Orange Crush, the man without a plan, meets and falls for Pinkie Pie after moving from Canterlot to Ponyville. As soon as they meet she invites him to a party, which strikes Orange Crush as strange, but hey he's going with it.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 22nd Jul, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 16th, 2015
Alexandercanceled
Friendship is my favorite color, aside from no longer using this account.
Alexandercanceled
Joined 22nd Jul, 2014 ·
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- Alexandercanceled · 1.3k words · 17 6 · 1.1k views
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The ONLY thing that should be in the summary is the summary. No personal details. And nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to hear the words 'my OC'.
Let me stop you right there. I used to not know how to end quotations, so now that I do it bugs the hell out of me when others don't. So rule 1: When after the quotation you say how it's said, end the quotation with a comma and the first word after it is lowercased. Like so:
Rule 2: When you don't say how it's said, end with a period and capitalize.
Rule 3: Exclamation marks, question marks, and ellipses (These things: …) override the comma/period rule and proper nouns override the capitalize/lowercase rule.
Mind... describing the surroundings? Anything interesting going on?
Who says that out loud?
Not 4, four. Write it out.
This is REALLY rushed. An entire afternoon, in just one sentence? And nothing happened in that time?
Is Uh the first word in the sentence? No. Is it the name of a person, place, or thing? Gonna guess no. So why is it capitalized?
Your OC isn't very smart, is he? She just tackled him in the middle of a town. That's hardly what you'd call nice, even if she apologizes.
First, it's not 'here' it's 'there'. Second, this is a damn big cliché. Third, it's pretty stupid for him to just randomly trust complete and total strangers. This is how people die.
Little description? You may know how your humanized ponies look, but we don't.
Listen to Applejack and her family speak. They don't talk like that. No 'ah'.
This story is infinitely better than most first-story people, but you really, REALLY need an editor regardless.
Thank you, I respect your opinion and I'll edit immediately :)
5444061 Another piece of advice: Advertise. Don't just wait for your story to be added to, say, the Humanized Equestria group (I dunno if there is one, I just made that up), join the group and add it yourself! That's how new authors get people to read their stuff.
Thank you so much, I was a little let down when you pointed out that there were quite a few mistakes in my story, but now I'm glad that I have an opportunity to make it better!
I haven't started reading this yet, but you should probably take out the part where you say "my OC." Also, I would save the part where you say that it's your first story to the end of the description.
5444220 Done ;)
Omg, I really like this story so far. I'm going to add this to my favorites.
And I also followed you.
5444554 Thanks that makes me feel awesome!
5444562 Huh, my computer must be a stupid head cuz by it's logic I still have none
5444632 Really? On my laptop it says I already followed you.
And just to add to your confusion, to write "ah" or "I" when Applejack is speaking, is a matter of opinion. Some do it, some don't, but ah wouldn't say neither of it is wrong, pardner.
5444684 Ok that's what I assumed, but I changed it just so people don't get confused.
Ya, I'm with everyone else on this story. Amazing first chapter and story, but you'll need get an author (or at least re-read your chapters a couple times before uploading). I gave this story a like, and if you complete it ill give it a favorite too
Pinkie x Orange ftw! What would a good ship name for them even be? Porange Prush? Oinkie Cie?
5615598
Hmmm... I've been thinking for at least five minutes and I still can't think of one lol.
5615789 Lol, it's so hard.
Do those little three star things when he goes to sleep, or else it seems like he woke up right after closing his eyes. Other than that it was a fun read. Can't wait for more!
5755903 No problem, I didn't intend for him to sleep for two seconds lol.
hahahahaha
it is a nice little story but not exactly my type
Oh pinkie, I'm guessing she prepared the guest room due to pinkie sense.
5616366 Orange pie!
It's interesting, just isn't a lot to go on yet.
This is really awesome!!!!