The Malignant Magnet

by derpyland

Equestria’s Last Stand

Three hours later, the mighty city of Canterlot was in ruins. The ponies that had once lived there had fled for their lives, and a giant fire raged that no one could put out.

Outside the city, Celestia and Luna were staring up at their home in dismay. Twilight, out of breath, crawled up to them and then collapsed beside the rest of her friends.

“It’s no use,” Twilight panted. “I just can’t hold that blasted thing long enough to do anything! It just slips away. Even rainbow power isn’t any good against an enemy that won’t sit still.”

“That seems like a rather serious design flaw,” Celestia commented. “You may want to look into that.”

“First thing in the morning,” a weary Twilight agreed. “Although for all I know we’re not going to be having mornings anymore. How is it even possible for the Moon to be on fire, anyway? Luna, isn’t it made of rocks? And how could it possibly collide with the Sun? Aren’t they really far away from each other?”

Applejack spoke up. “Considerin’ that it’s already on fire, it’s a bit late to be asking how that’s possible. Shouldn’t we be focused on how to stop that magnet?”

“Got any ideas?” Twilight asked. “The air defense ponies have been defeated. Rainbow Dash couldn’t catch it. The guards got taken out almost instantly. If there’s a way to stop it, I sure don’t know what it is.”

“There’s gotta be somethin’ we can do,” Applejack said. Overhead the Moon continued to burn. “Isn’t there some way Discord could help?”

Twilight shook her head. Using what little mana she had left, her horn briefly glowed purple. A moment later a hologram of Discord appeared. “Hello, ponies. I’m afraid I can’t come and use my all-powerful magic to bail you out of whatever problem you’re having, because I’m taking a well-deserved vacation. However, if you leave a message I promise I’ll consider listening to it when I return. Ta-ta!”

Rarity shook her head in disappointment. “I think it’s all up to Pinkie Pie now. If she cannot save us then all is lost. Lost!”

The magnet itself was lying on the ground, just down the road from them. It was full of evil energy and crackled with power. It was unstoppable. There was only one challenger left to take down, and then Equestria would be utterly vanquished. World domination was at hand!

At the far end of the road a lone pink pony stepped onto the street. This time, however, the Element of Laughter was not laughing. Pinkie Pie wore a deep frown and eyed the magnet carefully. After studying it from a distance she slowly approached it.

A few hours ago the magnet had trembled at the sight of Pinkie, but not anymore. Not this time! Now that its power had increased, it foolishly thought that it had the upper hand. It was convinced that nothing could stand against its mighty malignancy!

“Pinkie!” Twilight called out. “Were you able to find what you were looking for?”

Pinkie did not respond. Giving the magnet plenty of space, she slowly circled around it, muttering something under her breath. If Twilight could have heard it she would have recognized it as a very ancient and powerful spell – but she was out of earshot.

This time you have met your match, the magnet cackled gleefully. Your chaotic magic may be ancient, but mine is more ancient still. You will fall before me!

The magnet leaped off the ground and soared directly at Pinkie.

Twilight watched in horror as it sailed through the air toward her friend. Pinkie, in turn, did nothing. Time seemed to slow down as the magnet arced toward her. Pinkie! Where is your ball of anti-magnetism? What are you doing? You’ve got to get away! If you don’t move–

In the blink of an eye, Pinkie grabbed the magnet between her two front hooves and poured into it all of her joy, her laughter, and her boundless chaotic party magic. A brilliant white light burst out, shining with the force of ten thousand suns. The powerful energy reverberated throughout the land. When the light faded, Pinkie Pie was still there and the ebony magnet was gone.

Celestia looked at Pinkie in wonder. “Is that really the end? Is it over now?”

“You betcha! You see, at first I thought oh, it’s a magnet emergency, so I had better go to my magnet emergency supplies. But then I realized I didn’t have any magnet emergency supplies! There had never been a magnet emergency before. Then I thought I could destroy it with an anti-magnet, but I couldn’t find one big enough. That’s when I realized that I was an anti-magnet! So I just crushed it, and that was that!”

“That’s crazy!” Twilight blurted out. “You’re a pony, not a magnet. Why did you think that would work?”

“Pinkie is right,” Luna replied. “The innate magic that she possesses was more than enough to cancel out the dark magic of that little disc. All she had to do was engulf it.”

“But Pinkie ain’t a unicorn,” Applejack protested. “She can’t do magic.”

Luna smiled. “Pinkie has her own special type of magic. In this case, it was exactly what was needed.”

Twilight looked around. Canterlot was still on fire, the Moon was still burning, and the castle was still in ruins. “Hey, wait a minute. Why isn’t everything fixed?”

“Fixed?” Rarity asked, “Why would everything be fixed?”

“Well, I mean, isn’t that what usually happens at the end of these things? After all, that’s what happened with Tirek, right? Our rainbow power went out, and–”

“Twilight, darling, the Moon is on fire. It’s going to take more than a light show to fix that.”

“Then how are things going to go back to normal?”

Pinkie shrugged. “Beats me! It always does, though. No matter what happens, a week from now everything will be just fine. Remember when the parasprites destroyed Ponyville? One week the city was a total wreck, and the next week it was just fine. All of this stuff will fix itself! Just wait and see if it doesn’t. It’s part of the magic of Equestria.”

“My tree wasn’t ‘just fine’,” Twilight said bitterly.

“That’s different,” Pinkie replied. “That was a fixed point in time.” She patted Twilight on the head. “Don’t worry – one of these days you’ll understand.”

The energetic pink pony then burped. “Sorry,” she said cheerfully. She then hopped down the road and headed back toward Ponyville.

Author's Note:

[Edited the chapter slightly, to change the way Pinkie destroys the magnet. I changed this shortly after posting the story here but never got around to updating this site.]

Comments

[moviemaster8510]

What this premise reminds me of

[Europa]

This totally should've been a job for Steven Magnet.

[Imperium Bedlam]

10/10

[Super Trampoline]

8/10 would recommend.

[Jenbobby]

Twilight looked around. Canterlot was still on fire, the Moon was still burning, and the castle was still in ruins. “Hey, wait a minute. Why isn’t everything fixed?”
“Fixed?” Rarity asked, “Why would everything be fixed?”

[Meridian Prime]

I am so glad this was recommended to me, because it is a little slice of perfection. Upvoted, faved, followed.

[derpyland]

4995961

Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

[derpyland]

4995981

Thank you!

This is actually a big change for me - normally I write dark, sad stories where everyone dies in the end. I'm trying to learn to write things that are a little more light-hearted. I have to say, comedy is a lot of fun to write.

[derpyland]

4996191

Thanks! You know, I am looking for proofreaders to check my stories before I post them. I'm always terrified that I've missed some obvious mistake. It's so easy to miss the obvious.

Is there anyplace I can go to find proofreaders? Is there a group of them somewhere?

[derpyland]

5002720

Thank you! I appreciate the encouragement.

[T-MS]

I really enjoyed the way you told this story. New feature box!

[derpyland]

5006871

Thanks! I'm glad it worked. I'd never tried telling a story like that before, but it somehow felt right.

You know, speaking of features, I really wish there was a "Breaks the fourth wall and then sets it on fire" category. Those tend to be some of my favorite stories (both to read, and to write).

[RanmaChaos]

Great

[derpyland]

5006871

This morning I saw the "groups" for the first time, and finally realized what you meant by "new feature box". What an honor! I am very grateful for being added to that illustrious list. Thank you very, very much!

[derpyland]

5008875

Thank you!

[Themaskedferret]

Very funny and well done. Bravo.

[derpyland]

5015791

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

[derpyland]

5135993

So the guards are lying unconscious in the throne room, Celestia accidentally collapses said room with her magic, and teleports herself away... friendly fire isn't.

Sorry I didn't respond sooner - I've been on vacation. You are absolutely right. Celestia really should have thought that through a little better. Those guards can't possibly be pleased about how that turned out. I would be quite peeved if I were them.

[derpyland]

5135993

"So the guards are lying unconscious in the throne room, Celestia accidentally collapses said room with her magic, and teleports herself away... friendly fire isn't. "

I finally had a chance to fix this. I've edited the story; Celestia now teleports herself and the guards away, thus avoiding some redshirt deaths. Thanks for pointing that out!

Also, for the record, I slightly changed the way Pinkie destroyed the magnet. The original version of this story wasn't really very clear.