I write fart (and occasionally scat) fanfics and produce fetish videos on SFM. Smelly Mares ahead. If you don't like it, just move along.
[THIS IS A FETISH FANFIC. CONTAINS FARTING.]
When Rarity and Rainbow Dash find themselves locked up in Equestia's newly-opened shopping mall, they need to find a way to survive the night. On top of their predicament, Rainbow Dash finds herself gassier than she's ever found herself before.
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Gonna read. Gonna read. Gonna read. Probably going to ruin, but ... gonna read.
Awesome! I've always said that Rarity is a very dirty and kinky pony who just hides her true self.
Um... meat?
Just why in heck would Twilight need a night job?
Fuckin' dropped.
5605502
To serve as a convenient way to somewhat neatly wrap up a story.
5621198
At some point I'm planning to write something along those lines.
5629937
Certainly. I won't be writing it for a while but if you wanna help with some ideas for it or something PM me.
Yay for Twilight at the end!
Best way to end that gassy madness.
5605502
Why indeed? It's just randomness. Hee hee. Scatologically speaking.
5768886 Yeah, but Twilight? She's too much of a straight arrow. You need someone who would way over react. Like Rarity or Fluttershy or take it in the wrong direction like Pinkie. Then it would be hilarious!
I'm reading this story because the premise sounds amazing. I shouldn't be a fan of fart humor like I am, and I've skipped the future chapters, but you could be a decent writer. You have some problems you need to fix though, and I am here to help you!
Your paragraph breaks are weird. You break paragraphs when you don't need to when the same character is talking. You also do a lot of floating heads talking, with no sort of body movement to back up who is where, what they are doing, how they are reacting. It's the paragraph breaks that throw off the reader. Majorly so. I'm always here to help you grow as an author if you'd like.
Ellipses are three commas, always. And your capitalizing words after those ellipses when you don't need too.
Your paragraph breaks are really weird. Other than that, I think you can be groomed into a master farting... writer. You have the characters down too.
Not sure how this story isn't M rated since you're saying pucker and anus, but it's still kinda funny and making me laugh. I have no soul. And I like how much you make Rainbow swear. I do the same!
... Twilight as a night guard... don't buy it.
But hey, it made me giggle.
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Uh, thanks for the advice. I will keep it in mind, although generally I'm not too pedantic with my grammar and such, but thanks nonetheless!
5795261 You should be though. Helps you as a person, get more followers, as a writer, and well, period!
Just wondering why there is a Twilight Sparkle tag if she hasn't appeared in the story?
So that's what Twilight tag was for. This ending seems too tame for my liking. When Twilight opened the door and realised what they were doing, she should have gotten involved too or Rarity and Rainbow Dash force her to get involved. And there is no way 80% of the fart gases was Rarity's, at least 60% was Rainbow Dash's own. Finally we need to get Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Apple Jack to get in the action too.
At least Rainbow tried to hold it in
And 57 seconds? Here I thought my stories gave them a stretchy length
RD likes meat now lol
Pretty enjoyable story!
You know I have a huge fart fetish, but, there are certain lengths that are a turn-off to me
1.) If the smell is described too vividly, I might be more grossed out than aroused. (Edit July 2021: Maybe less now than before, I have an olfactophilia fetish and a messing fetish now too)
2.) If the smell can actually kill someone. (But passing out is fine, I think)
3.) If there is too much focus on the anus. I have a butt fetish too but only for the buttocks. The only connection to the butthole I'm comfortable with in a fart story is the fart itself. I don't like anything else being done with it or it being described too vividly either. I guess I'm a little squeamish.
But, earlier chapters were pretty good.
A pretty interesting start I must say. The premise of Rainbow dash and Rarity getting stuck in a mall is pretty unique compared to what I've seen myself, and I'm interested to see where the story goes from here. I give this first chapter a 6.5/10. Really good start.
Oh, and I would LOVE to be in an enclosed space with a gassy Rainbow Dash. And/or an equally gassy Rarity.