Princess Twilight wakes up to find herself.. somewhere, only to discover, she is not herself. She learns her world, her friends, and her identity was all dream. She is not Princess Twilight Sparkle. She doesn't even know who she is.
Chapters (3)
AkumaNoNeko
Joined 24th Jun, 2014 ·
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Hmm. This is somewhat of a good story.
The concept is interesting, and not too worn out. It is written in a nice way, with very little grammar mistakes. My only quarrel with it would be the lack of a punctuation other then a period. Try variety! Also, take more time to write and try and give more detail. No ones rushing you
You're doing well! I'll continue watching!
Mysterious...
Need MOAR
Interesting concept, I like it. Onto the next chapter, mighty steed!
... *Gets up and pushes chair to the next chapter*
5078485 Lol
I'm excited to see where this goes. You're the first middle-schooler I've known to write a decent story. Nice work you did. You're gonna go far, kid!
[youtube=5_LxyhCJpsM]
Alright then. I can't say what compelled me to do this, but I guess I just tend to gain an interest in new users for some reason. Anyway, I found the some mistakes in the first "chapter", but lucky you; there's really nothing wrong with your other two "chapters".
Anyway, here's what I got:
Of shouldn't be capitalized in Princess of Friendship.
Nowhere is written as a single word, not separately.
Not a mistake, but I thought this was pretty funny. Perhaps not the best choice of name for a character in a serious fic, since the reader may lose immersion should this be presented to him.
Anyway, regarding the commas... It's not necessarily bad, per se. It's not. You can write without commas. It's really not a mistake. Writing without commas is fine. Still, it might draw away readers. I'd implement the tiresome things if I were you.
You should attempt to learn the usage of commas and other punctuation marks, as it is really rewarding. Writing is a beautiful dance of words and other elements that can be arranged in so many different ways; it's truly magnificent the way a person can express the same thing in so many distinct ways.
Anyway...
Fairly solid all around. Read, study the way others write, and you'll do great. Inspirational things aside, I can see you've already got some experience with writing. It's only a matter of practice, luck, and contacts for you to succeed. Consider this comment as the tutorial message in some shitty videogame. In the wonderful land of Fimfiction friendship truly is magic, as a few good friends with a lot of followers can make sure your stories get plenty of exposure aside from the mere minutes in the front page.
Have a good one.
5102784 Thanks. And tecnically Uranus Shine isn't actually an important character so I just made some shit up for him.
5102812 Not a problem. Best of luck.
A wonderful idea for a story! I would like to make a suggestion, maybe comine all of the chapters into one, or make them all longer? It gets kinda distracting when they are so short.
Finally got to reading this chapter, and all I have to say is: #voteUranusShinebestpony2014
On a serious note, please try to make the chapters longer. It's kinda annoying when a chapter ends so quickly. I should know, I made the same mistake back when I gave a hoot about writing. A good minimum for chapters is one thousand words.
5216895 the thing about that is, I don't have enough ideas to put into one chapter to make it that long.
5217483 You could always just wait until you have enough ideas instead of what you're currently doing. It'd take more time, sure, but I think it would be better. :P
5218256 I have no new ideas. Plus I have too much school work to work on anything anymore. I'm failing math