Nasty parked the car right at the entrance to a nightclub, with several bouncer earth ponies in tuxedos keeping other younger ponies, all dressed in various shouting clothes, in line and behaving. Biggest of the bouncers approaches the two detectives and looks them over, then the large olive green colored wooden sedan on four metallic wheels on metallic suspension, with a long hood covering a magic mechanical engine (a Crystal Empire invention), with exhaust pipes coming out the side of it and running alongside the entire length of the car, the whole contraption drawing attention of the crowd due to its sheer rarity and novelty. Nasty smiles as the bouncer recognizes him and says:
-”Good night, sirs. Would you like to step inside and enjoy our club’s entertainment faculties?”
-”Sure thing, pal! We’d really appreciate if this here beauty were still in one piece when we get back.”- Nasty hastily walks to the entrance, its doors opened by the big bouncer and waits for Coal to catch up after being overwhelmed by all the bright and colorful lights and signs of the club. As Coal finally reaches the doors, Nasty places his hoof on Coal’s shoulder and smugs. -”Don’t lose your hat, kiddo.”
Just as Coal snaps out of his trance to say something back to Nasty, he’s already gone. Coal tries to find Nasty among the moving crowds, spinning around in circles, until a tall white with pink hues mare in a light sparkly rose colored mane-do that covers almost her entire head and just as sparkly miniskirt approaches him, taking him by the knee and leads further inside. Coal gulps.
-”Don’t you worry there, let’s start slowly. I’m Candice.”
Coal is led to an out of the way couch area and is almost forcibly sat down on it. The mare herself just plumps down next to him, with her top torso resting on his legs.
-”You look uncomfortable there, let me take your hat, big boy.”- She is taken slightly aback as Coal shouts “ NO!” at her and clings to his hat with both hooves.-”Okay...let’s get you something to drink then!”
With one hoof she moves her mane a bit to the side revealing a long horn which starts flashing blue in a pattern. Soon another mare, this one on skates, rolls over to them with a tray on her back with some glasses of champagne, slightly stumbling on the occasional couple of stairs separating the different areas. The mare lying on Coal’s legs levitates a glass to herself and another to Coal. He nervously looks at her and on the levitating glass. She laughs and blushes a bit, which relaxes Coal a bit so he takes the glass. Candice strikes his glass with her's in a resonating "ding" and they both drink to the bottoms and levitate the glasses back onto the waitress's table, then Candice dismisses the waitress with a giggle and a playful smack on the flank.
-"So, hoofsome, let me give you the quick and lazy rundown"- Candice continued to lay on Coal and simply pointed her hoof in different directions.-"Okay, there is the reception bar, right next to the entrance where I snatched you. From there everypony usually continues onto the open dance floor, where all the cute mares and colts shake and bump their flanks. We sometimes get that new Canterlot underground sensation to spice up the dancing, DJ-TonE or Son3 or something. I don't really like her hosting shows here, she's actually still a filly, but she does have talent and the owner pays her quite a bit. Directly on the balcony above them, where you can't see what's happening is the V.I.P. lounge. They have their own bar and a dance floor. Not much dancing but a lot of flank jiggling is happening up there, if you catch my drift."-She noticed Coal blushing and starting to sweat.-"Oh you naughty boy, I meant all those self important silverbags just sit around trying to look important and pleased, occasionally getting up their fat jiggly flanks and switching tables to sit next to some other self important goats. I swear it's like the Night Court up there! Now, moving on, we have the dance poles there and there. The ones on the right have mares dancing, the ones in the left have colts. If you like somepony special, ask them to dance just for your big lustful, hungry eyes and they'll probably take you to the booths in the center. Or they're gonna smack you in the face and you're gonna get dragged outside if you behave as rough and stupid like that moron over there!"
Candice points to a drunk male pony forcibly hugging and pulling a mare in red lingerie towards the booths, only to have his hoof grabbed in a lock and twisted in such a way, that the male drops to the floor, by that very same mare, and is carried away then thrown out the doors by a bouncer.
-"Anyway! These are the resting and partying couches."-She makes a wide overhead sweeping motion with a hoof then points to herself.-"And right here is the most beautiful, charming and precious thing you've ever seen, hoofsome! So, got any questions? First one is free and honest!"
Coal either calmed himself down, or it was the alcohol that made him relax, but he looked at the mare with determination and pulled her from his legs and straightened his hat.
-"What if...I were to look for something to help me not feel as small as I do and not as brown as I feel?"
Candice visibly lost all her teasing mood and was displeased by his question. After a long suspicious and studying look, she then got up on her legs and pointed to a corner near the bar before walking away.
-"Then that is where you'll feel like a square you are. And memorize where the door out is once you're done!"
Coal felt somewhat guilty for driving her away, but decided to follow her tip. On approaching the corner near a bar he notices some ponies walking away from a room on the far side of the corridor sideways from the bar, with their eyes shifting in color, swaying and giggling all the way, typical “brownies” symptoms. Loud laughter and loud, similarly sounding and alternating voices came out of the room. Coal cautiously approaches the doorway and peeks inside. On a table are two small unicorn colts, both pale yellow-olive colored, with red and white manes and tails. On a bunch of seat cushions before them are half a dozen barely awake ponies, each one looking to be in a world of their own.
-”We see you all are enjoying the kicks!”
-”Just a taste of this packet of wonders!”
-”Lowest price of them all, just ten bits!”
-”If you buy from the Skim Brothers!”
The ponies hadn't even acknowledged their hosts’ attempts at rhyming and continued to occasionally roll around and make strange throat noises. The two colts look at each other.
-”What’s with those ponies?”
-”I think we might have overdone it on the free samples this time, brother.”
-”Is that...his tongue hanging out? Now we won't earn a single bit I knew we should have left the moment Ham hadn’t showed!”
-”Oh wait, shh!”-One of the colts notices Coal walking in and approaching them.-”Hello there, new friend!”
-”Try out the new remedy!”
-”Bring your stress to an end!”
-”With this here….”-.Colt frowns and his brother bumps him off the table.-”Damn it, nothing rhymes with remedy.”
-”Who gave you those “brownies”, boys?”
-”Who wants to know?”-Coal pulls out a police shield from underneath his hat with telekinesis. The eyes of both colts almost pop out of their sockets.-”It’s the heat, brother!
-”No kidding Sherclop! Quick, eat the drugs!”
Coal grabs one of the colts with his hooves and with his telekinesis pull the table from underneath the second, then traps him from overhead with that table, in between its legs. Both colts panic and try to escape, but eventually tire out. Coal puts the colt from his hooves underneath the table as well and sits on top. The ponies on the cushions tried to look up what all the noise was, but couldn't even raise their heads.
-”What are your names, foals?”
-”Up!”
-”And Your’s!”
-”Very funny you two! Just so you know, Equestrian Law, section 109, paragraph 2: drug possession. 3 to 8 years in jail.”
-”Then why won’t you arrest all those bums over there, copper? They won’t even resist!”
-”Oh, they’re small fry. Paragraph 4: drug distribution. 10 to life imprisonment. Lethal execution in some cases. Add to that resisting arrest, lying to an officer of the law and slandering of the Princess…”
-”WHAT?!!! We never said anything! And you can’t prove anything! You have no witlessness!”
-”He meant witnesses! And we’re too young to get executed!”
-”Maybe, but I do have witnesses. All those “bums” over there. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I have seven ponies, that will sign anything I tell them to, testify to anything to get their skins out of the mess should I arrest them as well. Do you think they will care about two criminals like you going to jail and them walking free, or going in themselves?”-The two colts are now sobbing and starting to cry, yet they still alternated their responses, like it was a natural thing.-”Now! What are your names and who gave you those “brownies”?!”
-”I’m Appleskin and he’s Appleslice.”
-”It was Ham, Ham made us sell those things here.”
-”How did you two even get inside?”
-”Ham gave us a key from the staff back door. We come in 3 hours after opening to this room and sell all we can.”
-”When and where do you meet him?”
-”We were supposed to meet him almost an hour ago, he never came.”
-”Do you know where he lives? How does he give you the drugs?”
-“We don’t know, we all pick up the packages with “brownies” from the train station, from one of the garbage bins. That’s all we know. Please let us go! We won’t do it again, we swear!”
-”...What do you mean “we all”? How many of “you” are there?”
-”...Half the eldest kids from the orphanage do it.”
-”We got The Flare, others got the rest of the clubs…”
-”When was the last time you saw Ham?”
-”Last night, the usual time.”
-”What orphanage are you from, boys?”
Just as they were about to answer a unicorn pony from underneath the pile jumps up, rushes to Coal and punches him in the jaw so hard he flies off the table almost losing consciousness, then shouts “I’m JimmyX, bitch!” and gallops off. Two colts gallop out from underneath the table and out the door. Coal stands up, feeling his jaw with a hoof and walks hastily walks outside, trying to spot the two colts. He gives up shortly after, realizing that spotting two small colts in an overcrowded night club is impossible. He does, however spot, the pony that punched him at the DJ booth by the dancefloor. The music dies down and the pony steps down holding a guitar in his telekinesis, with a wire running back to the booth. Coal feels a hoof land on his shoulder. He turns around and sees Nasty, with yellow-olive unicorn mare lying unconscious on his back.
-”Is that who I think it is, Coalsy?”
-”Oh, sweet Luna, Nasty, please breathe away from me! Yes, that is JimmyX.”
-”Well, I’ll be! Ha-ha! What happened to your face, Coal?”
-”That bastard punched me!”
-”Who? Jimmy? Coal, you! And I thought you were all restraining orders and no breaking and entering! Your first night here, and you already manage to do more than I have in 5 years!”
Jimmy walks to the middle of the dance floor with his guitar, silently plays some accords, then his magically amplified guitar plays so loud, Coal thinks his eardrums are going to burst. Jimmy stops, turn to DJ and shouts “Louder, friend!”. DJ nods, yet pulls out an amplifying crystal from the board, lowering the volume. Jimmy starts playing again, this time Coal actually manages to notice the difference between octaves. After the intro, Jimmy starts singing.
“I got enough money for a one way ticket,
Don’t care where I go, don’t care when I leave,
In choosing my own death I was always wicked,
Don’t cry for me baby, don’t you grieve!
Blue rivers, faraway seas
Carry my words farther, but no me,
Blue rivers, faraway seas,
Carry my words farther, but not me.
I was there carrying the rainbow,
Through the lightning and the tornado,
And you were on it, asking me questions,
You were eager to hear my confessions.
Blue rivers, faraway seas
Carry my words farther, but no me,
Blue rivers, faraway seas,
Carry my words farther, but not me.
My horn is my wings, beating just as fast
Try living as I have, breathing the same dust,
But I’m getting tired, my days of flying are past,
Whatever goes up, go down it just must.
Blue rivers, faraway seas
Carry my words farther, but no me,
Blue rivers, faraway seas,
Carry my words farther, but not me.
Above blue rivers towards clear blue skies,
As a springboard use the rainbow in my eyes,
Beyond the seas where stars don’t shine,
My broken life will draw its final line.
Blue rivers, faraway seas
Carry my words farther, but no me,
Blue rivers, faraway seas,
Carry my words farther, but not me.
Now I have the ticket, where’s the platform,
Fear overwhelms me, I’m afraid to go,
I have nopony left, the rainbow is now a sandstorm,
On my shallow grave, no flower will ever grow.
Blue rivers, faraway seas
Carry my words farther, but no me,
Blue rivers, faraway seas,
Carry my words farther, but not me.
Oh how I miss the rivers, the smells of seas,
Poisoned them all I had, dried them to their salts,
End myself I must, I hear your loud pleas,
But before I go, let me have my final waltz.
Blue rivers, faraway seas
Carry my words farther, but no me,
Blue rivers, faraway seas,
Carry my words farther, but not me.”
Jimmy’s playing deteriorates into incoherent mess, somepony might call “experimental”, then finally collapses to the floor, barely conscious. Immediately two stallions lift him up and carry to the V.I.P. section stairs. Coal turns to Nasty.
-”For a pony high off his legs he did better than I expected. Nasty listen, there are ponies in the room furthest in that corridor, the one behind the bar, they all need medical help, I think they overdosed. Can you call the station and let them know? I have to ask Jimmy some questions.”
-”Coalsy, you kidding? I make that call and I’ll never step inside this club ever again! No bunch of stupid ponies is worth that!"
-"They're all young. What if it were one of your daughters in there, Melloway, would it still be not worth it then too?"
-"Well one of my daughters isn't in the there, she's right here."-Nasty points with his head towards the unconscious mare on his back.-"They all take after their father, alcohol only. I understand what you mean though. I'll think of something. Was going to take her home anyhow."
Coal nods to Nasty and starts walking towards the stairs. He is stopped by two bouncers. Coal shows them the shield, but they are unfazed. Coal notices Jimmy walking around talking to himself and shouts to him.
-”Mister Heartstrings, I have news of your wife!”
-”Ah, yes, that hypnomare! How is she? Haven’t spoken to her since the wedding!”
-”She was a victim of abduction and violence, Mister Heartstrings, perhaps you’d let me join you and we could talk?”
Jimmy waves to the bouncers and they let Coal through. As soon as Coal levels out with Jimmy, he grabs Coal and hugs him like a long lost friend. He then throws up on Coal’s front hooves and bursts from laughter and he falls onto one of the many luxurious jelly-like couches. Two mares dressed as maids with lavish lacings immediately clean up both Coal and the floor with soapy tissues, then lead him to Jimmy’s couch, already stained with more vomit spots. Coal notices how all the ponies on the other couches and tables turn away from him, but not before Coal spotted the district attorney surrounded by mares speak with somepony Coal saw somewhere before, but couldn’t quite lay a hoof on.
-”How are you feeling, Mister Heartstrings?”
-”Just call me Jimmy, sport! Here, have a drink! No wait, that’s just a glass with my spit.”-As he says that, he spits inside it some more. Coal, and everypony else is visually disturbed by that.-”What’s your name? You look so cute in that hat!”
-”Detective Coal Helps...Jimmy. I don’t suppose you are aware your wife had been abducted and held against her will in an apartment not that far from here?”
-”No, couldn’t not say I don’t, hahaha! Get it? So how’s Sally? You did, rescue her, right sport?”
-”Missus Colgate, Jimmy.”
-”Oh yeah, right! Sally’s that mare over there, she looks like her twin sister!”
Coal looks in the pointed direction and notices a bouncer in a suit with a name tag hanging from his breast pocket reading “Salmonella”. He gives Coal a hate filled look.
-”Jimmy, can you tell me when was the last time you saw Colgate?”
-”Ehm, try asking something a little easier. Not since the birth of our foal, I suppose. No, wait, it was two weeks ago at the Sunflare Carnival, definitely Sunflare Carnival!”
-”Jimmy, Sunflare Carnival was a whole year ago. It’s in two days from now!”
-”Then I guess I’ll see her then and keep my word! She’s a grown mare, she can take care of herself. She takes care of me everytime I get home from my work. Say, can you take me home soon, I’m starting to get a bit tired.”
-”I’m sure the management can get you a cab. Jimmy, are you now, or have ever been under the influence of Butorphanol Monosodium Glycol, more commonly known as “brownie”?
-”I’m under the influence of love, Co...Ca…”
-”Coal”
-”No, thanks, I don’t have stomach pains. Why do you ask, sport?”
-”Answer the question, Jimmy, are you under the influence of drugs?!”
-”I don’t know, I guess. Everything’s a drug these days! I am under arrest? Boy, just last week I was latched to a bed with hoofcuffs!”
-”Not if you cooperate and get yourself together. What do you know about a drug known as “brownie”?”
-”Okay officer, no need to get mad! My friends got me into taking that stuff. It opens your mind, makes you feel like you're the damn Princess herself! Now, if you mix it up with alcohol and smokes, then the real fun starts. Then Discord takes the show over. Rains chocolate inside your head and turns your brain to sugar cotton!”
-”Jimmy, ponies have been banished from existence, not just to the Sun thanks to that drug! How do you know of Discord?”
-”Oh I’ve studied ancient Equestrian mythology in Canterlot University. That’s how I got into music. The ancients have some wicked songs!”
-”...Who sells you the drugs, Jimmy?”
-”I don’t buy them, my friends do. Haven’t got a jangle to my name, I’m all for sharing, you know.”
-”So what you’re saying is, that you do drugs you don’t know where who they come from?”
-”Oh no, I do know where they come from. They come from those two hard working colts. Always so eager to entertain. Can’t recall their names.”
-”Jimmy, you can’t recall the name of your own wife!”
-”Yo, no need to shout, sport! You know what, I can see you’re a decent pony, I have an eye for those, why won’t you have an autograph!”
Coal was clearly agitated and angry. Talking to, let alone questioning Jimmy was proving to be a pointless endeavor. From the balcony Coal noticed a group of ponies in medical garbs rush from the entrance to behind the bar. Jimmy finishes scribbling his autograph on a napkin using a pen stuck between his teeth and hoofs it over to Coal. He takes it and decides to leave the club for good, his working hours soon to end as well. Nasty was waiting for him at the bar, without the unconscious mare on his back this time. Before Coal could speak to him, he felt a tug on his shoulder and was forcibly turned around. The tall mare, Candice, looks him angrily in the eyes.
-”I thought I told you to head for the exit last time, officer!”
-”How did you…?”
-”You couldn’t behave more obvious if you’d showed up in uniform! Coming in with Nasty doesn’t help either. Don’t give me that look, everypony ,but Nasty himself, knows he’s a cop. Now please leave before some powerful ponies start seeing you as a threat. I wouldn’t like to see somepony like you getting hurt. Please. Leave.”
Candice turns around and swishes her tail right in Coal’s face, leaving some sparkles on it. Coal watches her disappear in the crowd. Nasty steps up next to him.
-”Sweet Luna, Coal! You did more in one night than I have in 10! And this club’s only been open for like 6! That’s Candice, the Sugar Mistress! I know a pony that would pay his yearly salary just to see her dance, I see him every morning in the mirror!”
Coal smiles and heads to the exit with Nasty. Outside he notices Nasty’s daughter sleeping on the passenger seat of the car. Coal takes a deep breath of cool fresh night air.
-”I hope you don’t mind if I drive her home, do you?”
-”Of course not, Nasty. I think there’s a cab station not far from here. Great work getting help to those ponies, by the way”
-”Thanks, Coal. Oh, any luck with Jimmy?”
-”No, the damn bastard is so high off his flank he could barely breathe. Gave me his autograph though!”-Smiling coal pulls the napkin from his mane and hoofs it over to Nasty.
-”To best pony, keep on rockin, friend, JimmyX….Heh, do you know what my sixth daughter would do for that?”
-”That’s Alumina, right?”
-”No, Alumina is second. Wildfire is sixth. Before you ask, the one in the car is third, Sweetcreme”
-”Sure, Nasty, anything to make their dad look better in their eyes.”
-”You really know how to ruin the mood, Coal. No wonder Candice kicked you out! Anyway, I better get going. Her mother had probably burned down half the town looking for her.”-Two stallions smile at each other and part ways.
All the way back to his apartment the cab driver kept talking about how bad it was that the summer break had begun and how he had no idea what to do with his kids and how it was a Crystal Empire’s conspiracy. Coal zoned him out and kept thinking back to Candice. Her whole poise, manner of speaking, not to mention the looks, were making Coal want to see her again. He kept thinking back to her as he was falling asleep in his bed. Concluding, that it was her job to be as appealing as possible and that he shouldn't think anything of it, Coal finally fell asleep. He dreamt of Candice on a bed of rose petals.