- Member Since 22nd Nov, 2013
- offline last seen May 29th, 2014
BiFurry1020
Hi! My name is Shelby, and I just recently got back into writing. :) I post my stories on here to get much needed criticism from someone other than my friends. Read, enjoy, and critique my writing.
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Edit:This was a completely stupid post, I am very sorry. Please refer to my posts above for proper criticism.
3524621YES
Very hot indeed!
3527218 Thank you!
Edit: Again, please look above for proper criticism.
3527948 I'll try harder next time. I didn't realize my grammar and spelling were terrible. I haven't had time to look over it. I apologize.
3527948
So instead of just saying no, couldn't have you just started with that? I mean I tend to look past grammar, and focus on the content and smoothness of the story and character development. So disregarding grammar. I thing this was an amazing start, and he will get better with grammar the moreche writes. :)
Honestly, your little snips are nice and sexy, but could be longer (giggity) and fuller, if you know what I mean.
3530652 I will get right on that!! ;D Thank you. :)
3528409
Again, I will start and end on the same note.
There is hardly a single paragraph in this (literally) that is any good.
Without getting too into the unpleasant details, it was very wrong. If the dubstep was as loud as it was said to be, their eardrums would've already exploded, no exaggeration there, and the human female doesn't, well, orgasm without orgasming, or have any sort of noticeable fluid coming out with a quick touch.
Also, if I were a girl, and I had this boyfriend, he would be dumped as soon as possible. He's literally trying to get in her pants, in the car, while driving, while rocking out to mad dubstep. They would've crashed and if their heads weren't sliced clean from the headbanging, their necks would be broken, I suppose it really depends all on what they hit, and, suggesting this is Earth, they could of hit something like a truck, and they'd be fucked.
Nearly literally. But, sense you probably don't understand, I won't bore you with the fine details of just how cleanly their head would be dismembered from the corpse, or just how fast a female orgasms, I'll just skip ahead.
It's just a normal fic after all this bullshit, with the exception of paragraphs, good writing, any sort of believable plot...
Zero crap-filled baby diapers out of ten.
Wow, this is quite possibly one of the worst on Fimfiction, mainly because Marine in Equestria fics don't count, and this is as close as it gets.
I bid you farewell, dear He/She/It.
3528227 And for you,
I respect that you will acknowledge your mistakes, for there is a first time for everything, and this is one of those times.
I would suggest reading Fallout:Equestria for learning the finer details of writing, regardless of whether you have actually played Fallout.
I admit, as well, to my mistake, I was annoyed at the time and not completely sober, and I didn't delete the post because, I don't quite actually know. I'll delete it now.
Thank you for being polite.
3530766 I posted the story for a reason! :) To get proper criticism! :) If I wanted just good things said about this, I would have never posted it on Internet in the first place. I respect you. :) Your first words about my writing kind of hurt me. Of course, I should have expected it, but it really did catch me by surprise. This is the first EVER fic I have written. I had it on my phone as a saved note, so I posted it to see what people thought. I will admit I had no idea where I was going with this, so that's why it has zero plot. I mainly wrote it because I was, quite frankly, horny and bored. Getting past me rambling, thank you. :) I will try harder next time. A lot harder. :) I apologize for my horrendous story, and I hope you will come back to my profile to see my progress in the ways of writing! I bid you farewell. :) Thank you.
P.S. I am a girl, and Fallout is one of my favorite games. :) I will check it out.
353082
If you think your story is bad, check mine out... Yourse looks like the holy grail compared to mine
3530905 You're actually going in a very good direction! I would love to see what you do with it.. :) Apparently, we both aren't good at writing. XD Again, you have a wonderful start to this, and the best part is, in my opinion, you can make it go a lot of different ways. :) Very creative and fun. <3 :) My story? Holy Grail? Ugh, no. XD
Damn Austin
3590497 Haha. XD
3615508
Sorry for saying this, but can you work on the story, please? I wish to find out what happens next! Also, I can understand if you have school and such.
~OreoKookie
4112884 She's been gone for 140 weeks.
7916299
Good thing I posted that 149 weeks ago then.
~OreoKookie
7916795 I hope she comes back.
3590497 I wonder if Vinyl does the same to Octavia.