- Member Since 23rd Jul, 2016
- offline last seen Feb 3rd, 2023
Heartless BadFox
I may not have a heart for those who wants mercy but I am not cold as ice to not grant that mercy. My creator made me and wish to use me, but they cannot control the darkness and one's will.
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This is awesome. Please keep going.
7427476 I'll my friend just school and my second writing account may slow me dowm
Yay this is a awesome story i hope you write more soon update more on this story soon
So far so good
Try to keep The Videos out of The story it makes The story look bad (just some advice your choice)
7428850 OK I'll do that
While I think the premise has potential, I very strongly suggest getting yourself an editor or two. The grammar is not a small problem and needs some serious attention. Once that's out of the way, people can stop disliking it because of poor grammar and for other reasons that may or may not need a good explanation. Putting it in more groups is also advised.
7431675 Yeah I know, but I don't known anyone that would help edit this
7432515
Well, there's an entire group for that actually.
7432664 Really? Wow, thank you. Who are they.
7432665
Jus go to Groups and search 'editor.' There are more of them than I thought, so take your pick.
7432666 Thank you man. I owe you one for this.
7432670
Don't sweat it, it's not like I'm the one doing the editing.
7432674 True
You need to add a D in name.
You need a comma after that.
A comma after that.
You need a comma after that.
You need a comma instead of a period.
A comma after that.
It's written as 'too'.
Other than that, this was a pretty good start. Although you could have put that video in the author's notes instead.
this is a very good story, far better than most peoples second stories.
as for the grammar, it is of decent quality so don't worry about it to much.
7437121 Thank you.
when you speak of the type of demons should i reference doom for what they look like
7448563 yeah just ones from Earth. Tartarus has its own different demons in it like succubus, arachne, and some that like Equestria type of demon, but yeah the language is from doom unless there is another game than doom that uses backward speaking.
Nice chapter :)
7455620 Thank u
I don't remember him ever introducing himself.
Also it should be Beds and Notebooks. Capitalization and whatnot.
7469567 Thank you for noticing that error I'll fix right away.
7469920
No problem.
By Zeal, you mean the tiny demon from House of the Dead II, right?
7478289 No he's not that Zeal, he possessed the armor just to stop losing his hell energy andthe armor is Luna's old one before she became Nightmare moon.
Why is he ever at a disadvantage even in a storm? It cancels his fire but he can still use cytokenises and control lightning.
7480530 He only knows the pyrokinesis because Hell is fire and lava not other elements. There's not other cytokenises demons in hell.
the spells are a lot like spells you can find in skyrim
7490243 Yup a few light ones and low black magic because I can't really think of light magic, but expect the Hell's book spells to be made up and few from the game.
I love this !
This chapter is very interesting to read keep up a good work update more on this story your doing great keep up the good work update more soon
7501740 Thank you and I'll try to.
I'm confused, if Luna thinks Celestia sees Heartless as a demon (even though she doesn't know what he looks like), why does she think Celestia is trying to claim him for herself?
7518761 In the show remember that everypony thinks of her as a monster. Heartless just showed that they're wrong and that being something very polite to Luna treating has she wanted to be treated. So Celestia thought Heartless would be the same with her.Despite her not liking demons. P.S. sorry for not updating soon.
I love this it is sooooo good. I swear its like a drug can not get enough.
Cant wait until the next chapter this story is really underrated
7521372 Hate to be a bearer of bad news, but I won't be able to work on a chapter nor upload one until I have WiFi for my tablet. Sorry, but don't you worry I ain't giving up on this story.
7522579 sweet I shall wait then.
7518761
Um Paul what number do you pick from my author's note? 1 or 2?
7523252 I got me WiFi
, but what number you pick 1 or 2?
7525854
Oh, didn't even notice that part of the AN. Um, let's go with 1.
Nope, not picking either unless you tell us what they are.
7525892 I give ya a hint in a riddle.
A reliable creature that sticks by your side by birth to adulthood a loyal companion like a raised child, but a wild a d tamed mind. What is this riddle hint. Message me if you figured it out.
7526147 ...
7526240 can't figure it out?
7526245 I didn't even try to. If you're gonna decide something in the story based on a poll, you've gotta actually tell us what it's about, otherwise what was the point of giving a poll in the first place? And you aren't just leaving out the choices we can pick from, you're leaving out the whole damn question!
If the reason you're unwilling to share is due to potential spoilers that's fine, but without any actual insight into what we're voting on it essentially boils down to random chance, in which case you might as well just flip a coin or something instead of putting it to a vote.
Edit: This video explains my thoughts on the matter.
I'm Deep Thought.
You're the crowd.
7525859 3
7526406 Thank ya for opening my eyes to see what ya mean and now I rewritten the authors note on why you're picking a number. It's a pet choice on who finds the pet and what the pet is.
Zeal doesn't really seem the type to go out often, but it would be interesting to see him finding a pet on of the few times he does. It would also add a bit of depth to a character the readers haven't spent much time with, so I guess based on that I would choose option 1. But then again, you said that this would be Heartless' pet regardless of who finds it right? In that case it would make more sense for him to find it, due to the fact that the one who brings it home would most likely be the one who becomes it's owner, so it would be better to vote option 2.
The only problem is that this tells us how Heartless gets a pet, but not what that pet actually is, which would really be a deciding factor for me. I want him to have a pet that fits him as a character, but I'm not certain what that would be. A raven? A wolf? A vampire bat? I don't know who finds what, so I guess I'm still just a bit reluctant to throw my vote in for either one.
Sorry if I'm being a bit harsh/over-analytical about all this, but at least I'm trying to be constructive about it rather than flinging insults... (thinks back over the last couple comments) ...non-comedic, mean spirited ones anyways.
7527682
I forgive you man, you opened my eyes and I had to thank ya for that.