• Member Since 18th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 3rd, 2019


Losing my mind, and proud of it!


It's Villain's Day... a day Celestia and Luna have decided that would be one day where even the villains could feel like actual ponies, and not villains.
(Using two other Oc's as villians as well...)
Dr. Frigit

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

Though the picture in e AN is broken.

deep sigh.You'll

Missing space.

 "chrysalis can change to be anypony

Capitalize her name, remove the underline.

Princess.... We

  Three dots in that, lowercase we.

elements of Harmony

Either capitalize the entire thing (Recommended) or nothing at all.

 mind , to

Extra space.

she would of killed 

Would HAVE. Would HAVE. Where is not such thing as would OF.

what!?" Gasped

Lowercase gasped, since it's describing how Applejack said it.

have!" Said Pinkie pie

Same here. Also, capitalize Pie.

boring." Replied Rarity uncertainty

Comma instead of a period since it's explaining how Rarity says it, lowercase Replied, also comma after Rarity.

stupid" Said Rainbow Dash

Comma after stupid, lowercase said.

We could of

Could HAVE.

easy." Said Fluttershy

Comma, lowercase.

Why put in OC Villains? There's plenty of other villains you can use... LIKE TIREK!

This is a very good idea, but the story needs a boatload of polishing, and an editor.

5370679 :facehoof: Okay, I suck. You happy now? Second, that never occurred to me to use Tirek.:fluttershysad: Third, No one wants to edit for me. I'm pretty much alone here.:ajsleepy:

Sure... you use OC's, but you don't even fail to use Tirek or any other villian?:ajbemused:

The story idea seems really interesting. The compilation of these villains is an interesting idea and (despite what anyone else says) the OCs were pretty good (I love Terrorcorn) and the overall idea is a clever one. However it did feel a bit fast paced, like all the villains appeared in one cluster. Maybe have the mane six go to each villains 'prison' and slowly introduced them to a plot before having a huge villain support group or something. There were a few grammar mistakes, but we all make does. All in all it's a solid idea and with a bit of spacing out it would much better

5712646 suggestion taken. I shall re-rite this:rainbowdetermined2:

Keep the oc's add the cannon villans and expand a little. Try not to over do it.

Login or register to comment