I loved this chapter, keep up the good work and have a great weekend.

7296793 thanks for the read. And to you as well

A mary sue centric "story".

Have a red thumb. You earned it, not-friend.

8494365 I'm sorry if the story wasn't to your liking

Okay, after reading all the 9 chapter this fic has, I think I can tell you what I think of this fic...

I like the entire premise of the story. First you met Zecora when you got lost in the Everfree and she helped you recover, then you two started to bond together. Then there's the whole zebra village rescue, which also shows another side of Zecora, and I think you did a pretty good job of depicting her character when infused with rage. There's even a scene where you risk your own life to save your beloved, which is always the climax of a relationship in most fanfics. This is all very classic stuff, and I enjoyed it.

But the execution... I'm afraid is a bit lacking...

I would love it if you went into detail of the 'becoming a shaman' training more. It will help the readers know Zecora more, which is important in a long second person romance fic. Also, you're taking it WAY too fast when the first thing you and Zecora did is fighting a hostile 'plant pony'. Some introduction to what a shaman is and some 'normal' training, like learning about potion ingredients and basic sparring would've been better.

I see everyone had problems with the 'DBZ-estique' fight scene. I did not expect a battle at such scale in a romantic fic. Not that a duel scene is not welcome, mind you, but it's VERY out of proportion for a fic like this. I would do a more 'realistic' scene, say, a simple kung fu style showdown instead of shooting energy balls from palms that can create massive explosions. This can even translate well into the martial arts training you and Zecora had went through together, like, if you remember all the techniques you've learned one by one to defeat Shade eventually.

Although, this is probably just a pet peeve of mine, but try to avoid this kind of thing...

“At any rate, you’ll need to rest for a few days to regain your strength Zecora,” stated Fluttershy.

“Thank you, dear Fluttershy. By the way, is there a scar on my side?” Zecora asked.

Fluttershy then looked.

“Umm...yes. Just a small one from where you were stung,” she replied.

“And did this affliction come with infection?”

“No, thank Celestia we got to you in time,” Fluttershy stated.

Zecora replied with a relieved sigh.

“Luck and bravery; they have both saved me.”

A single line for every sentence. I myself sometimes tend to do this when I'm writing, but I always try to avoid it whenever I can. You can add more details in the conversation to add the length and avoiding this format. Here's how I would change it...

“At any rate, you’ll need to rest for a few days to regain your strength Zecora,” stated Fluttershy. To which, the zebra smiled with gratitude

“Thank you, dear Fluttershy. By the way, is there a scar on my side?” Zecora asked, turning her head to try to find said injury, but she can't get a good look herself. The yellow pegasus next to her kindly inspects Zecora's coat for any sign of damage. Only when she squinted her eyes that she spots a red mark underneath the zebra's white and gray coat.

“Umm...yes. Just a small one from where you were stung,” she replied with a small nod.

“And did this affliction come with infection?” Zecora's smile turned into a frown. She might be living in the Everfree Forest where a lot of dangerous creature lived and had received a bites, stings, and cuts from them, but she's still a mere pony. An infection can still make her sick, or worse.

“No, thank Celestia we got to you in time,” Fluttershy stated. She's no stranger when it comes to what animals can do, even Manticores. Plus, she has some experience in tending the wounded, even though it's only with her animal friends, but one can trust her to take care of injuries without fail. To this, Zecora replied with a relieved sigh. It seems she was genuinely scared for a moment

“Luck and bravery; they have both saved me.” She said.

...So uh, did I provide a decent example?

If I really have to nitpick one thing, Zecora saying a latin phrase is a bit out of place, because I don't think Zebra's culture have any ties to latin language.

I do kinda like Shade, though. Such a remark happy changeling, yet will swoop low and can be downright sadistic if he wants. Just... a bit too powerful.

At the end of this wall o' text, I will say that I like the idea of the fic, but the execution is a bit lacking. One thing you did that made me clap my hands is the fact you can deal with Zecora rhyming. Seriously, authors that can write multiple lines for Zecora always get my respect

I'll rate this fic 6.8, but don't you stop writing, keep improving and writing your fanfics!

Are you continuing this story?

9408960 Yes. The last two chapters have been planned out. I've just haven't had the time to write them out

9408979
Are you busy?

9524060 The trials of adutlhood

I wonder what this potion would have done?... If only this could be updated..

I cannot wait to see the next chapter of this story.

Should add excessive rhyming to the Triggers lol

This story is so lovely! I would love to see more! If you're still working on it