Promise
The bell chimed, its coarse and unpleasant ringing calling her to supper. Her eyelids twitched. She had never liked the metallic quality of the sound; it reminded her too much of the clanging of spoons against dinner plates filled with her mother’s terrible cooking.
Miserably, she looked up at her surroundings, a canvas of dull, lifeless grey that seemed to stretch endlessly into the distance in every direction. She always saw the exact same scenery, all the time, day after day, the view never changing in the slightest. Time had little meaning here, nor did colour have any place. The earth was a bleak shade of granite, the trees following suit with their harmonised palettes of slate and ash. Even the bright, fiery sun dimmed in this part of the land, draping a blanket of dreary light over the landscape in an almost pity-like fashion.
Lowering her head, she allowed herself a quiet sigh.
“I hate my life,” she muttered under her breath, her voice venomous with heartfelt hatred.
“Hey, don’t say that! Why would anypony hate their life? Life is full of joy and happiness and smiles and other good things!”
“Oh no, definitely not mine.” Sneering, she kicked a rock away from her hooves with bitter force. She loathed every piece of filthy mineral in this place, their ugly monotony being an uncannily accurate reflection of her own life. “Mine’s full of rocks, rocks, more rocks – oh, and did I mention rocks?” She barked out a laugh at the humourless joke.
“Awwww, but pet rocks are fun to play with! You can hug it, cuddle it, give it a bath, play hide and seek –”
“Please, shut up. I’m not in the mood,” she snapped, then spat aggressively onto the ground, her eyes gleaming with resentment.
It wasn’t often that she lost her temper; today was just one of those days when she happened to despise the world she lived in, as well as everything in it. She was already having a hard enough time preventing herself from exploding with rage at the way her family treated her, after all. She could practically feel her insides boiling with anger.
Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to take momentary pleasure in imagining several increasingly creative ways of torturing them. Ropes tugging on fractured limbs. Jagged blades digging into skin. Hoarse voices crying, pleading for mercy.
The corners of her mouths curled into a twisted smile at the pleasant images. It was immensely satisfying, not that she would ever try to implement them, of course.
Or would she?
Her eyes flew open, her thoughts rudely cut short by a histrionic gasp. “Oh, my gosh, I’ve just had, like, the best, idea, EVER!”
She could barely keep herself from rolling her eyes and snorting aloud; always brimming with self-claimed strokes of genius, that pony was. She had long since gotten accustomed to her outbursts, as frequent as they were. The exaggerated changes of tone in her voice usually indicated little more than yet another flight of childish fantasy.
“Wanna let ME take over for a day? Then I can show you all the fun things in life you’re missing out on, and make you super-duper happy like me! We could even make some friends! I promise, it’ll be really really really super-duper fun!”
Surprised, she blinked. That didn’t actually sound like a bad idea, for once.
She was beginning to feel utterly sick of the miserable world that she lived in. She despised her boring work, her uncaring family, her insensitive friends – not that she had any, really, unless one chose to count that stupid sedimentary rock her parents forced her to keep as a pet.
Although this pony was, admittedly, not the brightest pony around, she has always had a way of cheering others up with her endless fountain of optimism. Perhaps, just perhaps, this fresh pair of eyes could help her rediscover the better aspects of life?
Her spirits lifted a little at the prospect.
“Really? It’ll be fun? You promise?” she asked tentatively, her voice softening for the first time and betraying the slightest hint of excitement.
“Uh-huh!” the voice inside her head replied cheerily. “Pinkie Promise!”
***
“Thief.”
She giggled, staring at her own image in the mirror. The feeble sunlight streaming through the half-closed curtains cast a strange shadow over her vivid blue eyes.
“Awwww, don’t say that, Mena. I’m not a thief!”
“A day. You promised. One single day.”
“I promised fun, not just for a day, silly.” She laughed, reaching a hoof out to bop the mane of her reflection. “And Ponyville is fun! Not just rocks, rock and more rocks, like you said!”
“I hate you.”
Pinkie chortled. "Oh Mena, you're always so sarcastic, you're almost like Dashie!"
Of course she knew Mena loved her. Mena was a nice pony that knew how to be grateful, and she was definitely very grateful for Pinkie Pie; she's just too shy to admit it. That rock farm was a horrible place that nopony ever liked, and Pinkie got her out of there! She also brought her to Ponyville, where she – oops, they, Pinkie corrected herself quickly - made friends with everypony! Pinkie even threw parties for her every week, not to mention the awesome adventures they go on with Twilight and other friends!
Now Mena could never complain that she hated her life. Who could hate such a fun and exciting life?
Pinkie frowned for a second. She thought she had heard Mena let out a bitter sob, but quickly pushed it to the back of her mind. Mena was always crying; she was probably just one of those ponies that expressed gratitude with tears, Pinkie decided with a proud smile. She loved making other ponies happy; it made her happy too!
Pinkie was also glad that she didn’t have to go back to that awful dark place full of nightmares and scary monsters ever again, where she could never see or hear anything except Mena.
That being said, she never quite figured out where and what that place actually was. Probably just another figment of her overactive imagination.
***
Humming a tune, she left her room and trotted down the stairs, greeting the Cakes cheerily as she prepared to make a start to another bright and happy day. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that they were looking a bit worried, or nervous, she couldn't quite put her hoof on it.
“Whoever were you talking to, Pinkie?” Mrs Cake asked, eyeing the pony uncertainly. Mr Cake shifted his hooves uncomfortably beside her.
“Oh, nopony!” Pinkie replied, beaming. She suppressed a little giggle; she couldn't go around Ponyville telling everypony she had a secret best friend, after all; her other friends would get horribly jealous!
When they were little fillies, she and Mena would tell each other all of their secrets, even the most embarrassing ones! She decided their friendship will be just like that - it'll always be their own little secret.
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This reminds me of What's Left of Me.
First story, hmm? Alright, let's see.
My overall opinion: I always liked stories that portray Pinkie as the unconscious villian. So I liked this, too.
The pacing is great, the wording and sentence structure is great, and while there isn't much original about it, it's pretty good.
Great job!
This is mildly terrifying in its concept. Well done. That said, it's going to really really bother me if something isn't done about this and Pinkie Pie is set straight on what she's doing. Carefully. That she's destroyed her best friend/alterego and plunged her deeper into a sadness.. the exact opposite of what she wanted to do....
C'mon everypony, smile smile smile...
Always Chaotic...
5436340
Thank you for the comment!
That's interesting to hear... I tried to go for a darker atmosphere instead of sad/melancholic. I'm a bit interested in hearing why it reminded you of it, if that's alright with you? And I hope you enjoyed the story too
5436372
I'm glad you liked it!
Thank you very much
5436376
That... that was exactly what I wanted the story to feel like, so seeing your comment just made my day. Thank you
5436393
'Cause cheering up my friends is just what Pinkie's here to do
5436490 eeyup! Also, greatly enjoyed the story, that image... It reminds me of something, can't think what though...
Always Chaotic...
You did a good job of describing a dark atmosphere of Pinkie's two sides to her personality without it being out of character, my hat is off to you.
5436544
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it
5436546
Thank you for the comments! I did worry a bit about Pinkie being OOC so thank you for giving me confidence
I'm glad you liked the story
5436694 You're welcome, confidence is the key!
Overall I thought you did a good job at this story and you did a good job on Pinkie's character. Did you ever think to turn this into a longer/many chaptered story instead of just a one-shot?
-Frost
5436903
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!
This piece actually started off as part of a longer chaptered fic, but I thought the underlying themes included would be too dark for the story I was writing, so I sliced it out to be a stand-alone instead.
I'm not sure I'll write any continuations to this any time soon, sorry
Nothing groundbreaking, but looking at it as a test to see if you have what it takes to write, I can safely say that you do.
Here's your medal: findmeagift.co.uk/site_media/images/products/p_main/box174_Champion_Farter_Chocolate_Medal_1.jpg
5436490 In What's Left of Me, Addie and Eva are in the same body. Addie is in control all of the time, and the only thing Eva can do is talk to Addie. Later in the story, though, some people help Eva learn how to move again and then it's kind of 50/50 between Eva and Addie.
The story was good, I just thought it was too short. Reading the comments helped me realize that it's part of a longer story and one that I'd like to read, if you don't mind putting it up. All in all, I love the conscious interchange between Pinkamina and Pinkie, it's something I like to use. It gives a lot of different interactions between the two of them as well as the others of the mane 6. Have a like and a fave! Keep writing!
5437695 I'm not sure exactly what you're asking for, but here's a description.
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11043618-what-s-left-of-me
I'd really like to see how the rest of them would react to knowing that Pinkie was keeping the REAL Pinkie prisoner in her own head.
Wow! That was GOOD! Neat idea!
5437107
Thank you; my favourite medal so far
5437557
My bad, I thought you meant the song for some reason
5437665
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it
As I mentioned before this was actually a removed subplot to another longer fic - a Pinkieshy one to be exact. If there's enough interest
even after knowing my strange tastes in shipsI might consider placing that fic as a sequel/continuation of this5438349
...
"Yeah right, Pinkie, as if."
My guess would be that they never do realise.
Anytime Mena manages to dominate slightly and does something uncharacteristic for Pinkie Pie, would be brushed off as Pinkie Pie "just being Pinkie Pie". Unless she flat-out told them something along the lines of "I'm actually an alter-ego of Pinkie Pie and the original owner of the body and she's being trapping me in her head since fillyhood."
Their reaction?
I think Fluttershy would be the only one to realise but I'm biased anyway.5438686
Thank you
5436372
Why? she and pinkamena are the same pony unless we are going dr jekyll here.
Hmm ya know if pinkamena was a separate entity all together then why is she sharing the same body? I like to think that they were twins that were somehow absorbed into one body so they are two minds sharing one body. Think Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde the two entities are battling for control over the body and sometimes mr Hyde wins. Were you inspired by Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?
Even though I thought the concept for this story was interesting, I felt like I couldn't fully take it seriously because of how Pinkie was characterized. Like how interprets "I hate you" as a sarcastic comment... Sure, she's been totally oblivious to things in the show, but never over such a long period of time.It come off as the sort of absurdity or exaggeration that would be at home in a dark comedy, but not something dark and serious like what you were going for.However, I'm not saying I thought the story was bad, and I also didn't see anything wrong with the writing itself, with the grammar and all that stuff. This was just my two cents on what I thought could have been better.
5439753 Precisely, my dear pinkiesandwichfan!
5439862
Awesome XD.
I really liked this story, I just wish there was more to it, I am curious to see what else could happen with this ieda. Have you ever thought of makeing a sequel?
5439781
I was inspired by a psychology book.
Thank you for the comment
I don't believe physical entities have much to do with it. My personal take on it is that Pinkie Pie is an identity unconsciously created by Pinkamena when she was younger, starting off as an 'imaginary friend'.
If I ever write a sequel I may go into more detail.No, I wasn't, sorry
5439821
Thank you very much for the feedback! I really appreciate it
5440413
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!
I am considering a sequel, but I can't promise anything yet, sorry
5441358
Very well then your head canon is just as cool. I guess some need to cope with living on a rock farm somehow. The sad thing is we only got a small snippet of her childhood I hope season five brings us more. And you're welcome.
Fridge Horror.
And I Must Scream.
2 of the most terrifying tropes ever. This is a depressing horror story to me.
And it's written really well for being so short.
This story inspired me to write a story similar to it, and it's an ongoing story that has been gaining a lot of attention!
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/257485/caged-inside
I just thought I'd let you know, and thank you for this amazing story, I woudln't have come up with this without it ^_^
This story is really amazing, one of the best written ones I've seen! I made sure to let everyone following my story know about this one.
This is really well written, and to see this is your first work here is really amazing. Keep up the good work; you're an astounding writer!
I enjoyed the story so much, I thought I'd do a dramatic reading
I hope you like it:
5875877
Wow... thank you! I certainly didn't expect this
I had a look at the story and it's looking great so far!! Will be tracking
5881740
Thank you so much!! To think my story could get such an amazing reading... 
5885411 Thanks! ^_^
Before Reading: I don't know why but the picture reminds me of like mewtwo from pokemon.....
After Reading: That was terrifying in the most innocent kind of way. This needs a... happier, I suppose, squeal where Twilight happens and Mena gets a chance to come back or something. Even though that might never happen this was still an amazing story that I love, even if you did scare me more than most "Dark" fics on here. Congratz!
6036489 Funny, I thought the exact same thing! I guess the ending was so horrifying I wanted to make a good ending just so I could feel better, so i actually did make one.
I used some of your story to help me write mine! Yay!
5875877
I saw that one before this, and I can confirm it's a beautiful story. My favourite parts are when Pinkie and 'Mena swap places.
I picture it like the Doctor regenerating, but without the golden energy and with quicker recovery from disorientation. Also, Pinkie's not really changing her body either.