Dueling Keyboards

by FanOfMostEverything

Double Standard

Everyone who Gabby had helped attended her cuteceñera. Given her use of the Crusaders' old "Try everything" strategy, that covered most of the town, as did the celebration itself. Confetti flew, music played, and the town's resident princess sulked at one of Le Pâturage's mushroom tables, her only company a glass of sadly non-alcoholic punch.

"Hey, Twilight."

She perked up at the greeting. "Starlight! What have you been up to?"

"I ran out of excuses, so Rainbow Dash made sure I wasn't going to bed tonight without knowing precisely who and what the Wonderbolts are." Starlight sat by Twilight's side. "And somehow, you seem more run down than I feel. Are you okay?"

"Oh, you know. Just found out that there wasn't a discovery that would make us question everything we thought we knew about cutie marks. After gearing up for a massive research project. And coming up with the perfect title for the journal article: 'When the Hoof of Destiny is a Talon: Cutiesynthesis in Non-Equinoids.'" Twilight sighed and brought her head back onto the table. "I suppose I should be grateful that the Crusaders told me the truth before I finished drafting my letter to Princess Celestia."

"Yeah, definitely could've been worse," Starlight said with a sigh of her own.

Twilight's ear perked up at that. She straightened up a moment later. "Are you okay?"

"Well..." Starlight bit her lip. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course. You're my student." Twilight smirked. "And technically speaking, you already did."

Starlight rolled her eyes despite her smile. "Right." Her expression fell. "Did you... tell anypony in Ponyville about, you know, what I did before I became your student?"

"That's..." Twilight gaze went distant as she thought. "Well, that's actually kind of complicated."

"It is?"

"Well, I told the other princesses what you did in Our Town, of course. You were a frighteningly powerful and ingenious mage capable of mutilating souls because you never thought to get your one friend's mailing address." Twilight shut her eyes, trembling and breathing heavily.

After a few moments, Starlight said, "No offense?"

Twilight shuddered. "Right. Yeah. Sorry, it's just..." She shook her head. "That night in that shack with the propaganda on a constant loop was... Well, I try not to think about it too often. Where was I?"

"I was a horrible equine being?"

Twilight grimaced. "Harsher than I intended, but... yes. In any case, at the time, you were still at large and the nation needed to be able to defend itself against you. So the police here in Ponyville probably recognize you as a once nationally wanted criminal prior to the royal pardon." Twilight smiled. "You know, all two policeponies."

Starlight started to nod, but paused halfway through. "Wait, if I was nationally wanted, then why was I able to walk through Canterlot with impunity?"

"You were able to what?"

"You remember that time you were reconnecting with your friends from school? I kind of spied on your dinner conversation."

Twilight facehoofed and groaned. "If Celestia swept this under the rug, I swear, we will be having words. Don't get me wrong, I respect her as much as I ever did, but it seems like that mare just waits for half of her problems to die." She gasped. "Oh! No offense."

Starlight shrugged. "I've suspected as much for a while. Why do you think I was indoctrinating the next generation?" She sighed. "But enough about my lesser atrocities. What about nearly destroying Equestria?"

"That actually presents a fascinating moral quandary. Depending on how time works, either none of your actions actually lasted for longer than a few minutes, or even if they did, they didn't actually impact this timeline."

"Which totally absolves her of all guilt whatsoever."

Both turned to the source of the third muttered voice. Twilight beamed. "Lyra! I didn't see you there. Did you say something?"

Lyra returned the smile as she walked away. "Just passing by and saying hi."

"Such a nice mare. Don't know how I could ever lose touch with her." Twilight turned back to Starlight. "Anyway, while your actions were terrible, they didn't cause any lasting harm as far as we'll ever know. Given your genuine repentance, I felt that it would be best if Ponyville didn't know about the whole 'accidental omnicide' thing. I mean, I'd be a pretty terrible Princess of Friendship if I couldn't accept the apology of a mare who finally understood how badly she'd messed up and who truly wanted to amend her ways. Does that answer your question?"

"The one I asked you, yes," said Starlight, "but it still leaves me with one."

"What?"

"Why is it when I make a cake instantaneously, I'm threatening the Cakes' livelihood, but when a griffon does it, ponies literally sing her praises?"

Comments

[Dragon Spire]

"Why is it when I make a cake instantaneously, I'm threatening the Cakes' livelihood, but when a griffon does it, ponies literally sing her praises?"

That is a valid question. Maybe opposable thumb superiority?

[Daedalus Aegle]

Ubiquitous pony racism, in both cases When a griffon does it, it's amusingly unexpected civilized behavior coming from a creature that by nature should be eating raw carcasses. It's like seeing a dog doing a trick. But when a unicorn does it, it's an expression of horn supremacy

[QueenMoriarty]

Somehow, I never really thought of Celestia just waiting for all of her mortal problems to die.

[Oliver]

You should continue this. Starlight can still attempt to transplant a donor cutie mark into Gabby.

[Brumby_Run]

"Why is it when I make a cake instantaneously, I'm threatening the Cakes' livelihood, but when a griffon does it, ponies literally sing her praises?"

Asking the tough questions there Starlight. Next you'll be wondering how Fluttershy supports herself and her animal friends, or how Pinkie Pie does... just about everything that she does.

Don't ask why most of the food you eat has the name of a meat product with "hay" as a prefix. You probably don't want to know. (Twilight, another hayburger?)

[Bugsydor]

I couldn't tell whether or not Lyra was being sarcastic. Or whether or not the ETaSB exists in this continuity.

Speaking of, how do the official alt timelines of the prime timeline react to outside interference? Inquiring Bugsies must know!

[FanOfMostEverything]

7561178
I think 7561194 nailed it on the head. To paraphrase a Russian proverb, the marvel is not that the griffon bakes well, but that the griffon bakes at all.

7561200
We don't have any evidence of it in the show, but only because we don't have a sufficient time scale. Celestia does seem like the type who's willing to let time address problems with an inherent expiration date.

7561201
The catch is finding a willing donor. "Excuse me, sir-slash-madam-use-whichever-is-appopriate, would you be willing to sacrifice the symbol of your personal identity for this chimera you've never met before?"

Plus, even if they did find a willing donor, they'd need to stop the Crusaders from reflexively trying to make that pony happy with their cutie mark.

Actually, there may be more of a story here than I initially suspected...

7561206
I figure Fluttershy is actually a government employee, working as part of Ponyville's ecosystem management team. After all, the Everfree is unusual in part because the animals take care of themselves. If weather and farming are paid occupations, it stands to reason that looking after animals is as well.

As for Pinkie, that way lies madness.

7561288
This iteration of Miss Heartstrings was unavailable for comment regarding her membership in the Equestrian Time-Space Administration Bureau. And by unavailable, I mean "absent from all points of the known universe."

Technically speaking, Starlight didn't create any of those other worldlines; she only altered the flow of probability space such that it favored them. Agents in those worldlines were very displeased to learn that they were briefly the prime timeline and thus at least partially immutable. They're also thankful that nopony explored the last one very thoroughly; the ETSAB likes to keep its offices in post-omincide Equestrias for security purposes.

[horizon]

The question is asked as a punchline, but there's a solid answer behind it. I think 7561194 has it mostly right, but let's also not forget that as a primarily earth-pony town, Ponyville is demonstrably hair-trigger sensitive about unicorn interference. That was the entire premise of Winter Wrap-Up.

So the answer is: Mary McFlappySue's abilities might, if she became a baker, completely overshadow the existing bakers, but she is not (perceived as) a fundamental threat to their way of life in the way that magicakes are. She's obeying the cultural mores.

That, and she's got some changeling-level mind-warping going on with that relentless optimism.

[Derpmind]

I have been thoroughly spoiled by this and hereby swear minor vengeance upon you. *Shakes hoof accusingly*

7561200
See, while the idea can make for good comedy, (and I'm not criticizing the comedy of it,) the problem with actually doing that is you can't simply outlast "problems" without also ignoring the consequences that happen all around while you do nothing. If Celestia actually did try and ignore problems all the time then Equestria would be a barren crater by the time all the "problems" died off.

[Lurks-no-More]

7561559
I think Celestia tries to solve problems with the smallest possible intervention, for ethical and aesthetic reasons both. And over the centuries, she's become very good at guesstimating whether that means sending Twilight to handle it, waiting a few decades for it to solve itself, or something else.

[garfan]

7561178
"well, we figure a griffin isn't sticking around town that long. You're here indefinitely. "

[superfun]

You were a frighteningly powerful and ingenious mage capable of mutilating souls because you never thought to get your one friend's mailing address."

I always thought that the village Starlight lived in had no post office. And Sunburst's parents just sent him off to magic school on a train ride.

Depending on how time works, either none of your actions actually lasted for longer than a few minutes, or even if they did, they didn't actually impact this timeline.

That is one of several reasons why I didn't mind what they did with her.

[FanOfMostEverything]

7561553
And now I can't help but imagine Twilight trying to organize tribal sensitivity sessions. I don't see that going well at all...

"There's no need to feel threatened by other ponies' magic. This isn't the Three Tribes Era, it's Ponyville. No need to worry about bone-shattering strength, building-sized tornadoes, unfathomable distortions of reality itself, or the fact that I'm capable of all three."
"Is this your way of saying you don't want baker's dozens anymore, dearie?"
"Prime numbers are inherently unfriendly."

7561559
I was going for 7561631's take on the situation. Celestia tries to exert the least necessary effort to solve her problems so ponies don't grow more reliant on her than they already are. She's a big believer in the "If you've done it right, they won't know if you've done anything at all" school of quasidivine rule.

7562327

I always thought that the village Starlight lived in had no post office.

No available data there, though it seems more reasonable to assume that a given town has a given piece of infrastructure than the alternative, especially in a generally well-developed nation like Equestria.

And Sunburst's parents just sent him off to magic school on a train ride.

Yes. Specifically Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, the location of which is not exactly a state secret. Furthermore, that train ride implies a degree of connectivity that goes hand in hand with having a post office.

I don't mean to harp on this too much. Starlight's motivation was personally devastating, yes, but it was also really petty. Especially given the scene that immediately preceded the revelation. "Why did I kill literally everything by accident? Because my friend moved away!"

[Lurks-no-More]

7564356
I've always thought that Sunburst moving away was just the mustard seed that over the years grew into a big honking three overshadowing everything else in Starlight's heart, so that all the rest of her issues came and lodged in its branches.

(Honestly, I wonder if there isn't a bit of well-meaning but clueless parental intervention involved...
"Oh dear, little Glimmer is so broken up by her friend leaving. We should encourage her to have other friends, not cling to Sunburts who's going away!"

"Quite so, honey, especially since there's no way we can send our little girl off to some ultra-fancy Canterlot boarding school anyway. Better try and make her feel satisfied about staying here!")

[Dracon_Pyrothayan]

7569305
Thinking about them more as Kaladesh comes closer to release....

[PresentPerfect]

Had to check halfway through and make sure I hadn't written this. :V

[Bliss Authority]

Sometimes she just wants to cast Cake Summoning V. But you destroy ONE timeline...

[UrsaMajor]

7564356

"Prime numbers are inherently unfriendly."

I see what you did there, and I like it.

[Janicethelight]

Starlight talking about reparations is interesting and the cake question XD. Love this one too!