• Member Since 1st Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Aug 9th, 2013

Pen_Palomino


E

A string of unfortunate events leads Fluttershy to try and develop more confidence, but some unreliable advice may do more harm than good.

A humorous collaboration between new comer Pen Palomino and author of Pony Psychology, Saddlesoap Opera.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 65 )

Oh, crap....the Ditzy from the early part of Muffins is on the loose again. Either she's faking being addled or she's not lightning-proof like Dashie is.

18617

warning* this comment contains a potential spoiler for Ditzy Doo: Muffins*
Yeah, although this isn't a part of that series, we thought the tie in would be cute. Since Saddlesoap left that detail about Ditzy undefined or open to interpretation etc, I always looked at it like Ditzy had a temporary period of lucidity and strength and getting jostled once again knocked her back into the lovable and challenged Mailmare, or that she came through for Dinky in crisis, like a mom lifting a car to free a trapped child.
:derpyderp1:

Great story! It felt very episode-like. I hope you keep writing because this was such a fun read :yay:

#4 · Oct 26th, 2011 · · ·

The Chris Farley reference made this a win. I can totally imagine an episode based on this.

18643

Hee hee - well spotted! You win an Internet, my good sir. :raritywink:

And thanks for the kind words!

18643
Matt Foley was one of my fave SNL sketches back in the day so I couldn't resist. Glad you enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

Matt Foley reference.... all of my stars, TAKE THEM. XDDD

....in fact, now I seriously want to see a Matt Foley pony. XD

18703
Hahaha! maybe if you are a good pony Whoopdee Doo will make a cameo appearance in my next fic. :pinkiehappy:

XD Oh man. This fanfic was hilarious. I won't be surprised if there was an episode like this for Season 2.

That might come true. I remembered one of the Season 2 Episodes was called Putting Your Hoof Down. If that episode is like this fanfic, then it will make the season much better. :rainbowkiss:

I could definitely see an episode like this, and the SNL reference only made it better. Great job!

The "World Reknowned Pony Psychologist" reminds me alot of the Soldier from Team Fortress 2.

Live in a WAGON! DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Ok... im only going to ask this once. WHO THE FUCK MADE FLUTTERSHY CRY?!?

18792
haha! that was completely unintentional. Specifying that Whoopdee is a pony psychologist of any sort is a shout out to Saddlesoap's "Pony Psychology" series, which i recommend everypony read :twilightsmile:

This was a great story. It felt a lot like an episode, had a pleasant flow to it, and was funny and at times shocking.

I do think I shall have to follow your future exploits.

#16 · Nov 6th, 2011 · · ·

But they were mean and taking advantage of poor Fluttershy... :fluttercry: Most of them deserved it...

Nice Story, this is my first time reading a Pony Fan Fiction! :rainbowkiss:

I notice a few 'Episode-like' fics are popping up recently. I approve!

It was a good story and quite funny, although it was never really explained what Blueblood was doing there. It seemed a bit iffy to me for him to randomly be in Ponyville.

67006

Toolblood was there on a tour of ponyville with a troop of dignitaries. The original story laid it out more obviously but eqd pre-readers asked me to adjust it to accomodate a "show dont tell" style. Thanks for reading though. Glad all you bronies are enjoying it. :D:pinkiehappy:

67032 Hmm, fair enough. A brief introductory scene with Twilight panicking about them visiting or something might have helped, but its your call.

Noted. Something to concider in my next work. I avoided it in this one because i wanted all scenes to directly relate to FS since the story is focused on her.

Yeah....

Ask yourself this: Can you truly see the Element of Honesty let someone cut in front of one of her best friends in line, especially when that leaves her without food?

Cause I can't. And that kinda ruins the story for me :P

Okay... I'm sorry, but this just... doesn't sit well with me. I mean it's well-written, but I don't think Fluttershy was being a bully, or even in the wrong. In the first half, she was fairly meek to a parody level, and in the second half I didn't see anything wrong with what she did or acted to anypony, especially the Mayor.

They're the same problems I had with 'The Mysterious Mare Do Well' and 'Boast Busters'. I didn't feel Dash in the former or Trixie in the latter were as bad as the other ponies saw them as. Same with Fluttershy in the second half. I dunno, maybe it's just me.

67065
Wouldn't that be more of a Loyalty thing?
I mean, nopony was lying, were they?

67078

Hmm... I see it as a sort of cheating I guess... I don't know. Regardless, I can't see AJ just ignoring a friend like that, especially Fluttershy. At the very least she should have offered her to have lunch with her back at the farm or something. I just can't see her go " Oh, sorry, all out of food, your own fault. To bad." Rainbow would actually be more likely to do that then AJ I think, although I can't really see her do it either.

Sweet piece man! Quite bare and self-contained, not that either detracted from the story: on the contrary, I like stories who like to get to the point!
Thanks for writing this, and keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

This should be an episode. No joke. Seriously. Hell, we need a Fluttershy episode. Someone make it so!

Should make this an episode

>> The next morning, Fluttershy woke up an made her way to the kitchen.

Uh... Misogynist joke?

67183

Uhhhh???! Not even remotely. Most people, be them woman or man prepare breakfast in thier kitchens in the morning.

This is fairly close to being an episode!

I agree that AppleJack wouldn't have left Fluttershy hungry; that felt off.

But I enjoyed the story immensely. Thank you for writing it, and congratulations on being in Equestria Daily.

“I mean, c’mon – what’s the worst that could happen?” :facehoof: Every single time...

This should be an episode, just for the humor of Flutters yelling at Mayor Mare.

Welp, that's a very nice fanfiction, there, really enjoyed it!

I like oneshots like these, that actually feel slightly similar to episodes. The whole thing was pretty amusing, the humor was rather faithful to the show's, and the story itself was well-thought and fun.

Good work!

Aw, I've forgotten to add some criticism, but you apparently can't edit comments. So excuse me for the double post:
While it was all very nice to read, I do feel like you could have made Fluttershy's behavior worse than this, played for laughs of course. You know, try to make her assertiveness much more over the top, which would allow more funny scenes and perhaps make the moral even more relevant.

I think that's the only thing that disappointed me with the story, overall I enjoyed it!

"Quaint" has positive connotations, so it doesn't really flow with what Blueblood is saying. "Shabby" maybe?

Calling a prince "Your Majesty" is incorrect, it's the style with which kings and emperors are addressed. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna might be addressed like that, because they run the country, but for Blueblood it's completely wrong. He wouldn't call Twilight on that mistake, because the whole point is it's higher than "highness", but she'd know anyway, and/or would correct herself with "oh, I'm sorry, your highness" in a tone that implies the rank is about as impressive as having won a local bowling trophy.

Then, minor peeves about the early chapter, I think Blueblood's being more of a jerk than he should be, since it's past the point where it would have been beaten out of him by the other foals while he was growing up. Also, while Rarity might call Fluttershy "darling" occasionally, I really don't think she would say it in... whatever that accent that makes it get spelt with an h is called. Rarity doesn't sound like that, and when I read that out in my head it was this awful voice that made me want to shove a crowbar in whatever part of my brain processes auditory input so I can stop knowing what sounds sound like.


Good overall, though, but reviewing is criticism so I'm talking about the bits that bugged me.

o heeeeeell now. blue blood cussing out fluttershy

o heeeeeell no. blue blood cussing out fluttershy

67460
That was my favourite review of this so far, good job :rainbowlaugh:

Fluttershy: I think it's...great...
Rarity: You can be completely honest with me.
Fluttershy: *deep breath in*...Well for one, there were a few minor innacuracies. Two, I know that what I did was kind of wrong, but what about Mayor Mare? Three...(wall of descriptive critiscismic text)

This was fantastic. Very episodic. Great Fluttershy writing. Top marks. :heart:

Spongebob reference?

Did anyone else notice that the whole scenario seemed similar to that Spongebob episode? :rainbowwild:

67460

Reviewing means you only focus heavily on the negative, to the point where the positive feels like a tacked-on footnote?

SOMEONE IS PRETENTIOUS, AREN'T THEY?

68648

interesting... I have never watched an episode of Spongebob in my life and to the best of my knowledge neither has Saddlesoap, so any similarities are purely coincidental.. I will have to look this up and check it out.

Hmm.... Ditzy Doo... Whoopdee Doo... Coincidence? Or something more?

JAG
JAG #47 · Dec 15th, 2011 · · 1 ·

Hmm...this was kind of a mixed bag, for me. The first half or so was great; it felt like it could've been an episode script or something. The opening sequence with Blueblood was a good idea. If he ever returns in the show, that's the kind of role I'd like to see him in. I also liked the whole scene with the record. Whoopdee Doo having answers prepared for all Fluttershy's thoughts was hilarious. Fluttershy chewing out Horte Cuisine was pretty good, too.

Everything worked fine up until the scene with the CMCs. Their appearance didn't make much sense, given that the pattern up until that point had Fluttershy getting revenge on the ponies that had wronged her the previous day, which the CMCs did not. Dash's sudden appearance out of nowhere and Fluttershy's instant acceptance that she was going too far felt pretty jarring, too. Dash didn't feel like she had any reason to be there, and Fluttershy should've learned her lesson more gradually, and at least partially on her own. IMO, having the main character realize their own mistakes and decide to change works better than having someone else explain everything to them.

Finally, Blueblood never got payed back! His visit was a major event in the first half of the story, heavily influencing Fluttershy's decision to become more assertive in the first place. Having him disappear in the second half didn't seem right. Maybe he could've returned during the party scene, and Fluttershy could've put the story's moral into practice by standing up to Blueblood without being an over-the-top jerk about it.

So all-in-all, a pretty good story. Generally funny and entertaining, everypony was believeably in-character, all the description and such was handled well. The only thing that could use some improvement is the second half of the plot. 4/5.

Epic win and we know why this is here:flutterrage:

My main issue with this is that half of Fluttershy's "offenses" weren't even out of line. At all. I mean yeah the restaurant was too much, and she could've toned it down for the CMC's. But standing up for herself in the line -- both times -- was not only not bad, but completely appropriate.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!