This is the story of Trixie Lulamoon - a talented blue pony who has been utterly broken by tragedy. She is doing her best to save the world from an invading army of darkness, but it's not going very well. Equestria has refused to forgive her for her role in the death of Twilight Sparkle, and wants her to die. The surviving members of the Mane 6 are cold and bitter, and healing their spirits is not going to be easy. In fact, it may take a great deal more than a wounded Trixie has to give.
But the fate of everypony really does depend on her. Like it or not, Trixie is the new Element of Magic, and she is the only one who can defeat the Necromancer and his army of undead spectrals. If she can't find a way to restore harmony to Equestria, the dead will rule the living - and the night will last forever.
[Note: character tags are for the entire story, not necessarily chapter 1.]
This… this is great. The only problem I saw was when you referred to Fluttershy as an earth pony at one point, which might not have actually happened.
5299800
Oh my goodness! How embarrassing. Thanks for pointing that out - I've fixed it.
This is what I've imagined http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pFriRcIwqNU
Trixie? saving equestria? pfft, good one
Damn. This is the kind of Trixie story I've been waiting for.
I eagerly await more chapters.
How the hell did Trixie cause Twilight's death?
Okay Interesting.
Any chance the Necromancer is the G1 MLP villian the Grogar the Demon Ram Necromancer?
Would make kinda sense though, because they also brought in Tirek another antagonist from the G1 Ponies.
5300373
Thank you! That's what I was hoping for. I had a feeling that not everyone would be pleased with this particular use of Trixie, but it had been on my mind for months and I decided to gamble and give it a try. I thought there was an outside chance that some people would enjoy this sort of tale.
I'm looking forward to posting more chapters!
5300874
I went out of my way to avoid explaining that in the first chapter. I knew if I went there right off the bat, that's what everyone would focus on and it would derail the entire story. In order for this story to work, people need to have at least some sympathy for Trixie. It's much easier to be sympathetic to someone when you don't know what they did.
The truth is not pleasant. I've already written the chapter that explains the circumstances in detail (in fact, I wrote it first), and the people who've seen it were disturbed. It would have been a terrible way to start the story. Rainbow Dash hates her for a very good reason.
I will eventually explain it, but it has to wait for the right time. I apologize in advance for whatever inconvenience this may cause.
5301155
Kind of! A while back I was doing some Wikipedia reading on the early generations of MLP, and I saw that one of the villains was named the Necromancer. I've never seen G1 (to be honest, the artwork greatly disturbs me - I just can't get used to ponies being drawn that way!), but the name was inspiring and I decided to run with it.
So the name is the same, but sadly that is all. If I'd actually seen G1 I would definitely have gone in that direction. I like to bring old villains back.
5300222
In the recent mirror universe arc in the MLP comics, Twilight is shown a series of stained glass windows that depict the heroes of the mirror universe. One of the windows had a picture of Trixie with the word "HUMILITY" under it. I found that image genuinely inspiring, and decided to go there.
I know it's not for everyone, but that concept interested me so I decided to explore it. Thus, here we are.
5301550 Well, I'll keep an eye on this...for now. I can not guarantee what will happen as we, the readers, find out what lead to Trixie being the new Element of Magic.
Hm.... I don't know. Not that I hate the idea, I think it's wonderful, but to me honestly Rainbow seems.... REALLY OOC to me. Honestly I actually expected APPLEJACK to be the one who would berate Trixie and hang it over her head. Rainbow, loyal and cocky as she is, really seems less likely to do this. Plus the remark she said 'Some loyal friend you are.' really sounds like something AJ would say to her.
5303370
I deliberately started this story in the middle, and not at the beginning, because I wanted to use the first chapter to hook people on the story and show them the stakes. In chapter 2 and 3 I'll back up and explain how we got here. There's a reason Applejack and Fluttershy are their usual selves, and everyone else is gray and broken.
I agree that Rainbow Dash is intensely loyal - to Twilight. She doesn't like Trixie even in the best of times, and this is not the best of times. How is Dash going to treat someone she already dislikes, when that someone just killed one of her closest friends? In this particular take, forgiveness is not going to come easily; instead she's going to remain loyal to Twilight and beat up Trixie every chance she gets. In Rainbow's mind, being nice to Trixie would be disloyal to Twilight's memory. Rainbow just can't see herself being loyal to someone who was essentially Twilight's enemy. She'd much rather pound her into the ground and avenge her fallen friend.
Rainbow is very loyal to her friends; she won't leave them hanging. But Trixie is not even close to being her friend - not after what happened. It will take a great deal to change that.
Anyway, that's the direction I chose to go. The disharmony between those two in particular is one of the key threads of the story.
5304076 Well then I'm glad that it's sort of cleared up. I'm pleased to say that I will thumb this up but honestly.... REALLY can't bring myself to give it a fav. Good luck in the future though.
5304455
No worries! I really appreciate your feedback - constructive criticism like that really helps me understand what's working and what isn't. If you hadn't taken the time to comment I would have had no idea people were bothered by that. So thanks! It gives me a better idea what to do in the rest of the story. I'd much rather be told than go through life not knowing there was a potential problem.
Take care!
How long is this story gonna be?
What the hell did Trixie do that caused Twilight to have to sacrifice her life to save Trixie? How the hell is Trixie still alive in the last chapter? How long will it be before Rainbow Dash follows through on her threat? It's only the second chapter and I already don't like what I am reading. If I keep feeling that Trixie's death would have been merciful compared to what is happening now, I am out and I will downvote this.
5331501
I have a total of 13 chapters planned. The end result will probably be very close to that. I'm pretty good about sticking to the outline; I don't like to drag things out.
I'm finding this story fascinating and am looking forward to how Trixie deals with a world that hates her, along with her own issues.
It looks like she's got to win over each of the other elements. That will be something to see.
Looking forward to how the rest plays out.
5331535
This is by far the most complicated MLP story I've ever attempted. It is very sad - especially early on - and quite dark, but it's not a tragedy. It would be a lot easier to have this discussion if the story was already over; then I could explain why I had to do it this way. Every part matters, and is there to accomplish something.
If the story had started on a much happier note, or if Twilight had still been alive, then everything would be different and events would have unfolded radically differently. If everyone had been understanding about Twilight's passing then that, too, would have changed everything. But Trixie isn't alone; she does have friends, and she will have more as time goes on. Trixie is more or less innocent in all this hate, as are those who hate her; the real problem is that the Necromancer is already poisoning the world. But it will take her some time to discover this.
It may be that some people will like this story, and others won't; I have no idea. I'm not going to ask people to like something that they don't like - that doesn't make any sense. I've done the best I can to structure the story in a way that I think makes sense as a whole; if it just doesn't work then I appreciate your honesty and accept full responsibility, and I'll keep it in mind for the future. But I'm going to stick to my plan and see it through to the end.
5331839
That is exactly what is going on. I'm glad it has already started to come across!
Thanks! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
Wow this is really good so far!
5332796
Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it.
I saw some light in this chapter. Unfortunately, it has been overshadowed severely by Celestia's actions. Trixie WAS considering that pavement so far below, and Celestia's speech just drove her closer to it. We better start getting some explanations, and soon.
I think Celestia and most of Equestria is being turned insane by the Necromancer, it's the only explanation. I don't like how Celestia is acting. She could've forgave Trixie like this but she's acting like it's her fault when it isn't! Honestly, most of everyone are losing it and so far, only Trixie, Luna, Applejack and now Fluttershy are the sane ones left so far.
It's fitting that Discord understands the meaning of friendship more so than Celestia now. Luna may have to take drastic actions soon to keep the Solar Princess from ruining things even more.
I felt Fluttershy's conversion was weaker and more contrived than Applejack's. I don't know, just felt like Fluttercruel would be more pushy towards that guard. My guess is all this negativity is being directed at Trixie and nopony else.
Till next time!
5352172
I'm ashamed of myself not realizing that.
Fluttercruel would have gotten all in the guard's face, if not flat out trying to beat his flank.
That's the thing about Autocracy, it works so long as the head honcho isn't a total dick!
5352172
One of the things I've tried to bring out is that all of the characters are pretty much completely normal except in relation to Trixie. Celestia isn't mean to Luna; just to Trixie. The Mane 6 aren't mean to each other; just to Trixie. Trixie is the focal point of everything. She is the wedge that is being used to divide Equestria. Fluttershy wasn't pushy with the guard because she didn't have a problem with the guard. Celestia, likewise, has no problem with Luna.
How easy it is to change them back depends on how corrupted they became, and that in turn depends on how much each character thinks they failed Twilight. Celestia is the darkest because she actually could have saved Twilight but didn't. Since she is the light of Equestria, her guilt is poisoning the whole country - and that's creating a problem. Guilt can drive a person mad.
5351519
I see it more like a Windigo situation. Because the three tribes couldn't live in harmony, they created a situation that the Windigos used to cover the land in ice and snow. Harmony is what protects Equestria; when it's broken the country becomes prey for very dark forces. Now that the harmony in Equestria has been shattered, the Necromancer can cover the land in darkness. He has an opportunity now.
One thing I'm trying to bring out is that this entire problem is her fault. Instead of dealing with her sorrow, she's let her guilt consume her and turn her dark - just as Luna once let jealousy turn her dark. Celestia is now covering the land in darkness, which is not all that different from what Luna once tried to do. She has gone bad. She is the reason everyone hates Trixie; she's driving that madness.
I want the reader to be horrified at Celestia and upset with Rainbow Dash. They are both way out of line. They won't stay that way, though. Trixie will eventually fix everything - but it will be vastly harder than fixing Applejack or Fluttershy.
I'm trying to show a gradient here. Trixie did practically nothing to fix Applejack; she was just honest about her grief, and Applejack happened to be standing there. Trixie had to stand up for Fluttershy and show her kindness to fix her - it was a little harder. Each one she fixes will require more from her. It gets a great deal harder from here.
As I go over my notes, it looks like there's easily another 50,000 words left in this story. However, based on the feedback I'm getting I'm beginning to think the best idea might be to kill this story now. I thought this story was a good idea, but I can always work on something else. I'd rather abandon it early in the process than late. As a software developer I know how this works: if the program is failing you kill it and start over. You don't pour more effort into something that the user is never going to like. It's nothing personal; it is what it is.
Now, there's a lot I like about this story. I like the idea that the harmony in Equestria is broken and it has to be fixed. I like the fact that Twilight isn't there to fix things with her friendship magic. I like the idea it has to be fixed by Trixie - who is the worst possible pony for that job. I like the idea that her first task is to fix all of her friends, because they're broken too - and she has to do it by helping them instead of just casing a spell and hey-presto they're better again. I like the character arc of starting Trixie out in the worst position possible and ending up loved by all - not because of magic, but because of her actions and choices. I like seeing these characters make actual, awful decisions and do things that are honestly bad, and then having to deal with the consequences and make it right.
But in retrospect this is looking like a terrible idea. I suppose it was worth a shot.
I honestly haven't decided yet. But it seems foolish to continue working on a disaster, when I could be working on something that would actually be enjoyed. What's the point of that?
5353230 Shame, I personally think this story has potential and that its, to say the least, better than most "Trixie returns and is redeemed by one of the bearers". It is understandable I guess to scrap this fanfic if you thinks that its going to end up being too long for a story that is not receiving enough likes and favorites.
If you end up scrapping the story could you at least release the notes of what you had planned? you know, to know what was going to happen to those that were interested.
5367618
After giving this a great deal of thought, I've decided I like the story too much to not finish it. So I'm going to see it through - but there's a catch: I'm not posting anything else here until the whole story is done.
Normally when I write a book I write the entire thing, then give it to someone and they read it and give me their feedback. (Even my published books were written that way.) This chapter-by-chapter stuff is driving me nuts; it's not how I work. Feedback makes so much more sense once you've read the whole story. Then you can see what I did and file much more accurate complaints!
Now, if you don't wait to wait until the whole thing is done to read it, you are still in luck: I am going to keep posting new chapters to my account here at ponyfictionarchive. If all goes well I hope to post chapters 4 through 6 there next week. (Yes, it's odd, but I've got more stories posted there than I have here anyway. Posting there is so much easier - you copy, you paste, you're done.)
So for those who are interested, that's what is going on.
I'm gonna have to give this a read.
WOW!!
So many chapters at once. I honestly thought Celestia was possessed by the Necromancer, not that SHE is the reason the Necromancer was able to raise. I wonder when Twilight had time to do research on all this, if the Necromancer didn't appear until AFTER her death?
I have a feeling that Trixie's act of generosity, in giving Rarity the means to escape, will get Rarity her colors back.
So there we go. Trixie went to the Griffon Empire (Kingdom or whatever you want to call it) to try her luck performing there and got the same results. Out of anger and frustration, she then decides to set the place ablaze, but found she couldn't control it. Griffons got killed, Trixie got arrested, and was going to be executed. Celestia gets told this and notifies Twilight (mistake #1). Twilight then comes up with the idea of going to there and offering her own life for Trixie's...provided she got Celestia's approval and promise of not seeking retaliation against the griffons, which Celestia gave (mistake #2). Twilight follows through with her plan despite everyone's objection.
Now I have to say, Trixie is my favorite pony, but even I say Trixie should have been made to paid the ultimate price for her arrogance. But she paid a higher one, and is living with the consequences. She is hated by ALMOST ALL of Equestria, plus the solar princess is now a hotbed for darkness and hate.
I will continue to read this story. I may even like this story. However, I don't know if I will give this story my star. I will have to see what happens at the end.
Celestia doesn't care what happens, she just wants Trixie to die failing. I'm afraid Celestia may get half her wish.
Sometimes, unfortunately, the only way to bring about change, is through death. Good thing Luna was an alicorn. So now, Celestia and Pinkie Pie have their color back. Applejack had to be shown true Honesty, Fluttershy, true Kindness; Rarity, true Generosity; and Pinkie had to remember why she was Laughter in the first place. I'm afraid Rainbow Dash will have to be shown true Loyalty to change back. I'm also afraid of what that act must be.
An amazing story.
Like I said, the ultimate act of Loyalty, has brought Rainbow Dash back her colors. The Necromancer has been defeated, but there are two more chapters. I have a feeling Discord is about to reappear.
...
mariowiki.com/images/thumb/f/f5/StarMK8.png/503px-StarMK8.png
This was fantastic. I'm glad I decided to track it. You earned a favorite.
Oh man, I absolutely love this story!
You have done an amazing job!
The best element of this story is your portrayal of Trixie and her abilities. Since she does not have the magical power of Twilight, you gave her a more tactical mindset, the ability to think quickly, and the mindset to use everything at her disposal to her advantage. Even when Trixie had crap information about the enemy and other ponies trying to impede her work to stop the Necromancer she always had a plan. Speaking of which, I love how you made it so Trixie could beat him. That was the ultimate bluff; do not play poker against Trixie.
One other aspect that I like about your story (that you may or may not have intended) is that it should Equestria tends to put all of its eggs in one basket when it comes to defense. All the ponies felt that they would lose without Twilight's capabilities. While it is true that Equestria does have the Royal Guard, the Night Guard, and the Wonderbolts to help protect the nation, it is clear that many ponies relied on Twilight to take care of most, if not all of the enemies of Equestria. Even her friends felt that they were screwed without her.
Trixie was the main one to understand that she and the other Bearers needed help when it came to defeating an enemy that had an undead army at his beck and call. She (and Luna) knew that even if the Elements of Harmony were a powerful force, they would still need help when facing and army. Like I said, Trixie may not have been as powerful as Twilight or had as much book-smarts, but she is a quick and tactical thinker that is more than willing to use all of Equestria's resources to help take down her enemies.
After reading every single chapters with excitement, I can now write that this story, this story is one of many that my heart was dying to discover.
Great job to the author, and everyone else who helped him/her in the correction, and suggestion of this story.
6407004
Thank you very much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. The encouragement means a great deal to me.
Welp, turns out derpyland is a pretty standup guy, so I made a TTS Audiobook of this one too. I'm too lazy to put it on youtube, though, so here's the MP3's.
SECRET EDIT: (NOT LAZY ENOUGH: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-vT9uPaqMCk7TbhJAv1fHH8d8o_123IH )
Lemme know if there's any bad areas or annoying words she doesn't pronounce right, I'll fix that right up.
Files: 11, Size: 88 MB, Length: 06:23:36, Mustache: 99(!!!)
EDIT: I fixed up the word 'grimaced' and also fixed the awful "Asterisk......... Asterisk.............Asterisk" issue. Now it's just a pause
EDIT le deux: This should be the final edit, as I've had a chance to listen to the whole shebang now. Balthazar's name should be totally correct, as was as all the C'mon's should be pronounced correctly - and unless I'm mistaken all the dialogue should be at a higher pitch as well. Sometimes when dialogue goes over a few paragraphs it doesn't work quite like I'd like, so that's done. Enjoy good sirs and madams!
6414077
I'm impressed! I downloaded the mp3's and spent some time listening to them. It's really good! (It must be that high mustache count.) I'm amazed at how well it turned out. You even got Balthazar's name right.
Thank you so much for doing this! It's a real joy to listen to.
While I found the story quite okay... I feel this chapter was surprisingly... bad in comparizon.
I don't know what happens on the next chapter, but it definetely seems like this is hard to fix.
I don't have any problem with happy endings. Neither sad endings. But this was blunt and slighly cheap compared to the really good quality shown on the past chapters. Good things should happen for a reason. and I feel that I've not been shown enough reasons.
My two cents.