Dear Diary,
Today in class we were studying English and talking about synonyms, and something really awesome occurred to me: Twilight is a synonym for Sunset, and Sparkle is a synonym for Shimmer!
Our names basically mean the exact same thing! How cool is that?
I wonder if it means something, especially now that we’re friends?
Either way, I’m so glad I met her.
☺
Twilight Sparkle
Twilight stood outside of Sugarcube Corner, hesitating at the flashing lights and pounding bass emanating from within. Even though it was only six or so, the sky was crowded with thick, dark clouds, so the light show coming from the pastry shop stood out.
A part of her wanted to just turn around and go home. There was still a ton of work to do, and the sooner she could finish up the better.
But that was just a convenient excuse. Just what was she so scared of, anyway?
Steeling herself, Twilight pushed open the doors and felt the music wash over her.
“Hey Twilight! I’m so glad you could make it!” Pinkie Pie shouted into her ear, her arms suddenly wrapped around Twilight in a tight hug. “We are going to have so much fun tonight!”
“Gah,” Twilight grunted, trying to extract herself from Pinkie’s grip. “Uh, hi, Pinkie, that’s great and all, but can you—”
“Come on, see what I’ve got set up!” Pinkie Pie grabbed ahold of her arm and forcibly dragged her throughout the pastry shop.
“We’ve got a ton of food of course, most of it baked by yours truly. And a variety of punch. I promise none of it is spiked or anything. Unless Spike gets into it! And we got a TV set up so we can play some video games, and we brought some board games, and I know you like books a lot so I brought some if you feel like taking a break and reading or something!”
Twilight was dragged this way and that until Sunset finally stepped up and yanked Pinkie back.
“Come on, Pinkie, let her breathe a little, okay? Also, those are children's books and cookbooks.”
“Great reads, I know!” Pinkie Pie said, nodding emphatically.
Twilight finally freed herself and took a moment to adjust her clothes. “Thanks. It’s uh…” She paused, to glance around the room. The others waved. “Is it just the six of you? I was kind of expecting half of the school to be here.”
“Oh, I’ve thrown parties like that before, but we figured you’d be a lot happier with something small. If you want a big party, though, just say the word, and I can totally make it happen.”
“That’s… I’m okay with this, but I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”
“Cool! Now, then, let’s—” Pinkie Pie stopped mid-sentence at the sound of a loud ding, then ran off towards the kitchen. “Cupcakes are done!”
Sunset gave her a wide grin. “She’s hard to keep up with, I know.”
“...Yeah.” Twilight stood in silence for a few moments, idly pulling her hair back behind her ears. “Well, um, I’m here. Now what do I do?”
“It’d be easy to tease you for being naïve about something like this, but truth be told, parties and having friends was a totally new experience for me just a few months ago,” Sunset said, resting a hand on her hip. “It’s not nearly as complicated as it looks, though, believe me.”
Twilight frowned, looking Sunset up and down. She hadn’t really considered their similar positions. “I see. So where did you start, then?”
“Well, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are playing video games over there. Why don’t you go join them?”
“As good of a plan as any, I guess,” Twilight said with a shrug, then headed over to one of the booths where a TV had been set up.
“Hey, Twilight,” Applejack said, passing her back a controller without taking her eyes off the screen. “You much of a gamer?”
Twilight slid into the booth next to Rainbow Dash, controller ready. “It’s not exactly my hobby of choice, but my brother always has to have the latest and greatest, so I dabble.”
Rainbow Dash glanced over at her, then navigated to the character select screen. “Don’t think I’m going to go easy on you.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “If you did, I’d never forgive you.”
“You know, Twilight, I’m rather surprised,” Rarity said as she filled up a cup full of punch and handed it to Twilight. “You’ve got a great sense of style. And those are all designer brands, aren’t they?”
Twilight frowned, glancing down at her clothes. She supposed they looked rather nice, but fashion wasn’t exactly her forte. After taking a few moments to consider her response, Twilight decided she might as well show them off and twirled, eliciting a giggle from Rarity.
“Just because I love science doesn’t mean I can’t look good, right?” Twilight said, flashing a toothy grin. When Rarity’s eyes seemed to light up at that remark, she quickly added, “Er, I’m just kidding. Cadance buys all my clothes for me; she’s the one with fashion sense. I just wear them.”
Rarity pursed her lips and tapped her finger against her chin. “Well, credit where credit is due, I suppose. Still, you wear it well, which isn’t something just anyone can do.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “I’m sensing a hidden comparison to the other Twilight here.”
Rarity blinked, then shook her head rapidly. “No, no, I don’t mean it like that, honestly. Sure, Princess Twilight is more than a little fashion impaired, but I was comparing you to the others here. Besides myself, the only member of our group with a hint of style is Sunset. Well, Fluttershy has got that ingenue thing going on, but that’s different.”
“I see,” Twilight said, her brow furrowed in thought. “I’ll take your word for it. Is, uh, fashion something that’s important to you?”
“Oh, you have no idea,” Rarity said, her smile growing wide as she took another sip from her drink. “I like to consider myself a bit of an amateur fashionista. Though I guess that tends to conjure up images of clucking hens talking about the plumage of other birds without actually contributing anything meaningful. No, I sew.”
Rarity did a twirl of her own, the form fitting dress remaining close to her body, and added, “I made this dress myself, though it’s hardly a shining example of my talent. Still, I hope to become a top tier designer someday; it might be a bit of a little girl’s fantasy, but I’m not going to give up on my dream just because it’s hard.”
Twilight felt herself smile. “Wow, that’s incredible. I’ve always had a lot of respect for artists. I mean, I know I’m a genius and all, but creative endeavors have always just fallen flat for me. I’ve tried, for what it’s worth, and the best I can get is a technically sound mimicry of others’ styles. I don’t really have what people refer to as a ‘muse.’”
“Well, we all have our own talents; your credentials are certainly nothing to sneeze at. Plus, the way you organized all of those experiments shows you have a great head for management as well. You’re going to go far, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Thanks…” Twilight said, blushing. There was a brief silence before Rarity raised her plastic cup up into the air.
“A toast. To women with ambition.”
Twilight grinned, clinked her own cup against Rarity’s, and the two of them downed the glorified sugar-water.
“Classy,” Rarity said, rolling her eyes and putting the empty cup down. “Say, Twilight, I don’t suppose you'd be interested in doing some fitting for some dresses I’ve been working on? I’ve had a few designs in mind that I think would look absolutely perfect on you.”
“I think… that I’d actually like that. Sure,” Twilight found herself saying.
Sunset finished washing her hands, dried them off, then opened the door to the bathroom only to find Fluttershy waiting outside.
“Oh, uh. Hey Fluttershy. Sorry, have you been waiting long?”
Fluttershy shook her head emphatically. “No, no, um, I just got here, it’s okay.”
Sunset frowned, looking the girl up and down. She seemed unusually perky. “Something up, Fluttershy?”
“Oh, um, no, it’s nothing, really,” Fluttershy said, a smile betraying her words as she brushed her hair back. “It’s just, um, Twilight agreed to come help me out at the animal shelter next week. I think this party was a good idea.”
“Is that so?” Sunset asked. Fluttershy nodded, then slipped into the bathroom, still smiling.
She made her way back to the main room and found it dark. It looked like they had started watching a movie—one of those superhero ones that was so popular in this world. She saw Twilight sitting by herself on the small couch located in the lounge area, so Sunset made her way over.
“Hey. Mind if I join you?”
Twilight looked up from her phone, smiled, then put it away and nodded.
Sunset flopped down on the couch, kicking her feet up on the coffee table and leaning back. “So, you enjoying yourself?”
“Well…” Twilight mumbled, then looked away, her hands tugging at her pants. “There comes a point when acting cool and aloof is just that: acting. I’m starting to think I may have been unreasonably stubborn in my attitude towards all of you.”
“Well, it’s not like anything about these past two weeks has been even remotely reasonable.”
Twilight barked a short laugh, then pulled her legs up onto the couch and wrapped her arms around them. “That’s just it though. Me, sitting here talking to you. On some deep, instinctual level it all feels so wrong. Like, that by allowing myself to open up and make friends and just enjoy myself, I’m betraying something and deserve punishment. The part of me that’s a rational scientist and the part of me that’s just a normal teenage girl are both in agreement that this is just irrational bullshit, but the part of me that’s broken keeps insisting that everything should stay that way.”
“It’s a hard voice to ignore, isn’t it?” Sunset mumbled, staring up at the ceiling. “Even now, it still gnaws at me sometimes. But the friends I’ve made give me the strength I need to forge ahead. You’ve already got a family who loves and cares for you, Twilight. Letting a few others join them shouldn’t be too grand of a step.”
Twilight turned to look at her, staring with an odd look on her face for several long moments, before she finally sighed and shook her head with a smile. “Yeah, I guess I’ve got it good, all things considered.”
They both turned back to the movie, although Sunset couldn’t bring herself to pay attention. After about five minutes, Sunset finally mumbled, “Twilight, can I ask you a question?”
“Hm?”
“It’s something that’s been on my mind for a while, but you’re under absolutely no obligation to answer, and if it’s not something you want to talk about, I totally understand.”
Twilight turned her attention to her, raising an eyebrow.
Sunset let out a sigh and ran her hand through her hair. “It’s just… Can you tell me about her? What was the other me like when you knew her?”
Twilight’s eyes widened, and she recoiled.
“Seriously, it’s cool if you don’t wanna talk about it, you don’t have to—”
Twilight cut her off by raising her hand. “Stop. It’s fine, you just caught me by surprise.” She turned away, sinking into her seat and staring up at the ceiling. “What do you want to know?”
Sunset twirled some of her hair around her finger, biting her lip. “I dunno. It’s just… the Sunset Shimmer who was able to be friends with you back then. It certainly wouldn’t have been me, so I guess I’m just wondering what she was like.”
“She was... “ Twilight raised a hand into the air, staring through her fingers. “It’s hard to say. We were just kids, you know? We did kid stuff together: ran around on playground equipment, played with toys. She lived near the woods, so we did a lot of outdoorsy stuff together.”
Sunset remained silent, and Twilight continued.
“I didn’t really have the perspective to consciously notice it when I was a kid, but I can see it looking back. When we first met, she was really lonely, but guarded. She had developed a bit of a bad reputation early on, gotten hurt once or twice, and that stayed with her.”
“That sounds familiar,” Sunset said, a sinking feeling in her stomach.
“I got paired with her on a class project on my first day as a new transfer student. I guess I must have decided that I was going to be friends with her at first sight. Even then, when I set my mind on something, I wouldn’t give up until I got what I wanted.”
“So you just became friends with her, like that?”
Twilight chuckled, shaking her head. “It took a little bit of work, I guess, but yeah, she eventually warmed up to me. It had the side effect of ostracizing me from the rest of the school, but I was too happy about having a friend to care.”
Sunset wrapped her arms around her stomach. “When I was a filly, I developed a bit of a bad reputation early on, too. The teachers hated me, kids would try and start fights with me, and when I tried to stand up for myself I was always the one who got blamed for it. All I wanted was power and prestige so I could have control over my life, and so nobody would try to mess with me, but when I finally got it, I just became the tormenter instead of the tormented.”
“I suppose I can see the cause and effect there,” Twilight said, taking off her glasses and wiping them on her shirt.
“I guess… that if I had a friend like you growing up, at the right time, I might not have become a monster. You probably saved your Sunset from following in my footsteps.”
Twilight’s face fell into a twisted grimace. “I didn’t save her. I just got her killed.”
“Oh Celestia, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry,” Sunset stammered, her eyes wide.
“It’s nothing you have to apologize for,” Twilight growled, shaking her head. “It’s just…” Twilight let out a sigh, sinking back into her seat.
Sunset stayed silent, letting Twilight continue at her own pace.
“It was her tenth birthday. I wanted to do something special for her, to show her that I… how much I cared for her. In my selfishness, I took her miles away from civilization to a dangerous precipice just to show her something cool. She fell.”
Twilight rubbed at her eyes angrily with her sleeve. “And that’s it. That’s my tragic backstory. Looks like we’ve both got one, all things considered.”
Faces of those Sunset had lost in the past flashed through her mind. Memories of warm summer nights, of laughter, of a home she hadn’t visited in far too many years. She opened her mouth to say something—but decided against it. With all the weird parallels between worlds, that was a can of worms she wasn’t sure she wanted to open. This was about Twilight, not her. Instead she smiled, then reached her hand out towards Twilight, but paused, asking, “Can I?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. “Oh, what the hell.”
Sunset pulled the younger girl into a tight hug. “Thanks for talking to me about this.”
Twilight squeezed her back. “It sure beats talking to my therapist.”
They pulled away from each other, Sunset wiping at her eyes.
“You know,” Twilight said, grinning, “talking about our feelings is great and all, but I did kind of actually want to watch this movie. This is a party, isn’t it?”
Sunset threw her head back and laughed. “I guess you’re right. That’s probably enough maudlin for one night.”
Twilight stood in the doorway to Sugarcube Corner with four other girls next to her, watching the torrential downpour outside.
“Well, I guess we should have seen that coming,” Sunset said with a smirk.
“And Rarity already left early with Fluttershy and took the car with her,” Applejack said with a sigh.
“You guys are more than welcome to spend the night here! The Cakes have a spare bedroom upstairs they totally let me crash in sometimes. I doubt they would mind!”
Twilight turned to Pinkie Pie, thinking over the offer. “I… think I’ll have to pass on that. Sure, magic of friendship and all, but maybe we can save the sleepover step for another time. Plus, I don’t really have anything for it.”
“Wait, seriously?” Rainbow Dash said, raising an eyebrow. “What happened to us just being your test subjects and all that garbage?”
“Told you it would work,” Applejack said, elbowing Rainbow Dash in the side.
Twilight stood up straighter, and adjusted her glasses. “Don’t get me wrong, science is still my primary goal here. But you girls… well, from an outside perspective, it seems like anyone would be lucky to be your friends. I’d have to be incredibly foolish to pass up on something like that.”
“Tch.” Rainbow Dash crossed her arms and turned her head, before peeking back with one eye. “Don’t think you’ll win me over that easy. Tell you what. I’ll give you the same deal I gave Princess Twilight. Meet me on the soccer field, mano e mano, and play me.”
“It’s mano a mano,” Twilight said, mimicking Dash’s posture. “And no, I think not.”
Rainbow Dash blinked several times before she scowled. “Yeah, whatever. That’s what I thought, and—”
“If we’re going to determine our friendship on a field of physical prowess, it’ll be one of my choosing. Unless you don’t think you can beat me at my own game?”
“I…” Rainbow Dash trailed off, looking Twilight up and down before she finally grinned, and held out her hand. “Alright, you’re on, but it has to be a sport. I’m not going to face you at chess or the math-lympics or anything lame like that.”
“Deal,” Twilight said, grabbing the other girl’s hand. They shook on it, then broke apart.
“So, were you serious about that sleepover thing?” Pinkie Pie asked, coming between the two of them. “How does next weekend sound?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “My schedule seems to be filling up awfully fast all of a sudden. But... since I don’t have school to get in the way, I’ll still have plenty of time to work on my research. Sure, let’s do it.”
“Whoohoo!” Pinkie Pie shouted, running out into the rain and doing several cartwheels. “Whose turn is it to host again?”
“Mine, I think,” Sunset said. “I’ll have to clean a bit, but it’s no trouble.”
Something about the idea of her first sleepover with new friends taking place at Sunset’s house was tragically nostalgic, but what did she have left to lose?
Sunset turned back to Twilight, frowning. “In any case, we still need to get you home. I can give you a ride on my bike if you want, though you’re going to get wet.”
“That’s…” A bike ride, in this weather? But it wasn’t like she had a lot of options. “Shining Armor and Cadance are both working tonight, so I can’t really call and ask for a ride.”
“Same here,” Applejack said, shaking her head. “Big Mac’s got the truck outta town on business.”
“I’m just gonna crash here for the night,” said Rainbow, stifling a yawn. “It’ll stop by morning.”
“Bike ride it is, then,” Twilight said, then began fishing through her purse for her umbrella.
“Alright,” Sunset said. “Let me get my stuff, and we’ll head out.”
***
“You know, I thought you meant the other kind of bike,” Twilight said as the rain thundered around her. The sleek and modern looking motorcycle made for an intimidating silhouette in the darkness.
“Are you kidding me?” Sunset said, laughing. “This is my baby. Rainbow Dash rides a regular bike. This demon is one I’m actually proud to be associated with.”
Twilight squeezed her umbrella tighter and huddled in on herself. “You know, there’s a reason they call them donorcycles.”
Sunset turned to her with a wide grin. “What, are you scared?” After a brief pause, her eyes widened and she shook her head. “Sorry, uh. I mean, if you’re not comfortable riding it, that’s cool, we can figure out another way. But it’s perfectly safe, I promise.”
“Fine,” Twilight said, gritting her teeth. “Just don’t go too fast, okay?”
“No problem. I’ve only got the one helmet, though, so I’ll let you wear it.”
Sunset climbed onto the bike, started the engine, then patted the seat behind her. “Just hold on tight, and lean with me when we turn.”
Twilight gingerly sat on the bike, then, at Sunset’s urging, wrapped her arms around Sunset’s midsection. Without the umbrella, the cold spring rain had Twilight soaked in seconds, but the machine underneath her and the girl in front of her were both warm.
“Here we go!” shouted Sunset, and she took off into the night.
***
“You’re going way too fast!” Twilight screamed, holding on for dear life as Sunset slid around a corner without stopping.
Sunset just laughed maniacally at the top of her lungs, her golden-red hair whipping around in the wind.
***
“I’m sorry, okay?” Sunset said to a shivering Twilight on her porch.
Twilight’s heart was still hammering in her chest at a thousand miles an hour. “You could have gotten us both killed!”
“We made it, didn’t we? But fine, I won’t do it again.”
“You’d better not,” Twilight grumbled, her teeth chattering.
Sunset looked Twilight up and down and then started shaking with silent giggles. “You look like a drowned rat.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “You’re not exactly prom queen yourself right now.”
“Come on, you have to admit, it’s kind of funny.”
“It’s not…” Twilight started to say, but found herself hesitating. As terrifying as the ride home had been, there was a certain exhilarating thrill to it. Adrenaline was a hell of a drug, and a dangerous one to let dominate her decision making process.
“I knew it, you liked it!” Sunset said, grinning.
“Hmph.” Twilight crossed her arms over her chest. “Alright, whatever. I’m going inside to take a shower. You’d better get home too. Hypothermia, and all that.”
“Yeah, it’s not that far,” Sunset said, waving a hand dismissively. “I guess we’ll see each other again soon?”
Twilight pursed her lips, then nodded. “Yeah, soon. Drive safe, okay?”
As Twilight made her way inside, and Spike got up to greet her, her heart was still pounding, now from a different fear.
There was no way she could handle it if she lost another Sunset.
Different chapter...but good. Nice to see Twilight slowly open up. Though I kinda disagree with the ending, I don't think Twilight would jump to that conclusion so quickly.
I like how things are developing thus far... though it's making me wonder how it's all going to go wrong. Here's hoping I'm wrong, or at least than the damage is repairable.
Yay! Another chapter! And extra reading material!
I LOVE THIS STORY!
Oh Pinkie!
That last part, if you get her even sick!
Love how Twilight is opening up. And hope there will be a romance blossoming between her and Sunset soon...
I have heard the seats vibrate a bit...
Rainbow riding a regular bike while Sunset gets the motorcycle. I wonder what Dash's thoughts are on that. Does she shun powered speed or is just quietly jealous?
Oh man, Monday again already? Guess it's time to read the chapter, then be bored again till Monday. I swear, of all the things I have to look forward to on my Mondays (it's the last day before my weekend), this ranks pretty high on the list. I don't know what I'll do when this story ends.
... Actually, scratch that. I've got something else to read before I'm bored again.
I love this story, and that art work is fantastic.
My heart broke a little when Twilight said she didn't like it...but come on, who wouldn't?
Numerous people, actually, but Twilight's the kind who would.
This is the greatest thing ever!
Can't really say I can imagine Rarity or Twilight in those outfits (or Cadence buying Twilight it), but great artwork for a great chapter nonetheless!
6545833
Wow, I was about to say almost the exact same thing.
Get out of my head, Charles.
Sunset is like a wild child when she rides her bike, and I totally love that because she makes the concept work given her personality.
The bike ride should have been arted!
I liked this one line more than anything else in the chapter. We're going places.
6546021 Was my original intention, but would have been a fiendishly difficult picture to actually draw, so asked for something simpler.
Nice to get a breather chapter. Cute seeing the individual ways Sci-Twi bonded with the others.
FWIW, I think that fear of loss is going to be last and greatest barrier that Twilight has to conquer.
Oh wow, this story really is growing on me. You turned Mondays into an actual good day!
Hmm... I was hoping for a more explosive ending. Like maybe Twilight being really upset at risk taking behavior because she can't handle losing Sunset twice.
Twi: Do you think that was funny?! We could have been killed! *Smacks Sunset across the face then runs inside crying.
This fic is the only good thing they are in Mondays
Another excellent chapter. You deserve a lot of praise for updating on a regular schedule.
Kind of expected them to hydroplane and Sunset to spill her brains all over the pavement; thus leaving Twilight feeling responsible for the same death twice because she took the only helmet...
Anyway, wonder if they'll be a scene where pony Sunset meets human Sunset's dad. That would be awkward.
I love looking forward to this every Monday.
Yay Twilight is opening up!
6546316
I had the exact same thoughts when I read the first draft. I was furious with Sunset, and it got to the point where a full week after I had finished it, I went back and messaged Oro about how much the scene pissed me off. Having read about ten chapters more now, all I'll say is: keep reading.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
On another note, I love this story, I love the premise(does that make me a bad person?) and I love the Pony!Sunset and Human!Twilight's interactions.
6546035 bet I know the sport twi is going to smear dash in it's (table) pool right? it has the physical part (bit at least) but the physics involved well nuf said. (fill in the blanks yay!)
It means there can only be one, Twilight. *cliff happens*
Pinky parties, guaranteed to be instrumental to making friendships, tested in two different dimensions.
i.imgur.com/PXNDiX2.png
Daamn, Rarity. And the dress is nice, too.
That conversation between Sunset and Twilight; tears, hugs, and laughter. Perfect.
Twilight versus Rainbow redux, I like it.
Sunset X her motorcycle, OTP.
You know, that last sentence of the chapter is kind of foreboding.
Hahaha. If the plan was to get all of us to read the other story, I suspect it's going to work very well.
I was totally expecting there to be an accident and Sunset to go to the hospital in critical condition while Twilight only gets road rash because of the helmet. Then we'd have hours or even days where Twilight is tearing herself apart inside over insisting on going home and taking the only helmet, to cumulate into one crazy charged scene when Sunset wakes up. Honestly... I like your version better though. It's playing the long game, which means I have things to look forward to on Mondays.
I like how the story is progressing but my impending tragedy senses are tingling. Something is going to go terribly wrong and start the Ye Olde Drama Train...
It was great to see Twilight interact with the girls. Keep up the good work.
Oh that picture is just lovely! I've got to say, I really enjoy how the pictures have been added in, I've seen the idea done poorly before where it ends up subtracting from the story but here they fit in beautifully!
6546684
Hmmmm. Makes sense. I'm having trouble thinking of what else it could be. Barring Twilight being skilled at something pretty obscure like fencing.
Actually I could see that, got it from Shining Armor who has it because parallels.
Well, for a first-timer in t field of Pinkie Parties; Twi handled that pretty well n' seems to be openin' up rather smoothly with t girls so far . Tho, idk if Twi will giv Sunset any chances to giv her anymore motorcycle ride offers if that's a common thing but, then again I could be wrong
awwwww, that's sad...
Don't worry, Twi. Sunset will be just fine
I really enjoyed the chapter, I kinda wish it went on a little longer but who gives a buck! It was a great chapter over all!
That last line killed me, just the thought of that happening made my heart ache
Also, have a like and fave
Sun-light. Already shipping it. I'm glad to see Sci-Twi opening up a bit though. She still holds up an emotional barrier around everyone but it's obvious that she's enjoying herself a bit at the party which made me smile. Even if Sunset and Twilight don't end up together I have full confidence in a strong blossoming friendship!
Luckyly ponies are tougher than humans, thanks to their magic, and can survive impossible things. Rainbow Dash is good example.
Sad start but interesting...
I enjoy reading this fic and I'm interested what goes next and all... but something just seems a bit off. If I tell unpleasant things, I try it at least to be constructive, so I'll try to explain.
The characters' feelings and thoughts are described sometimes but it's still lacking somewhere. I'm usually afraid to read fics with such dramatical events, and the only reason I decided to start reading this story was because I thought that Sunset never died and was going to show up some time later (and yeah, I thought it was not set in EqG universe). But I had nothing to be afraid about - I'm genuinely interested but I feel nothing. It seems to me that you just tell directly who feels what and it doesn't work for me.
The second thing is, the chapters aren't that short and you don't have large descriptions of anything, but when I finish reading a chapter I wonder what took all these events so long to occur then. I can't say that your chapters are too short or about nothing and in general, the plot goes further and further, it just seems to me that every week I'm at the same place where a was a week before. Maybe it is because of my preferences in reading, I don't know.
And the last thing (connected with the first) is that all the dialogs sometimes feel like the characters are reading a book aloud and not good at acting and not really interested in the plot... or like all the speeches are retold by Twilight from this world. The characters always seem aloof and analyzing their lives without feeling anything about it.
So the fic is written already and I don't expect you to do anything about it, and I will continue reading and enjoying it, but maybe all this helps you in any way and won't discourage you from writing. If it does, you can always write or think something mean about my comment and totally forget about it and enjoy your writing. :D Because the most important part of writing is enjoying what you do.
6551041 I think your comment really fell flat
I really love this story. Twilight's characterization, the concept, the dialogue, and especially how you handle such a serious issue without letting it become dreary.
6551548 This joke is a very slippery slope so I'll just let it go
6551970
Wow. You guys really killed this for me.
I'm honestly disappointed in the way you made the charcters in this story react to this situation. It had such potential so I kept reading to see if you fixed what I had issue with but it only seems to get a little worse each chapter. I don't want this to be mean and obviously you can't change the story, but for starters why IS twilight such a bitch? You would think she would have more survivors guilt then this victim complex she has going on. She some how turns everything into a woe is me situation, she is in a sense why her friend died and you would think her reaction to see her in someways alive would be different. As well the whole story plot makes no sense! What their just going to tell her everything? Yes because these girls lives wouldn't be ruined the moment the fact they have magic became public knowledge. And some government somewhere wouldn't try to weponize that. And obviously sunset would be subjected to constant waves of people trying to figure out how the horse girl works. Really rainbow dashes reaction in the earlier chapters should be how the group reacted. They should be protecting sunset not this random girl. Honestly how messed up would it be to find out you're dead? To see the person who caused it. The emotional turmoil of that plus the person who dropped you and their family treating you like the bad guy... It's such a twinged situation. This idea has potential but this is not the story it should be. The story it self is decently written though and the images are nice, but that's really the only highlights I see.
6552005 not as much as it killed Sunset
6552460 I have no response anymore, that was hilarious and we are going to hell for it
I'm going to assume by the last line that both Sunsets have about the same personality.
6466967
Whoa whoa whoa. Love Twiangles was yours too? How did I not realize that? Dammit, stop being so awesome!
Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.
6553084
At this point I can't help but feel like we're beating a dead horse.