Brony since season two started, Male, new to writing. League player... Dnd Player... Geek without the Nerd part(Seriously Computers confuse me)
Mud and Murk is everywhere! Worst of all, it looks like scooping it out won't work! The Froggy Bottom Bogg is spreading and Ponyville's citizens look to the local Princess for answers as Mayor Mare works tirelessly to fix it. With Fillies and Foals trapped indoors and any untrained Pegasai having difficulty flying anywhere, how are they going to go on living there! More importantly... what's causing it?
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Hm. Clever.
Not enough Mayor fics, and FAR too few with her being competent.
It could use a good bit of work, but you have a strong base.
@Flashburn37...
4687198
1. Just two minor bits of correction to point-out...
~ a. Formatting the chapter title within the fan-fiction; it should be centered, underlined, and visibly enlarged.
exerpted...
advised correction...
[.center] [.size=1.5em] [.u]Chapter One: The Muddening[./u] [./size] [./center] (obviously, remove the " . " bits)
~ b. Also, just in case (& for later as well), Rainbow Dash (two words), not Rainbowdash (one word).
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2. I agree with La Barata as well, having a competent Ms. Mayor Mare protagonist is a good storytelling angle. Gods knows there are far too many cases (fictional and RL) of incompetent political authorities...
3. Also, from the chapter (1) Author Note: Thunderlane's regular job is that of the Ponyville Weather Team (under Rainbow Dash's lead), so another factor in him being a trained and experienced flyer.
4687198
Thank you! I noticed that in the show, everyone would always go to the town Librarian. Whereas that makes sense now she's a Princess/Demigod, I always found it disjointing that the town's leadership was so often ignored. Especially when the Canon goes out of it's way to make you wonder how she got elected in the first place. Plus... best background pony is best.
4687601
Thank you for that! I love comments and critiques that point out errors! I usually copy paste from Microsoft word and many things, such as underlining and italics are lost but I never noticed before. Thank you for helping me improve!
4689522
1. Always glad to provide a friendly point-out, creative suggestion, or literary writing guidance/advice.
2. Of which, it is always advisable to back-up your writing with an Editor &/or Proofreader, to provide eyes-on assistance &/or correction.
For finding an Editor & Proofreader(s) here on FiMfiction site itself...
~ a. Looking for Editors
~ b. The Proofreader Group
As the general rule for literary writing, you should only have a single Editor, but you can have multiple Proofreaders.
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3. Also, Rainbow Dash (two words), not Rainbowdash (one word); as opposed to Applejack (one word) or her younger sister Apple Bloom (two words).