his advice in mind when writing future stories so that they can be even better. Nobody gets everything perfect the first time and even the best authors still make mistakes, so just keep practicing.

5678656 Let's see, I would be sleep deprived so my decision making skills would be down, and the potion would be from someone I trust not to send me some thinking that would kill me, so yeah I probably would. Also canon Twilight would just drink a potion to find out what it does or did you forget about the whole season 4 opener where she just downed a random potion from Zecora that no one know would do?

5678707 It's not that they are idiots, it's just that they are subject to the effects of sleep depravity, and lapses of error in judgement. here's an experiment for you; stay up as long as you can with out any form of rest then see how good your decision making skills are. Because from personal experience I can tell you that they are very low.

one question will this story ever reach beyond the castle? like will it only encompass this one "visit" or will we see a Progression like through the span of months or so?

5679689 I'm not sure. I havn't thought that far ahead. For the most part I'm basing the entire story around four pictures by CuddleLamb.

I'm surprised this story has a positive rating
And Cadance is way OOC

5685473 Well Cadence hasn't really had that much character development in the series. I mean she's only in like 7 episodes. But what character development she does have portrays her as a caring and loving pony that cares for Twilight and her well being. So If she felt that her sister in-law/ friend was over worked or stress she would do anything in her power to help her relax. Plus the store is still in the early phase and she has only had a few lines of dialogue. she'll get more in future chapters and will be more in character.

As Celestia carried her down the many halls of Canterlot Castle, Twilight found her herself instinctively hugging Celestia like a newborn foal.

Her herself?

5689923 fixed.

More!!!! I love This Story Plz Do More :) *bro hoof*

The only problem is that you don't add more information, it feels like you are trying to rush it along

5691056 do you plan on continuing this?

5965750 I do. Just not in the foreseeable future. If you're familiar with my other stories you would know that I write when the muse hits me.

5966015 so any luck with finding a muse?

6317615 not yet.

6317734 thats alright, im sure you'll find one

just a thought though, have you ever considered asking others for help or ideas? You know to help you find a muse

6317740 Well it's not really a lack of ideas as it is I don't feel like writing at the moment.

6317769 oh...how come?

6317786 just haven't I've been working one of my other stories right now.

6317795 alright, i do hope you get back to this one at some point though

are you going put out anter chaper

7151708 I don't know. I haven't really been motivated lately.

This is a good story that needs more chapters. Please.

8248151 all my stories are on hold until I get a new laptop.

9066874
Probably not.

9069486
Lost my interest in writing recently and I'm not sure if it will return.

9070633
Sure. Why not. I can send you the details of where I was originally going if you want.