Set in Lunaverse's Fillydelphia quite a few years before "Longest Night, Longest Day", two police detectives try not to make a case of solving one. (NON CANON)
Chapters (6)
corpDemon
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I've got to say I'm finding it a little hard to read, I'm not sure exactly what it is but I think you could probably split up some of your blocks of text, particularly the first one.
However, I can't fault you for the feel of the thing, it might not exactly feel Lunaversie but it is an excellent film noir.
4839530 Thanks. I will be revising the story stylistically as it goes along. This isn't Lunaverse in the usual style, more "down to earth" and all about ponies, not having grand adventures and the power of friendship. That's why it isn't canon, though I do hope some of my renditions will still be liked (like the Solarflare Carnival song in chapter 3).
Not the smartest of ponies are they.
4845830 Were they ever? I always imagined them as "different days, same rakes" kind of ponies. I want to give them a backstory showing them as more being led to, than choosing, their lives. They'll get more storytime in chapters 7,12 and epilogue
Interesting idea on Nasty's cutie mark, rather sad really and presumably something he doesn't tell his prospective dates about.
It's nice he's such a good dad.
Interesting take on Carrot Tops backstory although if that's all of her appearance for this story its all rather inconsequential.
Nice idea of replacing a gun with a slingshot.
So where did the scroll take them? The Twilight zone? The M-verse? Time travel?
Yeah, doesn't really fit with Lyra's know backstory.
To be honest I don't know why you wanted to make this Lunaverse, it's a fairly good mlp story, you could probably just have it as a M-verse story or your own AU (Fillyverse have the police force make up a sort of mane-6 Nasty could be Kindness and Coal Magic) but not really a Lunaverse story, you've shoehorned a few characters in but I think they'd work better as OCs or just your universes version of the background ponies. So far there's not really been anything specifically Lunaverse in it.
4850517 Carrot Top isn't the protagonist of this story, I'm sorry if you were looking to see more of her, she's there because of three things:
1)Because the story that's floating in my head told me to.
2)To help define Nasty's character and motivations.
3)Give Carrot Top herself some backstory.
I don't like to spoil things about my stories, just know the scroll will have its role somewhat later on.
4850841 I really do mean I'm a slave to this story.
If it feels like I'm throwing in Lunaverse characters, it's because they're there in my head, it's my version of their backstories, but by no means is the story about them. 
, bearers of the elements of youth. Princess Cheerile the Single who banished The Weird and Paranoid Trixie into a week long IMNOTTALKINGTOYOU exile and together they all overcome the challenge to turn her back into Funmare Lulamoon. Or something like that.). And I'm pretty sure somebody wrote it already or will soon. I'd like to stick to expanding on Lunaverse as best as I can though, even if my stories won't be entirely canon. And welcome critique to make them feel more Lunaversie.
At least not directly. You can view it as a collection of backstories told indirectly through Coal and Nasty's own story. Or take it at face value as a pony cops fic with Lunaverse characters shoehorned in.
What is your definition of the Lunaverse? To me it's more than just the L6. It's the whole take on Maneverse. In my understanding of the Lunaverse it's more about teen-adult themes still set in a land of magical multi-colored dwarf horses, that's why I like it so much. The internal conflicts of the characters (worst internal conflict of any M6 character was Celestia's banishment of Nightmare Moon which was immediately downplayed in the end of the pilot itself!), the understandable and relateable motivations and fears, the whole damn concept of friendship being something fragile and undefinable, in addition to being an exercise of alternate timeline universe.
Fillyverse? Only one, that will be even remotely original, is if it were about fillies, a sort of foalish fantasy, with CMC as elements and Cheerilee as their Princess (since they're foals they will have complete misundertanding of the elements and maybe the elements themselves could be different. Scoots as the element of recklessness, AB as element of curiosity, DT as element of self importance, Dinky as element of friendship and Sweetie as element of cuteness
4851837
I agree that the Lunaverse is more than a specific set of characters, however, if there is nothing to fit your story to it is it really the lunaverse? Or a new setting you've created which is similar to the Lunaverse?
So far I can think of three things that link it to the Lunaverse: -
Carrot Top
Lyra
Luna being in charge and Corona / Celestia having fallen
Now your Carrot Top could potentially be the Lunaverse Carrot Top although it takes some twisting to get them to link up.
Your Lyra doesn't really fit the L-verse Lyra at all, she's another character with the same name.
As for the third, well the inverse Nightmare night is an interesting idea but it still doesn't feel quite right, maybe to strongly a reflection of NN where as the Lunaverse normally tries to avoid that.
On the other side the car seems very out of place to me, I get it's a one off thing but it just seems wrong to me. In addition things seem a little to modern compared to the 1880's setting of the Lunaverse.
Its not to say I don't like the story, I do I just think it might be better to have it in your own universe.
To make it more Luna-versy? Well if you want to keep it in the past then maybe just keep the Filly based characters, CT and Ditzy about but make them a little bit more back ground rather than changing their backgrounds to fit in. Alternatively make it modern day have the kids be random kids and have CT, Ditzy or Cheerilee get caught up in the case in some way.
4855870 Maybe I am honestly missing something, but I personally thought having "Luna banishing Corona"+The Elements are entirely different ponies+maturer themes=Lunaverse. If you can offer me some more guidelines, please do, I'd very much like that.
This story is in "Fan Fiction" folder exactly because of all you've wrote and I myself wouldn't place in any other folder, as this is purely a "what if that's how they all got to be the ponies they are". L6 are still going to be L6, "Longest Night, Longest Day" is still going to happen...only later. We know Carrot Top gets to like being a farmed, but why? Here's my fan version of it, completely disregarding the established canon. Why is Lyra in Fillydelphia with a mother, if we know she's a Ponyvillian from a single sex family? That's something I am going to tie together later on. There will be more characters tying it to Lunaverse, I am just not going to reveal them at the start of the story.
I am definitely shifting a lot things in this story. Fillydelphia is Philadelphia-L.A.-San Francisco. Despite advanced steam power and knowledge of electricity, the electrical grid doesn't exist (an oxymoron in real life), so everypony is using Crystal Empire's crystal batteries, with the Empire itself being a highly magic-powered technocratic nation, that, for example, created the magic "combustion engine" used in Coal and Nasty's car. Even in 1880s people weren't confined to sunlight and businesses ran even during nights, and with Luna of all ponies being the governing deity, it is only logical there has to be an even more active night life, especially in the big cities. Not everypony is a unicorn to cast light spells or stupid enough to burn oil in confined space, even if it's smokeless. So they use magic storing crystals as power sources. Or burn oil in confined spaces. This is my weak explanation why everything feels TOO modern.
The "Solarflare Carnival" is something Luna would DEFINITELY look down upon and actually be disgusted, as she would never condone something that makes her sister look bad. She probably won't forbid this local festivity, as she knows ponies will be ponies, they will always look for a reason to party and celebrate, even if the original event they're celebrating is the most tragic one to happen in Equestria. Makes you wonder what Celestia was thinking, allowing Nightmare Night, a recognized holiday, to STILL happen after Luna became herself, having Luna attend it, probably to show just how stupid and insensitive everypony still is! What a troll!