• Member Since 22nd Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen February 15th

atomicpuffin


Sequels1

T

Discord still feels guilty over his betrayal. He vowed to make it up to Fluttershy no matter what it takes in order to save their friendship. However he quickly discovers his heart has different plans when it comes to his darling Fluttershy. What happens when friendship starts to melt away to be replaced with something deeper? Will he prove himself to this sweet mare or will chaos win?

Cover art by Fluttercord http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Fluttercord

Thank you so much I appreciate you making this for me!:pinkiehappy::heart:

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 92 )
Comment posted by atomicpuffin deleted Oct 28th, 2014

5195341 haha I know I'm sry I was bored n didn't have time to go change it. I was making a different one n had to leave for work

I love this, I don't see why there so many dislikes, I think its wonderfully righten.:heart:
P.S fluttercord shipping is my (OTP) :heart::yay:

5195510 thank you. I don't mind the dislikes but like I said I wish ppl would tell me why???

fluttercord is my OTP also!!!

I don't know why you're getting so many downvotes.
The pacing is a little fast, but otherwise this is excellent.

5195516

There are people who don't like romance, and there are people who hate specific pairings. No matter how well-written your story is, they'll downvote it, anyway. It's just something you kinda need to deal with, even though it is irritating. :pinkiesad2:

5195516
You should also write one chapter every few days instead making everything at one go. This way you can get to the wider viewership since many people just simply miss it. Sometimes even i jump into one story when its already 10th chapter since i didnt notice them before. So if you have more stories, then first just make one chapter and then see reactions. Then continue writing second if you have time:coolphoto:

5196706 I'll do that for my next stories, just not my mending series. Only because all three are finished in only transferring them to this site as well.

Dear god. This was great for me in the beginning, the last two chapters was sooooo much cheese and fluff, and then at the end it wound down on the cheese scale.

Not that its bad, it's just so sweet that pinkie pie can't possible hope to rival it. It was such a cheesy romance story that Pizza hut can't find a crust large enough to contain all that cheese. :rainbowlaugh:

Loved it though. Now if you don't mind, I need to make a dentist appointment.

Comment posted by Diverse_Flygon deleted Nov 3rd, 2014
Comment posted by Diverse_Flygon deleted Nov 3rd, 2014

Ok so i finished reading it now. And i must say there are things i like and things i disliked here.
First the things i like:
1) Pacing was good. Dialogues and descriptions of their emotions were also compelling and gave warm feels.
2) Havent noticed any grammar mistakes or typos which nowadays is a unique feat for new writers
3) Overall first 6 chapters. Everyone were in character, especially liked minor characters like Rarity and Pinkie. It was a perfect Slice of Life part where they were enjoying Nightmare Night.

NOW things i disliked
1) first of all, entire part with Sombra which took second half of the story. It was very cheesee and cliche scenario and known as "damsel in distress" tv trope. Sombra himself is not a very interesting villain and his ideas were very flawed from the start. Why he even have someone turn into Rainbow Dash just to give her doubts about Discord? Why didnt he just kidnap her in that moment instead waiting until she run into the forest? Entire adventure part was unnecessary for this story when it suppose to be just a cosy shipfic.

2) Discord was very uninspiring and acting "mushy" entire story. Where is that master of chaos that keep shifting reality every 2 minutes? Is creating cotton candy the only ability he have? Lovestruck Discord should never be boring like lovestruck ordinary ponies.

3) Structure of that romance. I think their moment in the garden should have been the last chapter (with Sombra part removed whatsoever). Kiss is the most significant act of expressing emotion of affection. Its kind of silly to spend chapters with them thinking about possibility of them being in love when they already had an act of exposing their feelings. Kissing is either a good ending of a story or a beginning when you want to write "how they go further as a couple" (desribing reaction of others when they learn about them, describing their first sex, forming a family and having kids etc).
So basically i would make chapter 6-10 as 1-5 with them only slighltly being attracted and acting very friendly to eachother. They would help mane6 defeat "returning Sombra" with entire adventure bonding them even more and Discord THEN realising how much he care about her when shes in danger. After that story and after defeating Sombra original chapters 1-5 could happen with Discord and Fluttershy expressing themselves, first by confessing what did they felt in the past adventures they shared and ending it with a kiss and possibly with wedding

:pinkiegasp:I really wasn't expecting King Sombra, nice character choice. I believe this will be an interesting story. Keep up the good work.

OH!!! THE FEELS, THE FEELS!!!:rainbowkiss::heart::rainbowkiss:

OMG I LOVE THIS FANFIC! *squee*:rainbowkiss:

Oh my god the FEELS!!!:fluttercry::heart::heart::rainbowkiss:

Oh SHIT its King Sombra!!!:pinkiegasp:

Did not see that coming.

Love this. I wish I could like 5 times...

5306182 was there a question or are you just saying yes and no on the chapters lol :pinkiehappy: not that I mind it just peaked my curiosity.

No! Yes! What?

I made an account just to wright a comment on this heart touching story and now that im here i Don't know wut to say. thank you 4 this amazing story

KING SOMBRERO YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's one of my favourite MLP villains, but I'm surprised you didn't choose Chrysalis instead as that is almost everyone else's choice but I like that you chose Sombrero

That. Was. Perfect. You have officially broken my Feels. I just felt a wave tsunami of feels envelope me and I can't take it anymore: I have died from a Cuteness Overload!!!!!!!!!! :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :heart: :heart: :heart: !!!!!!!!!!

I love it. ;u; Fluttercord forever.

The pacing is a bit fast, and you should get an editor for help with some minor grammar issues. But overall, it's great!

His heart was to the point of overflowing as he watched her sleep.

Stalk much? :trollestia:

Ha, just kidding. I love this story, but it could use an editor for minor grammar and punctuation issues. You get a thumbs up!

What made Dash act that way? Is she going to betray her friends?! :pinkiegasp:
(I'll read the rest rn :3)

Just a question... Fluttershy says that she found the ring after Discord had all his magic taken away.
It could still send magical messages, even though Sombra now owned all of Discord's power.
He couldn't have faked that. So how is Discord doing this, if all his power resides in Sombra?
Plus, as Discord says earlier,

Sombra didn't control chaos...no matter how much he thought he did.

If Sombra can't control chaos, then how can that magical ring control chaos? And, yet again, all the chaos is supposed to reside in Sombra, who can't control chaos... It's an infinite loop of confusion. Please take a look at this, or tell me if there's anything I'm missing...
Thanks :3

:pinkiehappy: OH MY GOD.
YOU HAVE TRULY MADE MY DAY.
THAT. WAS. PERFECT!!
*fangirls*
THANK YOU FOR THIS AMAZING STORY; THE ENDING WAS SIMPLY PERFECT! AND WITH THE SONG AND EVERYTHING...
JUST PERFECT!!!!
Perfect.




Liked and faved.

5462193 sry for the confusion but the chaos magic doesn't reside in sombra. Disc or is just under his control because he can use the collar to bring unbearable pain that brings the lord to his knees.

Discord still has his magic and can use it so long as Sombra doesn't know. He gives her the ring as he says goodbye so its his last chance to use it without Sombra realizing he's using his magic against him. Confusing I know I sry but this was my first fanfic ever so it got a bit tangled lol

I thought Changelings, but then Sombra was revealed. WHAT A PLOT TWIST!

I think falling in love spontaneously fits Discord.

You keep calling Discord a chimera, not a draconequus...
Unless it's a pun I just dont know about, in which case I apologise.
Nice fic!

Oh man I love it when Discord gers protective of his dear sweet Fluttershy!
Seriously, this is awesome!

Oooo *yay* :yay:
Did Discord seriously just practically announce that he and Fluttershy were going to...yeah, you know.
Meh. Lord of Chaos; he knows no boundaries.

This was...
Ow....
Ow....
OW!
But King Sombra? Sombra's shadow? Well... ok.
I like really this story. Good work!:twilightsmile:

OTP FLUTTERCORD!

I love it just the way it is.

If you edit it, it'll make it less interesting. I love reading bad grammar stories, always finding out what should be there instead.

But anyways, story is going awesome!

:yay::heart: Fimfiction honestly needs a Discord emote-face.

THE FEELS! THE FEELS!

:heart: that's basically all I can really say right no- *died of cuteness*

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