Fillydelphia Confidential

by corpDemon

Smoke and Banks

Coal is sitting at his office desk browsing through the clues the detectives gathered throughout their investigation into F&H duo and reads Fam's post-mortem report, while Nasty is trying to make sense of the First Bank of Fillydelphia's heist file Coal had kept.

-"It writes here Fam died of "explosive cranial decompression through the primary magic amplification nerve cluster, caused by sudden overchanneling shock"! That's ridiculous!"

-"Damn right it is a ridiculous way of saying his damn head exploded! Guess Ham wasn't lying about that."

-"Nasty, the average unicorn horn can stand up to shocks of 25 kiloclicks!”

-”Doesn't tell me anything.”-Nasty just shakes his head and goes back to reading the file.

-”Just to get things into proportion, one click is enough to heat a square inch of water to 100 degrees. Greatest energy output I myself ever managed was 7.33 kiloclicks, I was trained for that and I almost overchanneled! Fam conducted that much energy in an instant. I sure hope that scroll's trap is a one shot, otherwise we've got ourselves a very dangerous artifact."-Coal goes to look out the office windows into the night city.

-"Come on, Coalsy, don't tell me you believe that pony!"

-"Well so far what he's said doesn't contradict what we've learned, so I'm just giving his words the benefit of a doubt."

-"Well, the Fishy has it, so hopefully he'll be the one to get his head blown off."

-"Something tells me he knew about the trap placed on the scroll, so we won't get as lucky. Did you find anything, Nasty?"

-"Well, not much, your notes basically confirm anything I got to notice as well. It sure seems like you'd already needed a teleportation spell to get in and out as fast! Half an hour, in and out the deposit box vault. That's something even Quartermoon would be hard pressed to pull off!"

-"Quartermoon?…Quartermoon The Magnificent?"-Coal turns to Nasty, obviously intrigued.

-"Yeah, what about him? Don't tell me you think he did it, he's been dead the last 5 or so years."

-"Yes and no.”-Coal thinks hard, levitates a cup of coffee, then without taking a sip puts it down again.-” How do we know the heist took place in half an hour? The timing mechanism in the vault door. Half an hour since after an intruder opened the door, setting off the alarm, to us getting there."

-"I don't follow, Coalsy."-He puts down the file and puzzlingly looks at Coal.

-"Quartermoon's magic tricks always relied on drawing attention elsewhere, careful preparations and sometimes his tricks worked from the end backwards. What if the heist never took place during the half hour? When we got there, all the deposit box doors were lying on the floor, with only half of them wide open and empty."

-"I uh...still don't follow."

-"The night guards testified the vault door was closed for several hours, ever since the bank closed. Cracking that door would have taken exactly those several hours. Our thief was inside the vault this entire time! Hours to crack if from the inside, then only a few minutes to do superficial damage to the outside! Look at the photos! One of the locks is drilled through, something that will actually make it harder to crack. And fire. The whole floor was burning."

-"So you're saying somepony somehow got inside the vault, got closed up in there, somehow cracked it all open then got outside and set fire to the place and somehow got away. Whilst carrying a whole bag of stolen goods?"

-"That would make just as much sense as to assume it all happened otherwise."

-"First, Coal, how would that pony survive that long in an airtight room? Second, why would they set fire to the building they’re inside? How did almost 40 cops not see them?”

-”I would like to say that’s elementary, but it’s not. Have you noticed that the Fire Department finally got their new gear? Noticed the big round gas tanks on the back of their uniform?”

-”Yeah, what of it?”

-”Those are compressed breathable air gas tanks, I imagine just barely enough for a couple hours to a single pony use. The fireponies use gas masks connected to those tanks to breathe in smoke filled rooms. Like the one in the bank.”

-”I think I’m starting to see it too, Coalsy! Go on!”-Nasty stood up placing his front legs on the desk looking intrigued.

-”Invisibility magic isn't all that unheard of. As much as I saw only highly trained and talented unicorns ever pulled it off for more than a few minutes.The thief uses invisibility magic to get inside the vault just before it closes. Uses a purchased air tank to breathe while they crack open the door, then sets the fire to the most smoke producing furniture they can find and leave in plain sight dressed as a firepony!”

-”Why do you think they dressed as a firepony. They could just leave using that invisibility trick!”

-”Imagine the stress they must have gone through to stay invisible before the closing and then opening that vault door. Also any changes in the air, such as smoke would make the invisibility more obvious, as from what I've seen the invisible pony’s silhouette becomes eye catch and twitchy. If they had tried to carry off the loot as well, that would have placed additional stress on the already depleting pool of that pony’s magic.”

-”So how do they get the loot? All those open deposit boxes!”

-”I've checked the ledger, they were all rented in a span of a month before the heist by regular worker ponies, that supposedly all simultaneously decided to store family jewels inside and were quite happy with the bank’s insurance reimbursement.”

-”So all that effort just to make it look like a heist? No, I remember they wrote in the papers some nobles’ stuff was stolen as well. Not to mention the few hundreds of bits!”

-”As for the what was really stolen…”-Coal looks to Nasty in an almost apologetic way.-”Do you remember, how despite every time that we busted a “brownies” storehouse, the stuff was still on the streets? And few months later, we’d bust another one. It was like F&H weren't even fazed by all the busts we did! Take a look at the wrapping on this one.”-Coal hoof over an evidence bag, which Nasty opens to reveal a white paper wrapping of a “brownie”. Nasty looks it all over and notices part of a printed stamp reading “evi…”

-”No, are you? Then that means…”-Nasty slowly shakes his head in self denial.

-”I’m afraid so, Nasty. I've checked the records. Apparently after each bust the entire batch was “driven off to a secured location and incinerated away from public”. All the deposit boxes, the sacks of bits, they all were taken as evidence. Who’s to say they ever got to the station for processing. There was enough commotion for some things to never reach the station.”

-”I...I need to think. So that’s what you meant about drawing attention…About Quartermoon’s tricks.”-Nasty sits down broken in his trust.

-”Not just. Remember I told you some tricks work backwards. I think this entire “brownies” ordeal is the attention drawing bit.”

-”What?! You think this is a foal’s play?”-Nasty stares at Coal in disbelief.

-”Just calm down and hear me out. With the ending of the Princess’s vacation coming up, all the entire police is doing is chasing down “brownies” that immediately go back to circulation, as soon as they’re found. Fishy, with all his underworld funds and power can’t keep on bringing new product in from Zebraica and it’s too complex to produce locally. I think he brought in a single shipment of the stuff, that we've been chasing ever since. I’m sure he knew from the start as soon as the Princess heard of what is going on here, he’s finished. The timing is just too convenient as well”-Coal taps his hoof on the heist file and speaks with great confidence in his words.-”I think this is all a ruse to draw our attention from the heist. I think the scroll is among the few things Fishy really wants. He has enough money and connections to hire the best thieves in Equestria and then just disappear, leaving his henchponies to take the fall.”

-”Only somepony got too smart for their own good.”-Nasty smirks.-”Otherwise our familiar scum wouldn't have gotten their hooves on that scroll.”

-”Exactly! The bad thing is, Fishy now probably has all that he wants. He must have left trails or is trying to erase them, like he was probably about to do to Ham, so I suggest we focus on the scroll.”-Coal drops the silver case from the evidence bag onto the table.

-”Don’t tell me you just realized all of this in the last few minutes!”-Nasty looks sternly at sheepishly smiling Coal.

-”Ehm, no. I had a bunch of theories. It’s just that a few minutes ago I finally managed to connect some of them together.”

-”And decided to be all dramatic on me. Appreciate the effort, Coal, but you better put it to use impressing some mare. I’m gonna go check out what ponies were at the scene that night.”-Nasty leaves, leaving Coal all excited, walking in circles.

After a few minutes Coal calms down and his mind slips to Nasty’s last words. Coal recalled how Candice was lying on his legs calling him handsome, a part of her work no doubt, but it did make him feel good, wanted and appreciated. As soon as Nasty returned, Coal talked Nasty into giving him the car for the night. Coal at in a car for a few good minutes just looking at the steering wheel, then finally placed the ignition crystal inside and drove off.

Coal sits at a bar alone, quite drunk, half listening to the music some mare in glasses is playing from two vinyl discs players with the entire club dancing to it, half trying to spot hoofsteps around him.

-”My little fillies tell me you’re looking for me, detective Helps.”- Candice sits down next to Coal and he looks over her long and smooth styled mane then her slightly smiling face.

-”I think we got off on the wrong leg...I’m Coal.”-He takes off his fedora and places it on the bar.-”And I think you’re the most beautiful, charming and precious thing I've ever seen. Got any questions? First one is free and honest!”-Coal impatiently looks into Candice’s studying eyes, she then smiles and a relieved Coal smiles back.

-”Do you dance, Coal?”-Candice takes Coal’s hat in her telekinesis and places it on her head.

-”I do, very badly.”-Coal grins as Candice takes him by the hoof and drags to the dance floor.

-”Try not to step on my mane!”

Author's Note:

Plot holes and more talking heads