I Regret Nothing!
Dash looked over the lip of the balcony, eyeing the door blow her closely. The water balloon held in her hoof ready to drop at a moment’s notice. She had been sitting for what felt like hours, waiting for Twilight to emerge from the library. The only time Dash ever sat still this long was for naps, and her eyelids slowly worked their way shut.
Just before she began to snore, she heard a voice from below, snapping her mind back to the task at hand. Refreshed and refocused, everything seemed to quiet around her; it was just her and the owner of that voice, her prey.
The door opened, and Twilight’s voice drifted out. “Alright, Spike, I’ll be back later. I have to get these books to Miss Cheerilee for her class. It shouldn’t be too long. Remember, the Crusaders are coming over for Twilight Time in a half an hour.”
“Okay! And don’t worry, if they get here I’ll keep my eye on them.”
Twilight stepped out from the door, carrying a large stack of books in her magic.
Dash’s heart rate skyrocketed. The moment approached. She lined up her shot.
Twilight stopped just outside the door, turning back to close it.
Dash let the balloon fly and immediately ducked behind the railing of the balcony.
“I’ll see you in a—”
Twilight was interrupted by a splash. A moment later a horrified scream echoed out across Ponyville.
In the Carousel Boutique across town, Rarity paused her sewing and looked up, listening intently. “Hmmm… I’d say… nine out of ten. Even better or, well, worse than your usual, darling. Celestia preserve whoever caused it.”
Rainbow’s unrestrained laughter followed close behind.
Rarity’s eyes lit up. “On second thought, why should the Princess be bothered on such a wonderful day? I’m sure Twilight won’t do much long-term damage.” Humming a tune, Rarity returned to her sewing.
After a few seconds of laughing her flank off, Dash recovered enough to take a peek at the scene of her victory. Glancing down, she saw Twilight standing absolutely still, staring at the books hovering beside her. Twilight was dry, but it was clear that her sopping literature was a lost cause.
Twilight’s head slowly rotated upwards and her expression morphed from horror to blazing anger as her gaze came to rest on Dash. “Those books were unique, Dash,” venom dripping from her words.
Dash looked down at the fruits of her labor with a proud smile on her face, unperturbed by the death glare she was receiving. Dash flared her wings, and just before takeoff, yelled, “I regret nothing!” at the top of her lungs. However, the instant her hooves left the ground, a flash blinded her.
“...Twilight! I heard your scream earlier today! Are you alright?”
As consciousness gradually returned to Dash, she could hear muffled voices.
“I’m fine, Sweetie Belle, don’t worry about it. I’ve got it taken care of. In fact, I have something new for you three to play with today.”
The voices seemed… off, somehow… too deep? Maybe. Almost booming.
Dash blearily opened her eyes to find herself laying on the floor of Twi’s bedroom. She noticed the bed she was next to was a bit odd. It didn’t look like Twilight’s bed. Rubbing her eyes, she examined it again. It looked almost like Spike’s bed, but it was huge. Easily big enough for several ponies. Dang, Spike. If this is how fast dragons grow during a growth spurt, you’re going to need a real cave before long.
Her thoughts were cut off by hoofsteps coming from the hallway. She craned her neck to look at the door as it opened. Twilight walked in with a strange and frightening look on her face. A chilling smile and two beady eyes met Dash’s worried gaze and instantly banished the last vestiges of sleep from her body.
Twilight was massive! Dash’s mind tried to process this as she was surrounded by a purple aura and lifted to Twilight’s eye level. As she floated upwards and beheld the terrifying sight around her, she realized that Twilight was perfectly normal, but Dash…
Dash was tiny. Not even half the size of Twilight’s head. Her slackjaw suddenly snapped up as she practically screamed, demanding to know what in Discord’s name had happened...
But nothing came out. She blinked a few times, and then tried to speak again. Still nothing. Somehow, Twilight’s already immense grin on her colossal face widened even further.
“Oh Crusaders~” Twilight called out in an excellent imitation of Rarity’s singing voice. “I’m bringing that new toy now~” Dash was puzzled for a moment, then understanding lit up her face and her eyes threatened to pop out of her head. Squirming and spinning, Dash tried to get free, but it was no use. Twilight’s voice dropped to a whisper that only Dash could hear. “Do you still regret nothing, my little pony?”
Twilight’s voice rose as she turned back around. “This toy is the result of a new spell I have been working on. I animated a doll. It will look and act just like a regular pony, in this case, Rainbow Dash.” Down the stairs and into the central room, Twilight displayed Dash to the Crusaders. “You all have been working so hard on your studies, I decided to let you test her out for me. Just don’t let her get away; she’s a quick one.”
All three of the fillies’ eyes shined with what Dash could only describe as demonic light.
They leapt into the air and high-hoofed each other.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TOY TESTERS, YAY!”
“Just what I always wanted!” Scootaloo squeezed Dash in her hooves. “My own little Rainbow Dash! I will name her Dashie, and I will hug her and pet her…” Dash began to see stars “...and pat her and pet her…” Scootaloo released just enough for Dash to take another breath, before clamping back down. “...and love her and caress her…”
Applebloom looked down with pride on her newest feat of engineering, a breathtaking miniature edifice that fashionably fused form and function.
Dash looked up in horror at the latest hair trigger deathtrap, a horrifying jury-rigged mass of cardboard and wooden planks held together by wet glue and reused duct tape.
“Come on, little guy. Go ahead and try it out.” Dash gave her a pitiful look. Applebloom responded by smiling benevolently and shoving Dash into the opening of the main box. “Don’t worry, I taped up all the places where it broke the last six times.” A tearing sound echoed through the box from somewhere above Dash. She whimpered.
Sweetie Belle weaved the different colored strands of hair around and around each other in her magic. “Rarity always said that Rainbow Dash would look great with braids!” She finally released Dash’s mane, then displayed her to the others.
Scootaloo cringed at the sight. “Well, it’s certainly twisted, but I don’t think that can be called a braid. At least we tried it on the toy before your sister made the real Rainbow Dash look this… not awesome…”
“See you next week, girls!” Twilight closed the door behind her, and Dash heaved a sigh of relief. Twilight looked down at the mess of tiny feathers and polychromatic hair lying on the floor below her. “So, what did we learn during Twilight Time?”
Dash didn’t have the energy to respond, just laying there, basking in the silence of the library. Twilight’s horn lit and a glow surrounded Dash. She felt a strange twisting and pulling sensation as she slowly grew to full size.
Quick hoofsteps approached the front door and Scootaloo burst in. She immediately grabbed her scooter sitting by the entrance and turned to leave. Before she turned all the way back, she saw Rainbow Dash lying on the floor with her hair in half-braids. Scootaloo looked confused, then her jaw hit the ground and she glanced at Twilight.
Locking eyes with the young filly, Twilight let a second pass. Then another. She could practically see the events of the day being replayed in the young filly’s mind.
After Scootaloo’s attention returned to the present, Twilight firmly nodded. “Yes, that was, in fact, the real Rainbow Dash.”
Dash’s head rose to look at Scootaloo. Scootaloo’s eyes jumped between Twilight and Rainbow Dash several times.
Finally, Scootaloo turned and bolted out the door. As she left she bellowed out, “I regret nothing!”
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Cute :)
I don't know why, but I'm particular fond of 'Twilight goes ballistic when someone damages her books and kicks ass' fics.
At last twilight joins in a prank back and its more evil than i thought
5222065
Thanks!
5222354
I'm very fond of the 'Twilight goes ballistic when [anything] and kicks ass'.
5222569
This wasn't a prank. This was an object lesson about disrespecting and/or damaging books. Dash got off easy. Just look at what happened to Tirek after he destroyed the library.
Prank?
Now you know not to mess with her books, Dash.
Ahhh....truly hell hath no fury like that a magically prodigious librarian whose books have been damaged. Nicely done!
YOU ASKED FOR IT
~two minutes of reading later~
Okay. I'm going to assume you want a general synopsis of what I thought of the fic in general, and not a step by step breakdown of where I found errors and where I didn't.
Overall, the fic was enjoyable. I'm unsure of Twilight shrinking Dash and giving her to the crusaders though, given the Crusader's reputation for destroying things...wasn't she afraid Dash might get hurt? I dunno, this is a comedy though so that's easily overlooked.
Also I'm personally not a fan of Twilight being able to do LITERALLY EVERYTHING with her magic. It's used as too much of a deus ex machinma in other fics that I've read, but again this was a comedy and overall I still enjoyed it despite that, which is saying something.
The fic was really short, but that works well for it. While I think maybe the crusader's time with Dash could be expanded on, overall though it was a great read. I don't think you give yourself enough credit.
edit: My internet double posted my comment for some reason... :l
5223181
5223422
Nopony touches the buks
5224463
Thanks for taking the time to give me feedback.
I figured Twi supervised them during Twilight Time (though I could be wrong) and that she would step in if something got too dangerous, but maybe I should have had a bit about Twi watching them mess with RD.
I agree with the magic thing. I love magic in many forms, but soft magic systems drive me up a wall. If this was a more serious/longer piece, I would definitely have it be more defined.
I read that and I REGRET NOTHING! Seriously though, hilarious! Loved it. I was worried it would be dark for a moment, but I wasn't disappointed.
5225143
Yeah, I was worried the name "Regrets" might throw people off, but I hoped the Comedy and Slice of Life tags would be convincing enough. It's a compromise I had to accept, as I never would have worked up the guts to submit it if I had sat there trying to find a better name.
Loved it. Very Funny.
This is amazing
below
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A rather decent little fic.
Haven't read the story, but wanted to share an amusing coincidence on the front page.
i539.photobucket.com/albums/ff355/kaberinnaul/frontpagejuxtaposition.png
(and yes I'm posting this on both of them)
5228560
5229383
Thanks!
5229536
Fixed, and thanks.
5229964
Duuuuuude... Sorta front page, awesome... Popular stories list, awesome... ironic coincidence involving wordplay, awesome.
It's a good day.
5230477
You're welcome ^_^.
You want to see someone rolling on the floor wheezing from laughing too hard? Yeah. That's me. Thanks for that, my family now think I'm an even bigger weirdo than they did before. All I have to say is.. I REGRET NOTHING.
5249616
Thanks!
That one-shot competition wouldn't happen to have been the Writeoff, would it? :B
5329823
I believe the only reason I heard about that one was Eakin posted something about it. I think. Maybe that was another one. 
It might've. Is "The Writeoff" a particular competition? I have very little knowledge of these things.
5330295
It's got some followers, yeah. It was originally hosted on Ponychan. I asked because there was a contest, waaay back in 2012 when the writeoff was still new, that featured a story called "Regrets" by an anonymous author, and I wondered if this was the same one. It doesn't look like it, but it could have been majorly rewritten for all I know.
Heh, nicely done. Rather entertaining one shot you got here. I do so love Twilight teaching others to respect the written word. Rainbow can take some comfort out of this as Twilight at least didn't go into flaming alicorn of wrath mode and rearrange her component molecules in a painful manner (I'm assuming this is after she became a princess).
5471247
Thanks!
And yes, she is a princess. I didn't really think about it much, considering the wings don't really matter, and the magic is pretty far-fetched anyway, but it is set after Twilight Time began. I am not sure when Twilight Time actually did begin, but it seemed like it would have happened after she became a princess.
5331062
In answer to your question, no, this can't be that one. I believe I wrote this over last summer, or maybe a bit earlier, but certainly not back in 2012.
Sorry for never responding. I could've sworn I did, but maybe I never actually posted or something.
5472359
All right, thanks for clearing that up. :D I will check this out at some indistinct point in the future, just so this wasn't a waste of your time. :)
Eh, this somehow actually felt kind of dull for me.
If it had been a bit longer, I'd probably have liked it a bit more.
6515118
Fair enough. I enjoy much longer stories as well, I just don't trust myself to write them.
6515238 On top of that, Twilight's actions just seem like she took things a bit too far, even considering her obsession with books.
Dark... I like it.
7825956
Dark? I wasn't intending it to be dark, but I suppose non-consensual major body transformation magic, coupled with humiliation at the hooves of a bunch of children is kinda dark when I write it out like that.
But it's okay cuz she deserved it.
Also because nothing but pride was permanently injured.
But mostly because she deserved it.
7826200
I find it dark to change your friends appearance drastically and then have her tortured by kids. Then have her feelings hurt but not even realizing it, all for a dumb prank. If I was rainbow dash in that situation, I'd probably kill myself.
7827443
Fair enough. I can see where you are coming from.